Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or any characters. I just write these for fun!
It had been exactly one week since Amanda's suspicions were confirmed. Seven days since her life had changed forever. 10,080 minutes since the white stick on her bathroom counter flashed "Pregnant" over and over again. Time had passed, and she still hadn't taken any action. She hadn't told the father, or anyone on the squad. She hadn't even scheduled a doctor's appointment. Part of her wished if she did nothing, this problem would just go away as if it never existed.
Ever since she was a little girl, Amanda wanted to have a family the "right way." She wanted to be married, with a husband, a home, and a nest egg. She was raised by a single mom. She wanted better for her own life, and her own family. Yet, here she was knocked up after a one night stand, by a man who really could not be in his child's life due to work circumstances. What had she done?
Amanda felt frozen with anxiety. How would she do this alone? God knows she wasn't a trust fund baby, and was just about making it alone on her NYPD salary. She would need to upgrade from her studio apartment. How would she afford child care? Not working was not an option. How could she possibly balance her work schedule with a baby? Just thinking about these things made her heart race from anxiety. She knew she wouldn't have any support from her family. Her sister Kim was just an all around hot mess. Her mom was a flake who was only interested in keeping up appearances, and enabling her sister's continual nonsense. Amanda had always been the black sheep, and knew that even a baby would not change that.
She thought about having an abortion, but decided against it. She was already in her 30's with no serious prospects. Like it or not, her biological clock was ticking. This really could be her only chance to have a child. She knew herself well enough to know that no matter how hard single motherhood would be, she would regret not having this baby for the rest of her life.
Amanda didn't know how long she could keep her secret from the squad. She didn't want to say anything just yet. She needed to keep working as much as possible. Besides needing all of the overtime she could get, work was the only thing that would keep her mind off of the mess she had created. She knew keeping her secret would not be easy. She was battling wicked morning sickness that lasted until lunch most days, and constantly felt dizzy. She could feel Olivia's eyes burning her from across the squad room, despite telling her boss multiple times that she was just getting over the stomach bug. Carisi was constantly bringing her cups of tea and ginger ale. Fin hadn't said anything, but could tell by his expression that something was definitely up.
Amanda covered herself with a soft Sherpa throw blanket, and laid back on her couch and sighed. She took a long sip of tea. Tomorrow, she promised herself, she would make a plan. First, she needed to see her doctor, and make sure she and the baby were healthy.
After a long, dreamless night, Amanda dragged herself out of bed after hitting snooze about 4 times. She was so tired she felt physically ill; like she was incapable of getting out of bed and taking a shower. She could already feel the churning in her stomach, but prayed she wouldn't puke this morning. She tried not to think about how ill she felt, and stepped into the shower.
Twenty minutes later, her shower was complete. Amanda struggled to find something appropriate to wear to work. She could already see changes in body. Her breasts were already sore and swollen, and were spilling out of her bra. She hadn't felt up to doing laundry, and was running low on clean clothes. She pulled on her last pair of clean dress pants, and had to re-wear a shirt from the previous week.
"How am I going to keep a baby in clean clothes when I can't even get it together myself?" She asked herself.
After a super quick makeup application, and running a comb through her hair, and feeding Frannie, she grabbed her cell phone to make a call. She scheduled an appointment with her OBGYN for the same day at noon.
Amanda was the first to arrive at the precinct, and for that she was grateful. She had gotten sick twice since arriving at the office. Thankfully, no one was around to hear her wretching in the bathroom. After calming herself down, and running cool water on her face and neck, Amanda was already seated at her desk when her co-workers arrived.
Of course, Olivia knew something was up. She didn't say anything to Amanda, but her expression said it all. Olivia was not stupid. She had been a detective too long. No matter how good her act, Olivia could see right through Amanda. She knew she would have to confess to her boss sooner rather than later. However, for right now, she would focus on getting through the work day, and her OB appointment at lunch.