Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I'm just renting them from respective parties etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I've created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
A/N:
"Hi everyone welcome to our first product of TMNP Corporation's I am one of the author's Phallicia. Over on the other side of the stage is the ever angry and glaring Morrigan." Using a lollipop Phallicia point's out a very angry PMSing woman. "And on opposite side stage left is the sulking giant Tadzie."
"Who said I was sulking? It's more of a... penitence for what I have helped unleash. This unholy creation, it will haunt me forever." The giant said as he crossed his arms and looked over with a glare.
"Oh come now you had fun" Phallicia says smirking
"Oh yes, I had fun staying up at God-forsaken am in the morning writing this...monster" The angry Morrigan stated with venom
Phillicia turned and gave her a dead stare "Me and Tad did more work then you did. He has a right to complain...you...you sicken me." She cursed
"Be honest though Phallicia, we weren't ALWAYS working. We had our fun while she was away" Tadzie nudges her shoulder
Pallicia glares then shoves her lollipop in Tadzie's mouth to shut him up.
*shudders* Oh God, PLEASE, my eyes! MY EYES! *throws brain bleach on* I may not have stayed late, but when I was around I actually DID something!
"Wow she's acting like i jumped you right here in front of the audience... anyway ON WITH THE SHOW ^_~ Enjoy!"
"Please, don't kill us"
"I had my hand in this, we'll be fine."
*facepalms*
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"Oh, come on mom! I hate the city! Don't make me go!"
I'm going to miss the island The smell of nature. The sound of the coqui's in the trees. I'm going to miss it all. In six hours I'll be stateside to live with my sister in New York City. Living amongst car exhaust and angry pissed off taxi drivers just seems like the best time ever.
"Rosalinda, I've told you one hundred times already. We don't have the money to support you all your life! Our check books can't take it. I don't have a job and your father is working double shifts as it is. We still need to finish putting your brother through high school. I'm sorry, but sending you away is our only option."
I was still reeling; my own mother was giving me the boot.
"But...But... You always took care of me. Even with all that stuff. What's so different now?"
"You're 19 going on 20! It's time for you to grow up and learn some responsibilities. I'm not going to coddle you anymore."
"But... But..."
"No 'buts' now grab your bags, you're going to live with your sister."
Oh God; my sister. My family may not be the pinnacle of sanity, but my sister is on an entirely different mountain. There was no way being sent to live with Angry Elena would be any type of enjoyable. It would be quite the opposite in fact.
"Mom...Mom… Mommy... Please. I'll do anything. Anything!"
"You should have thought about that before we bought the ticket."
"You already bought it? What kind of mother are you?"
She looked down at my stacked collection of art, comics, and manga.
"The kind of mother who did raise a girl who collects this inappropriate material and actually enjoys looking at it."
She holds up a manga with a quite effeminate man on the cover, his well drawn chest taking up most of the page.
"But mom! That's not-"
"I don't want to know what type of things you are into Rosalinda. Next thing I'll be finding handcuffs under your bed."
I felt my ears burn as if someone had just lit them on fire. The best course of action right now is to just let this die.
"Ay Rosa, you've wasted a lot of time that on this junk that you could have spent on getting a job. You'll have to pay me back for all this crap."
A chill washed down my back. I just knew the price would not be cheap.
"Oh God. I give! J-just don't do anything drastic. Think of all the money I-er, I mean, you spent on it."
"Think of all the money I'll get back on E-bay if you don't park your ass in the car."
"O.k, O.k! I'm moving. Geez."
I grabbed my bags that my mother had already packed for me and walked to the car. As I walked down the hall, pass my little brother's room, the little shit smirked at me as he chomped on a pickle.
"Dead girl walking."
"If I ever come back, your ass is mine."-I said with a disgusted sneer. Ugh, how could he eat so many of those things?
"Knowing you; you'll come back crying to mom knocked up by some random guy from a bar. Your kids will probably be mutated freaks from both of your screwed up DNA as well."
"Knowing you; you'll end up a high school drop-out and a teenage daddy."
"Bitch."
"Man whore"
"Rosalinda! I thought I told you to get your ass in the damn car!"
"Coming Mom! Bye- Bye wittle Bwada. I wuv wu." I said in a condescending sarcastic tone as I pinched his cheek and pulled his face left and right before smacking him 'lightly' and then high-tailing it to the car.
Mom wasted no time speeding me to the airport and actually didn't leave until they called for the passengers for the New York flight to board.
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"Vete al Carajo! I am sick and tired of your mierda! Get Out!"
I was fuming. No, I was steaming. And I would see no reason. My boyfr-, no my ex-boyfriend was nothing but a lazy, self serving, two bit piece of shit and I want him gone. NOW. Anything in my line of sight was a potential weapon that I would to use. I couldn't fathom in the slightest what I had seen in this useless bag of flesh and bone. Sure he was attractive, but he was nothing short of disgusting. Yes, he lives and works for me, but he doesn't pay rent, he's a pig, and he eats all the food I try to sell. If that's not enough, I'm positively sure he's cheating on me. Recently he's gone all hours of the night and when he comes home he smells of sweat and cheap cologne. The MALE kind of cologne. That's not right, not in this country, not even on this planet. There has GOT to be a council of supervillains all planning on sending me the worst guys imaginable.
Enough is enough; he's got to go. Picking up the cheap lamp lying nearby, I started throwing all his shit out the window and watched the neighbors stare in shock as I kicked my leech out of my apartment and onto his ass amongst a pile of his belonging.
"But baby!"
"Don't you baby me you two-faced lying piece of shit!"
There were no second chances and no calming down. I entered Boricua rage and if that pendejo wasn't out of my sight in 10 minutes I was calling the cops. I know exactly what would happen if the police were informed of an "incident" that occurred in my apartment and they just "happened" to stumble upon some interesting photos on his computer.
"But...but...I..."
"Dije. Que. Te. VALLAS!"
I don't know if it was the look on my face or the frying pan I pulled from the kitchen as a weapon, but he was running down the street in his boxers blubbering like a baby. I couldn't help a satisfied smirk from crossing my lips.
What made me snicker, though, was that he had left all his shit, just like the six others before him. Good bye asshole, and hellooo fast cash This should pay for the next year or two of rent.
After spending the next 4 hours painting my house with bleach I finally gave up trying to remove the smell of pickles that has fused into the furniture and walls. That disgusting bastard left me one final present it seemed. My ire was slowly reaching its tipping point, so I checked my clock, cursing at the time and hopped in my car.
When I arrived at the Airport I quickly parked in the arrival bay to wait out my 'guest'.
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This flight had left me with an unsatisfiable thirst for inflicting pain This kid behind me wouldn't stop smacking me with his bloody turtle figure the entire trip. The first chance I got, I snatched the doll when no one was looking and buried it in my carry-on bag.
The kid wouldn't stop griping the whole ride but there was no way I would return the damn thing just to repeat the process all over again. He's lucky that throwing him out of the plane would end with me being sucked out as well. I flew down the plane's aisle with my bag as soon as the doors opened. No way in hell I was waiting for the pampered first classers to get off their ass. I had places to be.
My frenzied dash slowed to a grinding halt as the metallic monster known as baggage claim alerted me to the oncoming luggage. 20 minutes of pushing and arguing over whose bag was whose later and I was rushing out the doors to find my sister. Feeling around my pockets for my phone, I pulled it out only to find the battery had died while I was in the air.
Whoops…
Sis is not going to be happy.
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Ena's POV…
"En estos momento la persona que usted está llamando tiene un buzón que no ha sido conectado. Vuelva a tartar luego. *click* beep...beep...beep..."
"Cabroncita del demonio..." I growled out. My fucking sister had her damn cellphone turned off and didn't set up her damn voicemail. Now I have to go out of my way and hunt this bitch down. In a New York City airport no less. Ay, Dios mio.
I pulled out of the Arrivals terminal and started to drive the traffic congested circle to see if I could find the brat.
I had finally come around for a 4th time when I saw a flash of blond hair getting whipped about as this person was jumping impatiently
"Oh God, no. Please Lord no, have mercy on my sanity and don't let that be... Never mind, God, I know you hate me." I said as I saw the person drawing a crowd as she absentmindedly bounced. She never pays attention to the fact that when she jumps around when she's bored, every guy around also gets a free show. I had to get her out of there, and I knew that meant having to associate myself with her. Blood may be thicker than water, but that doesn't mean blood can't boil away out of anger. No, I couldn't leave her but she was definently going to pay for being a today, not while I'm in this mood. I rolled up to the girl, rolled the window down, and blasted the horn "Have you lost what little mind you had? Get your bouncy ass in this car before some guy tries to take you home himself!"
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My absent minded bouncing came to an end when a sudden blast of a car horn had me jump 2 feet in the air in shock. I turned around to give the asshole a piece of my mind when I realized the scowling face behind the wheel was none other than my older sister Elena.
Oh, did she look pissed
"Sissy!" I yelled trying to seem innocent and completely delighted to see her... Uh-huh, that'll be the day.
"Have you lost what little mind you had? Get your bouncy ass in this car before some guy tries to take you home himself!"
The realization slowly dawned on me that my bouncing had attracted a fair amount of male gaze.
Seeing as my life was going to end soon for making her pick me up like this, and I drew a reasonable amount of attention, I decided to make the situation worse. I might as well jump feet first into Hell.
"Good bye all! My loving and adoring sister has finally arrived to take me away!" I called out, waving to the crowd as I collected my belongings. I pointed out my sister as I bowed to the crowd then blew a kiss to all the men watching and wiggled my chest a little. I tossed all my belongings in the back of the car except my money and the action doll. I didn't even finish closing the door when my sister peeled out of the airport like Mousers were on her heels ready to take a bite out of her.
"Sis, slow down!" I yelled in fear as I struggled to click my seatbelt in and clung for dear life on the 'bar in front of me. I was about to be murdered.
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"Slow down? SLOW DOWN! I'll fuckin' 'slow down' when I damn well PLEASE!" The glare I gave my sister was hot enough to melt an iceberg. Unfortunately, glaring meant taking my eyes off the road, a fact I was soon reminded of as oncoming traffic honked their horns and unleashed a torrent of foul language at my passing. I only started to let up on my speed when we entered a residential area.
I simmered and shook until my sister finally caught onto why I was pissed at her so bad. Great.
"So... broke up with your boyfriend..?"
"Yep." I sighed.
"He run away screaming?" she laughed
"Like a prepubescent child." I stated relaxing a bit more as I drove.
"Leave all his shit?"
"Every last damn thing."
"E-bay?"
"First thing in the morning."
"Good job, Sis. That's one way to pay the bills."
I've cooled down by now but my little sister wasn't helping the situation. I glared sideways at her coldly.
"Are you saying my business doesn't pay my bills." my voice dripping icicles of frozen acid.
"N-Not at all. I'm just saying you make more scaring poor dweebs shitless than you do selling pizza." my sister said calmly fiddling with the freaking doll in her hand.
"But I don't want to scare men off. I want to find a guy to settle down with." I cursed hitting the steering wheel as we came to a red light. I ran my fingers through my auburn colored bob as I closed my caramel eyes in frustration; only moving when the car behind me honked its horn. "That's a 5,000 dollar fine you idiot." I laughed evilly, quickly taking note of the license plate number to call the guy in.
My sister just clucked her tongue and looked out the window. "Ena you may just have to raise your standards then. Just a little. The last guy you dated was named Luke 'Skywalker' Johnson. Yes, he had a kickass name, no lie. But he worked minimum wage at a comic shop, in the Bronx, and wore Jedi clothes all the time. He didn't pay the bills cause he wasted all his money on his Star Wars collection. His fetish was dressing you up as Padme or Leia for crying out loud. He ate, breathed, and slept Star Wars! It was bad enough you went along with him for as long as you did. Many people cheered when you kicked him on his lazy fucking ass. You became a bloody 1/2 millionaire overnight with all those collector items you sold after he ran off crying and screaming when you kicked him out. Sure you spent it all on bills you had accumulated and your piece of crap car, but that was still a lot of money!"
My sister was right on that front; I should just give up on my dream on finding a normal kickass guy with similar interests as me. Damn it.
"Whatever..." I sighed trying to concentrate on the road. "What's with the doll, anyways?"
"Oh the Turtle Ninja? I don't know. I… confiscated… it from some brat on the plane who wouldn't stop beating me with it." She said calmly, although I saw the quick smirk as she said the word 'confiscated'. Lord, gimme strength…
"You stole a kids toy..." I said disbelievingly.
"More like removed a potentially lethal weapon from unworthy hands."
"That's a fucking "Cowabunga Carl" doll." She's 19 years old…and she still plays with dolls. Sometime I wonder if she really is related to me…
"But it's an action figure."
"It's a piece of plastic that is going to fly out the window if it's not out of my sight in 3 minutes." I was in no mood for her childish crap…
"But...but...turtles can't fly."
"Exactly." I smirked evilly.
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I pouted as I put the toy away "I'm sorry Carl, I'll take you out later."
"Ay, Dio santo…"
"Are we there yet..."
"Rosalinda, don't start that shit or else the doll and your purse are going to go flying out the window."
"Oh dear Lord, you really are pissed."
Ena gave me a look that said she was shooting me in the head continuously. If looks could kill, there wouldn't be DNA to prove I even existed.
"Holy shit. What did that guy do, Ena?" I stated in shock, and a little wariness.
"You'll see once we get there." She growled out as she turned into lower Manhattan.
When we got to my sisters apartment I started to realize what she meant. There was an odor that was so suffocating you were instantly hit in the face with it. It was like a wall of Clorox, Pinesol, and air freshener spray all mixed together, only to still be slapped in the face with the rancid smell of pickles.
"Oh God Ena! Wha the fup did you dooo?." I murmured out while plugging up my nose as I walked it.
"This is why I'm pissed. The stench has seeped into the walls so bad, 4 levels of bleach on every piece of furniture in this apartment wouldn't take it away. The only reason we are here is cause I need to pick up extra clothes."
"Then where are we gonna stay?"
"In the extra room in my Pizza parlor." She said as we made our way through the biohazard zone that used to be my sister's apartment. God, I think I'm gonna be sick…
"The pizza parlor. Great, instead of pickles it's pizza."
"Would you rather stay here? The apartment that smells like our little brother's bedroom?" she asked crossing her arms.
"You know what? I'll wait for you in the car." I said quickly as I high-tailed it out of the apartment.
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A/N:
Morrigan peeks her head out from behind the curtain "Well our first attempt to writing a continuation of the turtles is off to a bit of a rocky start."
Phillicia walks out and smacks her upside the head "Will you get over it. Sure it's our first try and it's a bit on the rough side but we're going to get better. Between the three of us we should be able to write a somewhat decent Turtle story that has the original soul of the cartoon."
Tadzie follows Phallicia out with a dead look on his face. "Oh is THAT what we're doing? I thought you two brought me on to help you write material about the turtles to keep you warm at night. Didn't know we were trying to be faithful to the cartoon."
Phallicia looks over at Tadzi with a soft glare "You can't tell me you don't like the perks you get from working on this." She says as she smirks and swings her hips as she turns away.
Morrigan glares at the two "You guys make me sick. Anyway's! Leave all constructive criticism in the review bar. All flames can be shoved up your own ass and you can light yourselves on fire so I may cook smores."
The Spanish to English Dictionary for those so inclined to use it.
Spanish/English
Vete al Carajo!- Go to hell!
Mierda- Shit
Pendejo- Asshole or son of a bitch
Dije. Que. Te. VALLAS- I. Said. Get. Out
En estos momento la persona que usted está llamando tiene un buzón que no ha sido conectado. Vuelva a tartar luego - The person you are trying to call has a voice mail that has not been registered. Please try again later
Cabroncita del demonio- Little demon bitch
Ay, Dios mio- Oh my God
Ay, Dio santo- Oh, holy Lord