Disclaimer: I don't own these brilliant characters, just the drama I'm putting them through.
Lily's Heart
- - - - -
Lily had been lying in her bed the entire weekend, staring at the ceiling and lost in thought. I should have known better. He was too involved with those Death Eaters. Why else would he have called me what he did? There's no excuse for that. Lily blinked away the tears that were starting to form. I won't cry. I will be strong.
Her friend, Mary, came into the room.
"Lily, we're all worried about you. I haven't seen you leave this bed since you fought with that Snape boy."
"I was stupid, Mary...so stupid. I let him take my virginity, and then," a tear escaped, "he goes and calls me a you-know-what." Mary sat on Lily's bed and pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay, Lily. It'll be okay. We all make mistakes - you can't blame yourself."
"I thought I loved him!" yelled Lily, and she began sobbing. "I thought he at least cared about me."
"It seemed to me he did, hon. I had thought so. I guess it's just an all-around bad time for love."
Lily stopped sniffling and sat up. "Why? What happened?
"Oh, James and I had gotten back together, but I broke up with him again."
"Oh, I'm so sorry.'
"I'm not. These things happen. Besides, I knew going in to that relationship that it wouldn't work. He likes you too much."
"Don't say that. You had just as good a chance of making it with him as anyone else who could put up with that ego."
"Any one but you, Lily. Really, it was fun for a time, but it was all physical. Do you know how long he's been in love with you? Everyone knows it but you, hon." Lily said nothing. "Come downstairs with me. You need to get out of this room. There's an end-of-exams party in the common room, and you shouldn't miss out on the fun!"
- - - - -
James and Sirius were playing an intense and closely matched game of Exploding Snap while Peter and Remus were watching.
"Look who I brought out of hiding!" shouted Mary from the top of the dormitory stairs. Everyone turned to look at them, and Lily blushed. Sirius began to clap and wolf whistle, and everyone followed his lead. James watched her as she followed Mary, who had come to watch the battle between James and Sirius. Lily took a seat between James and Mary, looking very uncomfortable. She's so beautiful. How do I make her love me? His mind drifted to thoughts of Lily, kissing her, running a hand through her hair, the other hand making it's way under her shirt-
Suddenly the cards exploded, and Sirius was declared the champion as James used his wand to put out the sparks that had landed on his uniform.
"Bit distracted, Prongs?" Sirius taunted.
"Shut up, Padfoot!" James shot back. A flush crept up his next. "You just got lucky; I usually kick your arse."
- - - - -
Lily was not looking forward to the summer. Her sister, Petunia, had grown cold and distant ever since Lily had started attending Hogwarts. Living with Petunia was easy enough, as she pretended Lily didn't exist, but it certainly wasn't very pleasant. Mary was going on vacation, so she wouldn't be able to come over, and now that Lily and Severus were no longer friends, it was shaping up to be a long and lonely break.
- - - - -
James was lying on his bed, staring at the picture of Lily he'd candidly snapped of her with some little second year's camera. She was completely unaware that a picture had been taken: she was laughing and chatting happily with her friend Mary. Why won't you choose me, Lily? Pick me! I can make you so much happier than Snivellus ever could! I'm a brilliant Quidditch player, and I'm a right sight better than Snape is.
But those aren't the things Lily cares about, said a small voice in his head that sounded a lot like Remus.
I know, I know. But what does she care about? What is she looking for?
Suddenly he was snapped into reality by a commotion from a lower level. He ran down the stairs to find Sirius panting and grinning at him. He had only a small satchel with him.
"Padfoot! Not that I'm not glad to see you, but what the bloody hell are you doing at my place at practically midnight?"
"Ran away, mate. Couldn't take it anymore. Even Regulus has joined them, talking about joining up with You-Know-Who."
"Well come up to my room, then, and sleep on my sofa tonight. We'll ask my parents in the morning what we can do about you."
- - - - -
"Thanks a lot for letting me stay here Mr. and Mrs. Potter."
"Don't mention it, dear. I wish more of James little friends would come over. Mr. Potter and I do love children."
"Do they always talk to you like that?" Sirius asked after James' parents had left.
"Yeah, they have since I was little. I'm used to it now. Besides, they're old and really wanted a lot of kids. They only got me, and they pretty much let me do whatever I want, so I humor them."
Sirius rolled his eyes. This explains so much.
"C'mon, let's go play some one-on-one Quidditch in the backyard."
- - - - -
The last night before school started Lily took a walk around her neighborhood. She hardly thought about where she was going, hardly noticed when she walked past Severus' house. He was sitting outside; he couldn't stand being in his house anymore. His parents' constant bickering had always gotten on his nerves before, but now that his father had left it was oddly quiet, and it left him feeling restless. He looked up in time to see her almost to the end of the street.
"Lily!" he called. "Wait!"
She turned around and glanced at him making his way toward her and began to run.
"Wait, Lily, please!" He chased after her, trying to catch up.
"Leave me alone, Sev. I don't want anything to do with you anymore!" She kept running as fast as she could. The tears in hers eyes blocked her sight, and she tripped. Severus pulled up beside her. She was hugging her knees and bawling. He put his arms around her and let her cry.
"Let it out, Lily. Let it out." Slowly she regained some of her composure.
"Why did you do this to me Severus?" she said, sniffling. "Didn't you care about me at all?"
"Of course I did, Lily. "
"Why did you call me a you-know-what? Why do you want to be a Death Eater?"
"I don't, Lily. I hate what they're doing. I only said what I did to protect you."
"What do you mean?"
"Avery and Mulciber were there. I didn't want them to know we'd been together. There are punishments for fraternizing with those they consider "unworthy". They would've tortured you, Lily. I wanted to make them think you didn't mean anything to me so they wouldn't hurt you. I never got a chance to explain. Lily, I love you."
"Oh, Severus! Everything we had – it meant something to me, and after you said that I had thought it was worthless to you. But really you just - do you really love me?" She brought her hand to rest on his left forearm. He flinched.
"Severus, did you hurt yourself?" She pulled up his sleeve.
"No, Lily!" But it was too late. She saw it.
"I didn't want to join them, Lily, I swear it! They were torturing me, and I passed out! When I came to, it was just there!" Desperation was in his voice.
"The Dark Mark? Severus...after everything you just told me. I can't believe you anymore. I can't put myself through this anymore," Lily said coldly.
"Lily, please!"
"And to think I was just about to give you another chance. Good-bye, Severus."
"No, Lily, I didn't mean to!" She walked away, waiting until she was around the corner before she let the tears take over again.
Please R&R! It's been a while, but I need to start writing again. Let me know how I'm doing.