Nowhere Slowly, a jag fanfic

Title: "Nowhere Slowly"

Author: gunny9131/ wolf63122/ Allison

Category: R Harm/Mac

Rating: R for Adult themes, nudity, sex

Spoilers: season six?

Disclaimer: The characters represented in this fic do not belong to me. If they did—trust me harm and Mac would not have to deal with this situation but…cest la vie...Also the song is from the movie "streets of fire"

Summary: Harm has a revelation and it is reaffirmed by a song that he hears on the radio

Feedback: desired

Archive: just ask.

Author's Notes: I apologize in advance if this offends anyone—that was not my intention…Also this was my first finished Fic. Also a lot of this fic is seen through Harm's eyes

So here I'm sitting on my car. I'm parked on the side of the highway just outside of the greater D.C. area, on top of a small bluff overlooking the skyline; it's beautiful. I lay back trying to collect my thoughts.

'Why do I have to care so much for her? I could handle caring for her as a friend, as a partner….but I am way beyond that. I catch myself staring intently at her at least once a day---ok, ok once every couple of hours. I could handle friendship….but I don't want to handle it. For once in my life, I feel the urge to let go. That is dangerous thinking for a tomcat pilot. --But what was it she said to me on the Admiral's porch? "You're not flying a tomcat now. You don't need that lifeline anymore…let it go before it becomes a noose…"She was right…it has become a noose.

'I love her.' It occurs to me, 'I've always loved her. Why I can never seem to voice this when I'm around her remains a mystery. It isn't that complicated… I think the time is right for our tedious sidestepping dance to end….and become one long beautiful dance-- together as one.'

I get in my car and turn the key in the ignition. As the car comes to life a song starts to play on the radio…some eighties station is blaring over the speakers and I listen for a minute. All the words sinking in:

"Lying in your bed on a Saturday night,

You're sweatin' buckets and it's not even hot."

'Hmmmm, yeah this scene sounds familiar…only when I think of her though.' I turn the music up a bit to hear it better.

"But your brain has got the message and its sending it out to every nerve and every muscle you got."

'Did I always know? My body knows I love her. She doesn't know what she does to me…and seriously…its not always a feeling of lust—ALWAYS c'mon I AM alive…any guy who doesn't feel that way about Mac is either dead or there's something wrong with the plumbing…if you know what I mean'

"You got so many dreams that you don't know where to put them,

So you better turn a few of them lose."

'Uhhhhhhhhh…am I ready to let go? I mean c'mon why should I risk losing her all together? Or maybe the question is why I shouldn't? I mean—hell I think she is attracted to me…maybe I should just go over there and—oh' I notice I had already started driving the familiar way to her apartment.

"Your body's got a feelin' that it's starting to rust,"

'Okay, yeah it HAS been awhile—but not THAT long'

"You better rev it and put it to use.

And I don't know how I ever thought that I could make it all alone

When you only make it better;"

'Seriously Rabb—how do you think you could ever live with out coming home to her every night? You definitely need to tell her tonight'

"And it better be tonight."

'Ha!—see even the song says, tonight is the night. Oh, please Sarah, let me love you.'

"And we'll fly away on those angel wings That have grown in your daddy's car, The one he left for you tonight."

'My daddy's car? Oh hell! My vette! My 69 vette—the year dad—oh this is weird'

"I'll be there for you tonight."

'I'll always be there for her'

"And if you don't have anywhere to go, You throw down the pedal and we're ready to roll, Even if you don't have anywhere to go,

Throw down the pedal and we're ready to roll."

'I guess this means I go for it…just let go. You can do it…don't do it for you—do it for the both of you—that sounds incredibly arrogant, but If YOU don't let go after the chances she's given you…its over man, everything is over'

"And this beat its all you need,

All you'll ever need to know.

Darlin', darlin'."

'I probably just blew all the stoplights en route to her place. I'm glad no cops are around—I need to talk to her before I talk myself out of it'

"You and me we're goin' nowhere slowly,

And we're gonna get away from the past,"

'But can we? Can we get away from the past? Only time will let you know, just hold up your end and the rest will take care of itself Rabb'

"There's nothing wrong with goin' nowhere baby,

But we should be goin' nowhere fast.

Everybody's goin' nowhere slowly--"

'Okay, I've heard enough to realize the song speaks to me and Mac. It was right we are going nowhere slowly, when we should be going nowhere fast.' I notice that I'm just outside her apartment. Ah! Parking spot!

As the song ended the DJ came over the air; "Hey all you punkerellies and junkies out there, that was 'Nowhere fast,' from the "Streets of Fire" soundtrack. That was a dedication from the Admiral, to Flyboy and Ninja-girl…the Admiral says you all are goin' nowhere slowly, so try and get there fast…you know the rest! Our next…" the DJ's voice faded as I mull that over in my brain 'The Admiral? Flyboy? Ninja-girl? This was all too coincidental. The Admiral couldn't possibly be sending me a message…could he?' I look at the clock onthe dash, it's 0130. 'Damn! I hope she's not asleep.' I make my way up to her door as fast as I can and knock softly. After a moment Mac opened the door a little cautiously.

"Harm? Is everything ok? What are you doing here?"

I smile sheepishly at her, "I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll just go--"

"No, Harm, you didn't wake me, Please, come in." Her voice was soft and reassuring.

She had been lying awake also. 'How does he do it? How does he manage to show up when ever I think of him?...If only we didn't have to be so far apart at night—in the same bed would be nice—No! Stop it!

That's dangerous ground there. He's already made it clear to you that he doesn't want that with you--'

"Mac?" Harm's voice cuts into her thoughts.

"Yeah?" She shakes herself slightly, "please, sit." She walks over to the couch and curls up against its arm in front of the fire.

"Mac, its spring; why do you have a fire?" He chuckled as he sat at the other arm.

"Did you come all the way over here to tease me about a fire that you didn't even know about until now?" Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Ummm, no…I--" He started to fumble again. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" she looked at him with a gaze that was in between suspicion and concern. 'Oh, god I hope everything's okay with him, but I don't have the energy for that old dance of ours.'

Harm took a deep breath, "I wanted to talk about us."

Mac sighed heavily. "What about us? You've already made it clear that you don't want an 'us'." 'Oh my God! Did I say that aloud!'

Harm was taken aback slightly, "When did I ever say that!"

"You didn't have to say it Harm….It came through in your actions." She muttered.

"No! I never meant that I didn't want there to be an 'us'…I just needed time…time to think. And I don't need anymore time. That's why I'm here Mac--Sarah…" He looked at her pleadingly. "This is hard for me to say…."

"Just say it Harm, and get it over with." Mac curled tighter into a ball on her arm of the couch.

Harm noticed her closing up physically and that worried him. He moved closer to her and put a steady hand on her shoulder. "Sarah--" he tilted her chin up so he could look directly into her eyes, "Tonight I came to a big conclusion. Before I thought I could handle us just being friends and nothing more…I can't. The truth is that--" Harm was cut off abruptly by the phone ringing. He cleared his throat and pulled his hand away as the phone rang a second time.

Mac looked at the phone but made no move to answer it.

"Mac, aren't you going to answer that?"

"No. Not this time sailor….I want to know what you have to say." Mac looked him dead in the eye. "Spill it." She was tired of this whole thing 'If he lifts me up to shatter me again…that is it. I can't take this anymore.'

"Okay." He looked into her eyes again and prayed that she could see the love in them. Sitting here watching her was making it hard for him to maintaining his self control. "The truth is that I want to let go. I want there to be an 'us.' I want you. I love you Sarah Mackenzie; and I'm willing to do anything to show you that."

Mac was stunned to say the least. The passion that she could see in his eyes—it called to her. 'He'd be willing to do anything to show me that he loved me?' she was turning it all over in her mind.

Harm mistook her formulation for reluctance and felt he had to reassure her, "I'd give up anything for you Mac, just ask. I'd give up flying for you…the navy—whatever …anything for you Mac."

Mac sat up at that "Harm--" she took his hands into hers and scooted closer to him to look him in the eye. "I could never ask you to give up the Navy, it's your life. And you love flying. You see, sailor, this love—it works both ways. I want you to be happy and—mmmf" the rest of her sentence was cut off by Harm's mouth covering hers in a sweet kiss which soon deepened into the pure pent up passion of the last six years. His lips brushed softly against hers lightly parting them to gain access to her mouth. He met no resistance as he slowly slid his tongue into her mouth and explored its furthest reaches. They stayed there, allowing themselves to get lost in each other, the room began to spin as their tongues danced and dueled. Finally they parted.

"Harm--" she barely dared to breathe, not wanting to do anything to disturb this moment in case it was only a dream. The room was spinning and she was sure that if she tried to stand right now she'd crumble. Her legs had turned to jello and the butterflies in her stomach didn't help much.

"Mac—dance with me?" He cupped her cheek in his hand as he stood up. "Please?" He smiled gently at her looking into her eyes.

"But Harm, there's no music." Mac looked at him as she allowed herself to be pulled to her feet, her heart pounding…she was sure he could hear it. She pleaded silently for her legs to gain their strength back.

Harm smiled as he positioned himself and then he started singing softly and sweetly to her, the tune was an Eric Clapton song—which one, Mac couldn't be sure, her head was spinning too much from the feeling she got from holding Harm and having him hold her like this; the memory of their latest kiss replaying itself in her mind. She could still feel his lips against hers.

Harm held her close as he finished the song. "I love you Sarah." He whispered in her ear and planted another kiss firmly on her mouth. She responded eagerly to his kiss and as they broke again she spoke

"I love you too harm. I want this, I always have"

Harm smiled and his heart sang. "So have I…always." He stroked her cheek with his hand and explored the contours that he knew by heart with his eyes.

After a moment he moved his hands down her sides and wrapped his arms around her waist just holding her firmly to him. "I want to stay like this forever. Just you and me, alone, and close to each other…if nothing else ever happened I could die happy right now." He looked into her eyes, using them to tell her he could care less about sex. That was just another part to her love. He leaned down and kissed her slowly this time, savoring her taste and her touch. He lost all sense of time and place; nothing else existed now but her. Nothing else mattered.

Mac slung one arm around his neck, the other she rested on his heart. She was high on the feelings she got from their new intimate touches and she felt herself want him more and more with every passing second. She moved the hand from his chest and tangled the fingers of that hand in the short brush just at the back of his head, pulling him in to kiss her with the force of sheer need. She wrapped one leg around his straddling his thigh with her legs. Even his hard thigh felt so good.

As Mac straddled his leg he could feel how wet she was right now through the fabric of both of their pants. As it was his pants were starting to get a LITTLE snug, but as he felt her reactions to their 'new dance,' he knew he'd either have to leave or step out of his pants soon. 'Whoa—hold hard there…It shouldn't be like this' "Mac--" Harm breathed as they came up for air. "I love you—I really do, but I think I should leave before this goes too far and we do something that might end up hurting us more than it helps." He kissed her lightly and left before she could manage a rebuttal. He left a very confused Mac in his wake.

Mac stood there and looked at the door, where Harm had been a moment before. "What--?" 'Okay, this is it,' she has tears in her eyes now. 'How can he be that cruel!' "Harmon Rabb, Jr., you aren't getting off that easily." She scowled and picked up her keys. 'How do you manage to do it Harm? How do you manage to back out of things so quickly? I HEARD you say you love me and I've waited too damn long for you to get cold feet about going to bed with me. If you loved me this wouldn't be a problem!' She floored the gas pedal and drove to his place.

Harm drove home quickly before he had the chance to change his mind—again. Once inside his apartment he closed the door and just leaned on it for support. He DID love her but he didn't want their first time to be frenzied wanton sex…he wanted to make love to her slowly, and considering they had to be at work in—he checked his watch: 0300—in five hours, well he wanted more time than that. He leaned his head against the cool door for a moment then he walked towards the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on. He wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight, not after what had just happened. Harm sat on one of the bar stools with his head in his hands.

Mac barely had time to park her car and turn it off before she ran up to his apartment. She didn't bother to even knock; she just used the spare key he'd given her for 'emergency purposes.' She bursts in the room and managed to see him sitting there, his head in his hands, before he looked up.

Harm turned around to see Mac standing there—she looked pissed. "What the hell!" She looks him dead in the eye. "You come over to talk and you say you love me then you just LEAVE!"

Harm's mouth drops "Mac, I--"

"Shut up Harm! What was that! I mean, why did you leave?" She walks up to him and stands so her face is inches from him as she yells. "You tell that you love me; you lift me up just to throw me down again!"

Harm stands now and places a soft hand on her shoulder "Mac--" She shrugs away from his hand angrily. "Mac, I DO love you. I do." His voice is soft "I didn't mean to leave I just--" he sighs as she cuts in.

"You just what?" Her eyes contained unspilled tears. "I'm so sick of all of this—you always manage to run don't you?"

Harm draws in a breath and looks her in the eye shaking his head and he reaches for her. "No I didn't mean to run…I wanted our first time to be special and I knew that if I stayed any longer that I would lose control…"

She doesn't back away this time, she understands that he wanted it to be special, but that wasn't exactly what they needed. "Harm, you need to learn that sometimes things just need to happen, we can't always control them." She looked away, "I know you want this to be special, it will be. Isn't just being together special enough?"

Harm strokes her shoulder and then pulls her into a hug "You're right—sorry. Being with you is nothing less than a dream come true no matter how fast it is. It's just—well that's not how I pictured our first time" He kissed her head.

Mac couldn't help but smile through her anger. "So you've thought about what it'd be like?" She bites her lip mischievously.

Harm grinned. "Yeah, haven't you?" He chuckled then looked at her.

"Maybe I have…" She blushes, "but Harm, I'm yours for now and-"

"Shhh," Harm put a finger to her lips. "There will be another time for what I thought about, but tonight I just want to hold you." He smiled then he leaned down and kissed her tenderly. Mac responded to his kiss by deepening it again. Only when they needed to breathe did they break apart. Harm smiled at her and moved his hand from her sides to her shoulders then all the way down to her hands. He started walking backwards towards his room still holding her hands. He turned around and led her up the stairs and into his bedroom.

Once inside the room Harm turned back to her and kissed her lips tenderly before moving to her neck. He kissed every inch of her neck and collarbone as he slid his hands underneath her sweatshirt and caressed her bare back.

Mac backed up one step and crossed her arms at the hem of her sweatshirt and pulled up removing the sweatshirt and the tee underneath it. She stood there in her bra and smiled seductively at Harm before she crooked a finger at him. He eagerly stepped closer to her removing his own shirt. Harm kissed her lips before he lifted her effortlessly into his arms and lay her down gently on the bed, following her body with his own.

Mac got goose bumps as Harm lay her down and picked up where he left off, kissing his way down her chest. He made his way into the valley between her breasts then he moved to one side and sucked her erect nipple through the fabric of her bra, after repeating this on the other side he reached beneath her and unsnapped her bra with a flick of his fingers. When Mac giggled at him he grinned, "What? You thought I didn't learn anything at the Academy, didn't you?"

"Go Navy." Was all she had to say in response, still giggling. Harm grinned and kissed her breasts everywhere but the nipple after he removed the bra. After being somewhat satisfied with fondling her breasts he moved on, kissing his way down her hard stomach all the way to where her pants started. Then with a smile and another passionate kiss her pants were gone, leaving her only in her panties.

Harm was surprised at how wet she was already and he removed the saturated garments. His kisses trailed further downward but he stopped when he hit the pubic hair and resumed at her knees. He kissed his way up the inside of one thigh and down the other. She squirmed when he still paid no attention to her steaming womanhood. So, when he finished kissing her thighs, he went to pay some MUCH needed attention above.

He trailed wet kisses down her lips and slid his tongue inside of her. He replaced his tongue with one finer then two as he nipped her clit with his teeth and soothed over it with his tongue.

Mac was moaning loudly now. He was driving her into sheer ecstasy. "Oh God, Harm!" She couldn't help but cry out at his ministrations to her clit. It felt so good, and it meant a lot more coming from the man she loved; none of her lovers had ever been so intent on pleasing her as Harm was now. She pushed her pelvis up to meet his mouth and fingers, but now she wanted him, she needed him inside of her. "Harm…" she breathed. Harm glanced up and saw the look she had in her eyes, he smiled and moved up to kiss her as he continued with his fingers. After they broke a short time later Mac had Harm's head trapped with his mouth above hers. "I want you now harm." She was almost pleading.

Harm smiled at her and removed his fingers from her. "You're sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life. Harm, please?" She looked at him pleadingly and her hands were already at work on his belt and zipper. Harm removed his pants and heard Mac's appreciative approval, "Wow…mmmm." He was a lot bigger than she expected…he'd never hear her complain. He lay with his arms on either side of her head as he slid into her slowly, giving her time to adjust around him. After he was sure she was comfortable he started a slow rhythm that stroked her already burning fire into a raging inferno. Soon the slow rhythm was too much for either of them to maintain. They sped their pace up a bit, each getting lost in the other. As they both climaxed together they cried the other's name then collapsed together. It was a perfect end. They finally did it, both literally and figuratively speaking.

Harm pulled the covers over them and he held her close to his chest making small circles on her shoulder. Mac smiled. "Hmmm, if that was fast for you—I'd like to see what this 'slow' lovemaking is all about."

Harm chuckled "You will, that's a promise."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep"

"Haven't yet" Harm smiled as their conversation from baby AJ's birthday replayed itself.

"I kinda liked this fast thing, flyboy. All I want is to go nowhere."

"Nowhere fast?" Harm blinked.

"Yeah--" Mac was cut off as his phone rang. Since she was closer she reached over to answer it. "Commander Rabb's residence….hello?" There was no one on the other line so she hung up. "That's odd," she laid back down, "no one was there."

Harm smiled, "I'm glad," and with that he leaned over to seal that with a kiss "I love you"

"Love you too." Mac turned the light off and snuggled close to him as they both drifted off to sleep.

AJ smiled as he hung up the phone. "It worked!" He chuckled and looked at his fellow conspirators; Sturgis, Harriet, Tiner, and Bobbi Lathem. They all grinned and stood and toasted to Harm and Mac with their cups of coffee before they said their goodnights. AJ sighed as his friends left. "This will be interesting to watch now. How did I ever keep myself from throwing a plot twist into this soap opera that is my life at JAG, before now?" He chuckled and went to bed.