Disclaimer: The characters belong to Ms. Evanovich. I'm only borrowing them.

Warning: Tissue Warning, no HEA. The story that follows is the one that I've avoided writing for a long time, but I heard this song tonight for the first time, and it inspired me to write this story — character death. I will not be offended if you choose not to read this story. I warn you, very dark. Please don't hate me!

I'll Never Love Again

Stephanie's POV

Monday started like any other day. My Carlos woke me up with butterfly kisses down my body, before a couple of rounds of morning lovemaking. We ate breakfast together, courtesy of Ella, sharing our schedules for the day. After a not so quick shower, we both dressed and joined every one of five for the morning meeting. I spent the morning running searches; then I was meeting with the client in the afternoon. I started working full time at Rangeman six months ago, a month after Carlos and I became an official couple. I still chase my skips, but with a competent Rangeman partner.

There was nothing to tell me that today my life as I know it would end. I was out on a client meeting with Lester, who broke his arm in a takedown six weeks before. Until Bobby clears him, he's on office duty, which means that we've been meeting new clients together. While we were in the middle of the meeting, our phones both went off with an emergency code. The minute I saw the code I froze, unable to move, starting to hyperventilate, knowing that whatever we were going to be told was not good news. Lester helped me sit, while he answered his phone.

When he hung up, his blank face faltered, and he wrapped his arms around me, "Beautiful, I'm sorry, I don't want to be the one to tell you, but Carlos was shot. He's in an ambulance on the way to St. Francis, but it doesn't look good. We're going there now."

I dissolved into tears, my spidey sense tells me that I am too late, that Carlos is already gone, taken away from me. Lester lifts me effortlessly, carrying me to my Cayenne, buckling me into the seat as he drives over to St. Francis, even though he is still technically banned from driving with his broken arm. He wasn't even supposed to lift me. When we pull up to St. Francis, Tank is waiting at the entrance. He pulls open the door and lift me, carrying me into the hospital. As we're going, he tells me he doesn't know anything yet, that he's waiting for the doctor to come to speak to him. I see Carl Constanza, Big Dog, Eddie Gazarra, and Joe Morelli in the waiting room. They all look towards Tank and me, and thankfully, keep their distance. We hear the doors from the OR open and watch a grim-faced doctor walk towards us.

"I'm looking for the family of Carlos Manoso." The doctor says.

Tank stands, helping me to my feet as we walk to the doctor with Lester and Bobby flanking me. "This is Stephanie Plum, Mr. Manoso's fiancé."

"Ms. Plum, I'm sorry to inform you that Mr. Manoso didn't make it." I don't know what else the doctor said because, at that moment, my world ended. I watch as the black dots came before my eyes, my legs turn to jelly, as I heard a scream that I think came from me. I felt Bobby's arms come around me as he helped me to the floor because I couldn't move anywhere else. It feels someone is ripping my heart from my chest. It couldn't have been only a few hours ago that Carlos kissed me, telling me not to go crazy as I told him not to get shot. Damn you, Carlos, why didn't you listen to me? You promised me you'd be with me forever, and now you left me behind. Carlos, how will I go on without you? You are my heart, my soul, my love.

I wish I had the opportunity to say goodbye to you. I wish I could have told you once again how much you mean to me, how much you are my life. If I knew that I would never see you again, I would have told you how much you meant to me, how much I love you, how you hold my heart. Bobby is talking to me, trying to calm me down, but I don't want his arms around me. I push him away and feel another set of familiar arms wrap around me, Joe.

"Cupcake, come on up. It'll be okay. I feel Joe put his lips on mine, and I pull away. "I don't want to feel anyone else touching me. I don't want your kiss, Joe, we're over, and have been. I'm damaged goods; I can never give my heart away again because I no longer have it in my chest. God, I don't want to go on, I don't want to live a day without you, Carlos. I know I'll never love again."

I feel a pinch and my body falling.

"Stephanie, dear, Carlos' wake is today. Come one, sweetie; I'll help you get dressed to see Carlos."

I wake to Ella's voice. She helps me out of Carlos' bed, our bed, and into our bathroom. She washes me as if I'm a child. I guess in some ways I am now that I don't have Carlos. She fixes my hair and puts a simple black dress on me with modest black pumps. She gives me a black sweater to wear over it.

"Do you want sunglasses, dear?" she asks.

I nod my head in response. I can't talk, I can't find the words. If I don't say the words, it won't be true, and Carlos will walk into the room calling me "babe" once again. Once dressed, she escorts me to a waiting Lester, who will take me to the garage. I meet up with Bobby and Tank, and we all climb into Tank's Highlander to drive to Stiva's. As usual, Tank gets the prime parking spot.

"Little girl, the wake doesn't start for another twenty minutes. I felt, we felt, that you'd want some time alone with Carlos."

I numbly nodded my head before allowing them to herd me into the funeral home. Once we enter the room, I feel all the breath leave my body as the reality sets in that Carlos is dead. I'm not sure how I did it, but somehow, I'm kneeling before his coffin, looking at his beautiful face, his hair falling perfectly around his head. He looks so young in death, relaxed as if he's without a care in the world.

I think back to the first day that we met. Carlos was ghetto Ranger, as I like to call that persona. He tried to scare me off, but he didn't. Never did I think I would fall so hard, that I would find myself lying in his arms every night and every morning. Now, he's gone, but my world keeps turning. How can I move on without my heart?

I decide to talk to him. "Carlos, why? Why did you leave me behind? You promised me that you'd be home that night, that you'd pick up where we left off. Why did you leave me? My world is over now; my life isn't worth living. I don't want to feel another man touch me. I don't want to feel another fire that isn't started by you. I don't want to have a stranger kiss me, or say someone else's names with my lips. I don't want to give my heart away. My light is gone, you were that light. There is no way I can ever love again. I vow to you, Carlos, that I will never love again. Carlos, I will wait for you to come for me, whenever my time is up, but know that you are it. You have ruined me for all other men, and I don't want anyone else, ever. Damn you, Carlos. I love you. We talked about having a family together, getting married, and now you're gone. My dreams are shattered. You made me want what I never thought I wanted. You made me feel what I never thought I could feel. You loved me, and I love you. Please, come back to me, Carlos, please."

I stand, placing a kiss on his perfect lips, touching his silky hair once more. I take a look at him in his dress uniform, regretting that I never had the opportunity to take it off his body. I try to remember everything I can, knowing that after tonight, I'll never see his face again. I reach into my bag, pulling out the pregnancy test that I took at lunch the day he died, showing that I was pregnant. I placed it under his hands.

"Carlos, I was pregnant. We were having a baby, but the stress of your death stole that child from me. Now, I'm left with nothing of you. Please watch our child. He's with you. I know that it's too early for me to know, but deep down, I know that our child was a boy. Let him know I love him and wish he was born. Goodbye, Carlos my love. I will love you until the day I die. I will think of you every day. I will never forget you, Ricardo Carlos Manoso."

I step away from the coffin, turn around and see Julie enter the room. She runs to me, enveloping me in a hug, "Stephanie, please don't forget about me. I can't lose you and Ranger."

"I won't Julie. I need you as much as you need me."

Carlos' family starts coming in, and I fade to the back corner. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want to crawl into a corner and die so that I can be with my Carlos. The night goes by without me needing to interact with too many people. Somehow, I make it home to Haywood, and into our apartment. I strip my clothes, climb into bed, and hold onto Carlos' pillow. His scent is fading from the pillow. I don't know how I will sleep once it's gone. I dream of Carlos. I dream of our time in Hawaii. Of making love with him all day and all night. I can almost feel him touching me, kissing me, loving me. Before he can give me the mother of all orgasms, he disappears, and I'm to wake up alone.

A few minutes later, Ella knocks on the door and once again helps me dress for the funeral. Ella tries to open the shades, but I don't want the sunlight. My world is nothing but darkness; I don't want the light to shine in, mocking me with its cheerfulness.

Once again, Lester, Bobby, and Tank are my escorts. My Merry Men are all dressed in their dress uniforms, looking good, but I can no longer feel any joy. My Hungarian hormones are no longer working. We arrive at the cemetery and walk to the gravesite. Carlos' parents are already there with the rest of his family. His mother Maria embraces me, telling me that I'm part of the family, not to be a stranger. I sit down in one of the seats set for the family, with Maria on one side and Abuela Rosa on the other. As the military ceremony goes on, I can't cry, I can't feel anything.

I'm numb. It's not until one of the soldiers on duty hands me his flag that the enormity of the situation sets in and I fall apart, clutching the flag against my chest, trying to stop my heart from breaking into a million pieces. Once again, it's Lester who offers me his shoulder to cry on, his arms to support me. Too soon, it's time to leave. I can't make my legs work. I don't want to stand up. Throwing my rose on his coffin will mean that Carlos is gone forever. It will acknowledge what I am trying to deny. It's Julie who helps me stand, who gives me the strength to say goodbye. Once I drop the rose, I can't move. I call out to Lester, who catches me before I can hit the ground.

Eight months later, I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling once more. I've lost forty pounds. I am too skinny. I know Bobby is worried about me, but I try to hide my weight loss with bulkier clothes. I haven't been out of the building in three months since Joe cornered me at Pino's trying to get me to marry him once again. I've stopped going down to five three days ago. Ella brings me food, but I don't eat it. I flush it down the toilet or throw it out, but I make her think I ate it. I have no desire to go on. Carlos, please, come back to me. I take the pills I managed to scrounge up over the past two months, prescription pain meds, anti-depressants, and sleeping pills. I know that these should never be mixed, but I plan on mixing them tonight. Today would have been my due date, the day that I would be welcoming our child into the world. Instead, I'm alone, so alone, even though my Merry Men surround me. They've tried to reach me, tried to help me move on, but it isn't working. Nothing they do can take away the pain I feel every day, the pain I feel at not having Carlos. I've been to three different doctors. None of them help. I'm beyond hope, beyond help; I've given up. I take the anti-depressants first, then the pain meds, finally the sleeping pills. I chase it down with a bottle of Tequilla I found hidden in the closet. I close my eyes, beginning to fall asleep.

Suddenly, I hear his voice. "Babe, why? I didn't want to see you so soon."

"I can't live without you, Carlos. I love you. You took my heart when you died."

"I missed you, Querida. Come, I'll show you the Batcave."

"The Batcave is forever, right?"

"Yes, Querida, it's forever. I love you, Babe."

"I love you too, Carlos," I respond.

Bobby's POV

"Bobby, I'm telling you, I have a bad feeling. I think she's given up. You need to go check on her." Ella tells me, adamantly. She left dinner on seven two hours ago, and when she went to retrieve the dinner dishes five minutes ago, she said Steph seemed out of it, groggy, more groggy than she should have been. I get Lester and Tank while we head upstairs.

Once we enter the apartment, I know something is wrong. It's too quiet. We walk back into the bedroom, finding Stephanie lying on her back, too still. I check for a pulse, and I don't find one. Lester notices the bottles under the covers and pulls them out.

"Fuck, Oxy, Vicodin, anti-depressants, and sleeping pills. There's a bottle of Tequilla on the floor. I think she took everything."

I search again for a pulse, this time using my stethoscope. "No pulse. Steph's gone. Damn it. I knew we were losing her, but nothing was getting through to her. How will we go on without Stephanie and Ranger? He was our leader, but she was our light. How will we ever love again?" I respond, knowing that Ranger and Stephanie were together once more like they always should have been.

INLA

A/N: I know! I'm sorry! I did warn you. I used about ten tissues writing this story. I know you all want a HEA, and maybe, if you squint, you'd see one, but I felt that a HEA wouldn't do the song justice. For those that want to know, the song is "I'll Never Love Again" performed by Lady Gaga from A Star is Born. I haven't seen the movie yet, so no spoilers, please. And to clarify, no one but Stephanie knew about her miscarriage. She hid it from everyone. Please review! Once again, SORRY!