Disclaimer: I technically own everything about this story, this entire story came straight from my head. The only thing I don't own is the characters, all be it their personalities and what they say are mine, they are mainly the instruments of my voice and what I want to say...

I hope you connect with my story when you read this...and enjoy it :P

CHAPTER 1

Wednesday 16th, December, 2009

"Stop poking me, I've almost finished work, I just have to do this last article and I'm done then we can go upstairs and practice okay?" I giggled while my boyfriend kept prodding me with a small, oriental hand fan.

L has been my boyfriend since the 19th of August and it has been the best almost 4 months I ever though I could have had with a guy. See, I'm naive, L is my first boyfriend and my first love. He was my first in a lot of ways, and hey! Don't get your nickers in a knot, I'm still very much a virgin. But I have shared a lot of firsts with this guy? Man? Boy? And have I regretted any of them?

no.

"look I'm done now ok?" L smiled at me and sighed in relief that my tedious job was done for the day.

"Mum, I did the last article we'll be upstairs now, bye" I signed off of my computer.

See, I work at home, my family own 2 businesses, a computer software development website...thing, and a website for the community and region where I live that has articles of media releases and new things coming, events, businesses around here advertise on the site. It's kind of a big deal here in the community.

My mum works on the community stuff, she is the community chick, when people hear her name in stores and business stuff people ask if she is the charity chick. She writes great editorials for the newsletter we have which has thousands of people signed onto (including family which has gotten us into trouble a few times).

My dad is very much a computer dork, he is a program developer so he does all that coding, stuff, on computers. So basically in a nutshell he builds the programs you use to build and make websites. He does all the background stuff and he does a lot in real estate sites and has clients in the big city's around the country. If only they knew that he, and my mum, sit down here in a dinky little office at home, with five computers crammed into it, sitting around with no shoes on and wearing singlets and boardies. Basically my dad is in the top 3 website developers in the country, if only he'd get recognition for it.

"okay, good luck practicing." my mum dismissed me and L.

L and I have a big concert to do on Friday night. We were invited to perform with Herb Armstrong and the royal street Krewe at the Jazz club, in front of paying customers and everything! Its a huge deal for us. Herb Armstrong, funnily enough, is the late Louis Armstrong's grandson! He is big, he is black, and he is just like 'Satchmo'. He also has more front than a mac front if you get what I'm saying.

So it's very much an AWESOME opportunity for us to perform with these professional jazz musicians.

The past couple of days, L and I have been having, issues you could say. It all started two weeks ago. Things at home started getting really hard for me, but L was busy and he kept being busy. So I'd text him and he took ages to reply if he did at all, but that was okay, I mean he was busy with friends and family. So him not talking to me so much was okay.

But after not talking to me for, like, a week I noticed when he did text me it was only about the concert with Herbie. He kept pissing me off because he was too busy to talk to me but he wasn't too busy to make time to hassle me bout getting the music for the concert. It started really bugging me. But, I decided, to let it go, I just figured he had a lot on his plate.

On the Saturday, I had family Christmas Barbeque party thing, and he was invited. After hanging out with my family and then hanging out just him and I together, alone after everyone had left, everything was normal, so I let it all go. We had a great time together Saturday night just hanging out watching crappy TV shows while cuddling and, of course, making out in the ad breaks and don't forget retiring to the pool.

He was supposed to come over the next day to hang out together, but he canceled cause his dad wanted to spend time with him and his siblings which I was totally okay with, it wasn't like he planned on canceling on me. The whole day, he didn't reply to any of my texts, I just figured he was busy still, but I really needed to talk to him, things at home were getting worse.

I called him that night and he was, abnormally quiet, and I kept trying to talk to him cause I was upset bout a whole lot of stuff and especially the fact that the whole two weeks before he had only texted me, or talked to me to just hassle bout the music. And he just kept saying I was mad at him, when I kept telling him I was just upset not mad.

The phone kept cutting out and each time I was the one to call back. I ended up getting fed up and just giving up and going to bed. He didn't once text me or try to call me back.

The next day he was supposed to come over AGAIN, but he bailed on me. But only after I had told him I didn't have the music faxed to me yet. Which hurt. Because other than the fact that I missed him and was upset with his behavior, I really needed him. Things were getting really bad and I was so scared and stressed out with all these other things and I really just needed him.

I called him that night and we were talking a little but I was still really upset and he just, wasn't registering, which is strange for him. Usually he could read just one text from me and notice that I was upset about something and force me to tell him so he could try and help me. But then, he didn't even pick up on anything.

We kept talking, well a more accurate description would be I kept talking, but nothing was working. The phone kept cutting out again he still had it in his mind that I was mad at him, when I was upset. Just very, upset.

I ended up hanging up on him because I was crying, I texted him saying sorry, but he never replied. I texted about 7 apologies, but he never replied.

The next day he canceled on me again, saying we needed "cool off" time, what was that? So I ended up calling him that night and he said he was angry with me because I hung up on him. I explained, after many silent pauses that I hung up because I was crying and didn't want him hearing it. Again he was just being abnormally quiet and, off. We ended up talking for a bit but I ended up getting all upset again and hanging up on him again. I texted him apologizing, again, and saying it was for the same reasons as the night before. He replied, and we organized to meet for today.

He turned up this morning, just as I was finishing work and he has been normal, everything has been normal. It's great.

"ugh I hate working, so. Much." I sighed in defeat as I walked up the stairs, L following behind me.

"yea, but I'm glad we've got the music now, I can already do when the saints" L boasted.

"yea your just lucky trumpet Dixieland is easier then Trombone dixieland" I responded, fake pouting.

OH, I forgot to mention this before, I play Trombone and L plays Trumpet. But to be totally honest, I totally own him.

When we got to the top of the stairs he wrapped his arms around me.

"I missed you" I mumbled into his chest.

"I missed you too" he spoke into my hair.

"L, the shit keeps hitting the fan, I'm so confused and, upset right now, with all this stuff happening" I said while letting go of him and walking into the kitchen, to lean on the bench.

"I think I may have to see my grandad this weekend...which is bad, real bad, I'm so scared and upset, I don't want to I don't want to at all" I started tearing up.

L walked over and stood in front of me, arms either side of me holding me in place. He just hugged me and kept hugging me.

I glanced up at him and he suddenly planted a kiss on my lips, an incredibly one might I add. But it seemed to be over too quickly.

I smiled up at him.

"we should start practicing" L said interrupting our gaze.

"yea, haha, I can't play shit" I joked.

We walked over to my dining table and set up our instruments and got everything ready but I could get my mind off all my shit. I just sort of sat there looking down, I couldn't exactly focus on the music. L looked down at me.

"look, we need to talk" his words shook me to my core.

"what do you mean? About what?" I asked.

"about, the fighting the last couple of days and stuff" he explained.

"what fighting? That was hardly fighting I've just been really upset bout all this stuff and, I was upset that you could make time to hassle me bout this fucking music but not to actually TALK to me." he just looked at me.

"I just, can't get over this, I just, you're mad at me and you hung up on me"

"what? Ugh I'm not mad at you and I wasn't mad at you I'm just upset there is a difference, and I'm still upset, but I told you why I hung up on you and I apologized so many times and you never texted back" I was starting to get really teary now, that wasn't a good sign.

"yea well, I was angry and I still am mad at you, for just hanging up on me" I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"what are you saying L?" I asked, getting more and more teary I don't like where this is going, I don't know how much longer I can hold up. Man I'm pathetic.

"well, I'm just saying what are we going to do, I don't know what to do anymore"

"what do you mean you don't know what to do, I apologized heaps and your still mad at me?"

"this just isn't, something I can get over." is he being serious?

"I'm still really upset with you and how you made time to hassle me about this fucking music, but not to just TALK to me, and the shit at the moment is hitting the fan and, I'm so confused and upset and scared." I said starting to get even more teary and emotional. and fuck. I'm not even on my period.

"ugh!" L huffed in frustration. "I just, don't know what to do anymore, what are we going to do." L said. Why does he keep saying that? What is he trying to say?

"what do you mean? What do you want to break up?" there, I'd said it, those horrible words.

...

silence