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There was a moment, long ago, when Tony DiNozzo wrinkled his nose at the sailor suit his mother had once again forced him in and turned to his father with a look of pure despair.
He was just at that age when children begin to realize what they look like and fight their parents tooth and nail to wear the clothes of their choosing. It was maybe only a month or so before his mother got sick, back when Tony likes to think they were a real family.
His mom had forgotten her purse upstairs and Tony only had a few seconds to plead his case, so he turned to his father with the most pitiful look he could muster and whispered, "Help me."
His father had just laughed and reached down to tousle Tony's hair. "You look fine," he told Tony, who crossed his arms in anger.
"I look like a loser," he retorted, "Please Dad? Make her let me change."
Anthony DiNozzo Senior laughed again, harder and louder than Tony had ever heard him laugh before, "If you think I can make your mother do anything Junior, you are sadly mistaken," he said, wiping a few tears that had sprung up in his eye.
"But—" Tony began to protest but his father lifted a hand and Tony fell silent.
"Listen son, there are two types of women in this world, the ones you understand, and the ones you don't. The ones you understand will be nice. You'll like them, you'll have a good time with them, but in the end, there will never be anything there, no spark.
"Then one day, some girl will come along that you will never be able to figure out. She'll drive you crazy; run you to the ends of the Earth and back. She'll dress your kids up in the craziest outfits she can find," He tugged the collar of Tony's shirt.
"But you'll let her. Because even though you can't figure her out, when you think of her, your heart will start beating faster and every time you touch her hand, it will feel like you've just been electrocuted. You'll never be able to get this girl out of your mind, and one day you'll realize you can't live without her, that you would do anything for her, and that you love her, even though you never understand the things she does. Even though you can't control or change a single thing about her. For me, that woman is your mother, and that junior, is why I can't make your mother let you change."
Tony thought about this for a moment, "That's dumb," he declared.
The elder DiNozzo just chuckled, "Well of course it is to you, you're five, aren't you? What do you know about love?"
"Dad, I'm seven," Tony rolled his eyes.
"Right, right," his father nodded, "Then tuck away that gem of knowledge I just gave you for when you're older, because I guarantee it will come to back to bite you in the—"
"Found it!" Tony's mother emerged from the upstairs, purse in hand, and the moment was over. Tucked forever in the back of Tony DiNozzo's mind until one day he's sitting at his desk in an empty office wondering what the hell he's doing.
EJ just canceled their plans with a rushed excuse of too much work. Tony understands. He's surprised they managed to get this far without Gibbs putting his two cents in. He's mostly glad EJ's finally taken his words to heart, if you want to make it at NCIS Gibbs isn't exactly the one you want to have as your enemy.
But then again, he understands most things about EJ. They're similar people. Work comes first, than relationships. Relationships are light, casual things that can end at anytime, so it's better not to get attached. They like to flirt. They like the same types of wine…
Tony groans softly and rests his chin on his hand, staring aimlessly around the office, as his father's advice given so long ago springs back up in his mind. There are two types of women in this world, the ones you understand and the ones you don't.
His eyes trail over to Ziva's desk. It's devoid of any personal touches, sans the Israeli flag that's sat in her mug since the day her father dropped it in. Tony tries to remember what the desk looked like when Kate sat there. He can't.
Kate drove him crazy. She always managed to get the better of him. Even when he won, he felt guilty for her losing. Not that he minded. Tony liked their banter, their sexual tension. He always thought one day they would…
But they wouldn't. They never could, so it's better to erase that thought before it emerged.
Tony misses Kate.
Then there was Jeanne. Tony understood Jeanne. It wasn't because they were alike, as it is with EJ and him, but rather because Jeanne was easy to read. She was like any other girl Tony could have met at a bar, with the exception of having an arms dealer for a father.
When he looks back, he could think of numerous times he would have broke it off with her had he not been working the mission. But he didn't, he stayed and somehow he fell in love. And he wonders if it was real, if any of it was real, because it was just too easy.
Isn't love supposed to be hard?
Tony sighs loudly, enjoying the slight echo bouncing off the skylight EJ can't seem to stand. He's always rather enjoyed it.
Maybe they're not that similar after all.
Tony chuckles to himself and gathers his things, shutting off his desk lamp and his computer monitor before heading to the elevator.
Jeanne, EJ, Kate, and then there's…
Tony looks back at the bullpen and the little Israeli flag sitting innocently in its mug as the elevator arrives.
Ziva.
Kate drove him crazy, but Ziva takes him to a whole other level. He would go to the end of the Earth (or at least Somalia) for her and she thought of him as a brother.
Tony scoffed at the empty elevator. He was like a brother to Abby, to McGee, but to Ziva?
Ziva who he flirted with mercilessly. Ziva who went on undercover missions with him as his wife. Ziva who couldn't master the idioms of a language she had been speaking constantly for 6 years. Ziva who teased him. Ziva who threw things at him. Ziva whose boyfriend he had killed. Ziva who he had rescued. Ziva who shared a bed with him in Paris. Ziva who drove him insane. Ziva who he couldn't live without.
The elevator arrives at the bottom level, and the frigid air shakes Tony from his thoughts and reminds him to get off the elevator before it shuts its doors.
He used to like to think their relationship was akin to his and Kate's, that it was somewhat inevitable. But now? He's not so sure. They've been through so much; maybe it's just too much.
His father's voice echoes in his head. There are two types of women in this world, the ones you understand, and the ones you don't
Perhaps they're better off with the easy options, him with EJ, so similar, and her with Ray, so easy to keep at arm's length. Perhaps they're better off just friends, just brother and sister. Tony grimaces as he reaches his car. Friends, yes, but he still can't quite imagine her as his sister. Not when he's seen as much of her as he has.
Tony shakes his head as he slides into the driver's seat of his car. His father told him how to tell when you found the right girl, but he never told him what to do when the girl you'd do anything for has no interest in returning the favor.
Tony groans as his engine roars, what he really needs, is a drink.
A/N- I actually don't mind EJ at all. I mean, I'm a Tiva fan and all that, but I'm a Tony fan first and foremost, and I feel like EJ actually appreciates him, whereas Ziva's so mean to Tony all the time.
I just can't wait for the Tony flashback episode. And to find out whose eye that is!
Anyway enjoy and review please!