This maniac's in love with you

A Beyblade Fanfiction

By asa-chan

Warning: Shonen Ai, R, Songfic, and so on

Pairing: Kai/Tyson

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade or the lyrics.

REVISED VERSION

/Lyrics/

"Blah" - Speaking

I used to have control in my life. I had my damned emotions under control, everything, until you, yes you, came and destroyed everything. You got under my skin, annoyed me, amused me, leaving a path of desctruction, leaving me vulnerable, confused, angry, my nerves and feelings riled up.

Something in you attracted me, something in me attracted you. I went, you followed. You went, I followed. Mutual. Everything was mutual. And don't look at me like that. Even when it didn't look so, I sought after you. You, your annoying, disgusting habits and horrible rude cocky personality, your skills, and your grin, intrigued me. But I can't say I was a saint back then, with honest intentions. I'm still aren't one, I 'm still the jerk, sourpuss, bastard, but as you said, I got better.

Just like you and your beyblading. You were so weak at the beginning, a mere amateur, but then you got Dragoon, the legendary Dragoon! This told me that you were something special, something not to be ignored and thrown away like trash. Something worthy of my time. But of course, I didn't say that aloud. That would have been a praise, and Kai Hiwatari praises nobody, but himself! You got better, better, catching up, succeeding me and I was lost.

Why were you getting better, improving so fast, why were you getting so strong, leaving me behind, as you fought against me and won? So many times, over and over again. I thought everything was balanced, and I was content with balance. Loss and victory, victory and loss.

I was so confused, so angry. I trained all my life, obsessed with victory, perfection, everything then you came and destroyed my world of being the best of the best. Reality came, life went bitter, I was furious. Couldn't understand, didn't want to understand, but had to understand. But I simply couldn't and I didn't want to accept reality. Wanted to live in my world, or was it only my imagination? Which you destroyed, as you beat me at beyblading?

Look what you've done. See, how confused I am? It's all your fault. I would never have questioned myself like that, never, never, never, but you changed me, changed the others, changed the fate of the world, changed everything. I had faith in my abilities, but you, but you... How can you cause so much damage?

But I still don't understand, but I have to! So I will come and ask you. And you will answer me, telling me how you became so strong, helping me to get better, yes, you will, don't shake your head like that! Come on, tell me, tell me, tell me! Can't your hear my desperation? Can't you feel my fear? I have to be the best, the strongest, so I command you to tell me your secret! I need your answer! And if you won't...,

/I used to be so in control
But reality is losing its hold
Now I don't know where to begin
Just look at the state that I'm in
My mind is in total decay
I'm coming to take you away/

See, now I have these feelings for you, feelings a boy shouldn't have for another boy, feelings I shouldn't have, oh, but I can't stop them, they overwhelm me, my senses, my heart and mind, everytime I see you smiling, grinning, laughing, blading. You being simply you.

You just had to make me fall in love with you. Yes, in love. Are you scared? Come on, don't look so shocked. You, at least should know my forbidden feelings for you, my love for the same gender, a kind of love which is being looked down. But you and I, were always oddballs, the weird ones, those who didn't fit in, who looked out of place in the normal, balanced, homphobic world.

I can't help it, my hearts just beats faster, my breathing gets harsher, my lungs are starting to tighten, oh and it hurts, so much, so much, but it's also so pleasing, seeing you and your smile. Bittersweet, I heard once. A fitting description. The hurt that I can't confess my sins aloud, having the pleasure of watching you from far away, not letting you know about this. I watch every step of yours, watch everything, know the smallest details of your daily life. I'm crazy for you, crazy in love, yes, this maniac is in love with you.

First, I tried to suppress my feelings for you, tried to ignore them, tried to be in denial, but it didn't help, I just got more crazy, insane, wanting to feel your scorching skin hitting mine in an eternal dance of sweat and hunger, your lips against mine, your hands in my hair, your lustfilled eyes only looking at me. Oh, these feelings followed me wherever I went to, these feelings accompanied me, whenever I touched my heated body, pleasured myself in my empty room, only thinking of you, your smell, your body, your voice. Crazy, crazy, crazy Kai, you would call me. Mad as Mad Hatter. And then you would laugh.

Laugh till you would begin to cry. Tears of joy or fear?

I do not know and I do not want to know. Never.

/There's nothing more that I can do
This maniac's in love with you
Your biggest fear has just come true
This maniac's in love with you
This maniac's in love with you
This maniac, this maniac/

I had a messed up life, you know. My grandpa always used me as a tool for more power, I was blinded by him, by my need for power, my greed and my own darkness. I grew up in the cold abbey, with no friends, not knowing the words kindness, love, compassion, friendship, trust, forgivness, joy.

I only knew loneliness, pain and sadness. They shaped me, the dark parts of my life. Shaped to the man, boy I now are. Or am I still a child? I have my own worries, my own inner demons, like everyone has. I live in my own world, my demons mocking me, sneering at me, insulting little Kai, who is so weak, so pathetic. I often visited the therapist in my early childhood, so messed up I was. I still am.

My heart closed up, sealed itself, hid itself, not moving, bound, just like a straight-jacket. But after a while it wanted to escape, to get out, to make your heart mine. Yes, it wanted what I wanted, it wanted it for so long, much longer, before my mind ever knew my feelings for you. It was the only true, honest part in my traitorous body, the only part of me what shouted the truth, but the heart hasn't got a voice, just a voice which can be only heard by the owner of it, and people often ignore the warning their hearts give them. I did that. The people at the abbey teached me to ignore my heart. So I did. I never knew, until I met you, that there was no line between pain and pleasure. I was pleased when I beat everyone of my opponents, so full of myself. But the I met you, do you still remember, yes, you, and then I experienced the pain of losing, but then I felt a small burst of pleasure ringing through me, as I heard we were on the same team. Shouldn't I have hated that? Shouldn't I have more protested? But I didn't, I was pleased, so happy. So, I counted onto you, you, who drove me, who was the reason for my ambitions, you, I depended on you. You were my reason to live this hated life, you were my survival. You saved me, even after I betrayed you, the team, but still, you hold out your small hand and I just could stare at it in wonder, asking myself, did I really mean so much to you? This gave me a small glimmer of hope, it gave me the will to survive.

But this couldn't stop my ache for you, not, it only made it stronger, the hunger, the madness..., oh, not at all. It just got worse..., eating me, consuming me, but I didn't mind, this was for you..., only for you.

/My heart has been strapped in a straight jacket love
The therapy boys say it fits like a glove
I'm crossing the line in my brain
The line between pleasure and pain
It takes all I've got to survive
This madness will eat me alive/

And our shared adventures, our battles, out pain, it just made my love for you grow more stronger. It wanted out, make itself known. My mind wanted you, my heart wanted you, my soul wanted you, my body wanted you. I wanted to be inside you, filling you with my eternal love, binding you to me, forever and ever and ever... I want to possess you, I want everything. I want you. Your body, your love, only for me. Do I sound crazy? Heh, people in love are often crazy and take big risks.

And remember, I'm in love. With you. Yes, yes, this maniac's in love with you...

/There's nothing more that I can do
This maniac's in love with you
Your biggest fear has just come true
This maniac's in love with you
There's nothing more that I can do
This maniac's in love with you
I'm all locked up inside of you
This maniac, this maniac/

And now, you stand before me, asking me, wanting to know what I wanted to say to you. I wanted to confess everything, my dreams of us together, my love for you, but I don't know where to begin. Would you ever believe me? Would you laugh right in my face, hurting me, killing my hope-filled heart, shatter my soul, would you say nothing, or would you take is as a joke and say: Funny Kai, really. What would you do? I do not know, but on the other hand, I want to know. What do you feel for me? Do you feel anything for me? Do you feel friendship, love, distaste or hate for me? Come one, tell me, welcome me with open arms, push me away, just don't stare at me like that. My urges are getting harder to control, I just want to ravish your body, make sweet love to you, and I sound so out of character, but I don't care, not at all.

Love your body, mind and soul, but do you love me too?

Look at me, don't avoid my gaze like that, tell me the truth. Even when it will break me..., even when it will fill me with happiness... And if you respond to my feelings, then I will, I will sweep you away, whisk you away and dance, in the moonlight, in the sun, in the rain, in the dust, showing the world that we are together, and I don't care about the opinions of the others. They could go to hell, for all I care. I only care about you.

/I just don't know where to begin
Just look at the state that I'm in
My mind is total decay
I'm coming to take you away/

"You love me? I feared that you hated me. I..."

You pulled your hands away, letting them fall weakly to your side, and I waited, waited, for what seemed like a eternity. I feared, feared the worst, preparing myself for a heartbreak, but then you laughed, smiled and hugged me.

Even kissed me.

My heart beat so hard, so fast, like it wanted to get ouf of my rib cage and everything was okay.

"Crazy Kai, why shouldn't I love you? You know, I was in love with you for a long time..., you just fascinated me, and I couldn't help, but fall in love... "

"Me too, Tyson, this maniac's in love with you."

You blinked, then laughed. And continued kissing me.

/There's nothing more that you can do
This maniac's in love with you
Your biggest fear has just come true
This maniac's in love with you
There's nothing more that you can do
This maniac's in love with you
Your biggest fear has just come true
This maniac, this maniac/

"Silly Kai, my greatest fear was you falling in love with me. But I feared that I wasn't good enough for you. I feared that you would leave me. Because of that, I didn't want to acknowledge your love. Now you can call me silly, ne?"

-End-

Yeah, this was written for a challence. Review?

asa-chan