This is a simple prompt that the lovely Indigo Shade or as I call her Miss Shade requested after finding my style of writing bearable. :)
Prompt: Skinny.
This prompt can be a bit explicit. So you were warned.
'I just wanted to be skinny.' She thought to herself as she vomited once more into the toilet beside her.
'Why can't I stop?' She quickly wiped the vile bloody remains of her lunch off her lips with a over-sized shirt sleeve before standing on wobbly legs. The nameless girl leaned on the white bathroom wall to support her failing body. Her thinning hair framed her face like a dark curtain as she hung her head in defeat.
"Why? Why can't I?" She murmured as she continue her journey towards her comforting bed across the hall. The feat itself was a piece of cake for an normal human but for her it was like crawling on shards of glass.
Specifically the shards of glass from the mirror she broke over a week ago. The mirror showed her the brutal truth of her emaciated body while she saw just the faults of her appearance.
The reflection of her eyes in that despicable mirror showed a hollowed person with just a little too much fat here and there it seemed. The once pretty healthy girl had transformed into a monster.
A monster bent on destroying herself. The monster inside her put silly things into her head which she use to shake off. Just little snide comments like 'Don't you just love calories' or 'You should exercise'. The girl would just brush these silly little things away as the more important thoughts like how she was going to win the Grand Festival with her team.
The thoughts disappeared for a bit but came back in full force after she worn her fourth ribbon. Right after being handed the highly prized ribbon, she heard the second place contestant whisper to her mother, "How could I lose to someone that big?"
It hurt. It was as painful as being punched in the stomach by a well trained machoke. At first she just smiled and thought the girl was just bitter but the voices made her believe in their reality.
It was that night that she began to purge binge. She ate whatever she could get her well maintained hands on. Cake, pizza, and a package of marshmallow starlies were her victims that night at the small party thrown for her great accomplishment. The voices in her head hushed as she placed another delicious cupcake into her mouth. It was her fifth that evening and she was still yearning for more.
The maddening voices came back shouting in her head so loudly that she had to clutch her head in pain when the party ended. The morbid sounds of their vocalizations haunted her as she sprinted to her temporary resident.
The voices rapidly spoke her true fear aloud of what her treats would count up to on her special calorie calculator. Stricken with horror nameless swiftly retreated to her bathroom where her mirror reside.
She nervously glanced at herself in it to find what the voices said were true. She was too fat.
Taking her toothbrush she slowly and hesitantly edged it to the back of her throat. Her body's reflexes quickly contradicted and poured all of her sugary dinner onto the floor.
To her horror and the voice's delight she found that this wasn't to bad. Just eat as much as she wanted and throw it up later while still exercising the voices told her.
'No. I can lose the weight by exercising and dieting like everyone else.' She thought to herself but even she knew she was lying. A week went by and the girl had found her clothes starting to become roomy.
She kept herself scarce all the while. Hiding from her friends in baggy outfits to shield them from the horrendous sight of her fat and ugly body. Declining when they invited her to contest practice, meals, or Ladies' Night out.
The few times she had been caught was by fellow coordinators who simply nodded in knowing way or helped her by holding her hair back. She learned that they too fell victim to the monsters inside them as the slight glimpse of skin and bones showed the morbid results of food deprivation.
With a fake smile and bright lifeless eyes she told her friends that she was happy and was just a little tired when they pried into why she was avoiding them. She always assured them that she was alright and just needed to catch up on her sleep when they pointed out the dark bags under her drooping eyes.
She didn't know what they were really thinking when they caught a glimpse of her collarbone which stuck out like a flower in a pile of rocks.
Why must she do this?
She's too beautiful to do this to herself...
Please, just let us help you.
So frail.
You aren't fat. Why do you continue to do this?
It wasn't until after she made it into the Grand Festival did they begin to let up on their badgering. They continued to cheer and support but they didn't know the severity of her purging until she fainted as she was walking off the stage after being crowned Top Coordinator.
The doctors were horrified when they took off the small tight fancy dress to find instead of a gorgeously healthy body; they found a body of mostly skin and bones. Not a ounce of fat or much muscle could be found on her deprived body. When the doctors tried to tube-feed her the only result was her puking up the few ounces of food they gave her.
It took her almost a year to get out of that hospital. The doctors suggested her several well known psychologists that could help her with her problem after she finished therapy. She only played along, telling them she really wanted to get better, that she wanted to gain weight while the voices that plagued her mind reminded her that she had gotten fat while she stayed in the hospital.
She mentally agreed with the monstrous voices and when she returned home she began the cycle all over again.
Her friends began to frequently drop by when a meal was to begin or in nameless' case a time to purge came around. They would invite themselves in and watch her eat with a critical eye. She would humor them with a devilish smile and eat what they themselves could eat. By the time they left she would wave them good bye and rush to the hellhole known as her bathroom.
It continued for a month till her friends trusted her to eat by herself. She gladly repeated the cycle without their interruption; checking out the mirror where the devilish voices lived she would poke and prod the 'fat' still remaining in her, eat, purge, work out, eat, eat, purge, sleep.
It wasn't until a week later did walking become so painful that she began crawling around her house to get around. She felt mad at herself while she stared into the mirror. Her hair was falling out now, her teeth rivaled that of a meth head's, her skin was beginning to sag around the bones that poked out, and the monster voices continue to tell her to purge.
'No. I can't do this anymore.'
She told herself as she purged uncontrollably. A metallic taste spread throughout her mouth as she heaved. Copper?
She checked the toilet bowl to discover a red hue swirling around her regurgitated dinner. She swallowed experimentally to discover that blood while slowly pooling into her mouth from her throat. Her stomach acids had finally broken through the normally tough tissue.
Horrified she painfully scrambled to her lone and empty room and forced herself to sleep.
She awoke with a new hope awaiting her as if her forgotten dream somehow gave her the strength to go on. She decided she didn't want to do this. She didn't want to hurt when she walked. She didn't want to die at seventeen. She wanted to continue to compete in contest. She didn't want her friends to worry about her anymore. She wanted her zigazoon to recognize her again.
Fate seemed to hate her. The fallen girl picked herself off her bed when the voices pounded in her head. Shouting that she was too fat to do that, no one wanted to be with her, she wasn't pretty enough to even think about doing it.
Her hope was slightly diminished as she rolled to the side of her bed and heaved. Alarmed at her uncontrollable heaves she dragged herself to the bathroom where the voices continued to break her down until she sobbed silently as she dry heaved for what felt like hours only to collapse next to the toilet afterwards.
She awoke to find through her tiny bathroom window that it was already night. Her heart seemed to beat loudly as she mathematically figured how long she passed out.
Six Hours.
Tears fell as she pulled herself up by using the sink as a leverage. In both sadness and anger she pried the mirror off it's nail and tossed it onto the tile floor.
It shattered satisfying with a shower of reflecting pieces. As carefully as she could, the girl stumbled over the glass and wondered to the kitchen where a phone hung on a wall tauntingly. She slumped down in front of it and soon nodded off to sleep after finding herself diminished of any energy. The monstrous presence made itself known by continuing to pressure her heart as if it were being constricted.
She returned to the kitchen after deciding the phone could wait and found a small baggy of raisins which she believed she could stomach. It was after the third raisin did the urge to heave come upon. She cupped a hand over her mouth and forced herself to hold it down.
It worked for at least a minimum of ten minutes before the pain of holding back became unbearable. She laid broken on the cold kitchen tile while her began convulse inhumanly.
She laid there until her body had calmed and the pain subsided to a dull throbbing. As she pulled herself up to a sitting position she found herself looking at the tile where a splotch of her blood laid glistening.
I can't do this...
It's too much.
The girl took hours to get back to her bathroom with the spontaneous pain-filled heaves interrupting her progress every few feet. Her over-sized sleeves became spotted with blood that she hacked up as breathing became painful.
The reached up with a limp hand and felt around for her lifeline. The phone brushed past her fingers a few times before she could summon the strength to grab it and pull it back to her. The voices continued to pound negative thoughts into her head as she rubbed the phone's smooth surface.
Minutes seemed like hours as she pressed a familiar number pattern on her cell. It rang only twice when a baritone voice echoed through the small enclosed room,
"Hello?"
She could have cried at the innocence that voice held.
"Thomas," She hiccuped as blood disgustingly slid down her throat, "..I need help."
She could hear a sharp intake of breathe as he recognized her voice.
"Okay..Just stay on the line with me, alright?" He spoke to her as he prepared to speed his way to her house.
"I'm going to put the phone down but don't hang up, okay?" His voice rumbled as she heard a car start in the background.
She muttered a simple 'kay', and made herself as comfortable as she could between the wall and toilet. She held the phone close and found a strange peace in herself as she listened to Thomas' breathing.
Just wanted to be..skinny.
She rocked herself in place until a familiar pain made itself sharp. The phone clattered to the floor as she threw up a mixture of bile and blood into the toilet. She heard a muffled call from Thomas from the cellular device and she hurled again.
She wiped her mouth and tears with her disgusting sleeves and found herself panting heavily as just the energy from hurling made her ache with muscle weakness.
She climbed her way up the wall side by the usual way of using the toilet as a leverage. She held herself against the wall and let her hair hand loosely around her sunken face. The forgotten phone murmured with sounds of Thomas still trying to reach out.
The coordinator lead herself to the hallway where scattered shards of a mirror laid and began to puzzle it back together. The largest of pieces were quickly put together with a few other shards until a oddly shaped mirror reflect back at her. The monstrous voices began to scream and rake their nails across her mind as she traced the mirror's outline with a bony finger.
She gazed at the mirror heavy hearted to find that instead of a fat girl who would never be skinny she saw herself; a sad hollowed out shell of what she once was. Once lifeless eyes became a little brighter as she recognized her true self with her faults and beauty.
She gave a painful chuckle as a crashing sound came out of the front of the apartment. The voices began to diminish in volume as she concentrated on her heartbeat.
"Are you okay? Where are you?" Thomas' caring and concerned voice filled the air as nameless heard him crash through her apartment searching for her. The voices screamed and screamed "Don't let him see you and he'll leave!"
Her voice almost quit on her as she struggled to speak.
"I'm here." She finally cried out as the monster inside her vanished. Thomas found her in a instant and swooped down on the mirror to face her.
Thomas with his warm and strong arms encircled her and pulled her into his chest as he dialed for a ambulance. Nameless held her friend close, though the monster had vanished she could still feel its presence lurking in the shadows.
Her throat ached, her heart was throbbing with a odd tingling sensation,and her body was going to give out before she reached old age but the monster was vanquished. All there was left now was the battle to live through the treatments that would tear her apart like the monster did.
Would she give back into the monster that had given her what she wanted? Could she manage to get through treatment? Nameless didn't know but right now she wanted her friends back. Being skinny wasn't worth the pain and the loneliness that the monster gave her.
Her desire to live to see her friends is what would save her from herself if she could last that long.
To save her from the monster she must understand that the monster was herself all along.
Yeah, uh. I'm weirded out by what I wrote..so..:) Fear my grammar! I don't like the ending but then again I never like ending things