The Heart Mends
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these chars. They belong to Kevin Williamson.
Authors Notes: This is a letter Andie feels the need to write Pacey about their break-up , her cheating on him, and their relationship in general. Set in the future about 4 years since it happened. Andie is now a sophomore in college.
February 20,2003
Dear Pacey,
I was sitting in my room studying for a test I have tomorrow when I thought of you. I tried to go on with my studying and push you out of my mind so I could retain the information I need for my test tomorrow but I couldn't. That's when I decided to write you this letter maybe after I get all my thoughts down on paper and get out all my feelings I can then truly start studying again and living my life. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me to do that you should always get out your feelings and hold nothing back because then and only then will you be fully healed and be ready to move on with your life. I decided to give it a try I mean what is the worst that can happen? I don't go on with my life I keep on dwelling about the fact that I messed up something so perfect the only thing in my life that made sense. Yeah, that's the worst that can happen.
Pacey I know that this happened such a long time ago but its something I still think about every single day. I know you probably don't you have moved on with your life and I'm happy for you. You should move on with your life and be happy all I ever want is to see you happy even if its not with me.
I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you and for messing up the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's my fault that were not together right now maybe if I hadn't cheated on you we would still be together this very day happy, healthy and more in love then ever.
I still remember that promise I made you except I didn't keep it. Oh how I wish I did. What I did to you was the most idiotic thing I have ever done in my life. I can't forgive myself for doing it and I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't either.
I know you told me that you could forgive me but never forget but I don't see how. I don't even forgive myself. I know your still hurt by it you might not think about it as much as I do but I know deep down inside your still hurt by it and that tears me up inside to know that I am the cause of that certain pain you feel ever once in a while. A pain that will probably always be there just not as strong as it use to be.
I still think about you Pacey and love you very much. Sometimes the longing and hurting for you is to much for me to bear. I miss you so much my heart aches for you. Just to be near you to touch you to be close to you again but I know that will never happen. Are relationship is over and we probably won't be lucky enough to get another chance to make it work. That's probably the hardest things to come to term with. The fact that I have lost you forever and that there's know way we can be together ever again.
This letter isn't about getting you back or making you feel guilty its about me and how I needed to write these things to you so that maybe I can move on with my life the way you have. So my heart can mend from all of this not fully but enough to get me through the day and possibly enough so that I can love someone again without fear that I might mess it up again.
The thought of me loving another someone that isn't you terrifies me. You have been my first love and the only one I have loved for the longest time even after we broke up you still owned a very huge piece of my heart and still do. I never fully recovered from our break up probably because I knew it was my fault. The days got a little better and I was able to live them with a little less pain but there is still a lot of pain there that I never dealt with and that's what I am doing now. Dealing with the pain that I have had in me for four years.
Pacey you still mean the world to me and you will always own a piece of my heart just like I hope I own a small part of yours. If you were to come on a plane to Italy and tell me you loved me and wanted me back I would accept in a heart beat.
That has been my wish my dream for so long that you will come back to me someday. But its time to let it all go to let the dream of you coming back to me go because that's all it probably will ever be is a dream.
You have a different life now you have found new love and happiness with another. Its time for my heart to mend and for me to move on with my life as well just as you have with yours.
I will keep the memories I have of us alive in my mind always. The times we danced under the stars together, all of our bantering, and that magical night were we gave ourselves to each other for the first time. Those are the memories I will keep alive and I will forget all of the bad. I will stop beating myself up about what I have done to you to me to us.
I hope your life is filled with so much joy, happiness and above all love. I never want you to be sad or unhappy or feel guilty for anything that has happened between us. You are such a special person Pacey and you have so much to offer, don't ever sell yourself short. You deserve the best in everything and don't ever settle for less.
Your so loyal, trustworthy and have so much love to give you deserve someone who will love you forever and never hurt you in any way. Someone who loves you so completely that just being in the same room with you makes the day worth wild. Remember that.
I hope that everything that you do in your life makes you happy and you achieve all of your goals and make all your dreams come true.
I love you Pacey Witter and I hope that you won't ever forget me that once in a while you think of me and smile. You think of some of our happy and magical moments and smile and that you leave out all the bad just as I am doing. Above all I hope you leave room inside of your heart for me to be with you always.
Love Always,
Your Mcphee
Andie looked at the letter she had written and breathed a sigh. She felt better after she got all her feelings down on paper she didn't think it would work but it had.
Andie folded the letter and placed it carefully into an envelope and sealed it. She then put it into her dresser drawer where she knew it would be safe and there if she ever needed to take it out at read it as a reminder that she was moving on that she was progressing.
She knew there was know need to send it to Pacey. She wrote it for one reason and one reason only to mend her broken heart and she had achieved that. After everything she finally realized that she can move on with her and life and was going to her heart had mended all it was going to. It mended just enough for her to go on with her life and be happy.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these chars. They belong to Kevin Williamson.
Authors Notes: This is a letter Andie feels the need to write Pacey about their break-up , her cheating on him, and their relationship in general. Set in the future about 4 years since it happened. Andie is now a sophomore in college.
February 20,2003
Dear Pacey,
I was sitting in my room studying for a test I have tomorrow when I thought of you. I tried to go on with my studying and push you out of my mind so I could retain the information I need for my test tomorrow but I couldn't. That's when I decided to write you this letter maybe after I get all my thoughts down on paper and get out all my feelings I can then truly start studying again and living my life. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me to do that you should always get out your feelings and hold nothing back because then and only then will you be fully healed and be ready to move on with your life. I decided to give it a try I mean what is the worst that can happen? I don't go on with my life I keep on dwelling about the fact that I messed up something so perfect the only thing in my life that made sense. Yeah, that's the worst that can happen.
Pacey I know that this happened such a long time ago but its something I still think about every single day. I know you probably don't you have moved on with your life and I'm happy for you. You should move on with your life and be happy all I ever want is to see you happy even if its not with me.
I can't tell you how sorry I am for hurting you and for messing up the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's my fault that were not together right now maybe if I hadn't cheated on you we would still be together this very day happy, healthy and more in love then ever.
I still remember that promise I made you except I didn't keep it. Oh how I wish I did. What I did to you was the most idiotic thing I have ever done in my life. I can't forgive myself for doing it and I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't either.
I know you told me that you could forgive me but never forget but I don't see how. I don't even forgive myself. I know your still hurt by it you might not think about it as much as I do but I know deep down inside your still hurt by it and that tears me up inside to know that I am the cause of that certain pain you feel ever once in a while. A pain that will probably always be there just not as strong as it use to be.
I still think about you Pacey and love you very much. Sometimes the longing and hurting for you is to much for me to bear. I miss you so much my heart aches for you. Just to be near you to touch you to be close to you again but I know that will never happen. Are relationship is over and we probably won't be lucky enough to get another chance to make it work. That's probably the hardest things to come to term with. The fact that I have lost you forever and that there's know way we can be together ever again.
This letter isn't about getting you back or making you feel guilty its about me and how I needed to write these things to you so that maybe I can move on with my life the way you have. So my heart can mend from all of this not fully but enough to get me through the day and possibly enough so that I can love someone again without fear that I might mess it up again.
The thought of me loving another someone that isn't you terrifies me. You have been my first love and the only one I have loved for the longest time even after we broke up you still owned a very huge piece of my heart and still do. I never fully recovered from our break up probably because I knew it was my fault. The days got a little better and I was able to live them with a little less pain but there is still a lot of pain there that I never dealt with and that's what I am doing now. Dealing with the pain that I have had in me for four years.
Pacey you still mean the world to me and you will always own a piece of my heart just like I hope I own a small part of yours. If you were to come on a plane to Italy and tell me you loved me and wanted me back I would accept in a heart beat.
That has been my wish my dream for so long that you will come back to me someday. But its time to let it all go to let the dream of you coming back to me go because that's all it probably will ever be is a dream.
You have a different life now you have found new love and happiness with another. Its time for my heart to mend and for me to move on with my life as well just as you have with yours.
I will keep the memories I have of us alive in my mind always. The times we danced under the stars together, all of our bantering, and that magical night were we gave ourselves to each other for the first time. Those are the memories I will keep alive and I will forget all of the bad. I will stop beating myself up about what I have done to you to me to us.
I hope your life is filled with so much joy, happiness and above all love. I never want you to be sad or unhappy or feel guilty for anything that has happened between us. You are such a special person Pacey and you have so much to offer, don't ever sell yourself short. You deserve the best in everything and don't ever settle for less.
Your so loyal, trustworthy and have so much love to give you deserve someone who will love you forever and never hurt you in any way. Someone who loves you so completely that just being in the same room with you makes the day worth wild. Remember that.
I hope that everything that you do in your life makes you happy and you achieve all of your goals and make all your dreams come true.
I love you Pacey Witter and I hope that you won't ever forget me that once in a while you think of me and smile. You think of some of our happy and magical moments and smile and that you leave out all the bad just as I am doing. Above all I hope you leave room inside of your heart for me to be with you always.
Love Always,
Your Mcphee
Andie looked at the letter she had written and breathed a sigh. She felt better after she got all her feelings down on paper she didn't think it would work but it had.
Andie folded the letter and placed it carefully into an envelope and sealed it. She then put it into her dresser drawer where she knew it would be safe and there if she ever needed to take it out at read it as a reminder that she was moving on that she was progressing.
She knew there was know need to send it to Pacey. She wrote it for one reason and one reason only to mend her broken heart and she had achieved that. After everything she finally realized that she can move on with her and life and was going to her heart had mended all it was going to. It mended just enough for her to go on with her life and be happy.