This was the eighth night in a row Blaine had gone to bed upset. It was also one of the numerous times that week that he had ended up like he was now; curled up in bed, crying quietly. When had everything gotten so complicated?
Blaine blinked and a few tears fell over the bridge of his nose and down his cheek, melting into the soft fabric of his pillow. A soft, sad love song drifted through the speakers of his computer and filled the room with a depressing, heavy melody. It all just seemed to punch Blaine in the gut. He sniffed quietly as he felt his heart give a dull throb.
Slowly, his thoughts replayed the previous day. His good... friend, Sebastian had come over to his house after making the long commute to Lima from Westerville.
"Mm," Sebastian hummed, "this is nice."
Blaine looked up happily from where his head rested on the blonde boy's chest. Laying on Blaine's bed, cozily wound around each other had become the norm for the two whenever Sebastian would visit, or vice versa. "It is, isnt it?" Blaine's head settled against Sebastian's shoulder and he sighed happily, picking lazily at the hem of the other teen's grey shirt.
Sebastian nuzzled his cheek against the top of Blaine's head, and Blaine smiled, feeling a pleasantness spreading through his chest at the simple action. It really was nice, just laying there like that.
"Talk to Kurt lately?"
Blaine's thumb and forefinger stuttered in their repetitive pulling motion and he stiffened. It always left a weird feeling around whenever Sebastian brought up Kurt, Blaine's boyfriend, or when Blaine brought up Josh, Sebastian's short-term partner. Blaine almost felt like... he was doing something wrong, by cuddling with his best friend. But everyone knew they were close, of course, and it was purely platonic, right? They were holding each other because... because it felt nice to be held once in a while. It didn't really matter by whom.
"Uh, yeah... We're- um- seeing a movie tomorrow..." Blaine replied quietly, still feeling rather starchy.
Sebastian toyed with one of the curls at the nape of Blaine's neck, and Blaine felt himself relax in Sebastian's arms a little bit. "That's... good." the taller Warbler said awkwardly.
Blaine nodded against his chest moved his hand towards his lips, chewing on one of his nails. What they were doing wasn't wrong, was it?
Blaine rolled over onto his back and sighed softly, more tears tracking down the sides of his face. I'm a horrible person... He thought sadly. He closed his eyes as his heart thudded with an arid pain. I don't deserve to be with anyone...
Sebastian's eyes were really pretty, Blaine noticed. With one had tucked under his head, Blaine traced over Sebastian's cheekbone lightly as they gazed at one another. Maybe they were closer than regular friends were, but that was a good thing, right? It was good to have close friends? Even if they did get weird looks from passing people who overheard Sebastian call Blaine 'baby' by accident a few times. And sure, they had pet names for each other...
The silence between the two was comfortable and warm, making everything around them feel peaceful and relaxing. Sebastian smiled softly. Blaine mirrored him.
Suddenly Sebastian threw an arm over Blaine's waist and drew him closer, grinning as Blaine giggled a bit. Their eyes met swiftly, and something seemed to spark in the air. Sebastian's brown eyes grew darker by just a fraction. Blaine felt his stomach flip as he found himself leaning forward, his body moving excruciatingly slow. Their lips brushed, and the air crackled as their control was thrown out the window.
Their lips crashed together in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue as the tension between the boys cracked and crumbled down, exposing what they had been thinking about, wondering, wanting from the other. Blaine cupped the back of Sebastian's neck as he moved to straddle Blaine's hips, kissing a needy line down his neck. The pleasant silence was gone, and now the air in the blue-walled room was filled with pants and heavy gasps.
In a quick motion, Sebastian tugged off Blaine's grey shirt and threw it blindly across the room. Sebastian began nipping and sucking at Blaine's collarbone in a way that the dark-haired boy knew would leave a significant mark.
Blaine groaned and twisted under Sebastian's weight, feeling like his whole body was burning below the younger boy's touch. He reached for Sebastian, attempting to pull him closer, to touch him, anything, but the blonde grabbed his wrists and held them down with a growl that made Blaine's body heat up a fraction. Blaine gave a small whimper as Sebastian continued to work down Blaine's jaw, down his neck, down his chest, down, down, down...
Blaine curled into a ball, feeling morose and disgusting. And that's what he was. Disgusting. Horrible. Repelling. He didn't deserve Kurt, he didn't deserve anything. His mind continued to replay the night before as he rolled onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow. A few tears bled silently into the fabric as Blaine realized that that was technically the fourth time he had cheated on Kurt. But it didn't feel like cheating... they were just kisses, after all. And the way Sebastian had looked at him...
Blaine's throat tightened and he swallowed thickly. Maybe he had always known there was something more than friendship between himself and Seb. He should have been more careful with his feelings, he should have thought things through and used some self-restraint.
Now, he had to decide who he cared about more, right? Wasn't that what people did in the movies when they were torn between two people? If only the real world was just one big romantic comedy. Blaine laughed humorlessly into his pillowcase.
But, he cared about them equally. Maybe this whole fling with Sebastian started because Kurt had grown distant with Blaine... Or maybe it was just an experiment to Sebastian. But, if Blaine was just an experiment, wouldn't their liaison have ended after their first kiss? Wouldn't it have at least felt awkward afterwards? Because it didn't. If anything, it strengthened their relationship. It made Blaine feel... loved. And really, that's all he wanted. He was lonely without Kurt. Swiftly, Blaine flopped over onto his back and ran his fingers through his curls. He always felt rejected whenever Kurt opted to go home and read instead of spend time with him, and the times they did spend time with each other were growing few and far between, replaced by study dates and coffee meets with Sebastian. Maybe it was Blaine's ridiculous need to feel needed that drove him to this...
Possibly, what he felt for Sebastian wasn't real. Maybe it was just blind attraction or a friendship that grew a bit further than a regular friendly relationship. God, Blaine hoped it wasn't real. He dragged a hand down his now tear-stained face before furiously scrubbing his eyes. He loved Kurt. Blaine knew that. But, he felt... an eerily similar impression towards Sebastian. Oh god, Blaine felt his throat constrict painfully again. What if I love Sebastian?
Curling into himself, Blaine threw the covers over his head, taking comfort in the secure feeling of being surrounded by the blankets. He was so confused. So lost and conflicted and scared... And all Blaine really wanted was to be held. Images of both Kurt and Sebastian flared brightly in his mind.
He closed his eyes and hiccuped quietly, trying to fall asleep as quickly as possible. In his dreams, he didn't have to worry about fitting in at school, or making other people happy, or keeping up with Sebastian's extreme mood changes that happened instantaneously. There was time during the day to worry. But that night, he only had a few precious hours to sleep, to bury everything away.
After several minutes, Blaine finally slipped into a discontented sleep. Life paused as his dreams took control.