A/N: I'm apologizing in advance to all of you who hate waiting for the next installment. This one is a Work In Progress and the chapters will probably be posted erratically. Our favorite characters keep trying to go off on their own tangents instead of cooperating with my story…and I've also been distracted by a CSI story I've been working on. On the bright side, large chunks of this story are already written, just the connecting bits left to work out.

Part of this is in first-person from Stephanie's point of view, like the books. Because of my storyline I couldn't do that with all of it, so the Omnipotent parts will be divided by line breaks.

This takes place after "Eleven On Top" and my stories "A Birthday to Remember" and "Just Another Distraction".

Standard Disclaimer: Anyone you recognize belongs to Janet Evanovich. The story and any new odd characters belong to me. I make no profit, I do this just for fun.

No more talking…

Balancing Act by Harmne

Chapter 1: Admissions

I've come to the conclusion that life is some sort of balancing act, and that whatever forces are in charge have a weird sense of humor.

Thing have been odd for the last couple of months. Well, odd for me, which was saying something. I'd tried working at Rangeman for another month but the benefits of a regular paycheck and security were balanced out by boredom, the constant temptation of Ranger, and the near-constant jealousy of Joe. So I'd told Ranger thanks and quit, going back to work for Vinnie at the bonds office. That was a few months ago.

Work is actually going pretty well. I seem to have hit my stride where skip-tracing is concerned. My instincts are great, and finally, by trial and error and sheer dumb luck, I've acquired some of the necessary skills and tactics to make them work for me. I've managed to bring in my last seven skips without getting rolled in garbage or shot at, and my only injury was a dislocated kneecap. I still haven't figured out how that happened.

But now that work was going well, my personal life was out of whack. Ever since I woke up with Ranger in my bed the day after my impromptu birthday party I've been getting strange signals from him. Strange, like maybe he's changed his mind about being just my mentor and friend. He has always invaded my space, but now there seems to be a more personal feel to it. I don't know what to think. He's been a big part of my life in the past couple of years and I'd really like to know if there could be more between us.

Joe's been pushing, too. I have a hard time remembering the last time we were together for more than a few hours that we haven't argued about my job or marriage. I think he's reached a point where he's ready to settle down and have kids, and wants me to commit. I love Joe, but I'm not ready to try marriage again and the idea of children scares me to death.

My biggest problem, of course, is that I love them both. Big surprise, huh? I've finally admitted it to myself if no one else. Joe and Ranger. Ranger or Joe? I can't imagine my life without either of them. How can I choose? Make no mistake about it, they are both very definite Alpha Males. If I choose one, the other will disappear from my life. I can't make that choice. I don't know what to do and the pressure on both sides is mounting. If I can't figure something out soon I'm going to move to Kansas.

Things came to a head with Joe tonight. He'd called earlier and invited me over for pizza and a game on TV. It was comfortable and fun until he'd started on the marriage thing again, and it degenerated into another sad argument.

"Why, Steph? Don't you love me?" It was a fair question. I'd never been able to actually say it out loud, at least not to him.

"You know I do, Joe. I love you, I just don't know if I ever want to get married again."

His smile was the ghost of its normal self. "You finally said it. I was beginning to think you never would."

A tear escaped and ran down my cheek and I impatiently wiped it away. "That's never been the problem." I sighed. "I know you're ready to settle down and start a family. The thought of having a baby any time soon terrifies me. Me, responsible for another life? People well-able to take care of themselves come to grief around me. What would happen to a child?" Another tear rolled and I ducked her head. "I understand if you give up on me, if you don't want to wait – any woman in her right mind would marry you in a heartbeat. It would hurt, but deep down it wouldn't change how I feel about you. I'll always love you."

Joe rubbed the knot forming between his eyebrows. "You didn't mention the other reason you don't want to settle down. Ma?oso."

Fresh tears rolled, and I couldn't meet his eyes. "Ah, well… Ranger's a whole different problem."

"You love him, too, don't you?" Joe asked in a surprisingly soft voice.

"I care about him. I don't know if it's love. How would I know? I thought I loved Dickie, and you know how that turned out." I sniffed, determined not to cry anymore. "Besides, he's told me himself a dozen times that he's not interested in any sort of permanent relationship, with anyone. I'd be a fool not to believe him."

Joe was silent for a couple of minutes as if silently debating with himself, then he sighed. "He cares about you, cupcake. No man would do the things he's done for you out of just friendship."

"Maybe," I whispered slowly. "But that doesn't really change anything." I tried to take a deep breath and it trembled slightly. "I'd better go. It's getting late, and you have a long day tomorrow. Good luck in court."

Joe stood when I got up, reached out and pulled me into his arms in an embrace meant to comfort. "Don't cry, cupcake. Things will work out." He paused to kiss the top of my head, and sighed. "I love you. I don't think that's going to change. I'm not in that big a hurry to settle down and be a dad… I'll back off for a while and give you space. I'm not giving up entirely, but I'll back off. Just remember I'm here if you need me."

For a moment I clutched him tightly, then pushed away and left as quickly as possible.

Joe sank back into his chair, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Bob came over and laid his head on his knee, and Joe looked down at him with sad eyes. "I hope to God I didn't just make the biggest mistake of my life, Bob. I don't want to lose her. She panics when I try to hold too tight; I have to give her room. I have to let her free and just pray she'll come back…someday."