Disclaimer: I don't own digimon... ^_^
Author's Note: WOW!!!!! This is the first thing I wrote in a REALLY long time!!! Well, I had other things written but they all got deleted, so this one was the first one recovered! I know... 'Why did she start writing again?! She SUCKS!' Yes, I know I do, but I like to write anyways! :Þ
Dedication: To everyone, no matter how few you are, who encouraged me to keep writing.
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*Lying here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun*
Yamato hadn't moved at all. Not an inch. He was told not to move. He *couldn't* move… the pain… emotional and physical, was too much for him. It was horrible. How? How could any of this have happened? He had trusted him. He had let him into his house and he had *trusted* him. He had poured out his heart and soul and now? Now what was there? Nothing, there was nothing. Yamato felt… broken, dirty. He felt used. Unloved. Or maybe loved too much. How could he have known that he loved him so much? That someone so close to him had felt that way? Perhaps he should've known, should've sensed it somehow. But how could he have? There were no hints-no forewarning… both had girlfriends, beautiful girlfriends in fact. How could Yamato have guessed what he was feeling deep down inside? Sure, they were close. But not *that* close… Until now that is. Now… they were too close. Too close for Yamato's liking. He didn't wanna be betrayed like that… violated like that. He didn't wanna feel such pain… Such heartache…
*I can't stay on your life support
There's a short-age in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine
Cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get out of here…*
It had all started innocent enough. Yamato had called him, begged him to come over at the late hour in which it was. Yamato had had a fight with his girlfriend and he wanted to talk. He *needed* to talk to him… to hear everything from a guy's point of view, to be agreed with and sympathized with. Yamato released a bitter chuckle, which turned into a full-fledged cough. If he had realized how unhelpful he would be Yamato would've never called. After he had came into Yamato's apartment, his *home*, things got strange. He got strange. He seemed angry, bitter, and confused. And worst of all, he was in love. But Yamato didn't know. He didn't know of his feelings… so he poured his heart and soul out over his girlfriend, and the supposed trusted one grew enraged. 'Why?!' he ranted, 'Why do you love that whore for?! Can't you see? I love you!' Yamato couldn't understand. Wasn't that type of love wrong? He knew it wasn't wrong for some people, but for him, it was! But the trusted one wouldn't take no for an answer though… and that's how Yamato ended up the way he was. Broken, dirty, and used… lying torn and ripped on the floor, still unable to move.
*Where I can run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill*
As a flash of pain enveloped him, Yamato closed his eyes. As soon as his he did, he was somewhere else. Somewhere he hadn't been in a long time. Somewhere familiar. He was in the digital world. A place where sadness had griped him, like it did now, but also a place where he was able to escape it. He stood alone in an empty field, nothing in front of him, and nothing behind him. He was by himself, he was free. And then suddenly, he was running. He could feel all his problems floating away behind him, where he first started. As he ran, he grew happier. The pain was leaving gradually. And then suddenly, with a burst of beautiful white and gold light, there was something in front of him. Something indescribable and filled with happiness and courage and love. And best of all, it someplace that was safe.
*I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
It must be a bad trip
All of the other pills were different
Maybe I should get some help*
And then just as suddenly, he was back. Back on the floor in his apartment. Back to the state in which he was left, unable to move or speak or even cry. Tears were fighting to escape his eyes, to drift down his bruised cheeks and mix with the blood on the floor. But no, he couldn't. He was told not to cry. He was told not to scream. So he didn't. He could remember everything. Flashbacks of memories that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Memories of yells, screams, clothes being ripped to shreds, hits and punches, and knives being pulled from pockets. He could remember the touches… the forced caresses… the incredible pain…and worst of all, he could remember the insanity in the trusted one's eyes… the pure hatred mixed with love and pleasure and suffering…
*I can't stay on your life support
There's a short-age in the switch
I can't stay on your morphine
Cause it's making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again
But she's being a little bitch
I think I'll get out of here…*
And when it was all over… the trusted one just left. He pulled up his pants… smiled and winked, and then left. He left Yamato there, bleeding and possibly dying… but he did nothing about it. He got his fix. He fucked the one he loved, he was fine with it. But Yamato couldn't help but wonder, as he lay there still unmoving and in so much pain, how the trusted one could ever love him. How could someone ever do that to anyone that they love? How could they force themselves upon someone who they loved and needed with all their heart? Are they too stupid to realize the ramifications? What, they think that after raping someone they're gonna fall madly in love with you? It's pure bullshit. Yamato took a gasp of breath as another bolt of pain shocked his chest. He knew some ribs were broken. He knew he was bleeding eternally, as well as a lot externally. He also knew that his ceiling was getting blurry… and that he was feeling pretty lightheaded. His mind told him that he should be worried at this, and yet he couldn't bring himself to do so. And then, he closed his eyes.
*Where I can run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill*
And suddenly again, he was back in the digital world and running. He was running to escape his fears… his nightmares. He thought of Gabumon… his friends… his family… what would they think when they found out? He ran faster. He thought of his band. Would they be okay with him? Would they be able to ever look him in the eye again, knowing what happened and what he went through? Yamato ran faster. He thought of school. He would be graduating college this year… would he ever make it to graduation? Still, he ran faster. He was looking for the light. The light he saw before that filled him with such happiness and safeness that he had to find it. He had to escape into it. He knew he was being selfish. He could remember the saying, 'Don't go into the light!' Such a common saying in movies, but he didn't realize that it could be used in real life. But then again, was this real life? Or was it his imagination? Something that was all in his mind, to keep his conscience off of the pain he was feeling. And finally he saw it. The white and gold light that represented such a calm and serene place that he knew it had to be heaven. He knew he was dying… and yet he felt like he was ready too.
*Where I can run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of making me better
You keep making me ill
You keep making me ill*
Another flash of pain, and he was back in his apartment again. And strangely, he wasn't hurting anymore. He felt numb. His breathing was getting shallower… slower. He tried to take deeper breaths but was unable too. Yamato could faintly hear knocking, turning to pounding at the door. He vaguely remembered that Taichi was supposed to come over. Was it morning already? He couldn't tell. Darkness and light were of no matter to him anymore. Although he was still unable to move, Yamato tried to speak. To say anything… he wanted badly to have something important to say as his final words. Yamato thought of a long and sorrowful goodbye he could say to his friends and family. In this goodbye, he wished them all good luck, and he told them that he loved them and he would always be watching out for them. He couldn't help but think of the trusted one. Someone he had known almost all of his life, had trusted and loved. He needed to say goodbye to him also. To put the memory of hurt and pain behind him as he ascended his way into heaven. And as Taichi finally made his way into Yamato's apartment, breaking down the door as he did so, Yamato spoke his final two words, letting Taichi know, with only those two words and the site before him, what indeed happened…
And then, Yamato closed his eyes and was suddenly back in the digital world again, for what he knew would be the last time. One hundred yards away was the light. The beautiful white and gold light… The light that held safeness… love and happiness that would last him for all eternity. He ran briskly to reach it, growing happier and happier along the way. He could hear Taichi faintly calling him… wishing for him and begging him to wake up, to talk and make jokes like they always did. He ignored it, although he wished he could provide Taichi with comfort… to tell him that he would be okay… and that they would meet again someday…but he didn't. He slowly walked into the white and gold light, sprouting wings and a halo as he did. Before entering, he whispered again his final two words. His message to the trusted one… his final farewell.
"Goodbye Takeru…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Well? What do you think? Pretty good for the first thing I wrote in forever... about the coupling... *shrugs* I wanted to make it a surprise...