Title: All the Distant Fleets.
Author: Starvinbohemian (Jubilee3).
Pairings: Sonny/Paul, Sonny/Will.
Summary: "Four years ago, Sonny took everything Paul meant to him and he put it away in a box somewhere at the back of his mind. Four years later, he could do it again." Everyone tries to move on. Sonny most of all.
All the Distant Fleets
Paul searched Sonny's face as he swirled his tea. The cup was still full because Paul had barely touched it. "Is this okay?"
Sonny stared out the window at the dreary sky. Heavy, dark clouds were hanging over them, but the rain was taking its time in falling. The dismal weather was making him wish he were home, wrapped in blankets and sipping hot chocolate instead of tea.
"I told you…"
Paul finished for him. "… that it's fine. I'm glad. I want us to be friends." He smiled again, and the pain in it made Sonny look away.
He sipped his tea, though it burned his tongue. Paul hadn't finished his first, and this was Sonny's second cup. He didn't even necessarily like tea, but he used to drink tea with Paul and he ordered it out of habit. The second cup was so he would have something to do with his hands.
"We are friends," he said, though with less conviction in his voice than he intended. They were just talking, drinking tea at a restaurant during Sonny's lunch break. As friends did. Sonny suggested this out-of-the-way place because he didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea. He hoped Paul didn't read too much into it.
Paul said, "Yeah, but I would understand if… you didn't want to get involved. You know the Black family better than I do. It must be uncomfortable to hear me complain about them."
There were many things uncomfortable about this situation, but that wasn't one of them.
"You are the Black family now, and I'm here whenever you need to talk." They couldn't be together, but Sonny was always going to care. That would never change.
"I know," Paul said warmly. "I really appreciate you taking the time to listen."
His heart sped up at the earnest expression on Paul's face. "I…" His breath caught when it looked as if Paul were going to take his hand. His own hand twitched in response, frozen in place on the table.
Seeming to catch himself, Paul grabbed a napkin instead. Sonny released his breath, feeling faintly light-headed. He refused to admit that this meeting had been a mistake, but there were definitely some kinks that still needed to be worked out if they were going to move forward as friends.
Paul fiddled with the napkin, not looking at him. He was still talking about Brady. Sonny forced himself to refocus. "I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this…"
That was the problem, the real reason it was Sonny who was sitting there across from him. Paul had no friends or close confidantes beyond his mother and his grandfather. Not just in Salem, but anywhere.
Sonny could vaguely remember there being "friends." Teammates. Hangers-on. Sonny didn't like hanging out with those people, because they treated him as if he were the hanger-on. Paul didn't help that. He had his lies prepared to explain Sonny's presence, a pretend backstory of them being childhood friends back in San Francisco. Sonny had at least been to San Francisco, so he could answer any superficial questions if they popped up.
But Paul was always afraid to show him too much attention when they were out with "the boys," and definitely too cautious to show too much affection in front of potential paparazzi, and so it was difficult to sell the "childhood best friends" illusion. The whole thing left Sonny feeling depressed and out of place.
Paul always made it up to him later. Alone in their bubble, usually in another hotel room in another city, Paul would give Sonny his payment for his sacrifice. Soft words, soft eyes, hard, hungry kisses up Sonny's inner thighs.
I love you, I love you, I love you… but I won't come out for you.
Paul was used to instant adoration and open arms. For the first time in his life, he had to earn that love and acceptance. And it wasn't coming easily.
"Brady and I just don't get along," Paul said sadly. "Every time we're in the same room, someone loses their temper."
Sonny raised a playful eyebrow. "Someone?"
Paul grinned. "Hey, I've been a saint."
"Oh, sure."
He held his hands up, playing innocent. "I swear!"
Sonny hid his smile behind his teacup. "You probably don't get along because you're so alike. My twin brothers are the same way. And they share the same face, so you can imagine how annoyed they get with each other."
He nodded. "I remember you talking about that."
Sonny was touched that he remembered. He steeled himself and then reached over to touch Paul's hand. He smiled, satisfied, when the world didn't end.
"You and Brady will get there," he said. "You just have to be patient."
Paul stared at Sonny's hand covering his. "Good thing I'm so great at being patient."
They shared a grin at that, drifting together for a moment into past memories. However, the smile left his face when Paul turned his hand over and linked their fingers together. His mouth went dry.
Paul's voice was soft. "Sonny, I am trying so hard to be patient."
His mouth was open, but the words wouldn't come. Looking into Paul's hopeful gaze, he couldn't bring himself to say anything at all. He thought it was Paul who was gripping his hand so tightly until he realized, mortified, that he was the one squeezing Paul's hand.
The waitress chose that moment to appear. "Refills?"
Sonny pulled away quickly, as if Paul's touch had burned him. He fumbled with his teacup. "No. I'm good. Thanks."
When Paul echoed him, she wandered away. Sonny's eyes followed her, wondering if it were his imagination or if she really did know who they were. Had he imagined the judgmental look she had given their joined hands?
He wasn't imagining Paul's hurt expression. "Huh," he said, smiling sadly. "So, that's what it felt like for you all those times I pulled away from you in public."
Sonny dropped his gaze. "It's not the same thing. You know that." He wasn't ashamed to be seen with Paul. He was married.
"I'm married, Paul," he said aloud.
He sat back with a sigh. "You don't have to remind me."
Didn't he?
Sonny noticed that the rain had begun to fall outside. He felt himself relax a little. The anticipation was the worst part.
"Look, I know it doesn't seem like it right now… but everything is going to work out. You'll see."
They were going to figure out how to be friends. They had to.
"I hope so."
As it happened, Sonny was proven right.
It was all a patience game. Scandals came and went in Salem as often as the wind blew. People eventually lost interest in his domestic drama.
They were all moving on. People had stopped asking about him and Paul. By then, he was a curiosity only in the sense that he was a sports celebrity and John Black's son. He and Paul could finally be in the same room without people watching them nervously, as if they might jump each other at any moment.
Even Will finally calmed down, once it became apparent that Sonny wasn't going anywhere. It took some of the strain out of their marriage, and Sonny breathed a little easier for it. They were still sleeping in separate rooms, but they had started counseling. It was progress.
What Sonny wanted most was for peace and stability to return to his life. He figured that a platonic friendship with Paul was the best stepping stone for that.
Because Paul wasn't going anywhere. Neither was Will. They both had to share space now. It was for the best. For everyone. Will had to understand that Sonny wanted to do right by everyone.
There was once a time when Sonny had been Paul's best friend.
And Paul was Sonny's. The difference was that he always had other friends, too. After Sonny left him, he didn't think there was anyone after him to fill that role for Paul. Once he was retired from baseball and out as a gay man, there were no more hangers-on. Paul had mentioned some supportive emails from former teammates, but he had yet to mention any of them paying him a visit.
It hurt to watch Paul struggle with this new-found loneliness. Sonny wanted to help, but he knew it wasn't his place to fill all those empty spaces anymore. He was already doing the best he could.
But it still hurt. Paul's sad eyes followed him everywhere, weighing him down. This was a man he had loved.
For all his experiences, Sonny never had to do this before. He was there for Will when he came out, but Will's insecurities were mostly internal. Sonny's own family struggled with his sexuality for all of five minutes before they were firmly back in his cheer section. Paul had people, some strangers, some not, berating him all day, every day on social media, in print, on television.
And he was alone.
Sonny had tried tactfully suggesting that Paul reach out to the various organizations that had tried reaching out to him. Paul just waved him off. He knew who he was. He didn't need someone holding his hand through this.
But Sonny couldn't hold his hand either. It couldn't be him. At least, not like before. Of course, Paul had never really needed him before...
He thought Will was going to be the biggest hurdle.
Will listened as Sonny explained his reasoning for remaining friends with Paul. This was for them. For the sake of moving on. Once Paul had his feet back under him, he wouldn't need Sonny as much.
It was important that Will understand. In truth, there wasn't much he confided in Will these days, mainly because he didn't know what he could say that wouldn't make it all worse.
But for this, he tried. Because Will could get hurt if he misunderstood Sonny's intentions. He didn't want Will to misinterpret how involved he planned to be. He just wanted to lend the occasional ear.
He spoke quickly, as if Will might object if given enough time between words.
Will listened. He didn't interrupt. Once Sonny had finished, he took a moment to digest it all. Sonny waited, worried but prepared to debate the issue.
But Will didn't argue with him. He just sighed and said, "It's been a long day." Standing, he kissed Sonny on the head and went to bed.
It was as close to a blessing as Sonny was going to get.
Paul threw bread crumbs for the ducks as if he wished he were throwing a baseball instead.
Sonny watched him for a few minutes from his place on the bench before setting aside his frozen yogurt with a sigh. "How's it going with Brady?" he asked.
Paul shrugged disinterestedly and threw another crumb. Sonny waited for more, but it didn't come. Paul seemed distracted and less inclined to share today.
"I could talk to Brady for you," he offered. "If you wanted."
Paul frowned at him as if he'd just realized something. "Wait. You guys are cousins, aren't you?"
"Once or twice removed, but yeah."
Paul looked horrified. "Does that mean you and I are...?"
"Related? No! I mean, not really. Brady and I are related through his mom."
"That's still kinda..."
"Weird? Tell me about it. Will and I share a cousin. You learn not to think about these things too hard."
Paul shook his head. "What kind of hick town did I wander into?"
"I told you not to think about it." He was still aiming for levity, but Paul was back to frowning at the lake.
It occurred to him that maybe he had violated some unspoken rule they had not to bring up Will.
He tried again. "I can talk to Brady..."
Paul sighed. "Thank you for offering, but no. I think I have to sort out how I feel about John before I can figure out me and Brady. You were right. I just have to be patient."
"Okay," he said reluctantly. Paul was probably right, but he still wanted to help somehow. That was as much a habit as the tea when it came to Paul.
The last crumb dispensed, Paul sat beside Sonny on the bench. "Thanksgiving is going to be strange."
Sonny tried to imagine sitting around the table with Paul and Will, his father and Lucas, Uncle Victor and Sami. He shuddered. "I think we should all flee the country that day."
Paul laughed. The poor guy had no idea what was in store. "At least you'll be there with me." His gaze was warm.
He forced a laugh, trying not to appear flustered. "If you think I can protect you, then you're in for a terrible disappointment."
"I'll take my chances. Speaking of holidays… Do you remember our Christmas in Rome?"
Of course he remembered. Baseball season had ended in October, but with all of Paul's press obligations and such, it wasn't until December that they had been able to get away together. Sonny finally had Paul all to himself, and there was no way he was going to pass up that trip no matter how upset his mother was that he was going to miss Christmas with the family.
The city had been dazzling. Paul had been dazzling. It was the most romantic trip Sonny had ever been on. They made love on supple sheets, and fed each other strawberries in a giant bathtub. Paul was more open to him than he'd ever been. It was after that trip that he decided to propose.
He smiled weakly. "It was fun."
It was so much more than that, and Paul shook his head at Sonny's casual dismissal. "I think that was the best time of my life."
Sonny shut his eyes. "Paul…"
"I know you don't want to hear this…"
He gripped his knees, knuckles gone white. "Please…" Don't do this to me.
"… but I miss you."
I miss you every minute. I miss you every day…
The memory of Will came unbidden, but Sonny took it, and he clung to it to fortify himself.
At Sonny's silence, Paul grew more adamant. "I miss you all the time."
Sonny couldn't bear to look at Paul when he had that nostalgic gleam in his eye. "I'm right here," he said miserably. "I'm right here, Paul." How could he get them back into safer territory?
"You know what I mean."
He did. This was more than Sonny thought he'd ever have again with Paul, but it still wasn't quite the same. There were boundaries between them now. There had to be.
Paul touched his cheek. Sonny's eyes slid closed at the contact, his body suddenly frozen. He swallowed thickly. "I'm married, Paul."
I'm married. I'm married. I'm married…
Maybe if he kept saying the right words, then someone would eventually believe him.
"I know that, Sonny," he said sadly.
He gently removed Paul's hand from his face. "I love him."
"But…"
"No, I love him. And I told Will that we could be friends. Please don't make me a liar."
"Do you really think we can?" The sorrow on Paul's face made Sonny's chest hurt, but he couldn't let that deter him.
"Yes, I do. But you have to hear what I'm telling you, and I'm telling you that you have to respect my marriage. If you don't… then I can't do this. I want to be your friend, but that's all I can be. This is how it has to be, or we can't do this at all."
He wasn't looking at Paul, so he didn't see whatever emotions played out on his face. But he felt the cold air rush in between them when Paul shifted away from him.
"I need you in my life. So, if this is how it has to be, then so be it."
So be it.
Four years ago, Sonny took everything Paul meant to him and he put it away in a box somewhere at the back of his mind. Four years later, he could do it again.
Seeing Paul again that day in the hospital had been a shock to the system. Paul kissed him, and that box at the back of his mind had flown wide open. Just for a moment, instinct and memory became one and the same, and he kissed back. Just for a moment. Still, the memory made him squirm uncomfortably.
He never told Will. Not even after he found out about the affair, when it would have hurt his husband the most. He knew a lot of people that dealt with pain and betrayal by returning in kind. He had never understood that. Pain didn't negate pain.
Sonny just wanted everyone to be okay. Then, he could focus on being happy. Whatever that meant.
He assumed it meant getting his family back to where they were before the cracks started in their foundation. He could do that for Arianna.
No, he would do that for himself and for Will. He would find a way.
As he watched Will play with their daughter, smiling and sure in a way he only was with her, Sonny figured the seed he needed to work with was right there in front of him.
Will caught him staring. He and Sonny shared a smile. The knot in his stomach loosened a little.
"If he's ever going to be happy, then he needs to get over you."
The words were blunt, but John said it so kindly that there was no question that he meant well. He didn't need to take the time to explain to Sonny why he had set Paul up with some detective he knew on the police force. This was just John looking out for everyone's feelings.
Sonny tried to smile but found that he couldn't. If this were anyone else, then he would think he was being tested, that his reaction to this news would be held against him.
But this was John. John who loved Paul and Will and Sonny, and was looking at him with more compassion than Sonny thought he deserved.
Ashamed, Sonny lowered his gaze to his lap. "I want him to be happy."
"So do I," John said, and Sonny knew it to be true.
"Is he nice?" He was proud that his voice only trembled a little.
John patted his shoulder. "He's a good guy, Sonny. You don't have to worry about him. You don't have to worry about Paul. I've got it covered."
Just like that, he was swept aside. He told himself it was probably for the best.
Later, Paul said to him, "I thought you'd be happy."
Paul and his detective must have hit it off, because there were suddenly pictures of them all over the magazines. Sonix hailed them as the new "It" couple.
Sonny remembered all the times he had seen Paul photographed with various models and actresses over the years. If he hadn't heard it straight from the horse's mouth, then he would have wondered if these were real, too.
He bought one of the magazines on impulse while he was in line at the grocery store. At home, he read the article over a few times, then calmly tore it into several smaller pieces and placed them in the trash bin.
He sat on the couch, buried his face in his hands, and waited for all of the ugly, unwanted feelings to go away.
He stayed like that for a long time. Eventually, he got up and went to pick up his daughter from the babysitter.
When Will came home, he found Sonny sitting alone in the kitchen with a bottle of expensive scotch.
"Where's Arianna?"
"With your dad."
He placed his messenger bag on the couch, still watching Sonny. "What do you have there?"
Sonny waved the bottle at him. "A gift from Chad. To celebrate this month's profits."
"That was nice of him."
"Yup. Come drink with me."
Will edged closer. "Is everything…?"
"Perfect! Everything is perfect." His words only slurred a little. He motioned Will over. "C'mere!"
Will pulled another glass from the cupboard. "All right."
"You're home early, aren't you?" Sonny asked as he poured Will a glass of scotch. "I thought you weren't going to be home until late."
Will shrugged. "I wanted to be home with you and Ari."
"Oh. Do you want me to get her back from your dad?"
"No," he said quickly. "I can't remember the last time it was just the two of us."
Sonny cast his mind back, but he couldn't come up with the last time either. "Well, then welcome home, Will." He and Will clinked their glasses.
They drank together until the room started to blur at the edges.
He didn't realize he was drifting until Will touched his arm to get his attention. "I have to tell you something. Grandma and John are getting married."
"They're already married."
"They're renewing their vows," Will said.
"It's beautiful," Sonny said wistfully, "how they come back together over and over again."
Will smiled softly. "Yeah. It is." When their eyes met, he saw something there he hadn't seen in a long time. "Sonny, I've missed you."
His heart twisted painfully. "I've missed you, too," he said honestly. He felt as if he'd been missing Will for a long time.
But when Will leaned in for a kiss, Sonny instinctively dodged him. Will's hurt expression immediately sobered him.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't expecting it."
Will touched his hand. "Sonny, it's been four months."
Four months. Four months since he'd made love to his husband. There had been a time when they couldn't even go four days. Things were different now. Things were better between them. There was no reason for him to still be hiding in the guest room.
"Do you think you could…?"
Sonny stared at his husband, who suddenly seemed both foreign and familiar to him. An intense loneliness welled up in him. He made a decision.
He could.
He took Will's hand and led him into the bedroom.
A week later, Sonny found himself taking Arianna in to the bridal shop for a dress fitting.
Fascinated by herself in her fluffy, pink flower-girl dress, Arianna stared at her own reflection in the full-length mirror. She hardly seemed to notice the salesgirls who were cooing over her as if she were a doll. She placed her chubby little hands against the glass and babbled at herself.
Sonny and Marlena shared an amused smile. He placed a tiny crown of rosettes on Arianna's head, and asked, "Too much?"
"Nothing could be too much for our girl," Marlena said with more than a hint of pride. "She's the only one who's allowed to upstage the bride."
"Oh, I don't think anyone could do that," he said, and Marlena beamed at him.
Sonny took the rosette crown from Arianna's head and held it out to Marlena. "Too much for the bride?"
She chuckled. "I think I'll be sticking with the traditional veil if you don't mind."
"If you say so," he said cheerfully. "You're the bride."
"Thank you for bringing her for a fitting. I know how busy you are."
"We're never too busy for you," he said over his shoulder as he checked along the displays for a veil suitable enough for Marlena Evans to wear when she married John Black for the umpteenth and hopefully final time. Nothing struck him as worthy.
He was eyeing a particularly ornate veil when Marlena said, "Sonny, I need to tell you something."
He turned at her serious tone, already worried for what was to follow. "What is it?"
"John has asked Paul to stand up for us at the wedding."
She was watching his reaction, and so Sonny did his best not to have one. "That's… great. I'm glad for them."
"Do you think Will will mind? Since they'll both be groomsmen?"
Sonny chose his words carefully. "I think that Will will understand John wanting his son to be part of his wedding. You don't have to worry. We all want this to be special for you. As special as you made our wedding."
Marlena leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You are the best thing that ever happened to Will, and I am so, so grateful that you're in his life."
Sonny blushed. With his heart in his throat, he gently placed the ornate veil on Marlena's head. They both turned to stare at her reflection in the mirror. Even Arianna smiled and pointed to Marlena's reflection.
"You look beautiful," he said.
Marlena gave a contented sigh. She took a rose from one of the desk bouquets and placed it in his jacket pocket.
She patted his cheek fondly. "So do you."
Marlena and John's wedding was a classy affair in the most beautiful section of Salem's most beautiful park. The bride and groom were stunning, the epitome of timeless love and endurance.
Beside them, the wedding party was lovely from top to bottom, with Marlena's daughters on one side and John's sons on the other. Sonny had to guide Arianna up the aisle for her part in the ceremony, but even that was adorable. He handed her off to Will at the altar, and she didn't fuss once.
Paul looked completely natural standing beside Brady, as if he'd always been there. The sight made Sonny's heart swell.
The reception was held beneath a large white tent beside the lake. The party was timed so that the sun was setting just as everyone was taking their seats. As the natural light went, the waiters moved around the reception, lighting the small tea lights that were dappled amongst the rose centerpieces.
Despite all the people, there was an intimate atmosphere.
The only fly in the ointment was that Zoe Browning had come as someone's date. Sonny only noticed her just as he and Will were leaving to drop Arianna off at the babysitter's. By the time they returned, she was out of his mind.
Upon their return, he and Will were surprised to discover that they had been placed at the same table as Paul and his date. Clearly anticipating this awkward reception, Paul gave him an apologetic shrug. Sonny stood stiffly, waiting for a cue from Will.
Will seemed just as lost. He looked at Sonny.
At this point, they didn't really have a choice. The other couple at the table, who were strangers to him, was staring expectantly, and so Sonny sat. Will followed his lead with obvious reluctance.
When Sonny caught Zoe's eye from across the tent, a suspicion lodged itself in his mind. He didn't think Marlena and John would have put them together. Zoe seemed to be whispering excitedly with a photographer. For a wedding photographer, he didn't seem particularly interested in the bride or groom.
Once the food was served, it became a moot point. They were stuck together.
Will surprised him. He could have sulked or made a scene, but instead he stayed on his best behavior, remaining perfectly polite and perfectly oblivious as he made conversation with the other couple at the table. It was ironic because, for once, Sonny wanted him to rage and demand to know why Paul was at their table and what Zoe was playing at.
Paul's date, the other half to his new "It" couple, was charming and talkative. He helped to alleviate some of the awkward tension by telling an energetic, funny story about his and Paul's first date.
Paul smiled easily and nodded in all the right places. He had obviously heard the story retold before.
Sonny tugged agitatedly at his collar. They were sitting right beside a heating lamp. It was too warm.
Will put his hand on Sonny's jittering leg, probably intending to calm him. Unfortunately, the touch startled him, and he accidentally knocked over his full champagne glass.
Flustered, he started apologizing to no one in particular. His and Will's napkins ended up tossed together in a soggy, condemning heap at the center of the table.
Paul handed him an extra napkin. Their hands brushed.
His husband tried to make a joke of it. This was a rare night out without the baby in tow. Silly Sonny, it had been so long, he had forgotten how to hold his liquor. It made sense. Will laughed nervously until everyone else laughed, too, obviously playing along.
Sonny had barely touched his drink, and everyone knew it. He smiled vacantly at the wet tablecloth, too embarrassed to look any of them in the eye.
Paul never laughed. Sonny wished he had.
Sonny was hiding at the bar when Paul joined him.
There were glasses of champagne already lining the counter of the bar, arranged in artful pyramids, but Sonny hadn't bothered to choose one. At Paul's appearance, he quickly grabbed one as if that had been his intention all along.
Paul leaned against the bar and just looked at him until Sonny broke and said, abruptly, "I like your friend."
Paul sighed. His expression was solemn. "It's not serious, Sonny. He doesn't mean anything to me. Not like you."
"Don't." He couldn't hear this. He didn't want to, not when it made him feel so…
Paul's next words were like a shot to the chest. "Baby, you look so unhappy."
Sonny shook his head, lips clenched together as if he could hold back the quake he felt inside.
Paul leaned over, pretending to reach for a glass of champagne. His lips brushed Sonny's ear as he whispered, "I wish I could dance with you."
Sonny squeezed his eyes shut against the fierce shiver that went down his neck. It was something he had once dreamed about, being able to dance in public with Paul, without having to hide what they were to each other. Things were so different, and yet there they were in the same place all over again.
The music was soft and lilting. For one, brief moment, he let himself imagine, and he could feel Paul's arms around him, could see them dancing together to this song.
He went back to the table with his champagne. A few minutes later, Paul returned, too. A song he liked came on, and he took his date out onto the dance floor.
Sonny stared hard at his plate. He bit down on his lip to distract from the heat building up behind his eyes.
He waited until Will had been drawn into a long conversation with someone about work before he wandered out of the tent.
Sonny winced when Zoe Browning suddenly appeared at his side. She casually leaned back against the tent wall and lit her cigarette. "Congrats, kid. You did it."
He eyed her suspiciously. "What are you talking about?"
"You went the whole night without cracking. I thought for sure one of you would have made a scene by now, but you didn't. Then again, the night is still young."
She laughed at his outraged expression. "I almost got you tonight. Wanna see?" She held out her phone before he could object, and he saw a picture of himself and Paul at the champagne table. Thank goodness it was taken from behind and his expression couldn't be seen. All that could be seen was Paul saying something into his ear.
She flicked her phone and another picture came up. This time, the photo showed them sitting together at their table. He looked miserable.
"Not much of a story there," he said.
She shrugged. "If I were still at my old job, then I could probably spin these pictures into something interesting. Lucky for you, I work for a higher class of magazine these days. Now, this one…"
Sonny's heart sank, and he closed his eyes in defeat. She had one of him and Paul from that day at the park, and it was a doozy. Paul was touching his cheek, and every conflicting emotion Sonny had felt was written right there across his face, plain as day. How had he not realized he was being stalked?
"Congratulations," he said bitterly. Already the evening air felt colder. He pulled his jacket closed tighter. "When do they go to print?"
Her eyes danced at him. "Aw, don't look like that. See? All gone."
Stunned, Sonny stared at her. She had deleted the pictures of him. "Why?"
"It takes more than pictures like these to sell subscriptions. I'm after something bigger. Something substantial. And you're going to give it to me."
"How?"
"It's pretty simple. You're going to screw up eventually, and I'm going to catch you."
Sonny shuddered, utterly repulsed by this entire conversation. "No, you won't."
"Yes," she said with obvious confidence. "I will. With the way you and Paul Narita have been looking at each other, it's only a matter of time."
He glared at her. "Sorry, but you're wasting your time. I'm not going to be one of your tabloid trash jobs."
She raised an eyebrow. "Your husband know you talk about his place of employment like that? To his boss, no less?"
"Will is better than this. He just doesn't know it yet."
Zoe chuckled. She seemed far too amused considering how upset he felt. "Do you know why I took a pay-cut just so I could get the people at Sonix to let me bring Will along with me?"
He frowned at the question. "I have no idea." Whatever her reason, he wished she hadn't. Everything would have been so different if Will had never taken that job.
"I know a good opportunity when I see one. Will is the story. And even if he isn't, then it's going to be someone he knows. Because you people just can't help yourselves. Salem's best and brightest. I guess when you already have everything, it's never going to be enough, is it?"
"This won't last forever. Will is going to catch on to the fact that you're using him. Or he'll just get tired of exploiting his own people for a byline."
"Maybe," she conceded. "And we'll lose our inside scoop. That will be too bad. But, you know, the story will still be there. Whether it's a Dimera, a Brady, a Horton, or a Kiriakis, there will always be a story."
Sonny was dazed by her audaciousness. "You're a terrible person, Zoe," he said quietly.
She blew a smoke ring at him. "Considering the kind of people you know, I'll take that as a compliment."
Her phone chirped with some alert, and she laughed. "See? It really is your lucky night. I just got summoned away for another story. Cheer up, Sonny. You win. For now."
"Just go," he snapped.
"Ciao, kid." She patted his shoulder and wandered off, leaving nothing but a puff of smoke in her wake.
Sonny headed for the trees, more desperate than ever for a chance to breathe and a minute alone.
Zoe's threats weighed heavily on him. He slumped against a thick tree that the decorators had covered in white fairy lights. His tie suddenly felt tight enough to strangle him, and he tore it off.
He wanted to go home. He wanted to be anywhere but where he was. He felt sick and violated and viciously unhappy.
When was the last time he had been happy? Truly, honestly happy? He didn't know.
He bowed his head, smiling bitterly to himself, when he heard the footsteps approaching.
Paul approached slowly. "Sonny? Are you okay?"
Sonny could only look at him, helpless. He wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. He was starting to worry that nothing ever would be again.
His voice broke on the words. "Paul, we can't be friends."
Paul looked saddened, but he didn't look surprised. "I know."
He wasn't going to cry, but he wanted to. "I'm sorry." He was so, so sorry.
"I understand," Paul said somberly. "I do. Thank you for trying."
Sonny could barely stand to look at him. He hugged his arms to his chest, and struggled to get the words out. "I wish things were different."
"So do I. I wish every day that I'd married you when you asked."
Sonny turned away and covered his mouth to contain his sob. It was too much. He felt as if he was leaving Paul all over again. As if he was leaving a piece of himself behind. He had been a fool to think this ever could have worked out like he wanted.
Paul was stoic, brave in his pain. "So, this is it?"
"Yes," he whispered. He forced himself to look Paul in the eye. "Yes." Forget Zoe Browning. This wasn't really about her. He couldn't live in this in-between place anymore, where he tried to be something to everyone and ended up being nothing to anyone.
"Because you're married."
"Because I'm married." He wasn't going to leave Will or their daughter. Not if he had a choice in the matter. And he did.
Paul nodded. "Right." He looked hard at Sonny, and then repeated, almost to himself, "Right."
Without warning, Paul reached up over Sonny's head and unplugged the chain of lights on the tree.
Suddenly, they were alone in the dark. They stared at each other as their eyes adjusted, waiting for the other to materialize again.
Sonny's heart was pounding. "What are you doing?"
Paul asked, "Can you hear the music from the tent?"
"Yes," Sonny answered, breathless. It was a slow, beautiful song. One of his favorites.
"Good." He held out his hand. "Dance with me."
Sonny's face fell. "Paul…"
"If this is the last time, the absolute last time, and we never get to have anything else, then I want this. Just this one time, I want to dance with you. Please?"
Please.
Sonny felt something inside himself break open. He saw himself taking Paul's hand, as if he were watching someone else, and then before he knew it, he was being drawn into Paul's arms.
Just once, he thought.
Paul held him tightly. Sonny felt the weight go out of his body. He wrapped his arms around Paul's neck and buried his face in his shoulder. He felt Paul's cheek rest against his head.
Paul swayed them back and forth, the music from the tent somehow both nearby and far away from them. Sonny closed his eyes and tried to imagine that they were somewhere else, somewhere back in time where they weren't hurting anyone by doing this.
This dance should have happened a long time ago.
Paul's lips brushed over his hair as he said, "I love you, Sonny."
There was a hand gripped around his heart. That must be why it hurt so much. His eyes were still closed when he whispered, for what felt like the millionth time, "I can't."
"I know." Paul held him tighter, and they danced in the clearing until the song ended, and then even longer because it wasn't enough. It wasn't long enough.
Paul pulled back first. He nuzzled Sonny's cheek against his own in a soft caress, maybe in farewell. But when he would have pulled away, Sonny caught his face in his hands. He held Paul close, just for the sake of touching and sharing breathing space. Just for one moment longer.
Paul sighed against his mouth. The brush of their lips was so soft, so barely there, that it wasn't even a kiss so much as a ghost of a kiss… and then it was over.
Sonny smiled through his tears. "I wish…"
"I know."
"I'm married," he said.
He knew it should have mattered more.
Finis.