I look at you and see beauty
I look at you and see perfection
I look at you and realize it may never be
You look at me and see
A friend
Friend
Just friends
That's all Mitchie ever thought about these days, how much she despised the word "friends" in certain situations. It could be such a cock block word, and sometimes it was the most painful word in existence.
Like the first night she and Alex had reconnected after over a year. She had managed to get Alex away from her boyfriend, Jason McCann, for a night and to say she was slightly nervous would be an understatement.
As she and Alex sat in the restaurant talking about what had been going on recently in their lives, she couldn't help but sneak occasional glances at the girl. Her beautiful raven hair straightened with no extensions to speak of, only a tad amount of make-up that was almost impossible to notice, and her million watt smile that hadn't left her face since they had arrived. Alex's natural beauty was something that couldn't even be compared to Aphrodite, she was far more beautiful than that in Mitchie's mind. To Mitchie, Aphrodite would be cowering in shame in Alex's presence and hide away for the rest of time.
"Mitch, you okay?" Alex asked, noticing her best friend spacing out at nothing in particular.
"Huh?" Mitchie said, finally snapping out of her trance. Alex only giggled, which sent a million butterflies swirling around Mitchie's stomach and her cheeks turned slightly red.
"I wanna get a picture of us." Alex said.
"Oh, okay." Mitchie said. Alex set her phone on the napkin dispenser and set the timer so they had enough time to pose. Mitchie hooked her arms through Alex's and Alex gave her best kissy face as the camera went off and took the picture.
"Awe I love it!" Alex gushed as she showed Mitchie the picture, sending an immediate smile on the girls face. Mitchie saw Alex pull up Instagram on her phone and she quickly edited the picture along with the caption
Dinner with my best friend Mitch 3
And Mitchie's hear sunk a bit
Friend
Just friends
I want to tell you I would treat you so much better
If you gave me a shot
I'd show you what it's like to laugh
I'd show you what it's like to live
Most importantly, I'd teach you how to love.
Mitchie knew that she could treat Alex much better than Jason ever could. She and Alex had known each other since they were 5 years old and met on the first day of kindergarten; they knew each other better than they knew themselves sometimes and could read each other like an open book. Mitchie knew that that type of connection was something that Jason didn't have with Alex, or so it seemed like it whenever Alex was having a bad day and Mitchie instantly noticed whereas Jason would barely notice. Mitchie knew Alex could do so much better than Jason, but really who was she to judge when she was practically the reason Alex was with Jason in the first place.
I can't do any of that
Unless you let me in
I know I have to let you go
But just know that you don't have to walk this path alone
Let me be there with you when the sun falls out of the sky
Let me be there with you when the ambulance goes racing by
Let me be there when you are ready to cry
But no matter what I'll always be there when you're ready to smile.
I want you to be right next to me no matter the situation
You are the reason for my star gazed look
Love is a hurricane
Meet me in the middle
It started back in June of their junior year. Mitchie and Alex had been dating for about 6 months secretly and they were having their end of school year dance. As a slow song came on Alex and Mitchie watched all the couples begin to gather together and just looked at each other, wanting so badly to join the couples on the dance floor but they knew what could happen if anyone saw them dancing together, and more than likely they'd make a few more-than-friendly moves and end up kissing her once or twice but that wasn't allowed, not if they wanted to keep their relationship a secret. Mitchie was the first to take her eyes away from Alex and quickly make the excuse that she needed to use the bathroom to get away from the sight of couples dancing and knowing that she couldn't join them, all because the one person she want to dance with was a girl, and the school would have a field day finding out she and Alex were together. As she exited the gym the sound of music began to fade and she was finally left alone with her thoughts. Why did love have to be so complicated? Why did it have to be so wrong in people's eyes to love your best friend? Finally Mitchie found a set of lockers and with a slight sigh she sunk down to the floor. It was several minutes later when she heard the sound of one of the gym doors opening and heals hitting the floor.
"Mitch?" Mitchie heard from down the hallway and her head shot up at the voice. Heals continued to click against the floor and it only took a split second to realize who it was.
"I thought you said you were going to the bathroom?" Alex asked.
"I know, I just needed to get out of there." Mitchie replied not taking her eyes off the ground.
"Why? You okay?" Alex asked as she took a seat by Mitchie. Mitchie took a second before she answered.
"I couldn't watch those couples anymore." Mitchie said quietly. It didn't take much for Alex to put two and two together and she just brought Mitchie into a hug and held her close.
"Mitch, I know it sucks, but you know what would happen if someone saw." Alex said rubbing comforting circles on Mitchie's back.
"I know but….ugh! I hate this! I hate the fact that we have to hide and watch our backs no matter where we go. We shouldn't have to! Why the hell is it so wrong?" Mitchie asked slamming her head against the locker as Alex released her from her embrace.
"Don't you think I feel the same way? It hurts me just as much as it hurts you but it's what we have to do." Alex tells Mitchie as tears now threaten to fall. Alex took a second before speaking up again
"I Promise, the second we can, we can tell everyone but right now…it's just not the time."
With a sigh Mitchie managed a nod and Alex held her arms open which Mitchie gladly accepted and the two girls each other close.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
But I had my shot
It's tearing me apart that I missed my shot
It's gotten to the point that I'm pourin out my heart and soul on a simple piece of paper
Even though I know it's not gonna happen
All I can do is dream
About you and me
About me and you
About what we could be
What we should be
Most importantly, what we're not.
It only got worse as the months went on. Mitchie's frustration over Alex not being ready to publically be together, her jealousy, everything just went into a downward spiral that eventually sent Mitchie into a depression far worse than anyone could imagine. One night after she and Alex had a fight over the phone, Mitchie went out with her friends Kyla and Matthew and partied...hard. That entire night was a blur and when Mitchie woke up the next morning she was next to a nameless brunette she had met the night before, their clothes scattered around her bedroom floor and as Mitchie went to go down the hallway to get some asprin from the bathroom cabinet to get rid of her god awful head ache, she noticed an envelope tapped to her door with her name on it, the writing all too familiar to her
Mitchie,
So I come to apologize for arguing with you last night, only to find you in bed with another girl? I thought you loved me Mitchie, but clearly that was just a lie. Don't call or text me, because I'm done
Goodbye
Alex
Tears threatened to fall down Mitchie's face but she knew that crying just showed weakness, so she crumpled up the note and threw it in trash can, then proceeded to wake up the brunette in her bed and told her to leave before anyone else found out. After that night, Mitchie and Alex never spoke for a year, until Mitchie's depression, self-mutilation and other things sent her into treatment, where Alex phoned her crying the first day she had arrived and apologized for everything that had happened between them. For the rest of Mtichie's stay Alex phoned at least once a week, and finally after a year the girls were taking baby steps forward, instead of taking huge steps back.
You gotta step back at some point in life
And take it into perspective
You have to know you're making the right decision
To put you one step ahead of everyone else
Now you, you believe you made the right one
But I'm trying my hardest to show you that you are wrong
So If you want to know what I'm going to do
I'll tell you what my decision is
It pained Mitchie to say it, but she knew Alex was better off with Jason. She saw how much damage she had done to the girl before, and she was afraid of putting Alex through that again, having to deal with seeing the pain in her gorgeous eyes any time they fought. So when Alex had told Mitchie about Jason while she was in treatment, Mitchie was excited for the two, because she knew that if Alex was happy she was happy. But when she arrived home after 3 months, happier and stronger than ever before, it hurt a bit to see them together but knowing Alex was happy made the pain disappear slightly, because she knew Alex was happy and content, something that Mitchie still felt like she wouldn't be able to give her. Sure they were back on good terms; great terms even, but just because they were slowly getting back to normal didn't mean the wounds of the past had fully closed up. Feelings were still there, feelings that both girls knew would probably never go away. Sometimes those feelings still got in the way, like one night when Alex and Mitchie had planned to hang out at Mitchie's place but shortly after Alex arrived Jason had surprised Alex with an unexpected date, which Mitchie got upset over because she had been waiting quite a while to finally get some alone time with Alex. The two girls fought and of course Mitchie being jealous went on a rant about how Jason didn't deserve Alex.
"Mitch, he makes me happy. I thought you said you were okay with everything." Alex said, her voice threatening to crack after their slight yelling match, the memories from the previous year coming back to haunt her.
"I am Lex it's just...you have no idea how hard it is for me to see you with him. Every time I see you two the only thought that runs through my mind is how I wish it was me and that I should have never of fucked things up the way I did." Mitchie said, finally feeling a breath of fresh air after her confession, though she wasn't able to look Alex in the eyes as she said it,afraid Alex would see the tears forming in her eyes.
"Mitchie, look at me." Alex said, pulling the girls head up with her index and middle finger so she could properly look her in the eyes.
"You were the first person to ever completely have my heart, and you still are. I still love you with everything I have, but I just...I need time Mitchie, I need time to put myself together again. You did more than just cheat one me, you broke me and a part of us that's going to take a while to fully put back together. One day we can try us again but for now...I don't think I'm ready for it yet." Alex said. Doing her best to keep her tears at bay Mitchie nodded and the girls were soon interrupted by a vehicle horn honking.
"That's Jason. I better get going." Alex said grabbing her sweater and heading out the door after giving Mitchie a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
And Mitchie watched Alex leave, with a guy that didn't even come close to deserving her, from her bedroom window as she finally let the tears she had been holding back fall down her face.
For me my best decision is chase our Hurricane.
But no matter what, Mitchie knew she couldn't give up, not until Alex was in her arms, the way things were meant to be all along. Through every storm, hurricane, tornado, or blizzard that came their way, Mitchie would fight her damnedest to prove to Alex that she was the one she belonged with, not some over rated hair flipping boy that could never treat her like she deserved to be. Sure Mitchie had hurt Alex,badly,but that didn't mean she wasn't willing to do anything humanly possible to make it up to the girl.
one day, Mitchie would make it up to Alex, make up every tear Alex ever shed, every piece of Alex's heart that had fallen to the ground because of her, she would pick up every piece if that meant Alex would forgive her for all the pain she caused her.
Love is a hurricane.
Meet me in the middle