TL;DR: Today, I, Alfred, fucked up by gifting my boyfriend (Arthur) and myself an ancestry DNA test and discovering we are half-siblings. Our relationship as of now is… complicated, to say the least.

Hey guys, I'm writing this post to mostly clear my head, because as you can tell based off the title, I have a lot to get off my chest.

This fuck up didn't actually happen today. It happened yesterday, but since then, I have been dealing with the fallout between my boyfriend and I.

I'll start with how my boyfriend and I met.

We actually met online, over social media. I think I was the one who sent him a friend request, and he accepted. For about three months the extent of our relationship was liking each other's posts and pictures with the occasional comment.

You see, Arthur lived in London when we friended each other, and I live in New York. We have the same group of friends who like to travel all around the world, so it wasn't too odd that two people from two far away countries would connect. What is very odd, is that we happen to be half-siblings, I mean, what are the freaking odds, right? But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself.

After three months of being acquaintances, Arthur announced in a post that he was moving to New York! He had received a full scholarship to earn his PhD. Of course, I immediately commented and told him that we should hang out when he got here.

After that, we began to message each other privately and got to know each other better. I found out how sarcastic he can be, and how much he loves weird things like magic. I guess you can say we became friends at this point, and two months later he moved to New York.

At this point, we had been friends on social media for a total of five months.

I hardly heard from Arthur while he was in New York for his first month. I chalked it up to him being busy with school and moving countries is no easy task. One day I posted a picture of me at the gym online, and Arthur messaged me. He told me how he had been looking for a gym in his area, and if I had any recommendations.

I looked up the area where he lived there were no good gyms near him. In fact, he lived in a pretty run-down area. But I mean, he's a student living in New York, so of course he can't afford to live in a penthouse condo. I myself work as an engineer, and at this point I was planning on moving to a larger and nicer apartment, but I needed another roommate to help split rent.

Anyways, I told him he'd be better off going to the gym near me as it was only a short train ride away and it was decently priced. I had a guest pass, so I offered to let him use it for free with me so he could decide if he liked the gym before he paid for a membership. He agreed and the following weekend we went to the gym together.

I don't really know how to describe it, but he was definitely more attractive in real life than in his photos. (Not that he's ugly in his photos, Arthur if you're reading this, please don't kill me.) When our eyes first locked I could just feel some sort of connection to him. At the time I thought it was infatuation but now I shudder to think if it was actually my body's way of telling me he was family.

I'm bisexual, and I immediately thought "fuck" because I could tell I had a small crush on him. His thighs looked amazing in his shorts, and while I new he was English, I didn't realize how captivating his accent would be. I could listen to him talk for hours. It breaks my heart, because to this day this is still true and I'm agonizing over my fuck up. I wish I never bought those stupid DNA tests...

While at the gym I learned how Arthur hated exercising. He let it slip that he mostly asked to come to the gym with me because he was lonely and wanted to hang out with someone. He also talked about how his landlord wouldn't fix any of the problems in his apartment despite how many time Arthur put in a work order request. I mentioned how I was looking for a new roommate and asked if he would consider it, but he told me he was content with his situation. I shrugged off his rejection and we had a lot of fun hanging out.

We swapped phone numbers at the gym and for the next few days we messaged each other nonstop. About a week after hanging out at the gym, Arthur asked me if I was still looking for a roommate because he woke up to find three rats running around his bedroom floor. He was completely done with the BS he had to put up with.

I told him I was still looking, and sent him the apartment information. He said it was perfect! He would only need to take one train to get to his university (he tutored there as well in order to support himself), and it was affordable.

A month later we were settled into our apartment together. We had known each other for half a year at this point. I kept my crush on Arthur a secret. I thought it would go away (I know, I'm an idiot for thinking this), but it actually got stronger. The more I learned about Arthur, the more I fell in love.

He has a witty sense of humor, that not everyone understands. We don't always get along, but that's what happens when two different personalities crash together. He's the type of person who loves to sit at home drinking tea while reading a book as it rains outside. I'm the kind of person who once broke their leg because they were doing backflips off of a moving car (it wasn't going that fast and i thought the snow would break my fall)!

Despite our differences, we love spending time with each other. In the first month of living together I introduced him to my friend group where he made other friends. We would stay up late at our apartment watching movies together, and it always felt weirdly like a date. I thought it was just me because there was no way that Arthur could like me back… or so i thought at the time.

One of these movie nights we ended up watching a cheesy rom-com. We were sitting next to each other under a blanket, our arms and legs touching. As lame as it sounds, I was as excited as I was nervous. I was (and still am) completely, and totally, into him.

The point in the movie where one person does the "over the top, please take me back, I realize I love you and only you" moment came on. Arthur mentioned how ridiculous this moment always is, and how could one dumb event could win over a person's heart.

I said that I'd love if my crush did something stupid like that for me, because it's a show of affection.

Arthur asked if I was the type to get swept up in a random passionate kiss from a crush. I answered with the obvious "duh". He asked me if I was sure, and after I said yes…

You guessed it. He kissed me! I was surprised at how quickly it happened, but I kissed him back. Suffice it to say, things escalated from there and let's just say we did "the devil's tango". (Again, if you're reading this Arthur, please don't kill me.)

When we woke up the next morning, I was worried that maybe our "adult activities" were just a one time thing, but I was so caught up in emotion at the time, that I just went with the flow of things. (Don't do that, kids!)

Luckily, Arthur brought the topic up first, and we decided to officially date!

Dating Arthur has been… amazing. I keep trying to think of a better word to describe how I feel, but I just can't. He's my soulmate. I love with him more than I've ever loved anyone. I'm crying as I'm typing this because I can't believe I could lose him over my fuck up.

It was Christmas, and we had been dating for three months. I decided to get Arthur and myself ancestry DNA tests.

You see, when Arthur was eight years old his father did a paternity test. It was revealed that Arthur's mother cheated on her husband, and Arthur was not his kid. Arthur's "dad" was devastated, and essentially abandoned Arthur and his mother. Arthur's mother refused to tell anyone who his real father is.

I grew up with only my mother. My father was an anonymous sperm donor and my mother had me through in vitro fertilization.

Neither of us knew our biological father, so I thought that it would be a fun thing to do for Christmas. The holiday that brings family together. Oh the irony…

Arthur was suspicious at first. He didn't want the government to have our DNA or something like that, but he eventually gave in. I wish I hadn't managed to convince him to do it.

We individually spat into two tubes, and sent them off in the mail to be analyzed.

After waiting two months we finally got our results back. I was the first one to open the results. I was so excited, I was practically bouncing in my chair. Arthur sat next to me, looking at the screen as well. I read through my health analysis. Everything was great! There was no family history of diseases or anything like that. Then I noticed that I had one potential familial match. I was so excited! Who could this mystery relative be?

I clicked the tab, and on top it read: "53% shared DNA: Arthur Kirkland is your half-sibling". My smile didn't fade from my face immediately. I must have obviously misread the results! But after re-reading that sentence for what felt like a hundred times, I realized what the results meant. I looked over at Arthur and his face was completely pale. It looked like he was going to faint or pass out or something.

I was the first one to break the tension by saying it had to be a mistake. I told Arthur to log into his account and see what it said. Sure enough. It said: "53% shared DNA: Alfred F. Jones is your half-sibling".

We both freaked out. I was rambling, saying how it had to be a mistake. Maybe we kissed, and our saliva mixed and it messed up our results. There had to be some sort of mistake in the lab or maybe they swapped one of our DNA samples for someone else's. Anything… anything other than what we thought the truth was.

Arthur on the other hand, was completely quiet and motionless. He wasn't saying anything. It was like he was in shock or something.

Finally, he got up without a word, and went into his bedroom, locking himself inside. He came out hours later, and told me he needed alone time to think about our relationship and where we can go from here. I offered to stay at my mother's house for the night, so he could have the apartment to himself, and he seemed relieved. Before I left, he admitted that he didn't think he wanted to continue our relationship. I was heartbroken, but understanding. We basically committed incest. Any rational person would be disgusted, shocked, and appalled… right?

The thing is… I don't care if he's my half-brother. I love him. I love him so fucking much and it kills me that I did this to us. If I never made us do those stupid DNA tests, we would still be living in blissful ignorance.

I called my mom and let her know I needed to stay the night in my old room. She was surprised when I arrived. That's when I told her the whole story. Arthur. The DNA test. How I was still in love with him. I told her all of it.

She was sympathetic, and cried with me. She offered to find out who my biological father is. I told her not to bother. I don't want to make this anymore real than what it is. Maybe that's unhealthy, but I don't care. I don't want to meet the man who did this to me and Arthur. Plus, Arthur is freaked out enough as is.

I cried myself to sleep. It is currently the next day, and I'm going back to the apartment to talk with Arthur. To say that I'm hurt would be an understatement. I thought Arthur and I would get married one day. We have nicknames for each other. He's my Artie and I'm his poppet. I don't want for this to be taken away from me… from us. I wish this was just a dream… a nightmare! I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be normal again!

I wish our life was a cheesy romcom. Then I could play a love song over a stereo and Arthur would fall back in love with me and everything would end happily ever after.

But real life isn't a romcom. Arthur hates people doing those kinds of things. No amount of flowers I could give him would make him happy like he was before. Everything's changed now.

Anyways… I've said all I can say about it. I'll update later when I can. Please wish me luck. I feel like I'll need it. I don't want to lose him.