The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Adventure Time characters has been trapped in a soup can somewhere. Just another tale of Simon's life before he met Marcy. Before the War happened Simon finds out the world is weirder than he ever thought.
Night at the Soupery
"Okay Simon you can do this," Simon said to himself as he peered from an alley. He looked across the street at the blinking neon sign. The Soupery. One of many popular fast food chains across the country. A place where anyone could get good food fast.
And Simon needed something to eat. He was hungry. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Besides, the place didn't look that crowded. Surely no one would turn him away would they?
Since his forced metamorphosis Simon had been trying to keep a low profile. With good reason, most people were startled by his appearance. And worse, some people tried to steal the crown he kept tied at his belt. This often led to distressing confrontations.
"Okay…Just act calm and maybe no one will notice that you're blue and look like a goblin," Simon took a deep breath. He went across the street to the store, opened the door and walked in. At first no one noticed.
So far so good…Simon thought to himself as he patiently and calmly went to the counter.
Before he could open his mouth the teenage male cashier opened his. "Cheese and Crackers!" His cracked voice was surprisingly loud. "What are you?"
"Uh would you believe this is a stunt by a college fraternity?" Simon gulped.
"What the devil are you? Some kind of freak?" A fat man in a sweat stained suit with balding black hair and a mustache glared at him from behind the counter. He wore a manager name tag on his chest.
"Actually I'm a customer," Simon said as casual as he possibly could, trying to ignore the stares and outright looks of scorn on his face.
I know I look like some kind of goblin but that's no reason to hate me, Simon thought to himself. I'm still a human being. Mostly…
"Not here you aren't! This is a respectable place! Not for freaks like you!" The Manager snapped. "BUD!"
"Yeah boss," A large muscular older man with gray hair and mutton chops in a chef's outfit emerged from the back.
"Throw this freak out on his ear!" The Manager snapped.
"Please…I just want some soup," Simon begged. "I have money…"
"Probably stole it," Someone remarked.
"What is that thing?" Someone else whispered not very quietly.
"I've heard rumors about mutations but I thought they were just stories," Another customer spoke up.
"It's got to be some experiment that escaped. I've heard rumors about biological test subjects," Another cruel whisper reached his ears. Simon cringed on the inside.
"Get out freak!" The Manager snapped. "BUD!"
"Got it boss," Bud came out from behind the counter and grabbed Simon by the jacket and arm, dragging him out to the delight of the customers.
What surprised Simon was the whisper in his ear. "Meet me out back in ten minutes." Just before he was shoved outside.
Despondent and hungry Simon didn't really have any choice but to trust the stranger. He found himself waiting in the alley out back. It wasn't long before Bud appeared at the door and waved Simon in. Incredulously Simon followed him inside into the kitchen in the back.
"Sorry about that. My boss is a total tool," Bud explained as he gave Simon some soup. "Don't worry. He's gone to the bar across the street drinking away the profits again. Here. Eat this."
"Thank you…"Simon let out a breath and gratefully ate the soup.
"No problem. Us non-humans gotta look out for each other," Bud smirked. Before Simon's eyes grey fur burst from his body and his mouth turned into a snout.
Simon blinked. "Okay did you just turn into a werewolf or am I seeing things again?"
"I'm a Why-Wolf actually but guilty," Bud waved a claw.
"Well I'm the last person to judge based on an abundance of facial hair and a nose getting bigger," Simon admitted as he ate his soup. "If you don't mind me asking…How did you end up like this? Were you cursed too?"
"No, I was born like this," Bud shrugged as he grabbed some soup for himself. "Cursed? Is that what happened to you?"
"I am…was human," Simon let out a breath. "I like to think some part of me still is."
Simon finished another sip of soup. "Forgive me. Where are my manners? My name is Simon Petrikov. Pleased to meet you."
"Bud Wolf. Nice to meet you Simon," Bud changed back into human form before shaking Simon's hand. "So you said you were cursed huh? Let me guess it has something to do with that crown there doesn't it?"
"How do you know?"
"I can smell the magic coming from it even in my human form," Bud said. "Thing reeks of it."
"I wish someone told me about that before I put the stupid thing on in the first place," Simon said bitterly. "I'd never have touched the thing if I knew…"
"Don't feel so bad. Trust me, whatever you were before. This is an improvement," Bud waved. "Not being human isn't the end of the world. In fact it might help you survive the end of the world."
"Huh?"
"I don't know if you noticed this but humans, they don't really like non-humans that much," Bud explained. "In fact they don't even like other humans that much."
"I've noticed," Simon smirked.
"I dunno what happened. For some reason humans have become more intolerant than usual," Bud sighed. "It's the war. It's not getting better. It's a shame. This world used to be a lot of fun once. If I were you Simon, I'd go to the nearest dimensional portal and jump through. That's what I'm doing tonight after I close up."
"What do you mean?" Simon asked.
"I think you know what I mean," Bud said. "Can't you feel it? Something bad is going down and the humans are going to be the one to bring it."
"The crown told me that a great fire is going to consume the world," Simon frowned.
"Odds are that crown is right," Bud said. "I never thought humans would be stupid enough to destroy the world. But if ever there was a self-destructive species, it's them."
"I can't leave," Simon shook his head. "There's someone very precious to me and I have to find her. At least to tell her that I'm sorry."
"I can respect that," Bud shrugged.
"So are there a lot of you? I mean…" Simon asked. "I mean I heard stories but I always assumed that they were…?"
"Myths? Funny thing about humans, they think they are the only species in the world that matters and can order takeout," Bud smirked. "There's lots of us if you know where to look. Most of us are smart enough not to be seen or photographed. Okay that one time Fred the Sea Dragon went on vacation in Scotland…"
"You mean the Loch Ness Monster…?"
"Actually lives off the coast of Miami? Yes," Bud snickered. "To this day Fred hates being called Nessie."
"You know him personally?"
"Took a photography class together and before you ask, Fred can shape shift into a human form," Bud smiled. "Most of us so called 'freaks' can either pass for human or take the shape of one."
"I guess whatever I am now I'm not one of them," Simon sighed. "That's not totally untrue. The part where I don't know what I am. I see…images sometimes. Things. Said I was turning into a wizard."
"Funny you don't look like Harry Potter," Bud snickered. "Sorry, bad joke."
"More like Dumbledore with a bad case of the chills," Simon waved. "It's all right. My whole life feels like one bad joke sometimes."
Then a thought occurred to Simon. "Do you know any wizards? Or where they hang out?"
"Not in this dimension," Bud shook his head. "A lot of them died out after the Industrial Revolution started to happen. Couldn't take the poisons flowing into the world or something like that. Plus there was some infighting going on so they killed each other off. The few that survived went to other planes."
"So there's no one here that can help change me back," Simon pounded the table with his fist in frustration. "Figures."
"Simon, trust me on this. You're better off the way you are," Bud said. "You really want to be like those people out there? Greed and hatred taking over human hearts faster than ever. It's like an epidemic."
"I don't feel better off," Simon put his hand through his hair.
Bud gave him a careful look. "Maybe. But magic is strange. You don't choose magic. Magic chooses you. And you were chosen for a reason."
"Maybe the reason is that my life is one big cosmic joke?" Simon sighed. "Well don't be too offended but I consider you a person."
"I'm not," Bud smiled. "You're okay Simon."
There was some commotion out front. "Better wait here," Bud frowned. He went through the kitchen door.
Some more loud shouts were heard. Against his better judgment Simon crept towards the door. Through a crack he saw two masked robbers were holding up the place. "I said give me the money!" One shouted waving a gun.
"Oh for crying out loud," Bud grumbled. "Fine, you want the money, take it."
"Bud do something!" The Manager whined.
"What do you want me to do? It's only money," Bud snapped as he opened the cash drawer. The teenage clerk had fainted out of fright. "Here take the money just leave us alone."
"Maybe we don't wanna do that?" The other gunman sneered. "Maybe we should have a little fun first."
Something inside Simon snapped.
"NO!" Simon shouted as he put on the crown. He opened the door and sent out a wave of snow at the masked men.
For a few minutes all Simon could feel and sense was pure rage. He was vaguely aware of shouting but couldn't place where it was coming from. Then somebody shook his shoulder hard.
"SIMON KNOCK IT OFF! YOU WON!"
"Huh?" Simon jarred himself back to the present and took off the crown. The robbers were covered in ice and snow, teeth chattering. There was ice and snow all throughout the restaurant. "Oops…"
"He is a monster!" One of the few patrons at the store yelled as they fled for their lives.
Only the manager remained. "What the devil! Freak! Monster! Bud! Do something!"
"Okay," Bud said calmly. Then he transformed into a wolf like form, standing on two legs. "How's this dip weed?"
"AAAAAAAAH!" The manager screamed in terror at the sight of Bud.
"By the way jerk, I quit!" Bud snarled in his boss's face.
"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" The man ran for his life out the door. "HELP! POLICE! POLICE!"
"And I thought I could do a lot of damage," Bud grunted. He heard the sound of sirens. "Come on!" He grabbed Simon and they ran out the back door.
As they ran out the back door some glaring lights greeted them. "This is the police! Come out with your…WHAT THE DEVIL IS THAT?" Someone shouted.
"Hang on!" Bud made Simon grab onto his hairy back. He then shifted into full wolf form and howled.
"Oh bread balls!" Simon gulped as Bud took off down the street away from the cops. The cops opened fire. "Bread balls! Bread balls!"
"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOO!" Bud cried out as they darted out into the middle of a busy street.
"Oh this is so the opposite of being inconspicuous!" Simon winced as people screamed at the sight of a goblin like man riding a giant wolf.
"Ah who cares?" Bud laughed. "I've always wanted to do this! AWWWWOOOO!"
They turned a street corner and came across two very tough bikers sitting on their motorcycles. "Uh hello…" Simon gulped. "I don't suppose I could ask you for directions?"
To this the two bikers screamed like little girls and peeled off as fast as they could on their motorcycles. "What's their problem?" Bud grunted.
"Some people are just rude I guess," Simon let out a breath. The sound of sirens was heard again. "Garlic balls!"
"Not a bad idea," Bud turned and ran straight into an Italian restaurant.
The entire restaurant stopped and stared at the sight of a blue man with shaggy hair riding a giant wolf. "Uh can I have a doggy bag to go?" Simon asked. To this everyone in the restaurant screamed and ran for their lives.
"Dude, you so did not say that," Bud rolled his eyes as the crowd stampeded out the doors on the other side of the restaurant.
"I'm sorry! It was the first thing that came to my mind," Simon shrugged.
Bud made a groan. "Ooh, hey look! Filet mignon!" He chomped on a steak left behind at a nearby table. "Huh. A bit overcooked."
"Well when in Rome. Or in this case an Italian restaurant," Simon grabbed a large roll from the table and chomped on it. "Bread's good."
"There's some veal marsala over here," Bud walked to another abandoned table.
Simon used the roll to pick up some of the veal and chomp on it like it was a sandwich. "This is pretty good."
"Eh. I give it three stars," Bud ate the rest with one bite.
"How do you think the pasta is?" Simon asked as he finished what he ate.
"I'm not really a fan of pasta," Bud admitted.
"There's some chicken on that table."
"Now you're talking," Bud grinned as they went over. "You want the breast or the leg?"
"I admit I'm a leg man," Simon said as he leaned over and grabbed the chicken leg. He chomped on it with his fangs as Bud ate the rest.
"Yum!" Bud licked his lips.
"Now this is really good chicken," Simon said as he finished eating.
"It's not bad," Bud said. "Ever have the chicken on 83rd Street? The Chicken Licken?"
"No," Simon said. "Is it good?"
"Oh it's to die for," Bud said. "Ooh! Speaking of dying! I see a Death by Chocolate cake over there!"
They heard sirens wail outside and stop. "Uh I think we have a bigger problem," Simon gulped. "Death by bullets!"
"Dude, ever hear of dine and dash?" Bud asked. "This is the part where we dash!"
"Oh boy…" Simon gulped as he held on for dear life. "Here we go agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinn!"
Bud ran through the kitchen and escaped out the door in the back. "There they are!" Someone shouted as they sped down the street. "GET THEM!"
"Do you have a plan?" Simon yelled as they tore down the street, scaring even more pedestrians.
"Yeah! Don't die! Hang on!" Bud called out.
"Like I have a choice?" Simon yelled as Bud managed to climb onto and upwards on a fire escape on the side of an apartment complex.
They made their way to the roof. "Why are we up here?" Simon gulped.
"Taking the scenic route," Bud explained as he jumped from one rooftop to another one. There was a huge line of apartments and buildings before them and they all had flat roofs.
"AAAAAHH!" Simon yelled as Bud jumped from roof top to roof top.
"Relax. I've done this at least three times," Bud told him. "We can hop from one roof to another all the way to the park. Once we get in there there's a place where we can lie low."
"You've done this before?" Simon yelled as he hung on.
"At night when no one is watching," Bud explained. Sirens were heard below. "Well usually people aren't watching."
And of course true to form they landed on one roof where there was some kind of party going on. A lot of people watched as they landed among the guests. "Am I late for the party?" Simon asked.
To this people responded by running away and trying to get off the roof any way possible. Most of them ran to the stairs or the nearest fire escape. One guy tried to climb into a window below them but ended up falling on top of a large tree nearby.
"Dude you have got to work on your pick up lines," Bud groaned. "Ooh! Meatball sub! All right!" He chomped on one large sandwich on a table.
"I'm still hungry," Simon admitted as he grabbed a different sandwich off the table and ate it in a few bites. "I guess terrorizing a city takes a lot out of you."
Suddenly a bright light shone on them. "This is the police!" Someone called out on a megaphone as a helicopter flew above them. "Surrender peacefully and prepare to be harshly interrogated with tasers!"
"This is problematic," Bud gulped.
"Not really," Simon took a deep breath and put his crown on again. He used his powers to freeze the blades of the helicopter and took off the crown before he lost himself again.
"AAHHH!" The police in the helicopter jumped out and activated their parachutes before the helicopter fell to the ground with a huge explosion.
"You just had to add the taser line didn't you Toody?" One cop said to another as they floated down into a tree.
"What do you want from me? It's the new regulations!" Toody yelled as Simon and Bud escaped.
About a half hour later Simon found himself walking along a tunnel with Bud who was now in his half wolf form. They stopped at a junction where many other tunnels could be seen. "This tunnel should take you to the next city undetected," Bud pointed with a claw. "If you're hungry when you get there go to the back of the Chicken Licken restaurant. Give 'em my name. They know me and they'll serve you a good meal."
"Thanks Bud," Simon said gratefully. "I'm sorry about what happened."
"Eh no big deal," Bud waved. "I was going to bail anyway. Hey at least my last night wasn't boring. Sure I can't convince you to come with me?"
"No, I have to try and find my princess," Simon shook his head. "Even if its doomed I have to try."
"Well then this is where we part ways. Good luck Simon," Bud sighed before he went on his way. "You're gonna need it."
"Tell me about it," Simon groaned as he went the other way.