The Past That Haunts: By Trystan438
Ok giving it a go with my first fanfic. I have a romantic heart and also one for humor and drama. So I hope you like what this is about. Leliana is my girl and so is Morrigan, oh yeah. (But I love Leliana more yes I do!) So going to be lots of love, romance, romance, romance, fluffy like the stay puft marshmallow man, well not so mushy to where you will get sick, but very sweet and tender, I am a romantic ok, gees. Also going to have femslash, so it will not be for the faint of heart with that wonderful and delicious aspect which is female love. Mmm, hmm (Not smut though). So let me get into this story and please read and review, it will help me a lot to know what you guys and gals think.
So if you love Leliana like I do, that beautiful face, a body to die for, and that seductive accent…whaaa rawr! Enjoy this story.
Disclaimer:Anything you don't recognize from the game is mine. Of course BioWare owns Dragon Age and stuff. If I did I would have made the game to where you could romance every character male or female meaning you could get Morrigan dammit if you are a girl. No Nexus downloads…man that takes up memory. Although I guess its worth it right? Right?
Warnings: Femslash (Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes) humor, drama and violence.
Please read and review. This girl loves reviews!
Chapter 1: Healing
Trystan Cousland and the orlesian bard were taking watch together on a clear and calm summer night, where Leliana was doing most of the talking as usual with her one of many stories she loved to tell the beautiful hazel eyed warrior. Tonight was one of those nights, a clear night with a blanket full of stars up above and it reminded her of a special story, the story of Alindra and her soldier. Trystan was not one for love stories and this one in particular annoyed the hell out of her and it showed.
"I just don't see where this is going." Trystan said rolling her eyes at the blue eyed chantry girl or chantry wench as the witch would call her, not really in the mood for mushy bedtime stories.
"Oh come on now, it is a tale of love and complete and utter loyalty. Alindra she really loved her soldier, and those stars up there in the sky represent them. I wonder does a love like that ever exist? Can it exsist?"
Trystan cocked her head to the side and watched the bard look up at the night time sky. The bard was so interesting, and at times really annoying, cute…very cute…dammit ok… beautiful. All this talk of love and companionship made her hair stand on the back of her neck however.
"It may exist, but it never lasts. Love makes us weak, we do stupid things when we are in that state of mind. Huh, love, what is it anyways but a fickle emotion that causes us to let our guard down, and when you do love someone so much it hurts and just when you think everything is going so well it….it….fades." The warrior stated her voice trickling away softly into a whisper.
Wow she has been talking to Morrigan a lot, now I see why they get along so well. The bard thought.
Leliana then turned her head to look at the warrior with curious eyes. I wonder what that was about? Did she…love someone once that hurt her? Hmm. The bard had always been fond, and very attracted to this woman sitting next to her in the grass ever since they left Lothering for instance, so mysterious she thought and so damn stubborn, and at times….rude. She figures that the witch was really rubbing off on her, Morrigan was the only one who she ever really would speak to anyways, they were both hard headed, sharp tongued and the very thought of helping people was a big waste of time in her eyes. Although she did see that softer side kick in when they were at Redcliffe.
At first Trystan did not even want to help that village, but in the back of the girls mind it reminded her of home, how they got attacked with no word, butchered and slaughtered by Howe's men. That is when she made the choice to lock down and give in. It made the orlesian smile and think perhaps she does have a heart after all. Then there was the circle and saving the mages, looking at the old woman by the name of Wynne, she reminded her of Nan. Dammit she thought to herself all these people around her were reminding her of loved ones that she had lost. Even that damn brat Conner her helping his ass out from that desire demon which Morrigan was not happy about, especially saving Isolde as well….Trystan still remembers Oriana and Oren, his little lifeless body…..the past just kept torturing her.
The warden then pulled her blade out and a sharpening stone and began to work on it, stroking the fine blade up and down the dull steel to re-sharpen the tip and edges. She looked in the corner of her eye and saw the orlesian begin to stare at her, she let her and kept on her blade. Trystan knew that this girl had good intentions and meant well, it's just sometimes Leliana would go on, and on, and on. But nonetheless, she would put up with her. The warrior then began to whistle and hum, still watching every now from the corner of her eye at the bard intently watching her stroke her blade, it amused her.
Leliana scanned the girls very beautiful features, green eyes, red shoulder length hair, not as red as her own, it was a little more orange with a touch of blond streaking through the silky strands, ones of which she wishes for some reason she could run her fingers through. Rosy cheeks, creamy smooth skin, and perfect, oh so perfect lips. Her blue eyes then trailed down lower looking in other forbidden places, the warriors tunic was dark blue, with a low cut neck accentuating her cleavage, very nice.
The warden had curves in all the right places Leliana thought and it made her mouth dry and her head dizzy thinking of what that body looked like without all that armor and or her night gear that she would wear in camp. Then that ass that the bard would sometimes stare at when they would be walking on their journeys, nice and firm now that she thought about it, yes this girl was perfect and beautiful in everyway. Yes, this young twenty-two year old girl was quite the looker.
The warrior caught the bards gaze and raised an eyebrow at her, she smirked a bit and chuckled low. "Your eyes are wandering."
"Huh? Um…" Leliana shook the images and swallowed thick, she took a deep breath wondering if she should ask a question about her past or not, she thought would she get angry? Would she snap? "Can I ask a question of you Trystan?"
"Of?" She asked sharpening her blade.
The bard looked down and took a gulp, watching her scrape the stone against the sharp edge. "W-well y-your past?"
"Grmph, what about it Leliana? What is so damn important in my life that you are so curious about?" The warden asked lowering the blade and giving an annoyed glance.
"Well, I see you said something, something that got me a little curious. The talk about love for instance, what you said of how love makes you do stupid things, and that just when you think it is going well it…fades. Did…someone hurt you Trystan, for you to feel the way you feel? Did you love someone and they wronged you?"
Trystan sat there and stared forward, she turned her head to the orlesian bard who was looking at her like a little puppy dog with those big blue eyes begging her to let her in and tell her. The warden ran her fingers through her shoulder length orange locks and sighed, she was hesitant but yes she would tell the girl, for she knew she would keep prying if not.
"What is it to you?" Trystan asked plunging her sword in the ground.
The bard reached forward and placed a warm hand on top of the warden's, the touch actually sent a current of warmth through the warriors body. "Because you are my friend."
"I-I am?" Trystan asked as her eyebrows rose in shock, the way she would treat Leliana at times, why would she befriend her?
"Yes."
The warden frowned and looked at her now in curiosity. "I never thought you…the way I…."
"I figure the reason why you give me lip is because you have personal demons, a past that will not let you be, I don't take any of it seriously. Trys you have been through a lot and…."
"What did you just call me?" The warrior asked with narrowed eyes.
"Er…um….Trys..I'm sorry I did not mean to offend."
The warden laughed heartily, she closed her eyes and shook her head, she smiled at the nickname. "No, no y-you didn't. It's just my….brother would call me that, and my mother." The warrior then placed her hand on top of the bards and stroked it gently with her fingers. She looked back over and gave a smirk. "To answer your question, yes, yes I did love someone once, someone who meant the world to me. I thought I meant the same to them but, I guess I was wrong."
"Who was he? What did he do to you.?"
The warrior snorked, she tried hard not to laugh again. "Well for starters, it was not a he. It was a um….."
"She?" The bard asked grinning wide.
Trystan cleared her throat. "Ahem…uh…y-yes."
"What was her name? If you don't mind me asking."
The warrior closed her eyes and lowered her head she felt sick. "Silvara."
"Silvara? That's a pretty name."
"Y-yes…yes it is." The girl said looking away from the redhead. "She was a Dalish warrior, one of the best in her clan."
"What did she do to you to hurt so? For you to feel the way you do?" The bard asked placing her hand now on Trystan's arm that broke out in chills.
Trystan got up and walked to a nearby boulder sitting on top of it gazing up at the stars. Leliana moved slowly over and sat next to her leaning her body weight in just a little.
"It was morning, I still remember it to this day, spring was in the air, I could hear the birds from my window. The night before we had a celebration for my father's birthday, I asked Silvara to come with me to it, she was a little hesitant at first beings she was…female and I being a female, I told her that my parents accepted our relationship, they were pretty open to that kind of thing which shocked the hell out of me. My mother even made a crack to me once saying I always knew you were different speech. She tried and tried to have me date Sir Gilmore, ugh no, he was my best friend never could I….anyways, she lived with me in the castle, it was wonderful."
"How did you two meet? I mean Dalish, or just elves in particular do not mix with humans, so how did this come about?"
The girl sighed and continued. "One day me, Sir Gilmore, and another one of my friends were out on a little expedition, well goofing off is more like it in the forest not too far from the castle, when all of a sudden we heard screams, loud blood curdling screams. Of course we went to check it out, and there she was, her and two other elves I am guessing from her clan were being overrun by bandits. So we fought them off and killed a couple in the process. Silvara was the only survivor."
Leliana eyes widened and she leaned in a little more. "What then?"
"Well we took her back to my home, where I nursed her back to health, and to make a long story short here, we fell in love, madly in love with each other. We were both twenty-one at the time, yes things could not have been...better. Such a young and exciting love we had, she was my lover, my best friend, my...everything. And then the rest is history. So there you have it."
"Ok, well that is not the whole story. What did she do Trys? That you despise love?"
The warrior shifted and hung her head. "That night, the night at my father's party I was getting a little tired from being around the snooty aspects which was my mother and father's friends, so me and Silvara left back to my room and…"
The bard was getting that giddy look in her eyes, she wanted details, Trystan was not about to give her any though. "Aaaaand?"
Trystan chuckled and nudged the bard with her elbow. "Look at you, you know what already."
"I do not."
"You are such a liar." The warrior said pushing Leliana in the arm. "Let me finish."
"Sorry."
"So, the next morning when I woke up, I found I was alone. I looked around the castle, I asked the servants if they seen any sign of her. No one did. I retreated back to my room and found a note on my dresser. All that was written was I am so sorry my love, and that was it. I have not seen or heard anything from her in over eight months. I thought I did something wrong. Did I? I don't know. I wanted to go look for her, but my father forbid it, I had duties at the castle and that is when Duncan came by recruited me. Then shortly after that is when Howe..." Her voice trailed off and she switched it back to Silvara. "I gave her everything, my heart, my soul, my un-dying love. So you see that is why love is a fickle thing Leliana, it just destroys you. My heart, my heart is broken she was my first love, I don't think that…bah forget it we should be getting…."
Before she could get to her feet, the orlesian pulled her back down upon the rock, she looked deep, deep into those green eyes, eyes that made her stomach flip. "There is always room for love in your heart Trystan, just because of one bad relationship does not mean that you can't love again, love it is a beautiful thing, do not give up on it." She then looked at the warrior and studied her for a moment before continuing. "There is a certain severity about you."
"Severity?"
"Yes and finding a person behind that all is nice. Very nice, but I was trying to say something nice to you wasn't I? You must forgive me my mind tends to wander so."
"Uh…yeah, well look Leliana so now you know about why I can't…"
The bard reached up and placed her palm against the side of Trystan's face, it made the warrior shudder and close her eyes at the warm feeling of that soft hand. How is it that all that archery and dagger twirling she managed to keep her hands so smooth, Trystan thought. She slowly reopened her eyes and gazed into the orlesian's, what the hell was this feeling? She could not allow…..
"Trys I just want to say I enjoy talking to you, I feel comfortable around you, like I could say anything and you wouldn't judge me. I have never felt this close to anyone in a long time, I really….enjoy your company." The bard said softly as her fingers trailed down the side of the girls face.
Trystan narrowed her eyes and smirked. The warrior felt like being a smart ass. "I see, and do you often prefer the company of other women?" Yeah that should make her get her hand off my face she thought.
Nope, it didn't. Leliana smiled slyly and leaned in close to where her breath was hitting the warrior's lips. "And what if I told you that I do? Very much so in fact?"
The warden's eyes widened she stuttered. "I-I uh…w-well. Ahem, you do now do you? Never would I have…."
"Thought? Well it's true. Does that make you nervous now, I hope not, I consider you a dear friend I don't want to scare you away." She breathed as her lips came closer still.
"Leliana? I really think we should…."
"What? Ignore this moment that we are having? I do not want to…and I hope that…you don't either?"
So close, so close.
Maker help me. "I-I….."
"Warden?"
The two jumped up and turned to see golden eyes darting at them and a woman looking at them disgustingly with folded arms. "Tis time for me and the fool to take watch now, we were wondering where you two were. And now I see." She said as her eyes glanced back and forth at them.
Trystan rose from the rock and walked up to the witch. "It was not what you think, so you can shoot those thoughts from that pretty little head of yours my friend." She whispered.
"I was not going to say anything, 'twas you who are jumping to conclusions warden. Now if you would please let me get this watch over with, the quicker it ends the better."
"Yes ma'am." The warden exclaimed saluting to the apostate who smacked her on the arm.
"Do not mock me."
Trystan rubbed her arm and laughed she loved to get under the witch's skin. "I'm not, just go take watch now ok?"
"Hmph." Morrigan's eyes then rose to meet the bard's whose face was extremely flushed. She sauntered up to her and smiled deviously. "Sly little chantry girl you are, you are not some innocent little sister are you?" She said in one of her snarky tones.
"Jealous?"
"Hardly." Morrigan answered flatly.
"Are you sure? I have seen the way you look at her you know. I am a bard, I notice everything." Leliana whispered smiling a little cheerfully at the witch who was not.
"Obviously not that good of one, have you noticed that she has now walked off back to camp leaving you behind, in the cold." The witch said laughing on the inside, she wanted to get under her skin now. She stopped the bard from going back to camp pulling her back close to her staring into her eyes. "The way you look at her so intently, so hungrily. One would think that you have never seen a woman before."
The bard's eyes narrowed. "Where I look is not your concern Morrigan."
" 'Tis true, I cannot deny you this, but why would she want you when she could have…me?"
Leliana's eyes widened at the remark. "Excuse me? I thought you said you were…and how do you know she even likes women anyways Morrigan, and all of a sudden you swing in the opposite direction? You will go after anything on two legs won't you, male or female."
The witch chuckled. "I never said anything, all I said was I was not jealous, never did I say she did not…interest me." The witch exclaimed. She then began to walk around Leliana as if she were her prey honing in for the kill. "She tells me alot more about herself than you think my dear. And as far as me how did you say, swinging the other way, you do not know me bard or what my tastes are." And maybe, just maybe my taste is for Trystan.
"Hmph. You seem pretty confident for a woman who was raised in a swamp, far away from anything remotely civilized." Leliana said watching the witch's every move.
Morrigan placed her fingers pressing them into the bards shoulder as she continued circling her. "And maybe that is my appeal. A woman like you she could find in any city in Thedas. You think you are cultured? Worldly?" She stopped and stood now directly in front of her smirking, and getting the bard quite heated by the way the orlesian's face was getting redder by the second with each jab at her well being. "Powdered, perfumed, you ooze elegance, but why would a woman such as Trystan want a woman writhing around limp beneath her frozen in place by the thought she might ruin her hair."
Leliana folded her arms she was heated alright. "So what your saying is that you are wild and uninhibited. I suppose she may like your shrieking, I bet you sound like a genlock getting murdered, a sweet, sweet sound to a Grey Warden. You should be careful if she does decide to take you, (which I hope she doesn't) If she is that desperate, yes scream loud Morrigan, to where they can hear you in the Anderfels."
Morrigan laughed she did get under her skin, victory. "Tsk, tsk Leliana, now who is the one who is jealous? You should watch it, you could give yourself wrinkles." The witch said trying to reach up and touch the redheads face.
The bard jerked back and glared daggers. "Get away from me or I shall have to take drastic measures."
The witch smirked some more. "Resorting to violence, and here I thought you were civilized."
Leliana had about enough she could hear and she stormed off back to camp quickly bumping into Alistair on the way.
"Ow, hey Leliana? Leliana?" The Templar looked at Morrigan and scowled. "What did you say to her?"
"I said nothing, here give me the wood for the fire."
Alistair was not buying it. "Right and you really are not a bitch."
Morirgan chuckled and sat down grinning on the inside at her accomplishments, oh how fun it was to torture the bard, what, what fun.
"Yes she is quite the interesting warden 'tis true Leliana, very beautiful, mysterious, cunning, so much alike we two are, very much indeed. And what if she does decide to take me? What of it? It would kill you I'm sure. Yes why would she choose you when she could have someone like me? Strong, quick witted, beautiful and very….seductive? We will have to see about that now won't we Leliana?" The witch thought.
Morrigan and the warden were close friends, very, very close. The warden intrigued her fully, she would stare at her from time to time even flirt quite lewdly at times which would make the warden blush and giggle like a school girl, as would she, oh the flirting, why she thought? Who knows. Would she ever consider taking it even further than friendship, the thought never crossed her mind until now with the help of the bard plugging it into her brain. Trystan was very kind to the witch, listening to her stories, backing her up in decisions, although the ones that the warden had made lately really pissed her off, but that is what makes their friendship stronger is that the warden never put up with crap, not from her or anyone else. She loved it. Yes would she take it further? She would have to wait and see.
Meanwhile back at camp Trystan was seated in front of her tent continuing to sharpen her blade and shine her warden commander armor's breastplate, she looked up and noticed the bard coming back into sight and she looked angry, what was this she thought, earlier she was all trying to feel up on her and now she is pissed? Maybe it was because she did not give into the charms of the lovely orlesian. She wanted to, but Silvara was still on the back of her mind. The warden shifted her eyes to the side and saw that the bard thunked herself down in front of her own tent staring off into space.
Trystan was fighting with herself. "Talk to her, no don't, no you idiot find out what's wrong. Fine, fine ok." She got to her feet and sat her things down before going to talk with the redhead. She cleared her throat and sat down next to her. "As you said earlier, the stars are out."
Leliana snickered. "Are you making fun of me?"
"No, I was uh, wondering what is wrong actually. You seem distracted. What's wrong?"
"It's nothing I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me you little bard you. I can tell your pouting, your bottom lip is jutted out and it looks like you have just lost your puppy somewhere in a dark alleyway."
The bard grumbled. "It, well I-I am notpouting." Leliana exclaimed, she then said some choice words in orlesian that made Trystan get goosebumps.
"You and that accent of yours. I quite like it, even if you probably just cursed me out in your foreign tongue, it's still, nice."
If only you could see what this tongue can do my dear warden. "Oh you, like my accent?"
"Yeah it's um, forgive me please for saying so but, sexy." She said her face got red as a darkspawn eyeball.
Leliana blushed too. "I-I thank you."
"Your welcome, so now will you tell me?"
The bard sighed not sure about it, then she finally gave in. "It's Morrigan."
"She say something to you? If she did I can set her straight you know, she listens to me."
"No, I don't need her to think that I am a tattle tale and that I tell you everything that we have an argument about."
"What was the argument?" The warden asked as she raised an eyebrow.
"Stupid stuff not worth even bringing up." Leliana said looking down.
Trystan looked at her for a moment, she wanted to ask more, but if the bard wanted it to go away, then she would not press the issue. "Ok, well you can tell me, when you feel like it, I won't pry Leli."
The bard's eyes shot up and she grinned. "What?"
"Huh? What?
"Leli?"
The warden scratched her head. "Oh, uh I'm like you I give nicknames, sorry."
The bard smiled sweetly and was bold as she kissed the warden on the cheek. "How sweet, I like it."
"Y-your, welcome?" Trystan blushed even harder, she then stretched and looked back toward her tent. "I think I'm going to call it a night and go write some stuff about today in my journal."
Leliana cocked her head and gave an amused glance at our warden who was getting to her feet. "A journal? I never knew you kept one."
"I do, it helps me relax and wind down."
The bard also got to her feet and walked Trystan over. "Well maybe if you do not mind, I could join you in your tent and watch you write."
The warden gave a sly smile. "I think you would be bored just watching me sit there and scribble away, not very entertaining Lel."
"Oh, come on. Maybe you could even read me some of your previous installments?"
Trystan laughed. "That's personal stuff now."
"Well, yes or no then, can I join you?" The orlesian asked feeling her heart beat faster, hoping she would say yes.
"I guess I don't see any harm, but I'm warning you, it is not going too be exciting."
It can be. "Ok well let's go then shall we?" Leliana said ducking her head inside the warden's tent with the warden following right behind.
"Well now, this is a roomy tent. You are very organized." The bard remarked looking at how clean and neat everything was.
Trystan laid her sword and breastplate down and turned her oil lamp up some more to get things brighter. "Oh, my mother always hounded me about it. Clean your room, make sure everything is neat, I miss those times, I miss….her." She said softly as she removed her boots and sat down on her bedroll with her head hanging down.
Leliana came over and put her arm around her and rubbed her back. "I am sorry my friend, so sorry. I know how much you miss them. If you need to cry, then cry, I will be here."
"Crying is a sign of weakness, I cannot do such a thing."
"No it means you are human, it's ok Trys, it's ok." The bard soothingly replied as she felt the strong warrior start to break.
She did break and hard, what was this orlesian doing to her emotions, she felt safe to cry around her, to where as with everyone else she was strong, and thick skinned, but in Leliana's arms she felt secure, and that she would not judge her. The warrior put her head on the bard's shoulder and put her arms around her waist as she cried and cried. Leliana rocked her gently and held her close, so close it made her heart melt, she felt for this warden, she really felt something…love.
"I feel like a fool." Trystan said as she lifted her head and looked at the blue eyes looking at her with such concern.
"You are not, now stop it, I will not have you say those things. You are a strong woman, you should see yourself, so strong and valiant, you are amazing." She breathed.
"Hmph, I guess, I just don't like to show this side of me."
"What your human side? Your softer side? You should show this side more often, you would be surprised where it may lead you. It may lead you to remarkable places."
Trystan regarded her for a moment with her words of wisdom, she smiled and all of a sudden did not feel like writing. She crawled into her bedroll and laid on her back with her hands behind her head and gazed off at the tents peak above her. The bard saw her and slowly, cautiously lay down next to her, doing the same thing. The orlesian looked over at her and watched her eyes not leave the ceiling, the warden sighed and looked over at the bard next to her, she also gave a grin to her.
"Thank you my friend." The warrior said softly.
"For?"
"Cheering me up like that. You are quite…remarkable if I do say so myself." Trystan proclaimed as she sighed and stretched her body out like a cat.
"You're welcome, anytime." The bard said her eyes felt heavy and she began to yawn. "Oh, sorry, I guess I'm a little tired."
"Yeah me too. I guess it's time for bed." Trystan propped herself up on an elbow and looked toward the tent opening. "Listen Leliana, about the way I have treated you in the past, I just want to say I'm sorry, you are….." She then looked down and noticed that the bard's eyes were closed. "Oh, I….well now I didn't mean to bore you." She said giggling.
The warden smiled and shook her head, she went and got another blanket and put it over the bard and tucked her in tight. She watched her for sometime, she now began to look at the girl, looking at her flawless features, admiring her lovely complexion her flaming red hair, her little braid, and those blue eyes that would look at her, well when they were open that is.
"Gee she sure does sleep like a log, a very….pretty log with a nice smile, beautiful face, and that accent, maker." She stroked the side of her face and continued to smile, Leliana it seems was rubbing off on her now. "Oh, Trystan, what are you doing?" She leaned down and kissed thebard on the forehead before lying back down and falling asleep next to the orlesian redhead.
In order to move on, there would have to be healing, she still was not sure if she could from all the pain that she endured in the past. Only time would tell.
Well there you go. Hopefully I did ok. Let me know what you guys think. Thanks.
Leave your reviews for me it would be nice for me to see your thoughts and comments, to see what I need to work on if anything at all. Happy New Year! -Trystan