A/N: song inspired fic "Can't be Friends" Slight spoiler for "Supply and Demand"
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
It was sometime after Emily's death and after Spencer admitted he was having fears about his sanity. We were all headed home for the night after thankfully an uneventful day at the BAU. We all seemed a little worn after all the emotional up-heaval as of late. Pretty Boy was dragging his feet heading toward the elevator. I decided to stop him and ask if he wanted to go catch a bite to eat, and maybe get a drink. I don't know if either he was too tired to say no, or just really did want to go, but either way I think we both needed the company. This past year had been a roller coaster. With JJ's departure, a new recruit, and Emily's death, I think we were both looking for something old and familiar, and our friendship fit into that catagory.
And I wish we never did it
After dinner and a few drinks at the bar and grill, I took him home. The ride to his place was full of our usual playful banter. It felt good. It felt comfortable and easy. It was too good to be true, I guess thats why I had to do something to mess it up. When I pulled over to let him out at his place, something in me just made me do it. I didn't want him to leave my car, so when he smiled and said goodbye and reached over for the handle to get out the car, I reacted. I pulled him back in. He was startled at first but even more startled when I leaned over and kissed him. Surprisingly he kissed back, although tentatively at first, but once we got warmed up, it was a scorching kiss. A kiss I think about a lot at night. A kiss I wish I could take back.
And I wish we never loved it.
When we finally pulled away from each other. We were both dazed. He fumbled out of the car without looking back. I wanted to go and stop him, but honestly I didn't know what to say. What was that? And why was it so amazing? And why am I scared to death right now? This is the last thing we need. Just when I was trying to reach out for something familiar, and comfortable, I just made things foreign and awkward. I really fucked up this friendship. How can we ever go back to being friends, just plain old friends?
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you, and now it aint no way we can be friends.
For weeks after the incident we walked on egg shells around each other. The whole team could sense something was up with us two, but not in a million years would they guess it would be something so unlikely as this. Although I knew he was avoiding me, I could still feel his gaze on me when he felt I wasn't looking, and I'm sure he felt mine on him as well. I couldn't get him out of my mind. But I knew this wasn't what either one of us wanted. I didn't want to feel this way about him.
And if I knew it end like this, I never would've kissed you, cause I fell in love with you.
So, when Hotch told us that other job opportunities were coming our way, and to let him know if we were considering them. I wasn't surprised when Reid decided to leave the BAU to teach at a local college near by. And it was no shock that I took the New York field office job. I think we both knew we couldn't face one another each day feeling the way we felt. It would have been too difficult, and unsettling and neither one of us wanted to take the chance to actually explore our feelings further. So we took the cowards way out and departed from one another. Damn, if I could only go back and change it, I would.
And it aint no way in hell, that I can be just friends with you.
Aint no telling what we could've been.