I know, I know ! A kurtbastian again... but I can't help it ! I love them so much.
I wrote this at 3a.m so maybe it isn't perfect, but I had to write it.
This story happened during the time Kurt and Blaine were at Dalton, except that Sebastian was there too. Kurt had a crush on Blaine but it was not reciprocate.
PS - I totally recommend you to listen to the two songs mentionned in the story during your reading.
Disclaime : I don't own glee ( unfortunately. )
Five months ago, the first day he met Kurt, Sebastian knew that he was already falling for him. For his dreamy eyes, for his magnificent voice, for everything he was. Sebastian knew that Kurt had been his thunder. But he also knew that he could never tell him how he felt about him.
The first day they met, thought, was two weeks after Kurt met Blaine Anderson, the leader of Dalton Academy Warblers. They were sitting at a table in the Lima Bean and Sebastian joined them, introducing himself to Kurt as a close friend of Blaine. And then it all began.
Kurt was head over heels in love with Blaine and couldn't see that Blaine wasn't interested… or at least he couldn't admit it to himself. So when he heard that Sebastian was a 'close friend of Blaine', Kurt had been on the defensive automatically. He began to be mean at Sebastian, and Sebastian's nature forced him to be mean at Kurt too. If only Kurt knew that Sebastian didn't mean any single word he said…
The third month after Kurt's arrival, Sebastian saw that Blaine and him became close friends. That's why he started to flirt with Blaine in attempt to get Blaine away from Kurt. If Sebastian couldn't have Kurt, then Blaine couldn't have him either. The flirting thing kind of broke Blaine and Kurt's trust in each other for a while, but it didn't last very long. What lasted too long was five whole months of fake hate.
The only thing that relieved Sebastian was that Blaine didn't seem to be in love with Kurt. He never talked about him like he did with Jeremiah. But everything could change. No one knows. That's why Sebastian was kind of demoralized. Christmas break was beginning tomorrow and many things could change between Kurt and Blaine during two weeks. Everything could change.
Tonight was the annual 2in1 Contest of the Warblers, which meant that the candidates would sing two solos to run the chance of being the next leader of the choir. This year, Sebastian was competing with Blaine and Nick. He was barely listening at Blaine's versions of the latest Katy Perry's songs and Nick's interpretations of The Beatles greatest hits. He was thinking way too much. He didn't even reply when Kurt teased him in a mean way. He didn't even look at him, and Kurt found his depressed and sad look pretty curious.
Then it was Sebastian's turn to sing. He didn't notice when Nick finished, but someone patted him on the shoulder to snap him out of his thoughts. Sebastian sighed deeply and slowly stood from the couch, and when he walked to the piano in the middle of the room, everybody seemed surprised. Nobody knew he could play piano, and nobody thought that Sebastian Smythe would like to sing on piano instrumentals. He swallowed thickly and brushed the tip of his fingers on the white notes before he began to play.
[ The Reason - Hoobastank ]
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Sebastian looked at Kurt for a couple of seconds as he began the chorus, then he looked down at the piano when he met the boy's gaze.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
And again, Sebastian felt the need to look up at Kurt for a longer time.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
Sebastian preferred to keep his eyes on the piano as he continued singing. He noticed that all the Warblers were silent, which usually meant that they were really appreciating the song and the way it was sang. Sebastian finished on a melancholic note, sighing quietly as he sang the last words. There was a silence.
'' Whoa, '' Wes said first. '' It was really beautiful, Sebastian. I didn't know you could sing like that. ''
The boys nodded and made small sounds of approval.
'' Can't wait to hear the second song, '' David said.
Oh, yeah. The other song. Sebastian sniffed and glanced around him before he nodded and began to play the first notes.
[ Fall for you - Secondhand Serenade ]
The best thing 'bout tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before?
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
Sebastian looked up at Kurt again and caught his gaze, but this time, he kept looking straight in his eyes and sang the chorus as he did.
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a boy like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
Kurt froze slightly as he heard that Sebastian changed the word 'girl' for 'boy'. He knew that Sebastian was gay, but it never made him change the lyrics in the songs he always sang. Sebastian felt Kurt's questioning and he looked down automatically.
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in, I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words 'cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight when you're asleep
By now, the way Sebastian was showing his emotion when he sang and the way he looked at Kurt made the Warblers realize that Sebastian was singing for Kurt.
You're impossible to find
Sebastian held Kurt's gaze during the last sentence, then he seemed to notice the questioning looks around him and he stood from the bench, heading straight to the door and he went back to his dorm. As soon as he arrived, Sebastian untied his tie, he took off his blazer and he slumped face down on his bed, feeling the tears prickling his eyes. What's wrong with him ? How could he believe that Kurt would change his mind about him with singing stupid love songs to him ? Sebastian would never forget how Kurt looked so upset. He ruined everything. Everything.
Knock knock.
Sebastian remained quiet and didn't make a move to stand up and open the door. He sniffed and rolled on his side to face the wall, burying his face in his feather pillow.
Click.
His eyes snapped open. He forgot to lock the door. He decided not to move again, but soon enough, he heard the door open, steps coming towards him and the mattress sank behind him.
'' Sebastian, '' a soft voice said.
Kurt.
'' Leave me alone, '' Sebastian said in a raspy voice.
Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat as he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He didn't take the time to think before he slowly rested his hand on Kurt's, feeling the soft skin under his palm.
'' Look at me. ''
Sebastian wiped a single tear on his cheek and he waited a couple of seconds before he slowly sat up and face Kurt. The shorter boy' eyes widened slightly and he frowned sadly.
'' You cried ? '' Kurt asked as he noticed Sebastian's reddened eyes.
Sebastian didn't answer. He just kept looking at Kurt, his cheeks blushing faintly. Kurt looked down and shifted nervously on the bed.
'' Wha – what was that for ? '' Kurt asked, now looking up at the other boy.
Sebastian blinked slowly.
'' Have you listened to the lyrics of the songs ? '' he said.
'' Yes… I did. And to be honest I don't – I don't get why you kept looking at me during almost the whole song, looking and sounding so emotional and – and – ''
'' You're not blind, Kurt. And you're smart. You totally know why I sang for you, '' Sebastian said, now thinking that he had nothing to lose so he wanted to be honest.
'' You sang for me ? '' Kurt asked shyly.
Sebastian nodded faintly, studying every single feature of Kurt's face. He was so beautiful.
'' But… I… I still don't get it… ''
'' You know why. But you're scared. ''
Kurt held Sebastian's gaze. The boy was right. Kurt was scared to hear that –
''I'm in love with you, '' Sebastian murmured with an apologetic smile.
Kurt felt himself blushing to death and it made Sebastian smile faintly.
'' H – how is it even possible ? '' Kurt asked in disbelief.
'' I always loved you. Since the first day. ''
Sebastian let out a small giggle.
'' Remember ? You greeted me with a bitch face when you heard that I was close to your dear Blaine. ''
'' Don't start, Sebastian. '' Kurt said as he felt that Sebastian was being snarky.
'' Sorry. Reflex, '' Sebastian said and he licked his lips. '' I didn't mean to be mean to you but… you kind of gave me no choice. Love scares guys like me, you know… so I chose to try to forget you by playing a hate game with you but I failed miserably. I wanted you all to myself. That's why I tried to break you and Blaine's friendship, '' he admitted. '' I didn't want Blaine to have you if I couldn't have you. ''
Kurt listened carefully as Sebastian spoke, gaping slightly. That was a lot of information to take for someone who though that Sebastian still hated him ten minutes ago.
'' I just wanted to tell you before Christmas break. I don't know why. And now I kind of ruined everything so maybe I shouldn't have done this. ''
Kurt remained quiet, looking at Sebastian thoughtfully, then he realized…
'' Blaine never told me things like that.. ''
Sebastian smile sadly.
'' He just doesn't realize how amazing you are, '' he murmured. '' He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have someone like you who loves him. ''
Kurt noticed Sebastian's watery voice and he pulled him into a tight hug, loving how the boy's strong arms hugged him back automatically. Sebastian sighed deeply and rested his chin on top of Kurt's head.
'' Thanks for being honest with me, Sebastian, '' Kurt said in a small voice. '' It means a lot to me. ''
'' I'm sorry. For everything I did. ''
'' I know. And I forgive you. ''
Sebastian closed his eyes and a single tear downed his cheek. Kurt pulled back after a whole minute, frowning sadly as he brushed the tear away with his thumb. He cupped Sebastian's face gently and gave him a small smile.
'' It's time to go home, now, '' Kurt said, and Sebastian nodded. '' I'll see you in two weeks. ''
Kurt hesitated for a couple of seconds, then he leant in and pecked Sebastian's cheek before he stood from the bed. Sebastian felt himself blushing and he smiled, looking up at Kurt.
'' Okay, '' he breathed. '' Bye Kurt. ''
Kurt gave him a warm smile and waved slightly before he walked away, closing the door behind him. Sebastian sighed dreamily and he flopped on his back on the bed with a silly smile on his lips.
Well. Maybe Sebastian wasn't totally wrong, after all. Everything changed.