Saturday

Chicago was covered in snow that kept on falling. A thick carpet muffled the sound of footsteps, but the city was far from silent. Excitement was the general atmosphere, with Christmas lurking around the corner. It was late at night and the city would have been wrapped in darkness if it hadn't been for the many flashy neon lights, Christmas decorations…

Chicago Field Hospital was no exception. The surroundings had been decorated in a cheerful manner, despite the place being one where people died every day. It was cheerful, because many more people [i]survived[/i] every day. As always, it was hard to find a spot on the parking lot that was nearly full. Chicago Field Hospital was always busy, anyone working there would never be bored. But sometimes, one has to sit back and think about the past day, think through what happened and try to cope with it.

Doctor Bette Porter's office was dark. Lights from outside fell into the room, faded, a weaker reflection of their original brightness. Bette Porter herself felt like a weaker reflection of who she really was. Not even her computer screen was casting some light at her desk; for the first time in ages she had turned it off. She was very aware of herself, she was very aware of her body and of her mind. Aware that she was there, alive, healthy and that Daniel Carter was in the morgue, dead, empty.

She sighed and rubbed her temples, willing the tears not to fall. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, a few stray bangs dangling in her neck. Her shift had passed hours ago but she had been incapable to stop working. She had to keep going, the adrenaline rush was the only thing that kept her moving, that kept her from falling into a black hole that was impossible to crawl out of on her own. And she was very much on her own.

Before she could stop it, a single tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly, but there was nobody to see her. It was an automatic reflex. She had sent her team home for a well-deserved rest, Christmas time was always busy with the loads of snow and the icy roads. A few of them were on call in case a new patient came in. Her team… she cared deeply for all of them. The core of the team had been working together for quite some years now and that was rare in this hospital, where teams changed like a hooker's underwear. People left to go to quieter places, or because they wanted to settle down, which was close to impossible with a hectic job like this. Young people, fresh from college, came to gain experience and sometimes sticked around.

The newest young doctor was a good-looking, shy, vulnerably honest and compassionate girl. This resident had been in the top of her class at medicine school and had been offered an internship at the prestigious Drano Hospital. She was a Chicago native, however, and had wanted to work in the hospital where she could heal the people she knew – of course, Chicago is a big city and she didn't know most of the patients, but it was the idea. Also, it was convenient that she had managed to find a cheap apartment closeby.

Bette knew all of this through the other team members – the regulars and the fellow students. She wasn't one to have deep conversations with her staff. She did care, but that compassionate side of her was hidden, deep below the surface of her sarcasm and wit. Nobody knew it… nobody knew that whenever a patient of her died, she retreated in her office, trying to get herself over it. And this case was special, because she had known Daniel Carter as a fighter, a young man who didn't give up. She had been treating him since he was sixteen. She still recalled the day he had walked in there, seven years ago, as if it were yesterday. He had been one of those rare people that warmed her heart, made her smile, encouraged her.

And now he was gone. He had died today. On a Saturday, his favourite day of the week. So close to Christmas, she couldn't imagine what his family must be going through. What was gnawing away at her resolve was the fact that she felt guilty for doing this to them, to him. She figured this was how a lawyer felt when he lost in court, but this involved a human life. Not only did this prove her imperfection, it also triggered the feeling of not being in control, of not being able to heal him, losing the battle against his ilness. He had lost his life and it was her fault, she was convinced of that.

She was so far away in thought that she hadn't heard the knock on her door. She was surprised to see her door open and she quickly recomposed herself, forcing a smile. Her heart leapt and sped up when she saw it was doctor Tina Kennard coming in, the girl she had been thinking about just a few seconds ago.

"Hi," she smiled. "I'm sorry I didn't wait for an answer, but I've been knocking for ages."

"I'm sorry. What are you still doing here? I thought I had sent you all home. You all deserve some rest, especially you. You've been working so hard lately it's a wonder you're still walking."

Kennard smiled shyly and closed the door behind her.

"Take a seat," Bette invited her. She tried to keep her act up, but it was proving to be increasingly difficult. She knew that Kennard wouldn't judge her, wouldn't laugh at her, wouldn't think she was weak for breaking down and she knew that Kennard wouldn't tell the others that she had.

The blonde resident stepped forwards and sat down in the chair in front of Porters desk. She tucked a strand of her beautiful blonde hair behind her ear and studied her fingers. She wasn't used to this personal attention from the attending. The brunette never seemed to even notice she was there, barely acknowledging her. Her colleagues had told her not to bother, that this was how she [i]was[/i]. Porter only spoke to her when necessary. Most of the time, it felt like she was avoiding her. It always made Tina feel uncomfortable, she was sure that her boss didn't like her one bit. She didn't know what she had done wrong – she was pretty good at her job, she was kind and polite, always did what everyone asked her. She was a fast and ambitious learner, but she always tried her very best not to annoy anyone. Sometimes, she wondered why Bette Porter hadn't convinced the Chief that the blonde wasn't meant to be a neurosurgeon, therefore was wasting her time and would be of better service in another field of expertise.

The truth was that Bette did pay attention to Kennard, very much indeed. She was aware of this young doctor's presence, she was aware of her brilliance and her kind heart. It would make her sick if it were any other person. Kennard's integrity was somewhat fascinating to her, mostly because she was well… genuine. So many people [i]pretended[/i], including herself, but this girl just was who she was and who she was was great. She had been avoiding the young doctor because from the moment she had met her, she had felt strangely drawn to her. She wasn't in love, didn't even have a crush – Bette Porter didn't do crushes. She was a loner and that was how she wanted it. Her favourite pastime was annoying other people and selfish as she was, she never really cared enough to be in a relationship. She would only give if she knew she would get something in return, be it at short notice or at a later time. She was very patient to get what she want and she almost always did. She realized that a lot of people who knew her wondered why on earth she had become a doctor. She was not even respectful – rude was her middle name. She could imagine Tina Kennard being very giving in a relationship, doing everything for her partner.

The information she had on the blonde had been gathered over a period of time. She knew that Tina's parents hadn't been exactly supportive of their daughter for some mysterious reason. She would find out. Kennard had paid her medical studies all by herself, through hard work, a lot of saving and a job. She now lived in a simple apartment, content to be on her own but still longing for affection. It was something Bette couldn't imagine. She didn't need anyone else, she felt fine, all by herself. She didn't need someone to fuss over and she didn't need to be fussed over. She was human, of course, so every now and then she would go to a bar and pick up a random woman whose name she had forgotten by the morning.

She was again lost in thought so deeply that when she heard Kennard cough loudly, she felt like she awoke from a trance. She looked at the girl in front of her and smiled encouragingly. She let her eyes wander over her – she did look very attractive in that white lab coat – who was she kidding, this girl would look great in jute bag. She was always dressed in a classy way, but never over the top.

"So, any reason as to why you are not at home sleeping right now?" Bette asked. She placed her elbows on her desk and rester her chin on the tops of her fingers.

"I… I don't know, really. There's just this and that to do and whenever you feel you're ready and set to go home, they want you to do one more thing…"

"Just don't get overworked. We wouldn't want a brilliant resident like yourself to drop out because of an early burn-out."

Tina was surprised at this to say the least. Bette Porter wasn't one to care about the amount of hours or work she put in. The only thing about it that may have bothered the brunette was getting called on the carpet by the Chief. It was kind of part of being first an intern and then a resident, she had always figured.

"I won't," Kennard assured her. An awkward silence fell again. The blonde was clearly considering something and sometimes, she opened her mouth as if she was about to say something but closed it again.

Tina could barely see Porter in the darkness, but her boss' eyes had adjusted to it by now. She saw Kennard hesitating. "You can ask me whatever you want, you know. If there's something you've always wondered about me, now would be the time to find out."

"I don't want to offend you."

Bette laughed sarcastically. "You needn't worry. Insults don't tend to get at me."

"I just wondered… why did you become a doctor?"

"Ah, the traditional question. People seem to find that very intruiging… but that is not an answer. I have become a doctor because…" Bette hesitated – would she, really? Her voice softened. "I've become a doctor because of completely selfish reasons. I've become a doctor because it makes me feel like I'm not totally useless. Also the fact that when I was in college, it always felt great to see the looks on people's faces when I told them I was studying medicine – they labelled me as smart right away and that opens doors. It automatically seemed a reason to respect me – something that I craved, being biracial and… a woman." She had nearly outed herself, but had decided against it last minute. She was scared it would scare the blonde away.

"You don't want to help people?" Tina asked, a tone of disbelief very apparent in her voice. Of course, she knew Porter and hadn't expected this to be a main reason, but to not be of any importance at all…

"It sort of comes along with the job, doesn't it?"

"I guess."

A silence fell again. They could hear sounds of beeping machines, gurneys being rolled through the hospital, diluted voices… but no word was said in the dark office. After a while, Tina cleared her throat again and said: "I don't want to sound nosy, but why are you still here? Your shift must have passed hours ago."

Tina's eyes had adjusted to the lack of light as well and she saw the change in Porters demeneour. She looked down at her hands that were now resting in her lap. She seemed to bit her lower lip and it seemed to Tina that she wanted to stop something that was about to overwhelm her.

"Hey – are you okay?"

Porter cleared her throat and sat up again, her voice trembling ever so slightly. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I… I know Daniel Carter was a special patient to you."

Without any warning, Porter burst out in tears. Hearing his name had brought down the little that was left of her resolve, her pretence of being strong and unaffected. Tina was slightly shocked at first – she had expected Porter to just dismiss this statement and say that she would be okay, that this wasn't the first patient she had lost in an OR. Worried about her boss, Tina got up and walked over to her. She was a insecure about what choice of action was appropriate, so she decided to just follow her instincts and wrap her arms around the sobbing brunette. It felt so weird to be hugging doctor Porter and she was momentarily conviced that this was a dream. But then Porter hugged her so tight she almost couldn't breathe – this was most certainly real.

Tina felt how Porter needed to feel someone, someone who cared and was there for her. Someone the brunette could lose herself into. She straddled Porters lap to be able to embrace her fully and tucked a few strands of her behind her ear, hushing her.

"Sht, I'm there Porter, I'm here for you," she whispered in the silent night. "I'm always here if you need me, any time."

She didn't say everything was going to be okay and Bette was grateful for that, because right now it felt like anything would never be okay again. For the first time, she realized how lonely she had been all this time, without friends or family to be there for her. After a while, she managed to get some words out.

"It's my fault he died, T," she sobbed.

Tina furrowed her eyebrows. Her friends called her T, some colleagues called her T, but to her boss she was just Kennard. What she frowned upon more, tough, was the apparent feeling of guilt. She hadn't known Porter was capable of feeling that emotion – heck, any emotion.

"You did everything you could, Porter."

They sat there for what felt like hours on end, Tina on Porters lap, Porter crying like a baby. Tina kept on hushing her, wiping the tears away every now and then, tucking strands of hair away, but most importantly being there for Porter to hold onto. Porters fingers were entangled in her blonde hair, the other hand resting on the small of Tina's back. Tina felt somewhat nervous because of this, but she didn't show.

Finally, it was Bette who spoke. What she said seemed to be completely besides the point. She looked up at the blonde, cupping her face, softly stroking her left cheek. The look in her eyes was one of intense desperation and it scared Tina a little – she'd always known Porter as a very strong woman.

"You know there is a reason why I avoid you?"

Tina shook her head, waiting curiously for the answer to that question. It was a big step for Porter to actually admit this behaviour, and on top of that she would receive an explanation. Bette swallowed and Tina frowned her eyebrows – it was really nothing for Porter to be nervous, certainly not around her. Tina waited for her boss to break the silence, but no words came.

"Are you gonna spill it or do I have to drag it out of you?"

"I…" Bette hesitated. A hand wandered to Tina's ear, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind it. "I think I better… show you."

Before Tina could reply to this, Porters lips were already on hers and even if she had wanted to, she couldn't stop their lips from merging. She felt the tip of Porters tongue softly licking her bottom lip, seeking entrance into the blonde's mouth. Tina moaned slightly, giving permission. Porters strong side showed as her velvet, warm tongue entered Tina's mouth forcefully, exploring the roof of her mouth and her teeth. The brunette sucked Tina's tongue fiercely and the younger woman thought she would come right there and then. A thousand thoughts were going through the blonde doctor's head and even more emotions took hold of her, but they didn't matter. What mattered was to cherish this moment, to keep this kiss alive for as long as possible.

This situation was strange to say the least, but neither of both women could deny the cloak of comfort they seemed to be wrapped in, the feeling that everything fell into place, that this was the moment both of them had been living up to for such a long time – of course the blonde couldn't deny feeling attracted to Porter physically. Tina felt Porters hands roam her sides and she took hold of her boss' face, trying to deepen the kiss even further. After what seemed an eternity, Porter broke the kiss and gasped for air. Tina did the same. The blonde rested her front against that of the brunette and they took giant gulps of oxygen. Words weren't necessary, they would only break what was transpiring between them. Porter took hold of Tina's hand gently and brought her pulse up to her mouth, endearingly slowly, as if she were a vampire that was about to bite her radial artery and suck the blood out of it. Instead, she sucked the sensitive spot gently at first, and then gradually more insentively. Tina felt her center throbbing and was now aching for the woman beneath her.

"Make love to me," she whispered huskily in a low voice.

"No need to ask me twice," Porter flashed a grin and for a moment there, Tina recognised her boss, the arrogant and smug one. She had always hated that grin, but now she couldn't help but find it immensely endearing. Porter whispered in Tina's ear to wrap her legs tightly around her and hold on to her and stood up from her chair. Tina obliged without objection and felt Porters muscles as she was carried towards the couch that stood in the office. The muscles turned her on – it was a sign of Porters strength.

Bette dropped Kennard softly on the sofa, careful not to hurt her. She still couldn't believe this was actually happening, she had actually done what she had wanted to do since the moment she had laid eyes on the young woman. As she lay there, looking up at her with her beautiful hazel eyes, Bette noticed the dilated pupils shining in the darkness, emanating desire. In combination with the flushed cheeks and the slightly parted, glistening lips, this blonde was a sight for sore eyes. Bette subconsciously bit her lower lip and shook herself out of her day dream. She let her hands roam Kennards body slowly and it felt as if she were in one of her fantasies again, the fantasies she had lived on for the past few years. The fantasies that caused her to stay away from this particular resident. Except this time, it was very real as she felt the younger doctor shiver under her touch, letting out soft moans she probably wasn't aware of, but sent goosebumps all over Bette's body. Bette slid the two halfs of the lab coat aside, her palms applying light pressure on her stomach, and immediately started unbuttoning the professional striped blouse under it. Her fingers were trembling, something that had never happened to her before. She was very sure of herself, a confident woman that knew how to please other women. She slid the lab coat and then the blouse over the blonde's shoulders, throwing them in the darkness behind her.

Without being aware of it, she groaned in frustration when she discovered the white tank that was still in her way. She lowered her body over that of the resident and began kissing her neck, alternating with licks and sucking fiercely. She heard Kennard moan appreciatively and it was almost too much for her senses to take. She felt the younger woman's tigh between her legs and involuntarily started grinding it. She took a deep breath and tried to recompose herself, which was a hard job. Her lips found their way to Kennards pulse point and she let her hands wander under the tank, touching the flat stomach underneath, trying to feel as much of it as possible. She cupped Tina's sides and put pressure on her belly button, which caused Kennard to raise her hips and the sexiest sound ever escaped from her mouth. Bette took the hem of her tank and pulled it up, revealing a lacy bra she soon got rid of – in her own way, of course, by taking the straps down with her teeth first.

Tina thought she would pass out when she felt Porters soft fingers exploring her breasts eagerly. The brunette's hands found Tina's back and lifted her upper body to her waiting mouth. She moaned loudly when she felt how Porter blew hot air on her nipples, followed by fierce kisses all over her breasts, excluding the hard nubs. Finally, Bette relented and she traced circles around her nipples with the tip of her tongue as she was massaging the other breast. Soon, the brunette alternated between sucking, kissing and twirling her nipple around in her mouth. She wanted to get a taste of the woman as well, but knew that her boss first had to satisfy her own desire. And it wasn't as if she wasn't enjoying this. She shrieked when Porter bit her nipple lightly, causing her to balance on that delicious boundary between pain and pleasure. When she was satisfied, she switched breasts. Tina threw her haid against the pillow, pushing her body up. She wanted as much contact as possible. She needed Porter to go further southwards. She felt the need build between her legs and was sure she wouldn't be able to wait much longer for a release. Porters mouth started to explore the valley between Tina's mounds and moved further down from there. She licked her stomach, her hands on her hips, trying to keep them down. The brunette pressed an extra hard kiss on Tina's belly button, knowing what it would do to the blonde resident's pussy. Finally, Porter started fidgeting with the buttons and fly of her pants. When that obstacle was out of the way, it was only a matter of seconds before Tina's pants flew somewhere in the office.

Bette lifted her body for a moment, taking in the amazing view of doctor Tina Kennard wearing nothing but a lacy black thong. Her chest was heaving, her head thrown back, her creamy skin flushed. She sought out the freckles and stored them in her memory. This was the image that had filled her dreams day and night, this was the moment she had always longed for. But she didn't get the chance to revel much in this sight as Kennard, clearly impatient and eager for release, took her hands and placed them on her hips. Bette flashed her a dazzling smile and used the same trick as she had with the bra, dragging the panties down with her teeth. She knew that it was being done excruatingly slowly, but the reward later would be all the more satisfying. When the panties had finally reached Kennards ankles, she took them off and threw them behind her. Her eyes shone; dinner time.

Tina couldn't take it anymore. She brought her hands to her center and opened her lips for Porter already, who seemed very pleased at the sight. The brunette licked her delicious lips, took hold of Tina's ass, lifted her lower body up and brought her head down. She breathed hard, some of the air reaching Tina's already hard clit. Porter placed her tongue at the bottom of her pussy and dragged it up to her clit in one slow, long lick. Tina was convinced she would orgasm even before the brunette had entered her. She took the hard nub in her mouth and sucked at it fiercely, so hard that Tina had to grab the sides of the couch to keep her rocking body under control. Porters hands wandered up her body, taking hold of her breasts and kneading them. When she finally dragged her tongue to Tina's entrance, she used her thumb to apply pressure on her clit. She circled the blonde's entrance for a few seconds. The moment she entered the young doctor, she pinched both nipples. It was an overwhelming sensation. Bette slowly built the rhythm of her thrusts, caressing Tina's inner walls. The foreplay had lasted so long and had made Tina so horny it didn't take very long before she felt the ripples of an orgasm coming and soon she was riding the waves of ultimate pleasure. Porter never stopped and altough Tina was convinced she couldn't take it, soon another mind-blowing orgasm consumed her. She breathed hard and shivered when Bette left her center and crawled up her body, snuggling close. Tina rested her head in the nape of her boss' neck, holding her tightly. After a while, Porter spoke.

"So, this is why I have been avoiding you."

"You really shouldn't have."

"I thought you were straight."

"I thought you didn't think I was good enough to earn your attention."

"I hope I've proven you wrong."

"You have."

They lay there for quite some time, finally connected. Tina still couldn't believe her boss had actually just made love to her and it was positively the best sex she had ever had. Sleep crept up on her, but she couldn't succumb to the slumber just yet.

"I think it's my turn now," she said, winking suggestively but failing miserably. Bette thought it was extremely cute.

"I know you're exhausted…"

"Don't you underestimate me!"

Kennard flipped Bette over in a movement so strong you wouldn't have expected from her. She was ready to give Bette Porter the time of her life.

Tina didn't have the patience to undress Porter slowly. She quickly got rid of her clothes and when she finally saw a fully naked Porter standing before her, she couldn't help a guttural groan escaping her throat.

"Lie down on your stomach," she whispered huskily.

Bette complied and arched her back when she felt the blonde's lips on her lower back. Tina's strong tongue licked Bette's spine, causing goosebumps to rise all over the brunette's body. The blonde kissed her way down Bette's back, paying special attention to her ass and then finally reached her inner tighs.

"Turned around, I want to see you," Tina ordered.

Bette groaned and followed the blonde's orders. It was an unknown sensation to have someone command her. She had been used to being in charge for quite some time now.

She wondered what else this blonde had in store for her – she had no idea what other sensations were about to take her over.