Hey! I've been meaning to call you one of these days about the mess I left when I went away, and of course about that cross-eyed bear you gave to me. Oops! Thought I was talking to my roommate
Jusenkyo Bottled Water
Prologue
Key: of words:
Xianshen: mister
Jerms sat on a rickety wooden bench, waiting impatiently for his boss to pick up the phone. He tapped his hand on the bench he was sitting on rhythmically.
Suddenly the line clicked and a deep voice rang out.
"Hello?"
"Oh, hi Weiming xiansheng! So good to have finally reached you. I just got dropped here at the . . ." pauses for a moment to squint at the faded Chinese lettering of the weathered sign in front of him. "Joo-sink-oh Springs, I think."
"Jusenkyo."
"Ah, of course, sir. Heh heh, just my American tongue getting the better of me."
"Enough pleasantries. What have you found?"
"Very direct, sir. That's what I like about you." Silence comes from the phone.
"Ah heh heh. Anyway, so apparently, there are legends of these springs that claim the waters of each one have mystical properties."
"Mystical properties, you say? Like what?"
"Well, it seems, from what I understand, that they imbue spiritual energy from various things that have drowned in the springs to whoever comes in contact with them."
"Hmm, I'm starting to like you, perhaps. How do you suggest we capitalize on your findings?"
"Well, I was thinking this: We purify the waters, in case of bacteria and so on, and collect samples from each one, and bottle them."
"Go on."
"And we could label them things like: Jusenkyo Spring Water: cures all ailments. Straight from the mystical spring of Jusenkyo in China, these magical waters will imbue upon the user energy from the ancients."
A chuckle emanates from the phone.
"I certainly don't mind a small fib in the name of business. But don't be forgetting what happened the last time a company tried something like this."
"Don't worry, that's exactly why we should purify them first. That way, we are legally still selling water from the mystical springs, but we don't have to worry about anyone coming down with any diseases from them."
"Sounds like a good plan. I'll get someone on this immediately. You better hope this plan of yours works, or I'll use your nose as a writing implement."
Jerms gulped.
"Again sir, don't worry. I'll even volunteer to be in charge of, oh, why not sales?"
"Nice try, Jerms, but that "position" is not yours to volunteer, I'm afraid. I have someone else in the mind for the job. I think you'd be better suited to distribution."
Jerms's face fell, but he kept his voice cheerful.
"Very good, sir. I'll see you Monday?"
"Tuesday."
"Ah, yes sir."
Chapter 1-882: A Lot of Things Happen
(Ha! I bet you really thought I was serious there for a second! But this is just the beginning of the insanity! Bwoohaha! )
Key:
Jusenkyo Springs:
Just a quick note: Most of the following pool names are actually derived from Mandarin Chinese, with a few obvious exceptions, such as the eunuchuchuan. It's a matter of personal pride that I strive for a story to be as semi-accurate as possible.
Dongichuan: Frozen Caveman Pool
Haoduotouchuan: Hydra Pool
Saolejiaouchan: Missing Legs Pool
Aerenuchaun: Small Person Pool
Ugwaiuchuan: Turtle Pond
Ghengichuan: GK Pond
Maogochuan: Cat & Dog Pond
Gozhuoaichuan: Dogs Mating Pond
Weninchuan: Kissing People Pond
Rengouchuan: Man & Dog Pond
Shanguchuan: Elephant Pond
Nytutouchuan: Bald Woman Pond
Eunuchuchuan: Eunuch Pond
Kongllonguchuan: Velociraptor Pond
Noroguchuan: Medusae Pond
Ymerjuchuan: ? Pond
Truthuchuan: Pond Pond
As for those last two, well, I guess you'll find out (toothy grin).
The Strange Markings You May See While Reading:
This means events are happening, like this sentence.
"This means that I'm talking, in this case to myself."
This means I'm thinking this.
(( This means an interruption has been made into the story by one of the Other Jermss. ))
*[ THIS MEANS THAT LORD JERAM IS INTERRUPTING LOUDLY! ]*
~J( This means I'm apologizing for something stupid that just happened. )J~
And anything else is up to you!