Crowfeather's Story
My name is Crowfeather. Welcome to the WindClan camp, rogue. I would drabble on about places I've been, faces I've seen, the adventures I've journeyed on, but I suppose you already know most of the stories I could tell you about myself. I also have a sinking suspicion you didn't travel all the way to the lake to simply hear me go on about such things. No, you, like many Clan cats, are curious about my love life. Don't give me the guilty look. Did you think it would be so hard for me to figure out your motives? Ha! Don't worry about it, though. I'm used to the stares and the questions. I'm used to being singled out for the cats I have grown to love...
Go on? I don't think so. You are nothing more than a passing rogue. Why do you think I would answer your questions truthfully when I won't even do the same for my Clan mates? No run along. Go explore ThunderClan's territory or something. Ha, they're certainly warm to outsiders!
…Why are you still here? You are quite stubborn. You remind me of… Fine. I'll speak with you, rogue. Come; walk with me to the lake. If you want to the truth, the untold truth, there are things I wouldn't want WindClan, or any other cats for that matter, hearing.
Here we are. The water is beautiful at this time. The sun is setting and the way it sparkles reminds me of the sun-drown place. Sometimes I come here just to think… Oh, yes. The story. My story. Forgive me for my hesitation. It's simply that I have never told anyone the things I am going to tell you. Don't let that get to your head, though. The only reason I am even giving into your curiosity is that you remind me of a certain cat.
What cat, you say? StarClan, you're nosy! Perhaps this is a good way to start, though. You remind me of Leafpool. Your pelt is different, and your eyes are off, but the way you hold yourself reminds me so much of her. She was so stubborn, so determined. No, that wasn't all she was. She was also kind, devoted, and fiercely loyal to those she loved. That is the way I remember her. I loved her dearly, just as I had loved Feathertail once.
Ah, you would like to know what happened to my love for Feathertail? I know what you must be thinking, and you're wrong. I do still love her. I always have and I always will, just as I will always love Leafpool. I can see you are confused. Let me explain. When Feathertail died, part of me died. The pain of losing her was breathtaking and I didn't believe that I could ever bring myself to be happy once more. Leafpool changed that. She took away the hurt, but not the love. I didn't need Feathertail's presence anymore, you see. I had Leafpool there by my side and I needed nothing else. For the first time since her death, I could think of Feathertail warmly without the stabbing pain. I knew I would never forget her, but that I could move on. I could live life. Leafpool showed me what it was like to be happy again.
You say that I am no longer happy? You are quite perceptive. Or perhaps it is glaringly obvious. Truly I am miserable. I want Leafpool again. I want her…and I want our kits. Quit acting so shocked! Does it really appear that I have no love for my ThunderClan kits? … Yes, you are right; it does appear that way. If I am being honest, however, that was my doing. All my loves have been forbidden by the warrior code. And I lose every cat I love. When I lost Leafpool, I had to return to a distrusting Clan. I worked hard as I could to prove my loyalty because they were all I had left. I went on extra patrols, hunted more than ever, and even took up a new WindClan mate that I didn't truly love. They were beginning to finally trust me again until it was revealed that Jayfeather, Hollyleaf, and Lionblaze were my kits. Whatever faith they had regained in me was diminished that night. Once again, I had to start from the beginning. I had to find some way, any way, to get that trust back. It was all I had left. So I did the only thing I could: I lied. I told Leafpool in front of every cat that I no longer loved her. I looked her in the eye. I saw her pain etched in those sad eyes. I knew with everything in me that I loved her, that I wanted our kits, and I lied. I told her she didn't matter. I acted like she was the last thing that would ever be on my mind, when truly she was the only thing that was ever on my mind. When I spoke that lie, that wretched lie, the agony that was her face hit me like a claw. That memory will always haunt me.
If I could, I would get to know my sons and daughter in ThunderClan. I would apologize to them for everything, for my stupidity and cruelty. Most of all…I would tell them I love them. Yes, I said it! Okay? I love them! And I'm proud of them. All I want, all I'll ever want, is for us to be a family- Leafpool, me, and our kits. But since when does it matter what I want? I wanted Feathertail to live. I wanted Leafpool to run away with me. I wanted my kits. I want to be whole again…
Well, it's dark now. My Clan will be wondering where I've run off to. You should probably leave Clan territory now, rogue. Your visit was fine for today, but outsiders are generally not welcomed warmly in these parts. It's best you go before you find yourself in some trouble.
Hey! Rogue, before you leave…I uh, wanted to say…Thanks. I've never been able to tell my story until now. My real story. Thanks.
A/N: I was sent a request Warriorcarfan0 to write a story about Crowfeather bonding with his kits. I decided to take a different take on it. Instead of having him meet with Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf, I chose to write on how he felt about everything. I kind of modeled this after the short story "Spottedleaf's Honest Answer" by Erin Hunter.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ERIN HUNTER'S WORK AND/OR IDEAS!
Please review, and tell me what you thought about it! :)