A Pokémon Carol

By RBW with suggestions from StoryMaker

Name: James Scrooge

Year: 2009

Pokémon captured: 12

Success-to-failure ratio: 6.4

Funds used:

James stopped and looked at the separate sheet listing each expense over the course of one year and wondered how far he could get from the truth without grossly exaggerating. He tried not to exaggerate too-too much. If he had written down the truth (that he had captured zero Pokémon and his success-to-failure ratio was zero) he would be fired for sure.

James was a member of Team Rocket, and they were required to give an account of themselves each year. The deadline was approaching and he hoped to get the form done. He also hoped his boss would believe him.

Knock knock.

"What is it?" James growled.

Meowth pulled open the office door. "Um, master?"

"What?"

"Do you know what tomorrow is?"

"December 25th. Our deadline for getting this form in. Opportune time for catching Pokémon. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was wondering if I could, possibly, maybe…"

"Spit it out!"

"…Have the day off? So me and Ekans and Koffing can spend Christmas together?"

"Are you mad? Christmas is the one day of the year when everyone lets their guard down! I'll need all hands on deck to steal as many Pokémon as possible!" He glanced down at the form his was filling out. "And maybe we can even make up a little less this year!"

"I know, but-"

"But nothing. Tell that to my other Pokémon!"

"Yes, sir." Meowth sadly walked off.

James looked out the window. The streets of London were covered with glimmering frost, and James guessed the wind was frigidly cold. But somehow, poor peasants danced about the streets merrily holding candy canes and making snowmen. He immediately knew why this was. It was because of Christmas. "Christmas!" James scoffed. "Bah Humvenonaut!"

Just then, James heard the doorbell ring. Annoyed, he got up and went downstairs. "Who is it?" he said nonchalantly, opening the door.

"Hi!" said a young woman. "We were just wondering if you could help our charity!"

Oh, not these "spirit of Christmas – give to the poor" people again, James groaned. What is the spirit of Christmas? Screaming out carols for no cause? Stuffing cheap candy in oversized socks pinned to the fireplace? Bah Humvenonaut! Sticking his nose up in the air, he snobbishly replied, "I'm not interested," and preceded to close the door.

"But wait!" the woman said worriedly.

"What?" said James, not impressed.

"You don't have to give much! Just maybe a little -!"

"I'm not interested!" he said angrily.

"But it will help Poké-"

"I'm NOT interested!" James shouted.

"But the spirit of-"

"BAH HUMVENONAUT!" James screamed, slamming the door in the woman's face and causing a chilling breeze to blow in her face.

"Bah, Humvenonaut!" James growled for the fiftieth time that day as he climbed into bed. "What good did Christmas ever do anyone?"

Suddenly the window flew open and the curtains fluttered in the freezing wind.

James sat bolt upright. "Who's there?" He demanded.

Suddenly a shape blew in with the wind. When it cleared up it was the shape of a human, an adult as tall as James, with deep red hair pulled back and small green earrings. Her shirt also had a large red R on it and she wore boots like the ones at the foot of James' bed, but she wore a white skirt instead of pants. In her side was a bloody mark showing the spot one of an unusually violent Officer Jenny's bullets had found its mark. Around her neck and arms were various objects tied to strings: Pokéballs, wigs, various costumes, even a small balloon.

"Jessie!" James shouted. "But-but you're-"

"Dead, I know. Do you think I didn't notice?" She snapped.

James shuddered. "What on earth are you doing here?" Then, reeling backwards, "Have you- have you come to haunt me?"

"Yes, but only for an hour." Jessie checked the clock.

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. I finally get you out of my hair and you-"

Jessie grabbed her former partner and smacked him for all she was worth.

"Just like old times," James croaked.

Jessie cackled, then stopped herself. "I forgot. I'm here to tell you about the spirits."

"Spirits? What spirits?"

"You can't try to wreak Christmas and then expect the spirits will leave you alone, can you? You will be visited by three of them!" She vanished.

When James' heartbeat returned to normal, he climbed back in bed. "That was scary."

"Not as scary as you are."

James screamed and turned around.

"Hi! I'm the spirit of Christmas past!" Ash shouted.

"Have we met?"

"I don't think so."

"Good."

"Now come on! I'm gonna show you your past! We can ride Pidgeoto!"

"Ride what?"

James was whisked onto a furiously flapping bird-Pokémon, which took off and entered the Tunnel of Time.

"Hmm, let's see, left, right, left, right… Does this look like the right exit to you?" The spirit straightened his hat.

"How should I know? I've never seen this place in my life!"

"Cross your fingers," the boy seized his tongue with his teeth and banked a hard right.

All three of them plopped down on a water bed.

"What are we doing here? Aren't you supposed to show me my past experience with Christmas?" James asked.

A young girl with long blond hair bounced into the room.

"This isn't your past? I guess I must have taken a wrong turn."

"Wait, that girl- that girl looks like the girl whose family bought the mansion when I sold it."

"Oh, so this isn't the past at all. Taking off!"

As soon as their feet left the bed, everything went gray.

"It all depends on the parking space, you see. Where did you set up the Christmas tree?"

"The living room- right there!"

Pidgeoto did a mid-air flip.

"I'M DYING!" James screamed.

"No; you're opening your presents. Wow, that's a lot. How come I only got twenty nine last year?"

"I'm doing what?"

They were hovering over a green lampshade in an enormous living room with a seven foot tall tree and a mountain of presents in front of them. What looked like a smaller version of James was tearing into as many packages as he could.

"Open this one next, sweetie," A smiling woman said, handing him a small wrapped-up ball.

"Oh, boy!" He tore into it. "A Pokéball! What's in it?"

"Open it and see!"

Past James pressed the button and light streamed out of it, forming another ball shape.

"Koffing!"

"Oh, wow, a Koffing! Thanks so much!" The young boy hugged his new pet.

"There's some moral to this," Ash said thoughtfully, "But I don't know what it is."

The living room changed into James' bedroom.

"Hope you like the other spirits!"

"What other spirits?"

"Me, for one."

James whirled around again.

"I'm the spirit of Christmas present!" Misty announced. "Hop on Starmie and we'll take a look at your future!"

"If it's the future why are you called the spirit of Christmas present?"

"Because technically it's Christmas. See? It's one in the morning." She pointed to the clock.

"Oh. But isn't five seconds later still the future?"

"Not anymore. Now it's the past."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Hop on Starmie already!"

"There isn't room!"

"Oh well. Just grab one of his spikes and drag along behind."

"And what if I don't?"

Misty snapped her fingers. Suddenly James' room was transformed into a little girl's paradise, with pony murals, a pink canopy over the bed, dolls coating the floor, and a sweet pink poodle perched on James' pillow.

"Ah! No! I'll come with you! I'll come with you!"

"Good boy!" Misty snapped her fingers again and the room returned to normal.

James flapped behind Starmie like a flag in the wind. "Are we almost there?"

"Two more rights, and- yep! This is it!"

They were standing in a small playhouse. The playhouse was badly in need of repair- wind tore through the holes in the wall, snow fell through a small hole in the ceiling, and parts of the carpet looked burnt.

"This is the place I bought for Meowth, Koffing, and Ekans!" James shouted in recognition. "What happened to it?"

"Life," Misty shrugged. "Your Pokémon aren't the best behaved bunch. A lot of the damage is their fault- Ekans did most of the burning and Meowth punched a couple holes in the walls."

"Wow. I never knew it was like this."

"You ought to know! It's your business to know! What ever happened to Pokéballs?"

"Here's to a brief few minutes before we get back to work!" Meowth cried happily, chinking an empty mug against Koffing's rock hard body and then against Ekans' rattle. Then he sighed and put the mug back down.

"Firssst Chrisssstmasss without Jessssssie," Ekans said mournfully. James couldn't believe he'd just understood that.

"Get over it," Koffing said.

"How come I can understand what they're saying?" James asked Misty.

"It happens all the time. Often you can't learn lessons if you don't understand what two-thirds of the people are talking about."

"I can't help it. I misssssssssssssss my massssssster."

"Although if James died I wouldn't mind so much," Meowth purred.

"Don't say that!" Koffing shouted indignantly.

"Yeah. I probably would mind- a slight bit. Maybe."

"Maybe!" James hissed.

"Missss. Missss. ." Ekans curled up on the floor.

"And now I'm going to show you the charity you didn't help," Misty said.

"Why?"

"Because that's always what I'm supposed to do. It's part of being a spirit."

Misty showed James various Pokémon in the charity he hadn't helped having fun despite the fact they had so little.

"If they're happy anyway then why do they need my help?"

"No idea. Come on, I'm taking you home." Misty grabbed James Scrooge's arm. But they didn't just teleport back; the spirit of Christmas Present ran through the streets towards James' house. When they passed the playhouse Meowth started shouting, "No! No! Please wake up! Please!"

James wanted to stop but Misty refused.

"It's almost midnight; soon it won't be Christmas anymore. Ask the next Spirit if you really want to know."

"Another spirit?"

"That would be me. I'm the spirit of Christmas Future." Brock announced.

"Can't you guys give me a break?"

"No. Come on; we can ride Geodude."

"I'd rather not."

"You're probably right. Come on; we'll walk."

Before James could ask about the screaming, he found himself in his office, watching himself talking on the phone, nervously fiddling with the cord.

"I know, the numbers look off, but I'm sure if you do the math… What Pokémon? I really can't remember… I know, I know… What? I'm fired?"

"I'm fired?" James shouted.

"No, you will be fired. There's a difference you know," Brock replied.

Future James swept everything on the desk into a cardboard box and exited the building.

"What about Meowth and Koffing and Ekans?"

"Ekans is dead."

"What?"

"Ekans has neither the benefit of being warm blooded like Meowth or the benefit of not needing to be warm like Koffing. She (he?) died of the cold last Christmas. After that, Meowth and Koffing ran away. They'd heard of a possible job opportunity elsewhere and decided to see if they could get hired. But it didn't work out…"

The entire scene faded into mist. When it cleared up, they were standing in an alley. Meowth and Koffing stood around some garbage cans.

"Stupid bad economy- no one throws away anything edible!" Meowth threw some boxes aside. "Might as well have stuck with rotten old Scrooge!"

Koffing nodded.

Suddenly a flashlight beam blinded everyone there, visible or not.

"Pound people- run!" Meowth shouted to Koffing, ignoring the fact that Koffing had no legs. He tried to climb over the wall to make his getaway on the roof, but he slipped on ice and fell. Koffing turned back to help and was also nabbed.

"Too bad we're full up- have to put them to sleep," One of the men said, not sounding sorry at all.

"What about that charity that buys Pokémon from our place?" The other man asked.

"Went out of business last month- Don't you pay attention to anything?"

"That's the charity I didn't help, isn't it?" James asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Brock said. "Oh, by the way, Jessie lied. There are four spirits, not three."

"Four?"

Suddenly he found himself standing in endless black. When it cleared up, James was standing in the street near his workplace- well, probably his old workplace by now.

A cold, but surprisingly feminine voice surprised him. "I am the ghost of Christmas to come still after that."

He turned around to see what looked like an enormous cloak.

"Turn back around," She commanded. "Your future waits."

Shivering, he turned around. Two gossips were huddled close together, whispering.

"Car accident, I hear…"

"Running from the law…"

"Of all the things to happen on Christmas!"

"I know. Really ought to be illegal, committing crimes on a holiday…"

"That it ought!"

"Tried to steal some innocent little girl's Pokémon!"

"*Gasp* No!"

"Yes! But of course he got caught…"

"And ran the getaway car into a wall? That's rich!"

"He fully deserves it. The poor little girl…"

"I would be dead, wouldn't I?" Said James.

The giant cloak didn't answer. She instead turned his attention to the nearby graveyard.

The tombstone didn't say "James Scrooge, hated by all and loved by none." It just said "James." Not even the date of birth or the date of death. It was next to a grave that just said "Jessie."

In a way, that was scarier than anything else they could have written. Who wrote these gravestones, anyway?

"Well, what do you know." The cloak said. "Here we are, both dead, in the same place, learning our destiny."

Jessiebelle lowered her hood.

James screamed and ran away.

"Go ahead!" She shouted. "Flee from your fate!"

As James ran, he noticed everything had gone gray, just like it had when Ash had brought him to the wrong time by mistake. "It all depends on the parking space!" He thought, and ran for his bedroom. Everything got grayer as he reached the building. He charged up the stairs and jumped on where his bed once had been.

The color came back to his room. The calendar on his night table showed the day he had left on this Christmas Carol.

He breathed a sigh of relief, and then got back up. There were some things he needed to take care of.

Meowth sadly knocked on the door of James' office, dreading another day spent blundering around trying to steal Pokémon.

"Meowth! You're late." James pretended to scowl. "I need you to work out this math for me, and tell Koffing to report to the training room."

"What about Ekans?"

"But Ekans is- no, wait, she is alive- she should go with Koffing."

Meowth blinked and then ran off to deliver the messages.

James meanwhile made sure the new room for his Pokémon was ready. It would be a bad idea to buy another playhouse; real houses weren't so easily torn apart, and there was better heating.

Then he wrote a check- a small check- to the charity he'd refused to help.

Finally he left Meowth a note on the back of the list of funds to take a look at the empty room with Koffing and Ekans and went to the nearby graveyard.

James knelt by Jessie's tombstone. "I just want to say- if you can hear me- thank you. And I also wish you weren't dead. Thank you again."

As James went to check how everyone liked the new room, he heard delighted laughter- delighted female laughter.

He threw the door open and found Jessie, Meowth, Ekans and Koffing having tea together.

"But- but I thought you were dead!" He spluttered.

"What? Never heard of comic death?" Jessie laughed again. "Want some tea?"

James took a cup.

"Prepare for trouble!" Jessie shouted, raising her cup.

"And make it double!" James raised his cup.

"After the holidays!" Everyone said in unison, clinking their mugs together.