PAY - OFF
By Gail Gardner
Detective James Ellison stormed up the steps of Police Headquarters to the fifth floor. There was a serious hush on the fifth floor, bastion of administration, home hive for the people that worked behind the scenes of a busy police department. The secretaries, the file clerks, the maintenance department. Not, to leave out one, the more important...the paymaster.
Ellison rapped on the door loudly, holding back his temper and the wish to just kick in the door.
He stepped into the office, not waiting for an invitation.
"Ellison, Major Crimes, I have..." He leaned over the desk to better intimidate the bean counter.
"Oh, good, this will save me from sending you a memo." The Paymaster General for the Cascade PD was a slightly balding, but fit looking man who looked like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He waved a hand to a comfortable, but low slung chair before his desk. The springs creaked and shifted down another inch as Ellison fit is big frame into the chair. His chin barely came up over the name plate of Mr. Rodgers, CPA in front of him.
"Now, ah Detective Ellison, what can I do for you?"
"My checks bounced. Electricity, phone, water, and my truck payments!" Jim growled.
"Ah, you want an advance on next month's salary. Well, as you know the policy is that only 25% can be advanced at one time. Let me just look at your record..." Rodgers deftly typed in some figures into the computer.
"I don't want an advance!" Ellison snarled and tried to pry himself out of the chair so he could tower over the accountant. "I want this month's paycheck. That is why everything bounced. I wasn't paid! You guys goofed up!" The chair let go of Jim with a sigh and shrieking scrape across the worn linoleum floor. "The ATM even swallowed my bank card!" he seethed.
It was more than embarrassing, He had to even borrow money from his destitute roommate, between them they probably had twenty dollars to live off of for two weeks!
"According to my records, you were paid Detective Ellison. In full, for time worked. Exactly $4.98 in the minus."
"What?!!" Jim Ellison plopped himself heavily in the chair which gave a groan and sank him down so his chin was even with the desk.
"It is all right here, Detective. May 28th to June 7th you were on sick leave. Unfortunately, you had already used up your normal 60 days of yearly sick leave already, so they were in the category or absent without pay. "
"I was shot in the line of duty!"
"Did you turn in the UFS -2 form? Turn in the doctor's certificate? We don't like to get these things after the fact. You'll have to have a UNP form from your Captain - he paused. "In triplicate, of course. Then," Rodgers continued, "There was a leave of absence from June 11th to June 13th, without pay."
"Blair, my uh roommate was sick, wouldn't take care of himself." Jim muttered running his hand over his thinning hair.
"Is 'Blair' listed as your 'significant other?'" Rodgers asked tactfully. "We do make allowances for partners when they are sick." He looked sympathetic.
"He's not my significant other, he's a ride along consultant with Major Crimes. Anthropology student." Jim muttered and hoped he wasn't blushing.
"Oh, you mean Mr. Sandburg, wonderful young man, his medical bills with the department have fallen 10% this year. Was he shot in the line of duty?"
"No" Jim said and tried to shift in the man eating chair. "It was the flu."
"Tsk, tsk, there is a lot of that going around. Which brings us to the vacation time you took off from the 16th of June until 29th. "
"We went camping for three days. To relax, recover, we got stranded by an out of season blizzard."
"Oh, well that falls under the act of God clause. If you can get a meteorological report and submit the proper forms. My, you were lost for over a week?."
"No, only two days, the rest of the time was spent playing hide and go seek in the woods some escaped prisoners."
"Well, all you have to do...."
"I know, fill out the forms, get a note from my Captain. When can I get paid?" Jim heard the whine in his own voice and clenched his jaw.
"Get the forms on my desk tomorrow and I'll have your pay for you in three days. I'm always happy to help you fellows out in the field." Rodgers smiled revealing a gold tooth that flashed.
Jim levered himself out of the chair which clung to his hips like a tight pair of jeans. He pried it off to have it fall to the floor with a thump and a twang of tortured springs.
"Thanks." Ellison said gruffly.
"No problem Detective, just remember to keep an eye on your work schedule and turn in all the necessary forms!"
Detective Jim Ellison closed the door the Paymaster's office, he was sure he heard Mr. Rodgers snicker and say "Good old chair".
Note: This is definitely a fanon piece, and a little more tongue-in-cheek than angsty, just think of all the problems and time taken off by Jim when you all are whomping him and Blair, or sending them into the woods to be et by bears or attacked by ruthless criminals. Jim doesn't have time to be a regular cop!