Lucy walks into the guild one day and loudly proclaims that she has a boyfriend.
Erza chokes on her strawberry cake, resulting in Gray attempting the Heimlich Maneuver; it doesn't work very well, and she turns on him murderously- Natsu gags on his drink, Mirajane faints, and Levy squeals, even as Gajeel is saying something loudly about idiotic lying blondes.
"I'm not lying!" Lucy sticks out her tongue childishly and turning to face away from them. Natsu recovers from his having gagged on his fire whiskey (the problem with choking with drinks, he decides, was that weird feeling in the nose that made you feel like sneezing, only not, and like you were choking- only, y'know, not) and intelligently utters:
"Wuh?"
"It's not that hard to believe, is it?" She says hotly, lips puckered up. The girl strikes a vain pose. "After all, I am a beautiful, wonderful, amazing, talented-"
"Sure, sure, Lucy," Mirajane says soothingly. Lucy scowls.
"He's nice," she claims scathingly. "And hot. Nice and hot and smart and hot."
The guild members all stare uncomprehendingly at her. "And hot!" Lucy says again for emphasis.
"So what?" Natsu says stoutly, and perhaps a little too uncaringly. "I'm hot."
His hair twists and flares into flame, and he snorts. They all simultaneously look at Natsu's flaming hair, and then his toned body.
"In both ways," Cana mutters into her barrel appreciatively. A nice body was a nice body, after all.
"Y-yeah? Well, I'm cool!" Gray says, oblivious to the situation and not wanting to be outdone. Juvia coos her agreement.
"No one cares about you, freak!" Natsu snarls.
"Who're you callin' a freak, freak?" Gray retorts.
"Wait!" Lucy moans. "This is about me having a boyfriend."
Natsu twitches almost imperceptibly at the word and decides to vent by socking Gray in the face. Gray responds in turn; within seconds, a fist fight has started.
"Very manly!" Elfman says approvingly, and jumps in to join. Cana starts calling out bets on the winner as Erza tactfully ignores them and eats her cake.
"But… my boyfriend," Lucy mutters miserably.
"It's okay," Levy comforted, patting Lucy on the back. "You have Natsu."
Lucy turns to look at the pink-haired dragonslayer, whose pants are slipping off and has destroyed half the guild for the seventh time that week. He purposefully ignores her gaze; she harrumphs and turns away stubbornly.
"He's not hot enough," the blonde says condescendingly, though her blush and tone of voice make it clear that she's lying. "That's why I made up a boyfriend-"
Natsu loses his footing on the floor and falls, face first onto the ground. Gray and Elfman jump on the chance and tackle him. Natsu is gurgling something that sounds like a protesting squawk of "Not hot enough?" and "Wudduya mean made-up boyfriend?" He is quickly silenced and distracted by Gray, who has stripped down to his underwear and is preparing to launch an ice cannon. Natsu punches his face.
Makarov and Mirajane watch the whole spectacle bemusedly.
"So do you reckon that they'll be together soon?" Mirajane chuckles dreamily.
Makarov smirks and silently decides that they're still too stupid and young (Lucy and Natsu are still alternating between violent flailing and subtle glances at each other that are quickly interrupted by their denial of anything at all).
(But seriously, it's just a matter of time.)