Disclaimer: I do not own anything Doctor Who-ish. This story is just a result of my imagination playing around with the Doctor :)
Author's Note: Hey guys, this is my first fanfic story. I've been stalling putting it on here, but finally decided to take the plunge and just DO it! I'm nervous, excited, scared, nauseous and exhillerated about putting it on here! Reviews would be lovely, it would help me to get motivated to write some more to this story and get it up here as quick as I can. So if you like this story and would like to read more, then reviews would certainly help!
"But he's not YOU!" Rose whined.
"he needs you... that's very me..." The Doctor replied, trying his best to keep himself together.
...
"But...it's still not right! Cos... the Doctor's.... still you!"
"And I'm him." The Doctor nodded his head towards his human double, who looked on with an annoyed expression on his face, not liking the way The Doctor was referring to him as a child.
Rose stood in the area between the both of them and gestured for them to both stand closer on either side of her. They complied of course, wanting to do all they could for her… within reason.
"Alright... Both of you answer me this." She demanded, her eyes flicking between both of them. "When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?"
She locked her eyes with the true Doctor.
"Go on, say it!"
…
"I said: Rose Tyler."
"...Yeah and... how was that sentence gonna end?"
Say it. He looked helplessly into her eyes, begging her to understand... That he couldn't say it. It was already breaking both his hearts leaving her... again. If he told her that he loved her, his hearts would shatter completely when he left; and that was already a set plan. He screamed inside his head. I LOVE YOU, ROSE! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! He wanted to scream it at her. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and tell her that he would never leave her again. But, alas, he took the coward's way out.
"Doesn't need saying..."
A hurt expression flashed across her face, and she turned away from him to face his human double.
"And you Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?"
He watched as his double leaned in and whispered into her ear, and his proximity to her made the Doctor's stomach turn.
Of course he can say it, the Doctor scolded. The hairline cracks in his hearts finally split wide open as he watched his Rose kissing him. He couldn't take it anymore and without a word he turned and left her life... forever.
The Doctor woke with a start, his face, neck, and whole upper body covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He looked up at the TARDIS' ceiling and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and remembering the moment he left his Rose for the millionth time. He gave a frustrated growl and shook his head, blinking away tears that had formed in his eyes while he was sleeping.
He jumped up and strode over to the full length mirror in the corner of his bedroom to retrieve his clothes and caught a look at his reflection. He knew this regeneration was thin, but he currently looked sick.
He was wearing nothing but his briefs, which only highlighted the fact that he was nothing but skin and bones. His ribs were sticking out in an unpleasant way and his arms and legs resembled spaghetti sticks.
He raised his eyes to his face and squinted at what he found in disgust. His eyes were sunken in and his cheeks were hollowed out, making him look gaunt and... yes there were no other words for it... terminally ill.
He ripped his gaze from the mirror and threw his clothes on, striding down the corridor to the kitchen, opening cupboards at random and chucking whatever he found into his mouth, not really taking note of the taste of any of it.
He then went to the sink and bent over to drink straight from the tap. The TARDIS hissed in disapproval, some of her lights changing to a deep orange colour. The Doctor straightened up and glared angrily at one light in particular that had turned blood red.
"What?! I can't drink without upsetting you now?!" He demanded, turning the tap off and storming out the door and back down the corridor again, entering the main control room. The TARDIS didn't press the matter, but he could feel her disappointment in him. Not just about the tap thing; she hated that he was alone. She also hated being alone herself. More than that she hated that he was torturing himself like this.
He sighed and sat in his captains' chair, propping his feet up on the console. He hated fighting with the TARDIS; she was a part of him and he couldn't bear having her angry with him.
"I'm Sorry." He said quietly, truly meaning it. She hummed in acceptance, always forgiving him so quickly.
He checked his location on the screen; The Galapagos galaxy. He groaned at the little red dot that represented the TARDIS. He was way too close to her univ--- No... their... universe. A sudden rage swept through him at the thought of having to correct himself to accommodate Rose's new Doctor.
With the only objective being getting as far away from there as possible, the Doctor slammed and pulled and pushed and span random dials on the control panel. He wasn't even aware of what dials he was playing with, but he figured that 900 years of Timelord knowledge would just make his body automatically know what it was doing.
He figured wrong.
The TARDIS hurtled forward with such force that The Doctor was thrown from his chair, falling headfirst to the ground, throwing his hands out in front of him to absorb most of the impact. The TARDIS was running at full speed and he was flat against the ground on his stomach, trying desperately to make his way back over to the control desk.
He finally made it, hurling himself over to the console. He pulled on a lever, thinking about the dials carefully now, not wanting to make the same stupid mistake of letting his sub conscience drive. As he turned a few more dials, the TARDIS slowed and finally stopped with a jolt, causing the Doctor to slam into the desk and fall back into his chair.
He was breathing heavily and could feel a growing pain in his right wrist. He flexed it and held it in front of his eyes, surveying the damage. It didn't look that bad, and the pain wasn't unbearable. He must have landed on it wrong, or with a bit too much force when he fell from his chair.
He looked around the room to assess the damage. His eyes narrowed as he saw that some of the interior wall lights were blown for some reason. He walked over to one of them and studied the broken fibres. Hmmm... That doesn't usually happen... In normal circumstances.
The TARDIS groaned in discomfort. He ran his hands over the wall, furrowing his brows in concern.
"Are you ok?" He asked soothingly, examining the blown light closer to check for any real internal damage. Her answering hum was less pained, but still extremely uncomfortable. He didn't like seeing her in pain.
He ran back to his monitor and ran a search for any damage. The TARDIS was pretty beaten up but it was nothing that a good 24 hour rest couldn't fix. He sighed, glad that she was not damaged too much from his idiocy.
For the second time that day, he quietly muttered an "I'm sorry" and ran his hand softly over the control desk. The TARDIS gave a sound of contentment and he chuckled softly; sometimes she reminded him of a cat, purring when he pet her.
He glanced at the door to the outside and suddenly curiosity overwhelmed him. With one last pat of the control desk, he ran to retrieve his jacket from where it was draped over an inbuilt railing and jogged back to the door, slipping it on and pausing with his hand on the handle.
He turned to look back into the vast empty cabin, which had not long ago looked full to the brim with so many people; himself, Jack, Sarah-Jane, Mickey, Jacki, Martha, Donna, Rose and his double… He felt his stomach turn as he thought of those last two.
He gripped the handle tighter and furrowed his brow, hating the way the TARDIS hummed happily to herself, glowing in his memory and being so content to let him reminisce over the past. He shook his head and cleared that memory from his head, turning his face back to the door.
"Stop it", he told her in a low, firm voice. "They're gone and they're never coming back."
She stopped humming.
"I'm better off alone", he muttered, more to himself than to her.
He turned the door handle when a voice entered his head. He listened to the words that the TARDIS had put there. You don't believe that.
He paused for half a second before sighing in frustration and ripping the door open, stepping out into the bright light.
Author's Note: Clearly The Doctor has some issues, but, just like he usually does, he's going to try his best to distract himself from his pain, which is why he flew out of that door!