I looked behind me on the ground and saw only my footprints left in the
deep, cold snow. Everyone leaves their mark on the world, as the saying
goes. I guess you could say I just have. It's funny how things turn out
even if there not meant to be that way. Not funny, more like hilarious.
My life was fine. Perfect, some would call it. But then I did the most stupid thing ever. I fell in love. Oh not with just anyone, let me tell you. I fell in love with the worst person on Earth I could.
I fell for the heartthrob, the guy every girl wants and dreams of. I fell for the only man I could never get. I fell for Harry Potter. Now don't get me wrong or anything, I mean he is a total hotty, but I'm just the nice girl-next-door type. The kind that you bring home to your mother and father, the kind your parents want you to marry. The kind that never talks back to her parents, and makes good grades, the kind that never does anything bad.
The kind that never kills.
I use to be that kind. I use to be one of the sweet and innocent, the kind and gentle. But that's not what you want to know is it? What you want to know is why I'm not one of those girls anymore. Well, here it goes.
----------------------
Sometime In Fall
I was walking down the halls, coming back from one of my classes, when I saw him; his gorgeous jet black hair suspended just above his forehead, his dazzling green eyes shining brightly in the dark corridor, and his bright and illuminating smile that sparkled. I was watching him so intently that I ran into a wall, knocking myself down onto the floor and spreading my books everywhere.
Oh my God! I said to myself. I hope he didn't see that! But he did and like the hero he was, he came over and helped me pick up my books and things. I frantically started picking up my books.
I looked up and saw him looking at me. He grinned, the type of grin that lights up your whole face. I blushed a deep red and sheepishly smiled back. He picked up the last book and handed it to me, still grinning. He walked away casually and joined the group he was with as if nothing had ever happened. I turned the other way and ran to class very happy.
Unfortunately, my next class was potions. After I left potions I wasn't as happy considering the fact that Professor Snape had given the class a foot long essay. Charms was next. I left there pretty "cheery" since we had been practicing cheering charms. I was even happier knowing that lunch was next.
I sat down and helped myself to a sandwich when Harry walked in. He sat down with his friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, and immediately started chatting about the day's events. I sat in a corner of the table somewhat close to him, yet far enough away so I wouldn't look too inconspicuous so I could eavesdrop easily. I sat quietly and listened.
"So, how are things with you and Pavarti?" Asked Ron Weasley curiously.
I scowled to myself. Pavarti Patil, Harry's girlfriend. I don't know what he sees in that dimwit. She is such a prat. I mean, she gets mad at him at the Yule Ball, and acts all prissy and stuck up about it, and now all of a sudden, they're going out! Harry deserves someone better. Way better.
"Everything's fine. We wanted to go out this weekend, maybe to the Hogsmeade trip, but we're not sure yet. I don't know.It just seems like we're falling out of place." He replied simply.
My heart ached, Why doesn't notice what's right in front of him? I thought. I'm here, why doesn't he see me? I would never "fall out of place". I would do anything for him, anything! Jeez, men are so stupid.
I watched him finish eating and walk off to his next class. My next class was Care of Magical Creatures; I walked down to the grounds, praying that nobody would be injured this time. Luckily, we were only studying Fairies, so all went well. I went through all my other classes fast, learning new and interesting things, but daydreaming about Harry when I had the chance.
I got to dinner late, missing Harry and his friends. I quickly ate and went to the common room. Ron and Harry sat in a corner and played Wizard's Chess, while Hermione Granger worked on homework. I sat by myself in one of the big red plushy chairs. I sat quietly for a long time when I heard someone say my name. I looked around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.
Thinking that I imagined it, I turned back to watching Ron and Harry. Then I heard it again. I looked to my right and saw a guy sitting there looking at me. I had never seen anyone so cute in my whole life. Well, besides Harry. Then he spoke to me in a rich, silky, smooth voice.
"Hi! My name's Jake." I practically melted inside. He had gorgeous brown eyes with a hint of blue and soft brown hair that was brushed to one side. I lost my voice for a few minutes but finally was able to talk to him.
"Hi, my name's-"
"No need, I know what your name is. I was wondering if you..if you wanted to go the Hogsmeade trip with me this weekend." I smiled. It didn't sound too bad. I thought for a minute, and finally saw that it'd be perfect! If Harry sees me with him, he'll see what a great girlfriend and person I am! He'd then see how stupid he'd been and try to get me to fall in love with him!
Yes it was the classic, girl-likes-guy,-guy-doesn't-like-girl-back,-girl- tries-to-make-him-jealous-by-going-out-with-another-guy, thing, but who cares? Anything to get Harry.
"I'd love to!" I replied happily.
"Ok see you there."
I ran up to my dormitory after he left, leaping with joy that I might actually get Harry and that I had a really cute date for Hogsmeade. I was very excited.
I never thought for one second the consequences that would come, the people I would hurt, and most of all, the person I would hurt. All I could think of was Harry. And the love in my heart clouded my mind.
------------------------
It was the weekend and I had to get ready for my first date with Jake. I raided my wardrobe looking for anything I could find. I decided on my purple Weird Sisters T-shirt identical to the one Tonks had, with my faded blue jeans and a black fleece jacket just in case it got cold. I ran out of my dormitory and practically flew down the steps to the entrance of Hogwarts.
Jake was there waiting for me. We stood in line, waiting to be checked off the list by Filch. I looked over my shoulder and saw Harry and Pavarti. I turned back and smiled to myself, thinking of what an excellent plan this was. Jake took his hand in mine and smiled down at me.
I looked up into his face; it was full of excitement and cheerfulness. He squeezed my hand as we moved forward in the line. Filch looked over our permission slips surprisingly fast. He gave me a strange look, like I was some kind of freak. I decided not to think about it and just walked on with Jake.
We walked listening to the crunch of the leaves under our feet. Jake was wearing blue jeans, rust colored boots, and a hunter green shirt that branded the name, Abercrombie & Fitch, whatever that means. Maybe it was his favorite band.
We stopped inside the Three Broomsticks, ordered two butterbeers and grabbed a table in the corner, up against a window. I looked out and watched people talking and laughing with each other while I sipped my butterbeer. I was brought out of my observation of people by Jake's voice.
"So, tell me more about you. I want to know everything, like what your family is like, where you live, what you like.stuff like that." I don't know how long we sat there, while I told of my life. I told him about my favorite bands, quidditch team, my family and how much they bugged me. It seemed like hours later until I stopped talking.
"Now, it's your turn." I tell him, anxiously waiting for information on his life. He sighed but then smiled.
"Well let's see. I am, originally from America, but my family and I just moved here and since I am a wizard, I had to get transferred to Hogwarts. My family's ok, we're not perfect, but we're not the worst." Jake sighed and drank some more butterbeer. "Anyway.That's all I have to really tell."
We sat in silence for a while. Finally Jake suggested we take a walk and look around in the shops. I agreed, glad to finally get out and show off my date. We walked side by side holding hands. Everyone was giving the same odd look that Filch had. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't like it. Jake didn't seem to notice it or didn't care.
We went through all the shops talking and joking. I only saw Harry about three times, and each time I just made myself talk louder and laugh harder at everything Jake said, hoping that he would notice me and what a good time I was having. But Harry, like everyone else, just looked at me oddly. There was no escape from all the people staring at me, like I had two heads or something. It started to get dark so we set off towards the castle.
When we got back, they were already serving dinner so Jake and I sat down and ate. Jake was talking, but I wasn't paying attention, I was watching Harry, and listening in on the conversation he was having with Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.
"Well maybe you two should talk it out and discuss your problems." Hermione Granger insisted to Harry.
"Maybe," Harry replied "But, I don't think talking will help."
"I don't think so either." Ron agreed. He usually took Harry's side.
"But, you don't know that until you have tried!" Hermione said anxiously. "You should at least give it a shot; for all you know it could be the answer to your problems."
"Listen Hermione," Harry said a little impatiently. "It's already over between Pavarti and me. We've broken up, and that's the end of it." I squealed with delight.
"I didn't notice you were interested in it that much." Jake commented. I looked at Jake in surprise forgetting that he was even there.
"Er- yeah. I find it. er. exciting." I shot him a weak smile. "I'm er. tired. So, I'm going to bed. Good night!" I jumped up and walked coolly out of the Great Hall. Once in the halls, I skipped with delight and sang to myself. I flopped onto my bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
In the dreams I remember, every time Harry and I would go out on dates, something went wrong. I know now I should have taken this as some sort of sign, as a warning, but I didn't. I thought of them as silly dreams and went on with my life. How was I suppose to know what was to come?
----------------------------
I woke feeling refreshed. I looked outside and took in the beauty of the world. I started to realize how much I missed. With hope in my heart, the world looked glorious, like it had no faults or errors. I grinned joyfully happy that it was Sunday. I had the whole day to seek out Harry and enjoy his company.
It didn't take me too long to find him. He was out near the lake, feeding the squid, pieces from his breakfast. He was all alone. I started to walk over to him, but then stopped. I realized then that he didn't even know me. We hardly ever talked. I got worried and wondered if any of this was going to work. I stood there on the grass a few yards away from Harry. Finally I took a deep breath and decided it was better to try than not to do anything at all.
I slowly walked towards him. I stood right behind him and calmed myself down. Gathering up some courage I spoke to him.
"Hi Harry." He turned around startled at first, then surprised to see me standing there. I smiled at him, awkwardly, he smiled back. I sat down next to him and tried to start a conversation.
"So.er.. How's quidditch going?" I asked, knowing that this was a safe and good topic to discuss.
"Great. Ron is driving us hard though. He wants us to be unbeatable."
"Oh. I heard he was a good captain. I don't know how I'd feel if my best friend was bossing me around." I said, wishing that I had a best friend or any friends at all.
"Well, Ron is okay. He doesn't get stuck-up about it." He replied easily. I freaked. I didn't know what to say next. The quidditch conversation didn't go on as long as I'd hoped. I racked my brain quickly trying to find something. Harry started before I could even come up with anything though.
"Er. I don't mean to pry, but." He looked uneasy, almost embarrassed, if that was possible for someone like Harry Potter. "What were you doing at Hogsmeade yesterday? You were acting really strange." I frowned. Strange? Not exactly a complimenet, I thought.
"What do you mean by strange?" I asked curiously. I, too, started getting uncomfortable.
"Well... Er. you were talking to. Er. I don't know how to put this." I smiled secretly! He noticed I had been talking to someone! Next he's going to tell me how much he loves and cares about me and wants to be with me every simgle minute of the day and.
".thin air." Harry finished. He looked at me awkwardly, trying to read my expression. Which was shocked and bewildered.
My life was fine. Perfect, some would call it. But then I did the most stupid thing ever. I fell in love. Oh not with just anyone, let me tell you. I fell in love with the worst person on Earth I could.
I fell for the heartthrob, the guy every girl wants and dreams of. I fell for the only man I could never get. I fell for Harry Potter. Now don't get me wrong or anything, I mean he is a total hotty, but I'm just the nice girl-next-door type. The kind that you bring home to your mother and father, the kind your parents want you to marry. The kind that never talks back to her parents, and makes good grades, the kind that never does anything bad.
The kind that never kills.
I use to be that kind. I use to be one of the sweet and innocent, the kind and gentle. But that's not what you want to know is it? What you want to know is why I'm not one of those girls anymore. Well, here it goes.
----------------------
Sometime In Fall
I was walking down the halls, coming back from one of my classes, when I saw him; his gorgeous jet black hair suspended just above his forehead, his dazzling green eyes shining brightly in the dark corridor, and his bright and illuminating smile that sparkled. I was watching him so intently that I ran into a wall, knocking myself down onto the floor and spreading my books everywhere.
Oh my God! I said to myself. I hope he didn't see that! But he did and like the hero he was, he came over and helped me pick up my books and things. I frantically started picking up my books.
I looked up and saw him looking at me. He grinned, the type of grin that lights up your whole face. I blushed a deep red and sheepishly smiled back. He picked up the last book and handed it to me, still grinning. He walked away casually and joined the group he was with as if nothing had ever happened. I turned the other way and ran to class very happy.
Unfortunately, my next class was potions. After I left potions I wasn't as happy considering the fact that Professor Snape had given the class a foot long essay. Charms was next. I left there pretty "cheery" since we had been practicing cheering charms. I was even happier knowing that lunch was next.
I sat down and helped myself to a sandwich when Harry walked in. He sat down with his friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, and immediately started chatting about the day's events. I sat in a corner of the table somewhat close to him, yet far enough away so I wouldn't look too inconspicuous so I could eavesdrop easily. I sat quietly and listened.
"So, how are things with you and Pavarti?" Asked Ron Weasley curiously.
I scowled to myself. Pavarti Patil, Harry's girlfriend. I don't know what he sees in that dimwit. She is such a prat. I mean, she gets mad at him at the Yule Ball, and acts all prissy and stuck up about it, and now all of a sudden, they're going out! Harry deserves someone better. Way better.
"Everything's fine. We wanted to go out this weekend, maybe to the Hogsmeade trip, but we're not sure yet. I don't know.It just seems like we're falling out of place." He replied simply.
My heart ached, Why doesn't notice what's right in front of him? I thought. I'm here, why doesn't he see me? I would never "fall out of place". I would do anything for him, anything! Jeez, men are so stupid.
I watched him finish eating and walk off to his next class. My next class was Care of Magical Creatures; I walked down to the grounds, praying that nobody would be injured this time. Luckily, we were only studying Fairies, so all went well. I went through all my other classes fast, learning new and interesting things, but daydreaming about Harry when I had the chance.
I got to dinner late, missing Harry and his friends. I quickly ate and went to the common room. Ron and Harry sat in a corner and played Wizard's Chess, while Hermione Granger worked on homework. I sat by myself in one of the big red plushy chairs. I sat quietly for a long time when I heard someone say my name. I looked around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.
Thinking that I imagined it, I turned back to watching Ron and Harry. Then I heard it again. I looked to my right and saw a guy sitting there looking at me. I had never seen anyone so cute in my whole life. Well, besides Harry. Then he spoke to me in a rich, silky, smooth voice.
"Hi! My name's Jake." I practically melted inside. He had gorgeous brown eyes with a hint of blue and soft brown hair that was brushed to one side. I lost my voice for a few minutes but finally was able to talk to him.
"Hi, my name's-"
"No need, I know what your name is. I was wondering if you..if you wanted to go the Hogsmeade trip with me this weekend." I smiled. It didn't sound too bad. I thought for a minute, and finally saw that it'd be perfect! If Harry sees me with him, he'll see what a great girlfriend and person I am! He'd then see how stupid he'd been and try to get me to fall in love with him!
Yes it was the classic, girl-likes-guy,-guy-doesn't-like-girl-back,-girl- tries-to-make-him-jealous-by-going-out-with-another-guy, thing, but who cares? Anything to get Harry.
"I'd love to!" I replied happily.
"Ok see you there."
I ran up to my dormitory after he left, leaping with joy that I might actually get Harry and that I had a really cute date for Hogsmeade. I was very excited.
I never thought for one second the consequences that would come, the people I would hurt, and most of all, the person I would hurt. All I could think of was Harry. And the love in my heart clouded my mind.
------------------------
It was the weekend and I had to get ready for my first date with Jake. I raided my wardrobe looking for anything I could find. I decided on my purple Weird Sisters T-shirt identical to the one Tonks had, with my faded blue jeans and a black fleece jacket just in case it got cold. I ran out of my dormitory and practically flew down the steps to the entrance of Hogwarts.
Jake was there waiting for me. We stood in line, waiting to be checked off the list by Filch. I looked over my shoulder and saw Harry and Pavarti. I turned back and smiled to myself, thinking of what an excellent plan this was. Jake took his hand in mine and smiled down at me.
I looked up into his face; it was full of excitement and cheerfulness. He squeezed my hand as we moved forward in the line. Filch looked over our permission slips surprisingly fast. He gave me a strange look, like I was some kind of freak. I decided not to think about it and just walked on with Jake.
We walked listening to the crunch of the leaves under our feet. Jake was wearing blue jeans, rust colored boots, and a hunter green shirt that branded the name, Abercrombie & Fitch, whatever that means. Maybe it was his favorite band.
We stopped inside the Three Broomsticks, ordered two butterbeers and grabbed a table in the corner, up against a window. I looked out and watched people talking and laughing with each other while I sipped my butterbeer. I was brought out of my observation of people by Jake's voice.
"So, tell me more about you. I want to know everything, like what your family is like, where you live, what you like.stuff like that." I don't know how long we sat there, while I told of my life. I told him about my favorite bands, quidditch team, my family and how much they bugged me. It seemed like hours later until I stopped talking.
"Now, it's your turn." I tell him, anxiously waiting for information on his life. He sighed but then smiled.
"Well let's see. I am, originally from America, but my family and I just moved here and since I am a wizard, I had to get transferred to Hogwarts. My family's ok, we're not perfect, but we're not the worst." Jake sighed and drank some more butterbeer. "Anyway.That's all I have to really tell."
We sat in silence for a while. Finally Jake suggested we take a walk and look around in the shops. I agreed, glad to finally get out and show off my date. We walked side by side holding hands. Everyone was giving the same odd look that Filch had. I didn't know what was going on, but I didn't like it. Jake didn't seem to notice it or didn't care.
We went through all the shops talking and joking. I only saw Harry about three times, and each time I just made myself talk louder and laugh harder at everything Jake said, hoping that he would notice me and what a good time I was having. But Harry, like everyone else, just looked at me oddly. There was no escape from all the people staring at me, like I had two heads or something. It started to get dark so we set off towards the castle.
When we got back, they were already serving dinner so Jake and I sat down and ate. Jake was talking, but I wasn't paying attention, I was watching Harry, and listening in on the conversation he was having with Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.
"Well maybe you two should talk it out and discuss your problems." Hermione Granger insisted to Harry.
"Maybe," Harry replied "But, I don't think talking will help."
"I don't think so either." Ron agreed. He usually took Harry's side.
"But, you don't know that until you have tried!" Hermione said anxiously. "You should at least give it a shot; for all you know it could be the answer to your problems."
"Listen Hermione," Harry said a little impatiently. "It's already over between Pavarti and me. We've broken up, and that's the end of it." I squealed with delight.
"I didn't notice you were interested in it that much." Jake commented. I looked at Jake in surprise forgetting that he was even there.
"Er- yeah. I find it. er. exciting." I shot him a weak smile. "I'm er. tired. So, I'm going to bed. Good night!" I jumped up and walked coolly out of the Great Hall. Once in the halls, I skipped with delight and sang to myself. I flopped onto my bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
In the dreams I remember, every time Harry and I would go out on dates, something went wrong. I know now I should have taken this as some sort of sign, as a warning, but I didn't. I thought of them as silly dreams and went on with my life. How was I suppose to know what was to come?
----------------------------
I woke feeling refreshed. I looked outside and took in the beauty of the world. I started to realize how much I missed. With hope in my heart, the world looked glorious, like it had no faults or errors. I grinned joyfully happy that it was Sunday. I had the whole day to seek out Harry and enjoy his company.
It didn't take me too long to find him. He was out near the lake, feeding the squid, pieces from his breakfast. He was all alone. I started to walk over to him, but then stopped. I realized then that he didn't even know me. We hardly ever talked. I got worried and wondered if any of this was going to work. I stood there on the grass a few yards away from Harry. Finally I took a deep breath and decided it was better to try than not to do anything at all.
I slowly walked towards him. I stood right behind him and calmed myself down. Gathering up some courage I spoke to him.
"Hi Harry." He turned around startled at first, then surprised to see me standing there. I smiled at him, awkwardly, he smiled back. I sat down next to him and tried to start a conversation.
"So.er.. How's quidditch going?" I asked, knowing that this was a safe and good topic to discuss.
"Great. Ron is driving us hard though. He wants us to be unbeatable."
"Oh. I heard he was a good captain. I don't know how I'd feel if my best friend was bossing me around." I said, wishing that I had a best friend or any friends at all.
"Well, Ron is okay. He doesn't get stuck-up about it." He replied easily. I freaked. I didn't know what to say next. The quidditch conversation didn't go on as long as I'd hoped. I racked my brain quickly trying to find something. Harry started before I could even come up with anything though.
"Er. I don't mean to pry, but." He looked uneasy, almost embarrassed, if that was possible for someone like Harry Potter. "What were you doing at Hogsmeade yesterday? You were acting really strange." I frowned. Strange? Not exactly a complimenet, I thought.
"What do you mean by strange?" I asked curiously. I, too, started getting uncomfortable.
"Well... Er. you were talking to. Er. I don't know how to put this." I smiled secretly! He noticed I had been talking to someone! Next he's going to tell me how much he loves and cares about me and wants to be with me every simgle minute of the day and.
".thin air." Harry finished. He looked at me awkwardly, trying to read my expression. Which was shocked and bewildered.