"I blame Albus."

"You blame Albus for everything, Severus."

"Ouch! - Potter, watch where that goes!"

"Sorry, sorry. Sheesh. You're the whiniest person ever, you know that, Severus?"

"Stop calling me Severus, you bra- OW!"

"Well if we're doing this, I think we have the right to call eachother by our first names."

"..Oh, shut up. Ow! Potter! Merlin, you're such an inexperienced, bratty little - brat.."

"Shut up. I never got it, okay? I'm a Wizard."

"You saw your aunt doing it plenty of times. Are you truly that incompetent? Even I could do it."

"Whatever you say, Professor. And yes, I did see her doing it, but it's not like I can decipher one thing from another, you git - what's this do?"

"AAAH! Potter! That hurt!"

"You whine too much, you know that, Snape?"

"Professor Snape, Potter. And Merlin, I will kill Albus for making us do this."

"Uh-oh.."

"Damnit, Potter; what did you do now?"

"..I don't think that's supposed to twist that way. Do you?"

"No, IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO TWIST THAT WAY, POTTER! OW! Damnit, twist it the other way! Twist it the other way!"

"I don't know how! Help me!"

"I can't help you! I can't move my limbs!"

"Stop panicking, Snape, okay, let's see, press this down and hold that -"

"AUGH!"

"Okay, no, not that - Damnit, just press it yourself! Can't you move your hand? I can't see, your hea dis in the way!"

"Well I'm sorry that my head inconveniences you, Potter."

"Apology accepted."

"Brat."

"Uh, that's not supposed to - I mean, Severus, sit up - no, don't do that! SEVERUS!"

"I hate these damned muggle contraptions!"

"Just roll it - turn it if you have to, just fit it over yourself, dammit! I will not have an accident!"

"An accident? What exactly is that supposed to mean? - Don't just sit there like the dunderhead you are, Potter!"

"I'm TRYING, Severus! Give me a break! I don't know what this does!"

"You really have never done this before?"

"Never."

"..."

"Just - stretch your hand out, yeah, like that, and then just grab it and just pull it over -"

"I can't pull anything! I'll probably pull a muscle if I move! I'm stuck, damn it-"

"STOP WHINING, SEVERUS!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"That's better. Now just hold still - stop squirming! Merlin, okay, let me do it, I'll do it, I know how to do it.."

"Yesss, do that - no, no - OW! Potter! You're ruining it!"

"You sound like a bratty little child yourself, Snape. Hold. Still."

"Fine."

"..Severus.. are you pouting?"

"No, I'm not pouting ... shut up!"

"Ha-ha-ha! You are pouting! Severus Snape, all-feared Potions Master is pouting! I wish I had a camera right now-"

"Oh, yes. Another muggle contraption you can ruin - ow! That is chafing me, Potter. Turn it - no, not that way! - That way, yesss.. do that..."

"That isn't working! Ugh, okay, let me just-"

"Ow! Do not - stop that - you realize that this is a very uncomfortable position, don't you, Potter?"

Harry leaned back, a look of deep disturbance crossing his features. He folded his arms and pouted, looking at the professor across from him, who was panting, bent in an awkward pretzel-like shape, wrapped up in a seatbelt.

"It's the author's fault for insisting to star us in innuendo fiction, Severus. Yes, I'm talking about you, Coinside!"

The music from the radio abruptly stopped and a mischievous voice came through. "Who, moi? I do not know what you are speaking of!"

"Stop that! Ow, that doesn't bend that way, Potter!-"

"Stop your whining - ugh - CURSE YOU, COINSIDE!"