I do not own any right on the Walking Dead series. And I do not own any character. And I do not earn any money from that writing hobby. Bethyl. Danger of spoilers for those who began to watch the show lately (just like me). This is my version of the episode. You know the one during which the relationship between them is depicted, for once. I am just a damned romantic, so it is not 100% accurate, it is why the expression FAN FICTION is so perfectly elastic…in my opinion. And please be nice, because English is not my first language, so I did what I could for Daryl's speaking ways… Please enjoy, and sorry for those who don't. Feel free to review, it is always welcomed.
Walking Dead Damned Romance Novel
or
Moonshine Against Walker's World
It has been around three weeks. They are still running from the walkers. They are hiding in the trunk of an abandoned car, waiting for the undead to pass just by them until the last one. They are exhausted, hungry, dirty, sticky and far beyond stinky. But at least they have each other to face this horrible and unmerciful world. They are the living aberration. But it should not be like that…
Beth is barely recovering from Hershel's death, unsurely hoping that Maggie is alive somewhere. She is devastated by the loss of her new enlarged family, especially Judith. She feels like the baby is her own daughter now, even if she knows that Judith is kind of everybody's baby. She misses every single one of them, her survival friends that helped her to learn how to survive and be useful in their new community. And she feels guilty about the children she was supposed to find and bring back to the bus. If she thinks about all of them dead, she will lose it. Quietly waiting in the corner of the car's trunk, her overstressed mind tries to contain her chaotic, swirling and mixed feelings… because she is still thankful for being alive… and thankful to be still able to be thankful. Even now. Her hand holds Daryl's ankle, like if it is enough to help her to stay grounded. Well, maybe it really does.
Daryl stays hidden in the trunk, waiting for the walkers to pass their way. Aware of the danger, he stays still, feeling responsible for her safety. He silently curses, sure that they both are the last survivors of their clan and convinced he somehow could have avoided all this carnage by himself. Two of them. So few. It went bad so fast. And now they are running again into the wild. At least he can trust her. Her hand on his ankle helps him to stay on duty, grounded. He won't fail her, ever.
The last walker finally passes. They wait a long moment. Nothing but silence. She slowly unties the red ribbon. They carefully have a look outside. Now sure that the area is safe, they step out of the trunk, rapidly stretching their bodies before they take their leave. They finally climb in a huge tree, sleeping one after the other, until they have enough rest to allow them to continue. Needing to eat, he finally catches a snake while she eats nuts she found in another car on the road, just before they enter the woods. They pass the day there, eating what they have found, trying to recover now that it looks like they can have a break.
Looking at Daryl absorbed by his snack, Beth is slowly but surely overwhelmed by the reality of their shared loneliness, their mutual loss, the colossal task to survive together, without the safety of their trustworthy group. Standing on her feet, she finally talks to him, because they barely exchanged head signs since they are on the road.
- I will lose it. I have to do something.
He totally ignores her.
- Hey, put that damn snake jerky in your bag. I need a drink.
He quickly looks at her, not interested.
- Fine, stay here and enjoy your snake snack, I am going on my own before I go crazy.
Still ignoring her, he takes another bite of his survival meat, while she takes her knife and leaves the ashes of the fire camp. Noticing that she is leaving for real, he takes his stuff and follows her silently. They find a bar in what was a golf club, where Beth almost starts crying before an empty peach schnapps bottle. So he throws away the crap bottle, before they leave the place to return into another part of the woods, where Daryl found a little wooden house, weeks ago.
- Been there with Michonne. You'll hav'ur drink.
He shows her some bottles of homemade alcohol.
- My father told me that you can become blind with bad moonshine.
- This one's good.
- Are you sure?
Daryl mumbles what she now is sure is his one hundred percent affirmative noise that serves as a yes.
- Why?
- Tasted it.
- Will you drink with me, then?
He now mumbles his categorical no sound.
- Why?
He shrugs. His ``I don't want to talk about it`` move. The one when he turns his back with his subtle shoulder avoiding subject motion.
- Come on, Mister Dixon, just tell me why. It is not like if there is anyone to hear it besides me…
He stubbornly stays silent, and her craving to lose contact with reality urges more than ever. She knows he is not the talking type, but they had a couple of short conversations back in the prison. She remembers very precisely the one when he came back to tell her Zack was dead. She was sad about it, but Zack was just a friend. She was desperately trying to awaken Daryl's protective knight fiber. Something in the way he held her that day let her hope, but things went so fast right after… He probably does not even remember. Maybe she just imagined his protective arms around her? She is so clueless about men… But she is sure it is worth it to try later…
Letting go for now, they both barricade the little house in the woods with wooden material. They cover each window and even the door with blankets, so they know that their low light won't be seen from outside. They even checked twice from the woods before they finish with the door. They know they are as secured as they could be.
- So… I guess I can get drunk now?
He shrugs affirmatively. His jaw is a little tense. Does he know his body is so expressive?
- You don't drink, so at least you could play with me a drinking game.
He shrugs again. But this time his head makes a subtle yes move. Seems like he does not know about it, and even does not care, but since they have nothing else to do…
- Let's make a new version, since you don't drink. You declare something you never did and that you suppose I did, or not. If I did, I drink. If you did what I declare, you answer me, one question at a time, instead of a sip. The sentences must be in the negative form…
His face reveals his thoughts. He obviously thinks it is a stupid adolescent game. It surely is… But she thinks it can be more useful than it looks... He somehow feels the trap, even if he cannot tell for sure what is the trick.
- So Mister Dixon? I never stole a car.
- Ver'funny.
- Come on. It is only the warming part. I saw you doing the cable trick…
- I guess… Jus' ask your fuck'n question.
- Do you miss Little Ass Kicker?
He looks like she just punched him in the face. He did not see it come. Fair enough… He nods as an answer. She now knows for sure. The subject is somehow closed…
- Your turn, Mister Dixon.
Looking around him, moving on his seat uncomfortably, he finally tells:
- Never tried to kill myself.
- Jerk!
- Wanted to drink or not?
She drinks. The moonshine hits her throat like liquid fire. She coughs twice, but regains her honor quickly. She takes the time to let it sink, while she thinks about what she will tell next.
- I never got drunk before.
- Sy'one
- So… Why not drink with me?
Moving uncomfortably on his position, he looks at the wall before he answers:
- Cause I'm an ass when I drink. You donneed an ass.
Daryl takes a few moments of reflexive silence.
- Never played stupid drinking game.
- Mister Dixon, I cannot drink on that one!
- Where di'you learn that shit?
- I watched my friends.
- Mmph… yeah right… fair enough…
Annoyed by the last affirmation, and now her mind a little foggy because of the strong alcohol, they silently wait until she finds another sentence.
- I never loved a guy before…
- Liar… Wha'about that Zack kid? Damned romance novel…
- Well he was just my friend… he wanted more.
- Mmph… No question.
- No! I don't believe you are gay, or even bisexual!
- Loved my bro. Didn't specify the kindalove…
- Jerk!
Determined to let her see how her game is stupid, he tells her quickly:
- Never took a baby before Little Ass Kicker.
- A shot for me!
Daryl was so sure she was THE perfect babysitter… Well, she sure learns fast with babies… Now trapped at her own game, Beth does not want to lose contact with reality. She is close to know what she wants to know. At least she wants to try. So she goes to the bathroom, while she pees she exchanges the moonshine for water, faking a long sip before she sits in front of him again.
- So Mister Dixon… I never killed a squirrel.
- Mmph. Whadaya want?
- Were you single when it happened?
He only nods, looking at her with another perspective, not sure at all he wants this stupid game going that way… so he tries to say things that she won't drink anymore… But he did so many things she surely did not…
- Did'nt see my mother turn.
- I did.
She sees he is surprised. Maybe he does not want her to drink anymore after all? Interesting…
- You are cruel Mister Dixon. But I still have my drink…
So she drinks water, not letting him know that her drunken feeling is almost gone.
- M'sorry, Beth.
- Ok. My turn. I did not search in the woods for a little girl.
- Dammit! Said I'm sorry!
- Why are you mad at me, Daryl?
Hardly controlling himself, he curses in his beard. But he finally answers.
- I'aint mad at you. Jus'think I could've done something to sav'hem.
- So do I…
Staring in each other eyes, he suddenly understands that she is opening a door to their common pain. He sees how she got old fast in this sucking world… So young and so old at the same time… She slowly approaches him, letting her head rest on his chest. After a long while, his muscles finally relax, and then he holds her in a mutually comforting hug. But he does not sink into it for too long. He gently pushes her back to her seat, like if she is still drunk. He tries another affirmation.
- Never killed a horse.
- You are taking bad guesses, Mister Dixon.
- No way!
- I can drink!
She takes a big false alcohol sip, to his unbelieving…
- Explain me…
- The horse was sick, suffering. Dad and Maggie not there. Mother dead. I had to.
- …
Now plenty recovered, she decides to corner him, because she has to know… after losing everybody. She needs him more than ever. She needs more than a survival partner…
- I did not have sex with a man.
Uncomfortable silence.
- Course I didn't. No quest'n forya. That kid at the farm. T'was ur boyfriend…
- I said with a man. He was a kid, you just said it.
Daryl does not really like where it is going. Well, maybe he would… if she was not drunk. But now it is a dangerous no turning back from telling secrets road. She is tricky…
- …Well, jus'ask. This'one's free.
- Do you see me as a kid, Daryl?
He notices she does not joke with Mister Dixon anymore. She is serious about this question. She does not seem drunk anymore. But he knows she still drinks… She must have planned her questions. It must be why she is so clear in her thoughts… But he is not sure he wants to play anymore. He does not really know how to answer that. Or maybe he is just afraid if everything changes…
- Dunno.
- This is not an acceptable answer. I will go wash myself because I have enough to stink like a dead goat. Think about it. And answer me when I come back.
Damn it! While she is walking behind a small and half transparent curtain in the back of the room, he thinks seriously about this question for the first time. As he hears her wash herself with the rain water that was on the porch before they hide, he thinks about all the times they had to wash together in rivers and lakes on the road. Every member of the group has seen almost all the others naked. But everybody was trying to not look at each other, trying to preserve some privacy. He knows he was avoiding her especially, because she was so young at the beginning. He knew how it was uneasy for women during their bad days… But now, he knows what she went through. She is not a kid anymore. She is still eighteen, but not a teenage girl anymore. Just like Carol is not a beaten woman anymore. Just like Carl is not really a child anymore. Just like he is not a solitary wandering wolf anymore. Everybody changed since it started. Especially the younger ones. So, now that she asked him, he has to admit that he sees her not as a kid anymore. He sees her as an equal. And since the prison, more precisely, now that he has to think about it.
-So, Daryl? Do you see me as a kid?
- I'll go wash too.
Not letting her talk back, he hurries to the water pot, splashing his face with water. He takes his time to wash himself, trying to buy some time before he answers what he thinks will change all between them. So, if he is honest with himself, he was concerned about Zack not being serious with Beth. He was afraid to see her heart broken. But he was also vaguely afraid to lose his chance to be with her, later. He was not planning anything. He was just thinking that very far from now, in another world, things would be settled enough… to be with someone. It was a faraway thought, hidden somewhere in his normal life man ideal. And he could not see anyone else than her beside him. Pragmatic stuff covering something he did not allow to become romantic, for many reasons. But things changed lately. Coming back to her, he does not know how to answer exactly. Fucking words…
- Not'anmore.
- Since when?
- My turn.
- Damn it, Daryl!
- U'asked for that stupid game.
- I don't even drink anymore, Daryl!
- …
She drank half the bottle. He is surprised she is not puking right now.
- U don't know what ur sayin. Should be puking by now.
- I stopped since I peed, Daryl. I drank water for long now. Not kidding.
Understanding that she trapped him to have this conversation, he is now very convinced that he was right not to see her as a kid anymore. She is wise…
- Well, let's play, Baby. Answer.
Him calling her Baby gives her sudden goosebumps everywhere, which he notices. But his face stays unreadable.
- Never stole food from my sister.
- Jerk! Of course, you don't have one!
- Shu'up. Answer me. You planed this interrogatory shit?
Not wanting to lie to him, she answers him spontaneously.
- Yes and no… I was trying to bring you to let your guard down, to have a real conversation, and ask you the real questions. I just asked things I wanted to know about you… and… but when I understood that I was going to get drunk so soon, I wanted my head clear back to remember all your answers. I really need… Daryl…
He grunts as an answer. She sees that now that she began that stupid game, he won't talk to her except if they continue this game…
- I never had sex.
- Told tha'one b'for.
- Not exactly. I told I never had sex with a man. Now I say I did not have it at all.
She is a virgin? Damn it! It is like if she is not a woman anymore… But that one was well planned and tricky, from someone who has enough experience life to make efficient strategy. Smart. He loves that she is a smart ass.
- Ok. Jus'ask.
- Are you attracted by me?
Obviously, she was going to ask it, sooner or later. And of course he is attracted. Like never before. It is more than attraction. He cares for her. He wants to protect her. He wants her happy, safe.
- Ain't playing an'more?
- No. So? Are you?
- …
- Answer me, Daryl. Shrugging is not an answer.
- Answer b'for.
- Answer what?
- Ever pleasured yourself?
Her face becomes a little pink, but not that much, and not for too long.
- Of course!
So, she is not that innocent and clueless about her own body… And she can face intimate sex talk. So the balance comes back to the woman side.
- What's all'bout, Beth?
Starring in his eyes, she is thankful he played that stupid game until now, without judging her, without laughing at her. So she now hits the no turning back point. So be it.
- I don't want you to see me as a teenage girl. We went through lots of shit together. I can fight, I can defend myself, I learned lots of useful things. Mostly from you. I am no more the clueless adolescent I was. I know you can protect me like nobody else. I trust you. I make dirty dreams about you. I don't want to stay a virgin. I want it to be you. I hold my breath for days every time you leave, and I am just half relieved when you come back, because I cannot make you my welcome back hug. I love you, Daryl.
So it is more than attraction. He had to know. He is stunned by her words, but he feels something is worth it more than survival in this fucking world.
- Love you too, Babe. R'u sure bout'it, Beth?
- Sure.
- Next time u wanna get laid, jus'ask. Don'hav to start drinkin'game…
- I know… It was just to… give me the courage to ask you the real questions, I guess... I thought I wanted to lose contact with the cruel reality of this world, at least temporary. But I soon realized I just wanted to face if we could be together in that cruel reality. Because you and me… It brings light, don't you think? A hope that we could heal, somehow, together…
Her warm voice surely shows what he means to her. She is not drunk. She is asking for it. She is asking for some joy and happiness. She is asking to feel alive again. Just like him. He was just too much set on survival before she brought him to open.
- Jus'tell if'u change u'r mind, Darlin.
- Ok, but I won't, Mister Dixon…
And she starts to laugh a little, her smile as sweet as a full moon in summer... Well, if she is asking for it... so playfully, he has no reason not to comply. She is not drunk at all… quite the opposite: very lucid. She seems at ease, really ready… really needy. They are on the same vibe. It is enough for him to jump the imaginary barrier between them. So he pulls her toward him, enclosing his protective arms around her hips and waist.
- Com'here moonshine girl.
- Why that?
He shrugs before he answers, savoring her goosebumps from his touch… so responsive. She wants to be his woman. This thought sinks slowly, like if he has to process it, from his brain and heart to his body. Last remainings of the imaginary barrier.
- B'cause u'r the only thing that makes my blood fire w'tout makin me an ass.
- Well, it is your longest sentence ever. And it sounds like a poem to me, Mister DICK SUN.
- Like u'r accent, darlin. Sounds like u want somtin from me?
- I want all of you, man. R.F.N.
- Ok. Last question b'fore.
A little annoyed, because being so close of him fires her inside.
- Want to be my wife?
She did not see that one come. Husband and wife?
- Of course! But no ring from a walker… So gross…
He does not speak that much, usually. So making love with Daryl Dixon has nothing to do with drinking tea. But she already understands all about his body language, and what he makes to her that night is the best love declaration. Well, he obviously decrypts very well her own body language… as well as he craves for her reactions to his touch… Her dirty dreams were porridge compared to his cares. She enjoys every second of it, and so does he. Like if it was their last night on earth. Because they know it could be. But from now on, they survive together, each night of love a sacred gift to them, for which they are both thankful, an almost forgotten feeling in the Walker's world. It helps to remind them that the livings are not the aberration.