A matter of trust
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It always came down to one thing, trust. Did they really trust each other? Or was it because in truth, they could only trust themselves and no one else; including each other.
.
When Dorota enters her room in the middle of the night with a worried look in her face, Blair knows what this is about: Chuck.
If the circumstances were different, she wouldn't be this upset. Blair would never doubt his skills in business, but this time it feels like something horrible is going to happen. Chuck acted stupidly. Asking for Jack's help after everything that happened last year was crazy, and the outcome couldn't but be disastrous.
She gets up immediately when the door opens and looks at the maid expectedly.
"Miss Blair, why aren't you sleeping?" she asks.
"Couldn't," she hurries to say. "What happened?"
"Mr. Chuck…" she starts hesitantly.
Blair grabs the older woman's shoulders. "What happened, Dorota?" she repeats.
"He's here for you, Miss Blair, but I don't think it would be wise if you saw him. It's 2 o' clock, and Mr. Dan…" But before she has managed to end her advice, Blair grabs her robe and runs down the stairs. When she reaches the last step, she stops and searches for him in the dark room; he's there waiting for her; back turned to the stairs; looking outside the window.
"Chuck," she greets him, trying not to show her worry at her voice.
He turns to face her, and the fact that his trademark smirk is on his face relaxes her. But it's just for a moment; the fact that Chuck is happy doesn't necessarily mean that something good happened.
"What happened?" she demands to learn.
"I, now, have 40% of the Bass Industries. Lily kept 5%," he announces.
She smiles but she's not pleased yet. "What about Jack?"
"15%," he informs her softly, like the way he says it makes it better.
"That's a big number," she notices.
He turns to the window again. "One day he will be out. Away from me; away from the company. But I can't do this… Not now; not alone."
He pronounces the last words so low- lower than a whisper- but, somehow, she manages to hear them.
"No!" she tells him, almost running to him. "You are not alone!" she insists, forcing him to look at her. We're all here, Chuck! Like I've told you at Christmas, you didn't have to turn to Jack! Every time he messes with our lives something really wrong happens! He could have deceived you again; he could have…"
"You were worried," he notices, not allowing her to say anything more.
Her expression softens, and she smiles, taking his hand in hers. "Of course, I was."
He pulls her even closer to him, caressing her neck, her hair, her face with his hand. He doesn't dare to do anything else, though. Too much has happened between them for him to push her into anything.
So, it's her who closes the distance; it's her who touches her lips onto his first; it's her who takes off his shirt and curls her legs around his waist. It's her and she has no second thoughts, no regrets, no remorse. Later, she will say he's bad for her; he makes it impossible for her to think logically. But, at this moment, she's grateful that he does.
A while later they find themselves sitting at the floor behind the couch- clothes and hair messed up; sharing a bottle of wine.
"We shouldn't do this again," he says, breaking the silence.
She chuckles ironically. "I didn't know you had a consciousness, Chuck."
"Remember how you're supposed to be dating another guy? Does a loser named Humphrey means something to you?"
"Dan and I…" she starts saying. "We understand each other. We have common interests."
He chortles. "Like? Taking revenge from Serena? Don't you think it's a little late to pay in her own coin?"
He expected her to get angry; he expected her to shout at him. In some way, he wanted her to, because then he would know how to handle her. But all she does, is shake her head negatively and say: "It's not like this, Chuck. We're good together; calm."
He seems disappointed. "So you're with Humphrey because he's safe? I never thought you'd do this again after Nate. Being with a guy who's in love with your best friend! You've been there; I was there- and we both know it didn't end well!"
"He's not in love with Serena," she says.
"Keep telling this to yourself," he tells her angrily and gets up, fixing his clothes.
"Chuck, please… Won't we ever be able to just be friends?"
He stops and sighs, looking at her and giving up. Shrugging, he sits down next to her again, muttering: "I wish we could. But I suppose we won't." He brings her closer, and she rests her head on his shoulder. "What I feel for you… it could never be just friendly."
She pulls away, weeping a few tears from her eyes. "I don't think that's the only reason," she whispers.
Chuck gives her a questioning look.
"I trusted you…" Blair says – tears falling from her eyes. "I trusted my dad and he left. I trusted Serena and she slept with my boyfriend. I trusted Nate and he left me. I couldn't allow myself to trust you. Yet I did, because you were real; you were just like me: fell of imperfections yet exactly what I needed. And…" her voice breaks but she continues. "You betrayed me Chuck! You were the worst of all and not just because I loved you most. It's because of what you did with Jack; you sold me out, like the company was more important."
"Blair, it wasn't … It's you… I just thought…" he tries to explain himself.
"I know. I know but you did it. It never was about Jenny or Eva or Dan. I can't trust you anymore… You insulted everything I was," she finishes, crying loudly.
After all they've been through, she's crying now. They've gotten over worst things; that's true. But nothing as hard and big as this one. He takes her in his arms, and lets her cry there against his chest, until they both lose track of time.
When she relaxes, he makes one last try: "I'm sorry. If I could turn back time…"
"I know," she mutters.
"Blair… being with Dan… it's like forgetting everything you are."
She pulls back and nods. "Yes, maybe you are right. But I need this; if I forget everything I am… then I'll forget about you."
Chuck sighs. "I see..." He smiles sadly and gets up. "Have a nice summer, Blair. I hope that when we meet again... things will be different."
She watches him go, hoping he is right and knowing he is not. Nothing can make her forget; it's a dead end and if she doesn't forgive herself first, she will never find her way out. But pretending that by staying away from him, she will makes her feel better.
Maybe one day, she'll be ready to face herself; to deal with her past. But that day will not be today.
A/N: For graygale at LJ.