Whilting Away: I am Insane
I lay quietly, always quietly, on the cot in the permanent ward of the hospital. They were never going to let me leave, I had been deemed insane.
Maybe I was, I guess. I didn't know. For years I have not been able to speak, barely able hear what visitors whispered to me. For a long time, I couldn't even recongize my dear son.
My husband, Frank, lay beside me, sometimes almost as still as death. I wondered if on the inside he was the same I was, funcioning fine, but deemed insane. He couldn't talk any better than I could. Did he now know the young man who visited twice a week was our only child? Or was he still unsure of whom the boy was, like I had been for years.
However, a mother never fully forgets her child. I did remember, I remembered when he brought me the girl I think is his fiancée. Or maybe now, his wife. I think the pictures they showed me one day were of the wedding.
And the girl was sweet, though I can't always remember her name. I think it is Susanna, oh that's not right! But I knew her belly was growing larger everytime I see her. Yes, I think I have a grandchild on the way.
The door of my ward opened slowly and a nurse came in. I frowned slightly at her appearance, knowing that they were about to test me or something. But instead, as the door opened furthur, she was followed in by a wheelchair.
I felt bad for the women in the chair. No one wanted to be wheeled in here. At least I would have someone on the bed to my right for the first time in a while. I wondered what had happened to the woman with the dark blond hair, I couldn't see her face that sat in the wheelchair. Had she been, well now I forget how I became insane, like I had or was it a horrible injury that impaired her for life? I just hoped it wasn't painful… pain, I remember pain. Was I in here for a horrible injury?
My son came through the door and I smiled. He came every Tuesday and Saturday. I liked those days, Tuesdays and Saturdays. Shanna wasn't with him today. She usually was. He walked over to me and silently grabbed my hand smiling. His lips moved but I couldn't really make out the words.
The nurse turned the wheelchair towards me and I saw the face of the woman. The woman was holding a tiny bundle in her arms. I knew that face though, or at least I think I did…
Neville walked over to the wheelchair and picked up the bundle. "Mum, too bunna me too gradather?" I smiled like I always do, not caring that I couldn't understand what he said. He walked towards me slowly with the bundle in his arms.
The bundle was a pink blanket and he handed it to me carefully. As I pulled it in towards my chest, I saw a small round pink face. I looked at the woman in the wheelchair. It was Honda. She was noticibly skinner and red in the face like the baby.
I held my grandchild up for Frank to see. He smiled, but I don't think he understood. I held the baby back in my arms. Susanna wheeled her chair closer to me and grabbed the hand that Neville had let go of.
"Alice?" She pointed to the baby. I was Alice! And why was she saying it as a question. "Can the bub e caleed Alice?"
She wanted to name her after me. Hany wanted to name the baby after me! I hugged the tiny pink face closer to my chest like I always wished I could do to Neville every time he came to visit.
"Aliicceee." I spoke the word quietly as I felt my son's arms wrap around me.
"Hannah! Hannah darling! Did you hear that?" His words were muffled, and Shanna was laughing.
"Nev, I think she is okay with the name." The two hugged each other and I stood carefully and placed the baby in Frank's arms. He smiled and rocked it back and forth slowly.
Maybe, he knew who the child was as well as I did.
Short and sweet! Hoped you guys liked it!