9 P.M on a November Saturday. Anna, Alfie, and Cas are out on the town. Alfie's from the next town over and needs to get out. His parents are extremely religious. It doesn't even matter what religion. They're all the same at a certain point, and few of them want a gay boy hanging around with his friends on a Saturday night. So every week, Alfie feeds them bible stories, and on Saturday they show up on his doorsteps, dazzling his parents with their blinding purity. His parents slip him a twenty and tell him to enjoy their study group. They spend the money on romantic comedies, dimestores toys, and diner jukeboxes.
Alfie has to be home by midnight, so they're on a Cinderella mission. With this in mind, they have to keep their eye on the ball.
There really isn't a gay or straight scene in their town. They all got mixed up a while back, which Cas thinks is for the best. When he was in the second grade, the older gay kids who didn't run to the city for entertainment would try to make their own fun. Now it's all good. Straight guys try to sneak into the Roadhouse bar. Boys who love boys flirt with girls who love girls. No matter where your heart is, the dance floor is open to whatever you have to offer.
This is Cas's town. He's lived there his whole life.
Tonight, their Gaystafarian friend Ash has a gig at the local bookstore. Anna has a driver's license from the state where her grandma lives, so she drives them around in the sedan. They roll the windows down and turn up the radio. They like the idea of their music spilling out over the whole neighborhood, becoming a part of the air. Alfie looks desperate tonight, so they let him control the dial. He changes to a Mope Folk station and they ask him what's wrong.
"I can't say," he tells them, and they know what he means. That nameless empty.
They try to cheer him up with a blue Slurp-Slurp. They each take turns sipping it, competing to see whose tongue can get the bluest. Once Alfie's tongue sticks out with them, they know he's going to be okay.
By the time they get to the bookstore, Ash is already playing. His stage is in the European History section. Every now and then, he'll throw random names into his rap. The place is crowded. A little girl puts her Velveteen Rabbit on her shoulders for a better view. Her moms nod along to Ash's tune. The Gaystafarian crowd is in the Gardening section, and three straight guys from the lacrosse team stare at a bookstore clerk from Literature. She doesn't seem to mind. Her glasses are licorice red.
Cas moves through the crowd, sharing nods and hellos. Anna grabs him and Alfie, pulling them into Self-Help. He knows Anna brought them here because sometimes you have to dance like a madman in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore. Even though Alfie's not a dancer, he dances with them. As Cas has been told before, it's not about how you look, it's about how you feel.
Ash's song is infectious. Everyone is dancing. You can see the books on the shelves in kaleidoscope form—spinning colors, a passing blur of words.
He sways. He sings. He elevates. His friends are by his side, and Ash is working the Huguenots into his song. He spins around and knocks a few books off the shelf. When the song is over, Cas bends down to pick them up.
As he's picking the books up off the ground, he sees a pair of sneakers.
"This yours?" says a voice above the sneakers.
Cas looks up, and there he is.
His hair points ten different directions. His eyes are huge and really green. There are freckles all over his face.
Cas thinks he's wonderful.
He's holding a book out for him titled, Migraines Are Only in Your Mind.
Cas is aware of his breathing. He is aware of his heartbeat. He's aware that he's standing a little too close. He takes the book from him.
"Thanks," he says. He puts it back on the shelf. Self-Help can't help him now.
"Do you know Ash?" he asks, nodding to the stand.
"No," the boy answers. "I just came for a book."
"I'm Cas."
"I'm Dean."
Dean shakes his hand. He's touching his hand. Cas can feel Anna and Alfie keeping their distance.
"Do you know Ash?" Dean asks. "His songs are awesome."
"Yeah, we go to school together." he says casually.
"The high school?"
"Yes, that one." Cas looks down. Dean has perfect hands.
"I go there, too."
"You do?" Cas can't believe he's never seen him. If Cas had seen him, he would have damn well remembered.
"Yeah, for two weeks. Are you a senior?"
Cas looks down. "I'm a sophomore."
"Cool."
Cas knows there's nothing cool about being a sophomore. Even new kids know that.
"Dean?" a voice interrupts, insistent and expectant. He's young and has floppy brown hair.
"My brother," he explains, much to Cas's relief. He walks off. It's clear that Dean is supposed to follow.
They don't move for a second. Then Dean says, "I'll see you around."
Cas is about to say I hope so but then he's afraid of seeming too forward. Cas can flirt as well as anyone, but this is different.
This matters.
"See you," Cas echoes. Dean leaves as Ash is about to begin another set. When he gets to the door, he turns to look at Cas and smiles. Cas feels himself blush.
Suddenly he can't dance. It's to dance when your mind is on other things. He could use the dancing to fight them off but he doesn't want to. He wants to keep this.
"So, which way to you think he swings?" Anna asks after the gig.
"I think he could be either way." he replies.
Ash is packing up his stuff. They lean against his VW bus. "I think he likes you," Anna says.
"Anna, you thought Inias liked me—and all he wanted to do was copy off my homework."
"This is different. He was in Science Fiction the whole time Ash was playing. Then he saw you and walked over. It wasn't Self-Help he was after."
He looks at his watch. "It's almost midnight. Where's Alfie?"
They found a little ways over. He's lying in the middle of the street, listening to the sound of traffic going by.
"Study group's almost over." he tells him.
"I know." Standing up he says, "I like it here."
Cas knew Alfie meant more than that. He wanted Alfie to be happy. He knew they weren't in love with each other, but he still wanted a world where Alfie would shine.
He knew Alfie needed a place. Everybody needed a place where they felt at home. He would tell Alfie this, but he wouldn't listen. So he stays quiet.
"Hey Gay Boy. Hey Alfie. Hey folkie chick."
Cas doesn't even need to look up. "Hello, Michael." he says.
He walked up just as they're about to drive out. His car blocks them in. Not out of spite, just obliviousness. Michael's good at that.
"You're in our way." Anna points out.
"You look pretty tonight," he replies.
Anna and Michael have broken up twelve times in the last few years. Which mean they've broken up eleven times. Cas always feels like they're this close to Reunion Number Twelve.
Michael is smart and good looking, but he doesn't use it to good effect. Even in tenth grade, he thinks he's the king of our school.
But he's not so bad. Sometimes he'll make really insightful comments. Insightful comments can go a long way. Especially with Anna.
"Seriously. We gotta go." she says.
They drive into the blue-black, the radio mellow now. Dean is a hazy memory in his mind. He's losing track of the way he ran his nerves. The giddiness is now becoming a mysterious blur of good feeling.
"How come I've never seen him before?" he asks.
"Maybe you were just waiting for the right moment to notice." says Alfie.
Cas thinks he's right.