Richie's (Not Very) Wholesome Chat
In the chat:
Queen B-Bev
Big Ben-Ben
Stan-Stan
Home Boy-Mike
Spaghetti-Eddie
RICHie-Richie
Mom FriendTM-Bill
**In Stan and Mike's chat, Mike's name is Mic, as in the short form of Microphone. All other names should be self explanatory, hopefully
Friday, 11:32 a.m.
RICHie changed the name of this conversation to 'Richie's Wholesome Chat'
RICHie: where my wholesome peoples at?
Stan: Please, no.
Home Boy: oh no
Queen B: richie u r the last person who should be calling themselves a 'wholesome person'
Stan: No that would be I, the heartless
Queen B: STAN DSGFHJGVXKJGSH
RICHie: i feel unsafe
Stan: good
Spaghetti: how has no one addressed that richie called it his chat
Spaghetti: also stan asajkjdvk
RICHie changed Stan's name to I, the Heartless
I, the Heartless: no
I, the Heartless changed their name to Stan
RICHie: you wound me
Stan: good.
Home Boy: Stan aasjkchbf
Mom FriendTM: guys youre supposed to be in class
Mom FriendTM: Bev, you're supposed to be in my class
RICHie: and once more the user is flawless for billiam
Stan: I have an off.
Home Boy: homeschool :/
Queen B: richie and I ditched
Spaghetti: again?
RICHie: ya
RICHie: ill be there for lunch tho
RICHie: to get some sweet sweet lovin from ms k
Spaghetti: Beep beep
Stan: no, please don't come.
RICHie: only for you stanny boy
Spaghetti: actyually?
RICHie: i mean,, stanathen really doesnt want me there
RIChie: :'(((
Stan: fine, you over dramatic baby.
Queen B: stan asjkdahcs
RICHie: mommy my friends are mean to me
Mom FriendTM: suck it up buttercup
Queen B: bill jsaklfjdchvda
Big Ben: why does this chat only consist of bev keyboard smashing
RICHie: what do u mena
RICHie: i smash ur mom all the time
Spaghetti: beep beep trashmouth
Big Ben: beep beep richie
Queen B: ben :/
Big Ben: sorry, bevvy, it's true
Big Ben: but i still love u
Queen B: luv u 2
RICHie: ew what is this heterosexualness in my good chat
Spaghetti: the heteros have emerged once more
Mom FriendTM: boys, stop being heterophobic
Queen B: thanks mom
Stan: Bill, stop feeding their delusions. There is no such thing as heterophobic.
Mom FriendTM: ok
RICHie: bill /3
Spaghetti: bill /3
Queen B: awwwww they said the same thing 3333
Spaghetti: bev
Spaghetti: no
RICHie: awwwww
RICHie: would you look at that
RICHie: eds and I are in sync
Spaghetti: no.
Spaghetti: and
Queen B: DON'T CALL ME THAT
Big Ben: DON'T CALL ME THAT
Mom FriendTM: DON'T CALL ME THAT
Spaghetti: DON'T CALL ME THAT
Stan: Eddie, you're predictable
RICHie: aslihfjkcdw
RICHie: at least ur user is spaghetti
Big Ben: yea why is that
Spaghetti: because he made it that
Big Ben: and you left it?!
Spaghetti: watch
Spaghetti changed their name to Eddie
RICHie changed Eddie's name to Eds
Eds changed their name to kraspisBACK
RICHie changed kraspisBACK's name to Love of my life
Love of my life changed their name to I Hate Richie
RICHie changed I Hate Richie's name to Love of my life
Love of my life changed their name to eddie
RICHie changed eddie's name to Love of my life
Love of my life: richie, i stg
RICHie: I cant help it! ur just too cute eds
Mom FriendTM: guyssss
Mom FriendTM: i'm in class and i think my teacher is gonna murder me
Big Ben: same
Home Boy: so homeschool is lit
Queen B: richi headed back now
Love of my life: thank god
Mom FriendTM: eddie missed richie
Queen B: be still, my heart
Love of my life: no. he cant text and walk
RICHie: you uindersetimateb em
Love of my life: point proven
Queen B: he nearly walked into a pole
Love of my life: point proven 2.0
RICHie: bec dint expise em liek hata
Love of my life: is he high too
Queen B: I don't think so
Queen B: I mean, we just had normal cigs
Love of my life: Richie! You said you'd quit!
RICHie: i wahs goibh too
RICHie: old habots die hard
Stan: that sentence was mostly legible.
Queen B: we stopped at a light
Queen B: he just is normally bad at typing
RICHie: I am attacked
Queen B: we are here!
Big Ben: and just in time for lunch!
Friday, 3:33 p.m.
Elusive Eddie -Best Bill
Elusive Eddie: he only smokes when he's really stressed
Elusive Eddie: I'm worried
Best Bill: did he say anything when you guys walked home?
Elusive Eddie: no. he was really quiet
Elusive Eddie: something's up
Best Bill: you don't know that for sure
Elusive Eddie: he's been way too quiet
Elusive Eddie: a total of one your mom joke all of lunch time
Elusive Eddie: one!
Elusive Eddie: and he barely said anything to me the whole walk home
Best Bill: just talk to him
Best Bill: it's probably another one of your misunderstandings where Richie is sick and doesn't say anything to you because you'll flip out
Elusive Eddie: okay. I will.
Friday, 3:56 p.m.
Eds - Trashmouth
Eds: what's wrong?
Eds: are you sick again?
Eds: I'll come over
Eds: you know I will
Eds: I really don't care about ur germs
Friday, 4:12 p.m.
Elusive Eddie - Best Bill
Elusive Eddie: ( )
Best Bill: okay so that's odd
Elusive Eddie: I think he's mad at me
Best Bill: I'll talk to him tonight, but I have to drive Georgie to a friends right now
Elusive Eddie: thanks Bill you're the best
Friday, 4:25 p.m.
Smoking Buds
Bevus: avoiding him isn't going to solve your problem you know
Richus: I just cant deal with it
Richus: he'll be so worried
Richus: I don't want him to be worried
Bevus: ur probs freaking him out rn tho
Bevus: you know how he gets
Richus: I'll tell him tomorrow
Bevus: for the record, I think you should tell him tonight
Bevus: and at least stop avoiding his texts
Richus: how'd u kno
Bevus: I've known u both for forever
Richus: ok
Richus: I'll respond
Friday, 4:31 p.m.
Trashmouth- Eds
Trashmouth: im not sick
Trashmouth: dont worry ur pretty head
Friday 6:54 p.m
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Big Ben: anyone do the chem?
RICHie: ( )
Mom FriendTM: I always forget abt our resident nerd
RICHie: how could ya forget abt me billiam
Love of my life: good question
Queen B: aw Eddie 3
Love of my life: he's so loud
Queen B: aw Eddie /3
Big Ben: thanks rich
RICHie: anytime benny boy
Home Boy: why hasn't eddie tried to change his name yet
RICHie: he's trying to tell us something
Love of my life: youre right, i am tyhe love of my life
RICHie: ur the love of mine too
Love of my life changed their name to Eddie
RICHie changed Eddie's name to Eds
Eds changed RICHie's name to Beep beep
Stan: fitting
Beep beep: almost as fitting as ur mom and i ;)
Stan: as I said.
Eds changed their name to Not Eds
Not Eds: i feel as tho this speaks to a certain somone
Beep beep: me?
Beep beep: im honored
Queen B: i'll just bet
Smoking Buds
Richus: dont expose me
Bevus: like you don't do that to your self anywyas
Richus: I resent that
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Mom FriendTM: who wants to beat up some small children?
Beep beep: what has happened to mom
Big Ben: ^
Stan: Bill, are you alright?
Mom FriendTM: no
Mom FriendTM: some kids were mean to Georgie
Queen B: who do we have to fight
Beep beep: name and address right now
Not Eds: let me go find my weapons
Home Boy: I have sheep shears
Stan: no one is allowed to attack our Georgie!
Beep beep: i can come over rn
Mom FriendTM: georgie is happy for the support but doesnt want us to kill anyone
Mom FriendTM: he does want to see you guys
Queen B: im omw
Home Boy: leaving now
Stan: I'm already there.
Beep beep: actually
Stan: no.
Beep beep: aw too bad
Beep beep: im always ready for some gay action from Stanathen and biliam
Mom FriendTM: beep beep rich
Queen B: that name is really fitting
Beep beep: ah well me n eds can make up for it
Not Eds: stfu
Not Eds: and don't call me that heathen
Beep beep: u wound me
Mom FriendTM: georgie is waiting…
RICHie: im already there sike
Mom FriendTM: what
Beep beep: I happened to be driving towards ur house
Not Eds: how many times to have to tell you to not text and drive
Beep beep: a wee more id say
Stan: that really is not a good habit, you know.
Beep beep: ok ok
Queen B: im here now too
Queen B: to see my precious child
Beep beep: ha be better losers
Home Boy: I feel attacked…
Big Ben: me too
Friday, 9:56 p.m
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Queen B: ( )
Beep beep: damn who is that gorgeous hunk on the left
Beep beep: oh wait
Beep beep: that's me
Not Eds: shut tf up
Beep beep: aww I wasn't dinijsd
Queen B: dinijsd
Mom FriendTM: dinijsd
Home Boy: dinijsd
Big Ben: dinijsd
Beep beep: I feel attacked
Not Eds: good
Beep beep: /3
Beep beep: how could U betray me like this Eds
Beep beep: when all I give u is love
Not Eds: don't call me that you idiot
Smoking Buds
Bevus: gayyyyy
Richus: no kidding bevvt bio
Bevus: bevvt bio?
Bevus: lol nerd
Richus: u know it babe
Bevus: not ur babe babe
Richus: /3
Bevus: but speaking of which
Bevus: have u told him?
Richus: …
Bevus: Richie!
Richus: I will! Eventually..
Bevus: I know you don't want him to be all Eddie and worry about you
Richus: I'll text him
Trashmouth-Eds
Trashmouth: I'm sorry I've been acting odd all day
Trashmouth: my dad is coming back home
Eds: Richie…
Trashmouth: I know I should have told you but I don't want you to worry about me
Eds: Richie…
Eds: I only worry about you because I care about you
Eds: my window is always unlocked
Richie: thanks
Elusive Eddie- Best Bill
Elusive Eddie: his dad is coming back
Best Bill: oh no
Elusive Eddie: bill I'm not sure I can handle his dad coming back
Elusive Eddie: having him fall through my window at 3 a.m. all bruised up and eyes red from crying on the way over
Elusive Eddie: saying everything is fine and that he just wanted to see me
Best Bill: I know
Best Bill: why do you think we have sleepovers so often when his dad is in town
Elusive Eddie: I know. Thanks for doing that
Elusive Eddie: it kills me to know he's not safe at home
Elusive Eddie: it's like glass being shoved into my heart
Elusive Eddie: I swear
Smoking Buds
Richus: I told him
Bevus: how'd he take it?
Richus: not too well
Richus: I'd bet anything he's talking to big bill about it right now
Bevus: when are you going to get it through your head that we all love our resident trashmouth?
Richus: it's kinda hard to believe
Bevus: /3
Saturday, 12:32 a.m.
Beverly Marsh created Love For Richie
Beverly Marsh added Eddie Kraspbrak, Bill Denbrough, Stanley Uris, Mike Hanlon, and Ben Hanscom
Beverly Marsh: ( )
Beverly Marsh: ok so this happened /3
Bill Denbrough: oh no
Stanley Uris: I apologize.
Beverly Marsh: it's not just your fault Stan, we all could stand to be a little nicer to Richie. It's easy to forget what with all the mom jokes.
Eddie Kraspbrak: I'll talk to him tomorrow
Beverly Marsh: thanks Eddie
Beverly Marsh: and goodnight everyone
Saturday, 9:22 a.m.
Love for Richie
Ben Hanscom: we should do something for him
Mike Hanlon: I agree
Eddie Kraspbrak: like what?
Eddie Kraspbrak: he doesn't like being pitied
Beverly Marsh: why are you guys awake
Beverly Marsh: but yeah, maybe not
Beverly Marsh: he does hate being pitied
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Queen B: barrens anyone?
Not Eds: I'm in
Beep beep: if my dearest Eddie Spaghetti is going so am I
Big Ben: cool it'll be a double date
Queen B: Ben akdhdkjcsn
Not Eds: in his dreams
Beep beep: you know it
Smoking Buds
Bevus: gayyy
Richus: shut
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Home Boy: sorry to be the fifth wheel but I'll come
Stan: I'll be there as well.
Mom FriendTM: as will I
Queen B: partayyyyy
Beep beep: see all you losers there
Trashmouth-Eds
Trashmouth: want a ride?
Eds: yes please
Love for Richie
Beverly Marsh: there we go
Eddie Kraspbrak: gj bev
Bill Denbrough: that was a good idea Bev
Beverly Marsh: thanks
Beverly Marsh: and also
Beverly Marsh changed their name to Bell Bev Devoe
Bell Bev Devoe: while we aren't being very very serious
Eddie Kraspbrak changed their name to Not Eds
Bell Bev Devoe changed Not Eds's name to Richie's Lover
Richie's Lover changed their name to Eddie
Eddie: I will attack
Eddie: don't think I won't
Bell Bev Devoe: I just state the truth
Stanley Uris: none of you better be driving!
Eddie: I'm not Richie's driving me
Bell Bev Devoe: awww 3
Eddie: shut
Bill Denbrough: anyone else need a ride?
Stanley Uris: I could use one.
Bell Bev Devoe: me too
Ben Hanscom: me as well
Mike Hanlon: see you all there
Saturday 4:30 p.m.
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Queen B: we are all meeting at Bill's
Big Ben: bad movie night?
Beep beep: hell ya
Not Eds: i love how richies typing is so lazy he seems unenthusiastic
Queen B: or do you just love richie hmmm
Beep beep: of course he loves me
Beep beep: he has to because ya never know when his mom ill cut the crap and just ask me to stay
Not Eds: Beep beep
Beep beep: but in all sincerity
Stan: "in all sincerity" wow, Richie's really breaking out the vocab
Mom FriendTM: resiendt nerd showing through again
Queen B changed Beep beep's name to Resident nerd
Queen B: all is well
Resident nerd: is it thjo
Not Eds: he's typing and walking again
Queen B: awww r u guys togtehr
Not Eds: hes my ride
Not Eds: unfortunately
Resident nerd: aww eds yiou liobe ridinfg woth em
Not Eds: no, I don't
Not Eds: and DON'T CALL ME THAT
Queen B: DON'T CALL ME THAT
Big Ben: DON'T CALL ME THAT
Queen B: Ben!
Big Ben: Bev!
Queen B: ily
Big Ben: ily2
Not Eds: no one loves me in this caht
Resident Nerd: awww Eds I love you
Not Eds: shut up and drive
Queen B: my mood is Eddie texting Richie to shut up when they are literally sitting right next to each other
Big Ben: kids these days
Not Eds: speakig of which, where is mom
Queen B: he's driving
Big Ben: and Stan's next to him in the front seat
Queen B: Ben n I love or double dates
Big Ben: they're the best
Not Eds: I'm enjoying my time without Richie
Queen B: Eddie… he's literally sitting right next to you
Not Eds: shhhhhh
Big Ben: yeah aren't you talking to him right now
Not Eds: SHHHHHHH
Queen B: that was surpringly aggressive
Mom FriendTM: Eddie stop texting and get to my house
Not Eds: I'm not driving!
Mom FriendTM: ur point?
Not Eds: …
Mom FriendTM: that's what I thought
Sunday 9:23 a.m.
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Home Boy: I've been up for three hours…
Birdy and Sheepy
Stanlee: I'm up too, but Bill is sleeping on my stomach and I don't want to wake him up.
Mic: want to rant?
Stanlee: this boy will be the death of me.
Mic: that was it
Stanlee: it's too early to rant!
Stanlee: Richie is up too, but he's stroking Eddie's hair and being generally an in love fool.
Stanlee: those two, I swear.
Mic: hypocrite
Stanlee: I meant it in a why can't they both see they're in love with each other way.
Mic: …
Mic: wow.
Stanlee: he's just thinks of me as a friend, Mike! And anyways, he's straight.
Mic: I'm not sure if you've heard of it, but there is this thing called being bisexual
Stanlee: too early Michael!
Mic: it's nearly 10!
Stanlee: your point?
Mic: fine. No sass until after lunch, but only because you're my best friend and I love you
Stanlee: thanks
Stanlee: oh boy, I think Richie is going to wake up Eddie, you'd better come back.
Sunday 4:47 p.m.
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Not Eds: Richie I will murder you
Home Boy: no not again
Mom FriendTM: what did he do now
Not Eds: he walked up to my door with a cake for my mom's birthday tomorrow
Big Ben: what's the problem with that?
Not Eds: my mom opened the door, saw Richie and the cake, and assumed it was full of drugs, alcohol or both, and now I'm under house arrest
Not Eds: all thanks to trashmouth and his stupid cake
Mom FriendTM: wow
Stan: your mother is crazy Eddie, that's not really Richie's fault.
Home Boy: stan the man with the reasoning
Not Eds: but she has a fair point, I mean, who knows what Richie would put in a cake
Smoking Buds
Bevus: hey rich, r u ok?
Richus: I'm fine
Bevus: are you home? I'm coming over
Richus: my dad got back about an hour ago
Bevus: I had a abusive dad too, remember?
Bevus: I can deal with it
Richus: I don't want you to get hurt
Bevus: he drunk?
Richus: yeah
Richus: mom is too
Richus: the only way they can stand each other's presence is drunk
Bevus: Richie…
Richus: they just can't stand me at all
Bevus: Richie where are you?
Richus: I told you
Richus: at home
Bevus: I see you up there on the roof
Bevus: I'm climbing up
Sunday 9:12 p.m.
Love for Richie
Bell Bev Devoe removed Eddie from this conversation
Bell Bev Devoe: so I just got back from Richie's house
Ben Hanscom: I was wondering where you were
Bell Bev Devoe: yeah sorry I didn't answer your calls benjamine
Stanley Uris: Benjamine?
Bell Bev Devoe: like benjamin, except hes mine so it's benjaMINE
Mike Hanlon: anyways what happened and why did you remove eddie
Bell Bev Devoe: well as I'm sure you habe all noticed, eddie and richie are two gay idiots who are in love
Bill Denbrough: i can confirm this
Bell Bev Devoe: but also
Bell Bev Devoe: richies dad came back today
Ben Hanscom: so soon?
Bell Bev Devoe: apparently
Bill Denbrough: oh no
Mike Hanlon: how's he doing
Bell Bev Devoe: not well
Bell Bev Devoe: and the thing with eddie and the cake did NOT help
Bill Denbrough: want me to talk to eddie
Bell Bev Devoe: only if eddie brings something up first
Bell Bev Devoe: and you heard nothing from me
Bell Bev Devoe: richie didnt even wanr to tell me
Bell Bev Devoe: and he tells me everything
Bill Denbrough: ofc
Bell Bev Devoe: also, idk if any of u know this but richie doesnt drink or do drugd bc of his parents, cept for weed sometimes. He was really sad that eddie would think he did
Ben Hanscom: wait really
Mike Hanlon: I had always wondered
Stanley Uris: I feel really bad.
Bill Denbrough: no, stan ur fine
Bell Bev Devoe: hes right, richie wasnt upset bc of anything u said
Stanley Uris: I could still stand to be nicer, though, after all I've known Richie for forever.
Mike Hanlon: its hard to do when hes always being annoying, but that's why we love him
Ben Hanscom: mom jokes and all
Bell Bev Devoe: OMG u guys are so sweet when u wnat to be
Bill Denbrough: what can we say? The world wud be a darker place without our trashmouth
Bell Bev Devoe: preach
Stanley Uris: well, I'm sorry to leave in the middle of such an intense discussion, but I have a pysch test tomorrow.
Bell Bev Devoe: no ur fine
Bell Bev Devoe: we can talk more tomorrow if we need
Bill Denbrough: okay
Ben Hanscom: good night, everyone! Sweet dreams!
Bell Bev Devoe: soft ben 3
Ben Hanscom changed their name to Haystack
Haystack: in honor of richie
Bell Bev Devoe: softer ben 3
Bell Bev Devoe: I have the best bf ever! 3
Monday 7:03 a.m.
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Mom FriendTM: everyone ready for hell
Big Ben: It's not that bad
Stan: I have a psych test.
Big Ben: ha nerd
Queen B: Ben...you're in AP psych too
Big Ben: block schedule
Resident Nerd: ha nerds I have three AP tests today
Home Boy: homeschool is still lit...
Mom FriendTM: how does richie never go to class and still get better grades than all of us
Resident Nerd: I do go to class
Queen B: why do they all always have tests at the same time
Not Eds: to kill us
Mom FriendTM: good luck losers
Resident Nerd: thanks billy boy
Monday 12:07 p.m.
Eds-Trashmouth
Eds: why aren't you and Bev at lunch?
Edison-Beaverly
Edison: why aren't you and Richie at lunch?
Monday 4:46 p.m.
Elusive Eddie-Best Bill
Elusive Eddie: Bill what is happening
Elusive Eddie: why weren't Bev and Richie at lunch
Elusive Eddie: why are all of you acting weird
Elusive Eddie: why is nothing happening in the gc
Best Bill: you know Richie doesn't do drugs, right?
Elusive Eddie: what. Where did that come from?
Elusive Eddie: Bill what's happening? I'm scared
Love for Richie
Bill Denbrough: help!
Bill Denbrough: ( )
Bill Denbrough: what do I say?!
Bell Bev Devoe: idk!
Bell Bev Devoe: don't answer?
Eddie Kraspbrak- Ben Hanscom
Eddie Kraspbrak: Ben what's happening
Eddie Kraspbrak: please tell me
Eddie Kraspbrak: I know you know because you've been avoiding me all day
Eddie Kraspbrak: and you only do that when you're keeping a secret because you're terrible at keeping secrets
Love for Richie
Haystack: help!
Haystack: ( )
Bell Bev Devoe: no worries.
Bell Bev Devoe: I'm coming over Benjamine. Just a little earlier than planned.
Haystack: but I can't just leave him without responding
Bell Bev Devoe: just blame me
Ben Hanscom-Eddie Kraspbrak
Ben Hanscom: okay fine.
Eddie Kraspbrak: finally!
Ben Hanscom: I went out last night and bought Bev a really pretty bracelet for our anniversary. I've been saving up for it for forever.
Ben Hanscom: but don't tell her!
Ben Hanscom: I've struggled to keep it a secret this long
Ben Hanscom: she's coming over right now though
Ben Hanscom: so I'll give it to her tonight
Eddie Kraspbrak: that's what's been happening?
Ben Hanscom: that's my secret
Eddie Kraspbrak: well good for you Ben!
Eddie Kraspbrak: ill leave you alone now
Love for Richie
Haystack: crisis averted
Haystack: I think
Bell Bev Devoe: what'd you tell him
Haystack: I'll tel you tonight
Bell Bev Devoe: okay
Bell Bev Devoe: mike?
Mike Hanlon: you called?
Bell Bev Devoe: say something in the group chat
Bell Bev Devoe: Eddie didn't see you today so if you act innocent maybe it'll throw him off for a bit
Mike Hanlon: will do
Bell Bev Devoe: and bill?
Bill Denbrough: yes?
Bell Bev Devoe: get Eddie to figure out he has to apologize without telling him
Bill Denbrough: I'll do my best
Bell Bev Devoe: stan, that leaves you to watch over Richie.
Stanley Uris: how do I do that?
Bell Bev Devoe: ask for help with homework or something!
Bell Bev Devoe: idk! I'll be gone for 3 hours. Don't let everything go to hell.
Bell Bev Devoe: Got it?
Bill Denbrough: I'll try
Bill Denbrough: you two have fun on your date
Bell Bev Devoe: thanks mom
Haystack: tahnks bill
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Home Boy: so how'd the test go stan?
Stan: not too badly
Home Boy: that's good
Home Boy: the group chat is quiet tonight
Mom FriendTM: it's because benverly is out on a date
Home Boy: Ah
Home Boy: the things you miss when being homeschooled
Stan: anyone know how to do this APUSH homework?
Mom FriendTM: phhh no clue
Mom FriendTM: resident Nerd
Stan: oh yeah.
First Friends
Jew: seriously Rich.
Jew: how do I do this homework?
Four Eyes: I can send u it if ya want
Jew: you know me.
Four Eyes: okay so no cheating
Four Eyes: it's hard to explain over text
Jew: you can come over.
Jew: my mom misses you anyways.
Four Eyes: ah she hasn't gotten enough of my sweet sweet lovin
Jew: I left myself open for that one.
Four Eyes: haha
Jew: but actually. She just made some cookies too.
Four Eyes: you had me at your mom
Jew: I hate you.
Four Eyes: nah you love me
Jew: possibly.
Jew: depends on if you come over here and help me with this impossible APUSH homework!
Four Eyes: On my way!
Four Eyes: get bill and mike down here too
Four Eyes: otherwise I'll just have to help them later
Jew: will do.
Stanley Uris created Homework Club
Stanley Uris added Bill Denbrough, Stanley Uris, Mike Hanlon, and Richie Tozier
Stanley Uris: Richie has kindly offered to help us out with the terrible APUSH homework. Meet at my house.
Mike Hanlon: but I'm not in APUSH
Richie Tozier: I am aware
Richie Tozier: but didn't you say you were going to actually go to school next year
Richie Tozier: might as well get a sense for what's coming
Mike Hanlon: fair enough
Bill Denbrough: can I bring Georgie? I'm supposed to be watching him
Stanley Uris: of course!
Richie Tozier: ahdndbsjsbdhj yes!
Mike Hanlon: did I seem reluctant before? I meant of course I'll be there!
Bill Denbrough: awesome
Richie Tozier changed their name to Teacher
Teacher changed Mike Hanlon's name to Mikey
Teacher changed Bill Denbrough's name to Billy
Teacher changed Stanley Uris's name to Stanny
Stanny: I would fight...but I really need help.
Mikey: my mood is stan being so confused that he doesn't even want to argue with Richie
Stanny: When you take APUSH you'll understand
Teacher: no worries, Stanny, your knight in shining armor is here
Billy: and so am I
Teacher: Georgie!
Monday 9:14 p.m.
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Home Boy: I take it back
Home Boy: I never want to leave homeschool
Mom FriendTM: we warned you
Not Eds: what happened
Love for Richie
Mike Hanlon: yikes that was the wrong chat
Mike Hanlon: I meant it for the homework one
Bill Denbrough: I was wondering what you were doing
Bill Denbrough: just tell him the truth
Bill Denbrough: maybe Eddie will figure it out
Bill Denbrough: Bev wya? We need help!
Mike Hanlon: yeah it's been way more than 3 hrs
Mike Hanlon: yikes guys
Richie's Wholesome Chat
Home Boy: I was at Stan's with Bill and Richie
Home Boy: doing their APUSH homework
Home Boy: and YIKES
Big Ben: it's the worst right?
Mom FriendTM: Ben! You're back!
Mom FriendTM: how was the date?
Home Boy: does this mean Bev is back?
Home Boy: bev I need help
Not Eds: with what?
Home Boy: I need a woman's advice
Queen B: yes I'm back
Queen B: gimme a sec to look through the crap ton of messages I have
Big Ben: I think the date went wel
Resident Nerd: heteros
Home Boy: i ship it
Resident Nerd: says the other hetero
Home Boy: actually
Big Ben: not you too?
Big Ben: how is it that the like 5 gays in Derry are all in one group chat?
Resident Nerd: andksmsikabdb Ben
Resident Nerd changed the name of this conversation to Derry Gays
Big Ben: wait but are you guys actually all gay?
Big Ben: I've always just kind of assumed
Queen B: jwsahdjwksbd Ben
Queen B: I have a lot to respond to but this is interesting
Queen B: I'll start.
Queen B: I'm Hetero and proud
Big Ben: same!
Queen B: ily!
Big Ben: ily2!
Mom FriendTM: I'm bi guys
Birdy and Sheepy
Mic: told you!
Stanlee: okay, fine.
Derry Gays
Queen B: I'm so proud!
Mom FriendTM: of me being bi?
Queen B: yes!
Mom FriendTM: why?
Queen B: because I am don't question the logic
Home Boy: well if we're all coming out I might as well say something
Home Boy: I was going to say this later when I was more sure, but I think I'm asexual
Resident Nerd: actually?
Home Boy: I'm pretty sure
Resident Nerd: lucky
Resident Nerd: I know this comes as a surprise, but I'm gay
Queen B: we know rich.
Mom FriendTM: yeah all those nights of you ranting about the male leads in movies weren't a dead giveaway or anything
Queen B: or the skinny jeans with holes in them, the occasional use of black eyeshadow, the leather jackets with tiny pride flags sewn on the pockets, and the fact that you exclusively listen to My My My! By Troye Sivan
Resident Nerd: the number of things I'd let Troye Sivan do to me is infinite
Stan: I was waiting for a response from someone but I didn't get one so please someone else say something
Mom FriendTM: beep beep trashmouth
Resident Nerd: ah just trying to make my favorite Eds jealous
Resident Nerd: but he's MIA it seems
Resident Nerd: and I'm actually not really kidding about Troye Sivan
Big Ben: ok moving on
Smoking Buds
Bevus: you doing okay?
Richus: Bev everyone already knew I was gay, like you said
Bevus: that wasn't what I was talking about. I was talking about your dad.
Richus: I'm fine
Richus: I was at stans
Bevus: okay
Derry Gays
Queen B: who's next?
Stan: I suppose it's probably me.
Stan: I'm also gay.
Resident Nerd: gay buddies!
Stan: no. I'm not going to listen to any Troye Sivan.
Resident Nerd: /3
Stan: FINE.
Resident Nerd: !
Resident Nerd: stans being so nice today
Stan: am I? That was a mistake.
Mom FriendTM: Stan wjkaksbvsj
Big Ben: the keyboard smashes are getting uglier and uglier
Mom FriendTM: /3
Stan: your keyboard smash served it's point Bill, no worries.
Stan: even if it was pretty ugly.
Mom FriendTM: I'm insulted? I think?
Queen B: stay on topic guys!
Queen B: I have other things to do
Home Boy: ya respond to the other messages
Queen B: who's left?
Home Boy: just Eddie I think.
Home Boy: but he hasn't responded for a while
Mom FriendTM: his mom probably took his phone away
Big Ben: I was waiting for Richie to make a your mom joke but it never came
Smoking Buds
Bevus: Rich?
Richus: I'm fine bevvy boo
Richus: no worries
Bevus: want me to come over?
Richus: nah imma just pretend to be asleep
Bevus: okay…
Bevus: we're all here for you you know
Bevus: even Eddie
Bevus: you have to stop shutting him out. He doesn't know what's happening and he'd never intentionally hurt you. I promise. Keep in mind how much his mom tries to brain wash him.
Richus: I try!
Richus: it's just so hard
Richus: my parents are homophobic abusive alcoholics Bev
Bevus: you want to come over? My aunt isn't home
Richus: sure
Bevus: good.
Love For Richie
Bell Bev Devoe: okay
Bell Bev Devoe: bill talk to Eddie in the morning
Bell Bev Devoe: mike good job with task one
Bell Bev Devoe: your slip up is OK because like Bill said maybe Eddie will figure out something is up
Bell Bev Devoe: stan gets the gold medal for a part played to perfection. You were nice to him but still managed to be the same old stan. Which is good because otherwise he'd think you were pitying him.
Bell Bev Devoe: you guys are pretty awesome friends
Haystack: ( )
Haystack: that's what I told Eddie
Bell Bev Devoe: aww Ben 3
Mike Hanlon: let's hope Eddie and Richie figure it out
Bill Denbrough: they will
Stanley Uris: and now we should all go to bed.
Bell Bev Devoe: fair enough
Bell Bev Devoe: night
Bill Denbrough: goodnight
Stanley Uris: goodnight.
Mike Hanlon: good night
Haystack: good night everyone!
Couple Goals
January Embers: I invited Richie to stay the night jsyk
Benjamine: I'm glad!
Benjamine: I want him to be safe!
January Embers: I didn't think you'd mind but I just wanted to tell you
Benjamine: I trust you Bev
Benjamine: and he's also really hopelessly in love with Eddie
Benjamine: and gay
January Embers: all these are fair points
January Embers: but you forgot one
January Embers: I love you and only you Benjamine
Benjamine: I love you and only you Beverly
January Embers: goodnight! See you tomorrow 3
Benjamine: see you tomorrow! Sleep well! 3
Tuesday 6:59 a.m.
Derry Gays
Big Ben: ughhhhhhh I have the pysch test today
Stan: don't worry it wasn't that hard
Mom FriendTM: you'll do great Ben don't worry
Best Bill-Elusive Eddie
Best Bill: talk to Richie today
Best Bill: it's always awkward when you guys are fighting
Elusive Eddie: we're not fighting!
Best Bill: you're avoiding each other
Best Bill: it's the same thing
Best Bill: he's always on edge when his dad is in town. You HAVE to be there for him Eddie. I'm going to say it again and you won't believe me again, but Richie loves you Eddie. He's always on the edge of a knife when his dad is in town, and Bev can only do so much. You have to apologize. Please!
Elusive Eddie: I don't even know what I've done!
Best Bill: me either.
Elusive Eddie: what am I supposed to do?
Best Bill: I have no idea, but as long as it's genuine I'm sure it's fine
Bill Denbrough-Beverly Marsh
Bill Denbrough: ( )
Bill Denbrough: is that good?
Beverly Marsh: should be. I talked to Richie last night. Now it's up to them.
Tuesday 7:43 a.m.
Derry Gays
Big Ben: Bev and Richie wya
Queen B: we're nearly there
Queen B: someone likes to sleep in
Resident Nerd: in my defense, I live closer to school than you so I just got up at my normal time.
Queen B: sure sure
Queen B: we had to take the bus :(
Mom FriendTM: oh my
Queen B: I know :(
Resident Nerd: that wasn't my fault
Queen B: okay fine
Queen B: we had to take the late bus
Resident Nerd: that was my fault
Stan: the bell is ringing where are you guys?
Queen B: this stupid bus driver isn't familiar with a gas pedal
Queen B: dang we should have just ditched
Big Ben: I'd miss u tho
Queen B: awww Ben
Queen B: I love you
Big Ben: I love you!
Not Eds: ugh heteros
Queen B: excuse me
Queen B: we're the only two who have actually managed to fess up
Big Ben: the rest of you better get your act together
Home Boy: …
Big Ben: except Mike ofc
Home Boy: thank you
Love for Richie
Bell Bev Devoe: Richie and Eddie should hopefully sort out their problem today
Mike Hanlon: thank lord
Bill Denbrough: Bev and I both talked to the stupid gay children last night
Stanley Uris: excuse?
Bill Denbrough: you're not stupid
Bill Denbrough: therefore I wasn't referring to you
Bell Bev Devoe: 3
Bill Denbrough: shut
Bill Denbrough: why does Richie ever talk to you anyways
Bell Bev Devoe: shut
Bell Bev Devoe: I'm a great confidante
Stanley Uris: sure.
Bill Denbrough: oh yeah Bev we all believe that
Bell Bev Devoe: excuse?
Mike Hanlon: shouldn't you guys be in class?
Bell Bev Devoe: nah fam
Bell Bev Devoe: richie and I literally just got here
Haystack: actually?
Bell Bev Devoe: yeah
Bell Bev Devoe: like I said the bus driver was sh*t
Haystack: why'd you go to all the trouble of censoring that
Bell Bev Devoe: don't question the kochi
Bill Denbrough: wth is a kochi
Bell Bev Devoe: asikakzds
Bell Bev Devoe: *logic
Stanley Uris: these keyboard smashes are getting uglier and uglier.
Bell Bev Devoe: I am attacked ™
Haystack: how did you do that
Bell Bev Devoe: do what?
Bill Denbrough: stop texting we actually have to go to class now
Bell Bev Devoe changed Bill Denbrough's name to Mommy Dearest
Haystack: ok I'll stop. Good luck in class guys!
Bell Bev Devoe: thanks Benny Bear!
Tuesday 12:13 p.m.
Love for Richie
Bell Bev Devoe: this is for Mike's benefit, but there are two suspiciously empty seats at lunch today
Mike Hanlon: !
Haystack: hopefully they'll stop this fighting nonsense
Mommy Dearest: I hope so too
Best Bill-Elusive Eddie
Best Bill: I hope the reason you and Richie are not at lunch is because you are working things out
Tuesday 4:41 p.m.
Elusive Eddie-Best Bill
Elusive Eddie: no worries big bill
Elusive Eddie: I think Richie and I will be alright
Best Bill: hallelujah
Love for Richie
Mommy Dearest: they worked it out
Bell Bev Devoe: I know
Mommy Dearest: you knew?
Mommy Dearest: and didn't bother to ell us?
Bell Bev Devoe: we all knew Bill?
Stanley Uris: did Bill not know?
Haystack: wait!
Haystack: bill wasn't there after school!
Mike Hanlon: how was he not there?
Mike Hanlon: I was there
Mommy Dearest: what?!
Stanley Uris: they went home together.
Mommy Dearest: thank gid
Stanley Uris: Bill :(
Mommy Dearest: what did I do
Stanley Uris: all the typos. :(
Mommy Dearest: everyone makes mistakes stanathen
Stanley Uris: not me.
Mommy Dearest: not everyone can be perfect :(
Bell Bev Devoe: awww bill called stan perfect 3
Haystack: I am waiting for the denial
Bell Bev Devoe: there is no denial!
Haystack: and the chat went strangely silent
Bell Bev Devoe: we've done a great job getting our fav couples todetjer
Haystack: indeed
Mike Hanlon: I claim partial responsibility
Haystack: bill and Stan wya
Mommy Dearest: I'm here
Stanley Uris: me too
Bell Bev Devoe: do we think Reddie is a thing now?
Mommy Dearest: I hope so
Bell Bev Devoe: me too
Mike Hanlon: is Still a thing?
Mike Hanlon: or is it Billey or Urbrough or Deris
Bell Bev Devoe: mike.
Bell Bev Devoe: it's stenbrough
Bell Bev Devoe: obviously
Mike Hanlon: oh
Haystack: no denial!
Bell Bev Devoe: we missed something
Derry Gays
Queen B: does anyone know if stenbrough is officially a thing?
Resident Nerd: no idea
Not Eds: what's changed since yesterday?
Queen B: I'm not sure
Big Ben: they still aren't denying it!
Queen B: we might have two official couples in the losers club
Home Boy: don't you mean 3
Not Eds: as if
Resident Nerd: you wound me
Queen B: saving Reddie for another day
Queen B: stan bill
Stan: hello.
Mom FriendTM: hello
Home Boy: they've finally admitted their feelings
Stan: says who exactly?
Queen B: yeah mike
Birdy and Sheepy
Mic: ( )
Mic: I'm giving you the opportunity
Mic: but I have proof
Stanlee: how.
Mic: maybe don't plan your dates right outside my house
Stanlee: it's not right outside your house and it's not a date.
Mic: wrong and wrong
Stanlee: ok so it's close to your house.
Stanlee: but we were only bird watching.
Mic: I'll keep your secret Stan
Stanlee: it's not a secret per se.
Stanlee: we just haven't talked things over.
Mic: I'm so happy!
Mic: you need to tell me all the details
Stanlee: first respond to the gc
Derry Gays
Home Boy: the lack of denial
Mom FriendTM: you have no proof
Stan: exactly. Right Michael?
Home Boy: whatever you say stan
Resident Nerd: so stan is threating Mike right now in a private chat
Not Eds: threating?
Resident Nerd: threatening
Resident Nerd: nobody cares Eds
Stan: I care.
Resident Nerd: stan the man gets off on a good one
Not Eds: so long as the good one is bill I'm sure he's fine with it
Big Ben: when did Eddie turn into Richie
Queen B: good question
Big Ben: so many things are being revealed tonight
Mom FriendTM: who wants to have a sleepover this weekend
Big Ben: me
Home Boy: me
Stan: me.
Queen B: oh ya let's do it!
Resident Nerd: me
Not Eds: I'll have to check with my mom
Mom FriendTM: awesome
Queen B: let's play spin the bottle
Home Boy: Bev I'm not sure that's a good idea
Queen B: why not? I've already kissed about half o you anywyas
Not Eds: you have?!
Queen B: yup
Stan: bill and Ben obviously but who else? Mike?
Queen B: nope not mike
Stan: but the rest of us are gay
Resident Nerd: I plead guilty
Stan: what.
Mom FriendTM: what.
Resident Nerd: I can explain
Resident Nerd: it was the day I told Bev I thought I was gay
Stan: that makes literally no sense
Queen B: he asked me to kiss him because he wanted to be sure he was gay
Resident Nerd: and she kindly obliged
Queen B: so he decided he was definitely gay
Home Boy: you had to have Bev kiss you to figure that out
Resident Nerd: I was already pretty sure, but I wanted to be 100% sure
Resident Nerd: I figured I'd either feel something or I wouldn't
Resident Nerd: and it just felt not right
Queen B: so we determined he was definitely gay
Home Boy: so Bev was three people's first kiss
Stan: wow
Resident Nerd: untrue
Resident Nerd: my first kiss was my one and only….
Resident Nerd: Eds
Not Eds: don't call me that
Mom FriendTM: actually
Not Eds: no
Resident Nerd: yes
Not Eds: it doesn't count
Resident Nerd: yes it does
Not Eds: no
Resident Nerd: yes
Not Eds: no
Resident Nerd: yes
Not Eds: no!
Resident Nerd: yes!
Queen B: one of you tell the story
Resident Nerd: so one very fine day when Eddie and I were five ms Sonia Kraspbrak put on a movie called Snow White
Not Eds: and he decided I was dying and he was the prince destined to save me
Resident Nerd: so naturally I kissed him
Queen B: that's the most innocent sweetest thing I've heard all day
Queen B: now we need to hear all these stories
Mom FriendTM: you all know mine
Mom FriendTM: I kissed Bev in the school play
Queen B: yeah I kissed bill in the school play
Not Eds: well apparently mine was stolen by a 5 year old trashmouth
Queen B: can we all take a moment to imagine mini Richie kissing mini Edie
Not Eds: now you're spelling my name wrong
Mom FriendTM: I have a photo of baby Richie and Eddie somewhere
Stan: I know I have some
Resident Nerd: I've known Stan since I was two
Stan: unfortunately
Not Eds: I've known Bill since I was four
Resident Nerd: I met Eddie when I was five
Stan: and we all met in first grade
Big Ben: not kindergarten
Stan: I went to Jewish kindergarten with Richie
Home Boy: Richie you're Jewish?
Resident Nerd: when I was a young child my parents actually cared so we actually went to the synagogue
Stan: that's how we met
Resident Nerd: we got shipped off to the next town over for Jewish kindergarten
Not Eds: Richie and I were put in a summer art club thing together
Resident Nerd: and he was forced to be friends with me because he, like Stan, had no other options
Mom FriendTM: Eddie and I went to normal kindergarten together
Resident Nerd: and in first grade I recognized my friend Eddie and introduced Stan
Mom FriendTM: and the rest is History
Queen B: wow
Big Ben: the story of the first four :'(
Stan: why was that sad?
Big Ben: it was tear jerkingly beautiful
Resident Nerd: the og coming through
Resident Nerd: remember when we used to actually be able to sleep over at my house
Not Eds: ah the simple life
Mom FriendTM: remember Maggie's cookies?
Resident Nerd: oh man those were so good
Home Boy: what made your parents like they are now rich?
Home Boy: if you don't mind me asking
Resident Nerd: I haven't told u guys
Big Ben: nope
Resident Nerd: oh
Resident Nerd: I suppose it all started on my 9th birthday
Resident Nerd: I wanted to go out with my og skwad to the movies
Not Eds: the movie was sold out
Resident Nerd: but the movie had been very popular and was sold out
Resident Nerd: as Eddie said
Resident Nerd: anywyas we had planned going to the movies and then to my fave restaurant
Resident Nerd: but instead we only went to the restaurant
Resident Nerd: that means we got home early
Mom FriendTM: can I leave the chat before you tell this next part?
Mom FriendTM: it's so sad
Queen B: oh no
Resident Nerd: so we get home to an unfamiliar car in the driveway
Queen B: oh no
Resident Nerd: and maggie knew what was up immediately. She lead me to my room and locked me in
Resident Nerd: I think it was a gesture of protection. She didn't want me to see what was coming and she knew I wouldn't stay put
Resident Nerd: needless to say she caught wentworth with another woman
Resident Nerd: they had a screaming match in the hallway where wentworth said she spent too much of her time on me. She said that I was his kid and he has a duty to me. Then he said he never wanted a kid and she said she didn't either and they both proceeded screaming at each other about how the other had ruined their life
Resident Nerd: at some point I tried to get out, but I was locked in
Not Eds: just before I went to bed that night a crying Richie rung the doorbell
Not Eds: and my mom let him stay the night
Resident Nerd: you know it ;)
Not Eds: can you not for like one minute?
Resident Nerd: no
Resident Nerd: anyways
Resident Nerd: it got worse from there
Resident Nerd: the summer of my tenth year I got shipped off to Indiana to stay with Maggie's older sister for a month so my parents could repair their marriage. Fun fact: one of my cousins looks very similar to me, except 5 years older
Resident Nerd: but when I got home,
Things had only gotten worse
Resident Nerd: and they pretty much only got worse from there
Big Ben: I had no idea you had cousins
Home Boy: that whole story and that's what you decide to comment on
Big Ben: I'd just never thought about it
Big Ben: but I guess it makes sense
Not Eds: how are your cousins?
Resident Nerd: pretty good I think
Not Eds: didn't one get married liek last year
Resident Nerd: ya
Resident Nerd: i wnert to the wddint
Queen B: how old are ur cousins
Resident Nerd: 25 21 and 12
Queen B: oh
Resident Nerd: and the one that is 21 is engaged to the girl he's been in love with since he was 12
Queen B: that's so sweet OMG
Big Ben: This guy is dedicated
Not Eds: ben…
Big Ben: what?
Big Ben: I wanna meet this guy
Resident Nerd: alrighty then
Cousins 2.0
Richest of them all: hey mike my friends want to meet you
Hi my last name is Byers: why not me?
Hi my last name is Byers: and ugh why is this still my username
Mike on a Bike (with El): I agree with the latter statement.
Holey Holly: because you're both lovesick idiots
Richest of them all: holly gets it
Derry Gays
Mom FriendTM: are we gonna get to meet him
Resident Nerd: im workign on it
Resident Nerd: they're complaining about the usernames I gave them
Not Eds: I can relate
Cousins 2.0
Richest of them all: can I just add u to the group message?
Richest of them all: and you too nance
Hi my last name is Byers: thank you
Holey Holly: me too?
Richest of them all: uh
Richest of them all: i cannot guarantee the chat will be appropriate for your young eyes
Mike on a Bike (with El): and whose fault is that I wonder?
Richest of them all: I feel attacked
Richest of them all: just answer the question
Mike on a Bike (with El): ok
Hi my last name is Byers: ok
Derry Gays
Resident Nerd added Nancy Byers and Mike Wheeler to the chat
Resident Nerd: losers, please give a hearty welcome to my cousin Mike and my cousin Nancy
Mike Wheeler: why is your name resident nerd?
Queen B: because he tries to deny it but he's such a huge nerd
Queen B: he's heading for becoming valedictorian
Nancy Byers: continue the family tradition!
Mike Wheeler: I don't recommend it. Your s/o gets all lonely.
Mom FriendTM: did you hear that eddie
Not Eds: i will end u bill
Stan: NO! You're not to harm Bill!
Queen B: #stenbroughconfirmed
Resident Nerd: anyways did you guys want to meet my cousins or not
Big Ben: yes!
Resident Nerd: ok introductions are in order
Resident Nerd: first off we have the lovely Beverly Marsh, my bestest friend in the world.
Nancy Byers: oh man I feel bad for you
Queen B: me too, me too
Resident Nerd: you wound me
Resident Nerd: and then we have Benjamin Hanscom, the sickeningly sweet boyfriend of bev
Big Ben: hi
Mike Wheeler: nice to meet you
Nancy Byers: hey
Resident Nerd: then we have the prickly Stanley Uris, who is a stickler about grammar and is hopelessly in love with Bill
Stan: nice to meet you. And screw you Richie.
Nancy Byers: I can get behind the grammar thing.
Mike Wheeler: Me too.
Resident Nerd: then we have William Denbrough, the person who is constantly nagging us
Queen B: truth
Mom FriendTM: I just want you guys to make good choices!
Queen B: you can see why his username is what it is
Nancy Byers: lol nice to meet you bill
Resident Nerd: and we have, if he's still here, Mike Hanlon, who is homeschooled and rubs it in our faces all the time, and when he's not doing that complains about being homeschooled
Mike Wheeler: nice to meet you name twin
Home Boy: nice to meet you too name twin
Resident Nerd: and that's all my friends
Not Eds: i hate you.
Resident Nerd: I said that was all my friends
Resident Nerd: You, my eddie spaghetti are the light of my life, my shining star, my cute little asthmatic short-short wearing eddie-pie
Not Eds: I repeat. I hate you.
Not Eds: and don't call me any of those things
Resident Nerd: okay eds
Not Eds: have I mentioned I hate you?
Not Eds: deeply and passionately.
Resident Nerd: love you too eddie bear
Nancy Byers: OMG I ship it
Queen B: same sis, same
Home Boy: we all do
Not Eds: Gross.
Queen B: they're just in denial
Resident Nerd: what? Me in denial? Haha.
Home Boy: that reminds me
Home Boy: stenbrough wya
Queen B: ya we need answers
Stan: …
Mom FriendTM: …
Mom FriendTM: FINE.
Queen B: OMG!
The Birds and the Bills
Stan: are we actually gonna tell them?
Bill: I mean we kinda owe it to them
Stan: but the questions!
Bill: I can answer them
Bill: I don't mind
Stan: okay.
Derry Gays
Mom FriendTM: so Stan and I are indeed dating
Queen B: OMG this is the fifth happiest day of my life!
Home Boy: finally
Resident Nerd: I am so proud of both of you.
Stan: sentences with mildly good grammar? From Richie? What has happened to our trashmouth?
Resident Nerd: when I'm happy my Nerd comes out. I can't control it.
Queen B: lol
Nancy Byers: good for both of you!
Mike Wheeler: congrats guys!
Big Ben: I just got back to this and I spit out my milk.
Big Ben: we should all go celebrate
Mom FriendTM: awwww thanks guys
Stan: you guys are the best!
Resident Nerd: aww thanks Stan
Queen B: I love all my best friends
Big Ben: me too!
Mom FriendTM: me too!
Resident Nerd: me too!
Home Boy: me too!
Mike Wheeler: that was undeniably sweet.
Nancy Byers: yeah I can't believe Richie has that in him
Mike Wheeler: me either
Resident Nerd: hey!
Nancy Byers: anyways I gtg, Jonathan will be home soon
Nancy Byers left the chat
Mike Wheeler: and I've got homework
Mike Wheeler: nice to meet all of you!
Mike Wheeler left the chat
Queen B: your cousins are pretty chill rich
Resident Nerd: yeah I know
Big Ben: ice cream anyone?
Queen B: YES
Stan: I'm in.
Mom FriendTM: me too
Home Boy: I can probably drive out
Resident Nerd: y'all have fun
Queen B: you're not coming?
Resident Nerd: nah I have some homework to catch up on
Queen B: ...alright?
Resident Nerd: actually, screw homework, I'll be there
Mom FriendTM: where's Eddie? I just realized he hasn't responded in a while.
Stan: Sonia probably has him on lockdown.
Mom FriendTM: I'll stop by his house and see if he wants to come. Sonia loves me
Big Ben: she does not
Mom FriendTM: I'm her favorite!
Queen B: true, true
Stan: I'll go with you, please? Sonia likes me too.
Mom FriendTM: of course!
Queen B: 3
Queen B: stenbrough is goals
Mom FriendTM: so is Benverly
Home Boy: the love in this chat tonight
Home Boy: it brings me to tears
Big Ben: ok see you all soon
Wednesday 12:09 p.m.
Love for Richie
Bell Bev Devoe added Eddie Kraspbrak to the chat
Bell Bev Devoe: does anyone know where Richie is?
Bell Bev Devoe: I called him like a thousand times since this morning
Eddie Kraspbrak: he hasn't responded to any of my calls or texts or anything
Mike Hanlon: I can go out and look for him. You all enjoy your lunches.
Bell Bev Devoe: if he doesn't turn up soon I'm gonna ditch and go find him
Mike Hanlon: I'll keep you guys updated.
Mommy Dearest: thanks Mike
Bell Bev Devoe: I swear one day that boy is gonna kill me
Eddie Kraspbrak: we do have to worry about him a lot
Haystack: true fact
Eddie Kraspbrak: I hope he's okay. With his dad in town…
Mommy Dearest: I know. I'm seriously worried.
Mike Hanlon: I don't see him yet.
Mike Hanlon: I'm going to go to his house.
Bell Bev Devoe: please be careful, Mike, his dad gets very violent
Mike Hanlon: I will be
Wednesday 1:00 p.m.
Love for Richie
Mike Hanlon: you guys need to get over here
Mike Hanlon: Right Now.
Mike Hanlon: leave whatever class you're in
Bell Bev Devoe: Mike, what's happened? You're really freaking me out. Is Richie okay?
Mike Hanlon: I found Richie, it's really bad
Big Ben: ok I'll go get stan, his class is in the middle of a test
Mommy Dearest: Eddie is having a panic attack right now
Bell Bev Devoe: we are all on our way
Wednesday 1:13 p.m.
Love for Richie
Bell Bev Devoe: please please please tell me there is a different reason for the ambulances than I think
Stan: there are ambulances?!
Thursday 10:47 a.m.
Love for Richie
Bell Bev Devoe: Richie just woke up!
Stan: oh thank my good Jewish ancestors
Mommy Dearest: best news ever
Haystack: thank you thank you thank you
Mike Hanlon: thank god
Bell Bev Devoe: the best part?
Bell Bev Devoe: Eddie is in there with him stroking his hair. And I have a full confession from both of them who forgot I was in there
Haystack: I know it's really not the time but can we please hear it?
Bell Bev Devoe: e: omg thank **** you are awake r: miss me much? e: if you weren't mostly broken I'd kiss you right now r: (wide eyed) no please go ahead e: no I'm not going to hurt you any more than you already are r: I don't care e: *notices I'm in the room and yelps and throws a pillow at me telling me to get out*
Mommy Dearest: finally
Bell Bev Devoe: and this is a mixed blessing but Wentworth is going to jail and his parents are going to lose custody
Haystack: how is that bad
Bell Bev Devoe: his closest relatives live in Indiana, remember?
Bell Bev Devoe: he's not 18 yet so he'd have to live with them
Stan: so basically unless we find an alternative, he's going to have to move to Indiana
Bell Bev Devoe: yeah
Mommy Dearest: well at least no more things like last night will happen again
Bell Bev Devoe: truth.
Bell Bev Devoe: I'm going to go in and talk to Richie now. Y'all should come down to the hospital after school
Haystack: will do
Mike Hanlon: I'm already on my way
Friday 11:12 a.m.
Derry Gays
Resident Nerd: guess who's back in the world of the living?
Resident Nerd: aka I have my phone back
Queen B: nice to have a distraction during class
Not Eds: god I leave him alone for five minutes…
Resident Nerd: I am attacked
Queen B: I missed my daily dose of trashmouth in the chat
Stan: I can't believe I'm going to say this, but me too.
Resident Nerd: I love all of you
Queen B: love you too
Stan: fine.
Stan: love you too
Resident Nerd: !
Not Eds: love ya, rich
Resident Nerd: love you too Eds
Not Eds: you ruined it
Resident Nerd: aw :(
Resident Nerd: come on you know you love it
Not Eds: we will talk later. Let me enjoy this terrible hospital cafeteria food right now.
Resident Nerd: will do
Resident Nerd: and it's not THAT bad
Queen B: Stan, did you read all of that
Stan: I did indeed.
Queen B: what do we think of that?
Stan: we are relieved because now we don't have to deal with all the pining
Queen B: seems accurate
Queen B: I'm also jumping for joy in the middle of class
Queen B: but that's irrelevant
Mom FriendTM: I just read through this and I feel like jumping for joy, too
Mom FriendTM: but Bev covered that in this classroom
Mom FriendTM: our teacher was mad until she said she got good news about Richie
Queen B: pretty sure he thinks Richie and I are dating
Queen B: because we always show up in detention together for PDA
Mom FriendTM: um what?
Resident Nerd: stupid principle gives us detention when we smoke, but there isn't a rule against it, so he just claims pda
Queen B: he just despises Richie because he never goes to class and has the highest grades in the school
Resident Nerd: a lot of people hate me for that actually
Stan: me included
Resident Nerd: stan /3
Stan: until you help me with the horrors of APUSH
Queen B: stan and his APUSH
Not Eds: guys stop texting Richie he's supposed to be resting
Stan: will do
Mom FriendTM: we will all come by after school
Friday 4:29 p.m.
Derry Gays
Home Boy: ( )
Queen B: 3
Big Ben: finally
Stan: how come I have a feeling that Reddie is going to be an overly adorable couple that like also makes you fear for your life?
Mom FriendTM: because that's what they are going to be
Queen B: that's what they already are
Home Boy: a truth.
Mom FriendTM: we are all stuck in the elevator btw, so if you could get someone to save us, that'd be great
Home Boy: on it!
Saturday 9:46 a.m.
Derry Gays
Stan: so I'm at the hospital, and my mom just got finished talking to Richie's aunt Karen, who had to fly in because of what happened. Anyways, the two of them have arranged for Richie to live with us until college
Queen B: that's such great news!
Big Ben: time to celebrate with ice cream!
Resident Nerd: give me like 3 hours then I'll be free of this infernal place
Mom FriendTM: will do
*a week (and 3 days) later*
Tuesday 5:23 p.m.
Derry Gays
Resident Nerd: hey Eds, how'd you feel about making out with me in front of the principal
Not Eds: wrong chat, Rich
Resident Nerd: oh whoops
Queen B: Richie, do you have a desire for detention
Resident Nerd: yes, actually
Resident Nerd: I'm sick of the detention teacher thinking Bev and I are a couple
Big Ben: me too
Not Eds: me too
Queen B: alright then
Home Boy: are we ignoring the fact that Richie just casually asked Eddie to make out with him
Big Ben: our poor home schooled Michael
Stan: those two have had each other's tounges down each other's throats more often than not.
Mom FriendTM: I'm not sure what else we expected
Resident Nerd: that's distinctly not true
Not Eds: we have never done anything of the sort at school, only when we go off campus for lunch
Not Eds: in order to avoid detention
Not Eds: so my mom doesn't freak out
Resident Nerd: oh ya. Forgot about that
Not Eds: actually, you know what? I'd love for my mom to get a call from the school saying I got detention for making out with my boyfriend.
Queen B: you would?
Not Eds: yes. It's time for me to stop letting her rule my life.
Stan: well if you get kicked out you can come live with Richie and I.
Resident Nerd: it would be like a shelter for displaced gay boys
Stan: except for the fact that I'm not displaced.
Resident Nerd: but you're gay
Stan: your point?
Mom FriendTM: boys stop fighting
Queen B: anyways Eddie would come live with me. My aunt has a soft spot for him and we can't have Richie and Eddie in the same house
Resident Nerd: I don't see a problem with it
Queen B: maybe YOU don't
Not Eds: anyways come over to my house right now and we can practice that making out for tomorrow
Resident Nerd: On my way!
Resident Nerd: window?
Not Eds: yup
Stan: Gross.
Queen B: with the impending absence of Richie and Eddie from the chat for the foreseeable future, Ben you wanna come over and bake some cookies for my baking class
Mom FriendTM: they have a baking class?
Queen B: yup. It's listed under the many classes for the underachieving student
Big Ben: no it's not. It's just a plain elective
Mom FriendTM: who knew
Queen B: me.
Home Boy: seeing as I will be the only person not engaged in romantic endeavors tonight, I will do my homework
Stan: I would hesitate to call Richie's frantic rush to his car romantic, but to each his own.
Home Boy: stop talking and go meet bill
Mom FriendTM: yeah, stan
Wednesday 12:00 p.m.
Derry Gays
Home Boy: is Eddie actually going along with Richie's plan?
Queen B: I believe so.
Mom FriendTM: they aren't at lunch
Home Boy: keep me updated
Queen B: don't worry I got detention in order to see how it all goes down
Home Boy: your willingness to end up in detention scares me
Queen B: it scares my aunt too
Mom FriendTM: it scares all of us
Queen B: ok why is no one commenting on Richie's willingness to get detention?
Stan: because it is simply one of many things that scares one about Richie.
Home Boy: for instance his habit of texting while driving, never listening to authority, and trying to annoy everyone within 10 feet of him are more concerning
Resident Nerd: nice to know what you think of me Michael
Queen B: I assume your plan was successful?
Resident Nerd: I've decided it is a plan that should be executed every day
Not Eds: good luck with that
Not Eds: I'm not willing to miss my lunch everyday
Not Eds: not even for the look on the principals face when he came out to find what had slammed against the lockers outside his office and then the look when he saw who it was
Resident Nerd: #worthit
Stan: wow.
Queen B: I aspire to be on Richie's level of flouting authority
Stan: honestly, the of the lot of you make it out of high school I will be surprised.
Queen B: don't worry, me too
Home Boy: well I will
Stan: ok revision: I'll be surprised if Bev and Rich make it out of high school. And maybe Eddie too if he continues like this. Richie is a bad influence.
Big Ben: well Richie has to graduate otherwise we won't have a valedictorian
Mom FriendTM: true that
Not Eds: Bev did you actually get detention
Mom FriendTM: yup
Queen B: I smoked outside school in front of the principals parking spot
Queen B: too easy
Stan: all my friends are delinquents
Resident Nerd: see ya in detention bevvy boo
Queen B: see ya in detention babe
Big Ben: you guys are so weird
Queen B: Ben /3
Big Ben: I'm so sorry for us, Eddie. We have to date them.
Not Eds: I know.
Resident Nerd: /3
Queen B: /3
Mom FriendTM: get to class, children
Resident Nerd: ok mommy
Stan: beep beep Richie
Wednesday 5:11 p.m.
Derry Gays
Queen B: ok OMG 100% worth it
Not Eds: that was pretty epic
Resident Nerd: EDDIE I LOVE YOU
Queen B: ME TOO
Home Boy: what happened?
Queen B: so I arrived first no detention teacher or anything
Queen B: then Richie and Eddie come in together
Queen B: still no detention teacher
Queen B: so Richie plops himself down on the table where I'm sitting
Not Eds: so naturally I sit on his lap
Mom FriendTM: naturally.
Queen B: anyways Richie is simply sitting there, arms around eddie's waist and Eddie smacks him and tells him he's an idiot
Resident Nerd: which was completely undeserved, might I add
Queen B: and then he says he didn't get detention just to sit there and I'm sure you can all imagine what happens next
Resident Nerd: you can't blame me
Mom FriendTM: since they've been in love with each other since they were twelve I suppose there's a lot of pent up emotion
Queen B: true that
Queen B: anyways the detention teacher walks in and actually drops his briefcase, which is hilarious
Not Eds: so Bev bursts out laughing
Queen B: it was funny!
Resident Nerd: and the detention teacher is so confused
Queen B: my best recollection: "But but you (meaning me) and he…(meaning Richie)"
Queen B: and then I say "hey Mr. Pretak this is Eddie. I expect you'll see him in detention with us a lot."
Resident Nerd: and his eyes go even wider
Queen B: and then Eddie goes: "I unfortunately like to give Richie what he wants which means we end up like this quite often."
Resident Nerd: and then he sputters something about how he didn't know Bev Eddie and I were a threesome
Queen B: I die of laughter and Eddie splutters then says, "obviously you don't understand, but Richie is gay and is dating me. Beverly has been dating Ben Hanscom for two years and her and Richie have only kissed once."
Queen B: to which detention teacher says to Richie "you're gay?"
Queen B: and Eddie rolls his eyes at him and proceeds to completely tell him off saying, "have you ever noticed this boy wears exclusively ripped skinny jeans and leather jackets with pride flags?"
Resident Nerd: then Bev says, "the occasional use of black eyeshadow and less occasionally other makeup items? No?"
Queen B: and then Eddie, my hero, jumps off Richie's lap and says, "don't worry, I knew he was gay and I couldn't figure out he was in love with me, despite all of my friends telling me it was true. So really, you aren't doing any worse than me, and I've known him since I was 4," pats detention teacher on the shoulder and walks out. And then he turns around and calls, "see you next week!" And waves then walks around the corner.
Big Ben: omg what a legend
Queen B: ikr
Resident Nerd: and Bev and I are all shocked and detention teacher is looking like he's gonna have a heart attack
Queen B: and he sputters out something like "but you and he… detention for PDA…"
Resident Nerd: and then Bev goes "oh that's just because the principal hates Richie and wants to put him in detention for smoking, but he can't so he claims PDA."
Queen B: and poor detention teacher just nods, picks up his spilled papers and walks over to his desk
Resident Nerd: so Bev and I dutifully sit in detention for the full time and then we get released and now we have to find Eddie and celebrate because that deserves celebration
Not Eds: come over to my house my moms not home
Resident Nerd: well then what is the point
Resident Nerd: if I can't get that sweet loving from ms k
Not Eds: I hate you
Not Eds: I hope everyone knows I hate him
Stan: funny, since you're dating him
Not Eds: only because he's my only option
Resident Nerd: ouch
Queen B: that's not even true
Mom FriendTM: yeah there's that one kid who dyed his hair the colors of the rainbow for pride day last year
Not Eds: he's also not actually a he
Stan: what.
Not Eds: her name is Chris, short for Christina, and she's lesbian
Queen B: how do you know these things
Not Eds: I have sources
Home Boy: I have no idea who we are talking about
Big Ben: these are the things you miss out on when you chill at home all day
Home Boy: I still get all the drama and suffering tho
Queen B: not all the suffering
Stan: APUSH :'(
Mom FriendTM: stan did you just use an emoji
Stan: Yes. Nothing else conveyed the pain.
Mom FriendTM: we've corrupted him!
Queen B: finally
Big Ben: oh no
Not Eds: r u two still coming to my house or not
Queen B: oh!
Queen B: we were almost there but my aunt called me and told me I had to come home so Richie's dropping me off
Queen B: so I don't think so sorry Eddie
Not Eds: ur fine
Queen B: also I stole Richie's phone so he wouldn't text and drive and kill me
Stan: a wise decision
Stan: also tell him tonight is pizza night and if he wants any he should come home soon
Queen B: will do
Wednesday 9:48 p.m.
Love for Richie
Stan: Bev, did anything happen after school?
Bell Bev Devoe: what do you mean?
Stan: Richie came home sopping wet, and laid on the couch just throwing a ball in the air and catching it for like 30 minutes and then he just started sobbing and locked himself in his room?
Stan: what do I do? Is this a normal occurrence or is this concerning? My mom is worried.
Bell Bev Devoe: when did he get home?
Stan: around 9
Stan: I figured he went to eddies house
Eddie Kraspbrak: I thought he was at your place
Bell Bev Devoe: ok well normally I'd come over to help you but my aunt has me on house arrest so I can't
Bell Bev Devoe: you might as well all know this i guess, because Richie sometimes has off nights, usually set off by his mother saying something about how she wishes he was never born or how she wishes he could be more like his father, it really varies
Bell Bev Devoe: usually he texts me afterwards, but he apparently did not this time. It's because he knows I'm not going to be allowed out.
Bell Bev Devoe: anyways, what you need to do is go up there and just talk him through it. Don't ask what happened because then he won't tell you anything.
Stan: got it
Mike Hanlon: how long has this been happening for
Bell Bev Devoe: I don't know. I think since he was 12
Bell Bev Devoe: but it's gotten a lot worse since he turned 16
Bell Bev Devoe: I first found out when he was 14
Stan: I'm going to head up now
Stan: I'll keep you updated
Edison-Beaverly
Edison: you mean to tell me that Richie's mom has been telling him she wishes he'd never been born since he was 12
Beaverly: or earlier, I'm really not sure. It didn't start out that harsh though. At first she just complained about how much work he was
Beaverly: the day I found out was the first day she ever told him she wished he'd never been born.
Edison: how come he never told us
Beaverly: you know Richie. He's never actually said it, but he thinks that if he tells you his own mom thinks that his friends will too.
Beaverly: the only reason I found out was because I had been smoking with him in his room when his mom came home
Beaverly: then when his mom found out he was gay…
Beaverly: you don't even want to know what she's said to him. It's awful. And he just takes it.
Edison: how often does it happen?
Beaverly: it really depends
Beaverly: usually it happens in waves
Beaverly: I really don't know what to do.
Edison: what do you mean
Beaverly: it's just that I don't know how to help. What do you do when your friend has been physically and emotionally abused since he was a child?
Edison: I have no idea. Give him a home with us.
Beaverly: I think we all try to.
Beaverly: but I've always wondered if I've done the wrong thing, keeping it a secret for so many years from the authorities.
Edison: me too
Beaverly: I think it's selfishness thats kept all of us from telling anyone
Edison: you mean the fact that none of us want him to leave
Beaverly: yes
Edison: yeah
Edison: I truly have no idea where any of us would be without him
Edison: especially me
Edison: I can't think of anyone else willing to help me stand up to my mother and her demeaning ways
Beaverly: or anyone else willing to drive me three hours away to find a pregnancy test
Edison: seriously
Beaverly: yeah.
Edison: whoa
Beaverly: it was just a scare
Beaverly: but it meant a lot to me that he was willing to do it
Beaverly: since Derry is a small town and people talk
Edison: does Ben know
Beaverly: I told him later
Beaverly: and we were more careful
Beaverly: I just thought it was important for you to know that Richie isn't the only one of us with secrets
Edison: thanks Bev
Beaverly: of course
Edison: now what's taking Stan so long
Beaverly: idk
Beaverly: he's probably just talking with Richie
Edison: ok
Wednesday 11:07 p.m.
Love for Richie
Stan: his mom called him and said some nasty things
Stan: my mom and I comforted him and assured him we wanted him with us. He's going to start going to the synagogue with us again.
Bell Bev Devoe: really?
Stan: my mom's really religious. She thinks people in crisis should turn to god.
Bell Bev Devoe: and she thinks Richie's in crisis?
Stan: she wants him to move in to my room instead of the guest room.
Bell Bev Devoe: why?
Stan: I think you know better than any of the rest of us Bev
Eddie Kraspbrak: what is that suppose to mean?
Eddie Kraspbrak: what aren't you guys telling me?
Stan: how long has this been going on Bev?
Bell Bev Devoe: it hasn't.
Stan: why haven't you said anything?
Bell Bev Devoe: I don't know stan. I wasn't sure it was going on. And this is Derry we're talking about.
Mommy Dearest: what's going on?
Eddie Kraspbrak: what are you two talking about?
Elusive Eddie-Best Bill
Best Bill: I was pretty sure I knew but the Derry thing threw me off
Elusive Eddie: how come we never noticed anything?
Best Bill: probably because we didn't want to see it
Love for Richie
Stan: we deserved to know
Bell Bev Devoe: don't put all of this on me! I'm trying to deal with a lot too okay!
Stan: sorry.
Bell Bev Devoe: no it's okay
Bell Bev Devoe: is everyone here?
Mommy Dearest: I am
Eddie Kraspbrak: me too
Haystack: I've been here the whole time but I didn't think it was my place to say anything
Mike Hanlon: me too
Bell Bev Devoe: ok
Bell Bev Devoe: my mom died when I was young
Bell Bev Devoe: the circumstances of her death were suspicious but no one was found guilty
Bell Bev Devoe: I learned a few years ago that my father was the prime suspect
Bell Bev Devoe: he was always very cruel, sometimes in a physical way with me
Bell Bev Devoe: one day when I was 12 he strangled me, and I hit him over the head with a pan in self defense
Bell Bev Devoe: it was just after I met all of you
Bell Bev Devoe: there was a court case and he was found guilty and I went to live with my mother's sister, my aunt
Bell Bev Devoe: I didn't want anyone to know because I was afraid people would treat me like I was broken
Bell Bev Devoe: and I didn't want to be the girl who forever had to deal with the shadow her father had forced her into
Bell Bev Devoe: I wanted to ride from the ashes and be the Phoenix and not have him weighing on me any longer
Bell Bev Devoe: I wanted to live a normal life, one where I was loved for me, not where I was loved out of pity for my past
Bell Bev Devoe: and all of you have given that to me
Haystack: we all love you Bev, no matter what
Eddie Kraspbrak: yeah Bev, we all love you
Mike Hanlon: big sister Bev
Mommy Dearest: the first person anyone turns to when they need a hug and some sense talked into them
Stan: the group cheerleader.
Bell Bev Devoe: haha I like that
Bell Bev Devoe: anyways my point was that I only handled the situation how I would have wanted to be handled. How Richie begged me to handle it.
Bell Bev Devoe: but the cat's out of the bag, as it is
Stan: it's okay Bev.
Stan: you've given enough shocking revelations as it is.
Bell Bev Devoe: haha
Stan: sorry for yelling at you.
Bell Bev Devoe: it's ok you were just worried about Richie
Stan: anyways
Stan: my mom is worried Richie will try to commit suicide
Mommy Dearest: that's what I feared
Bell Bev Devoe: it's his mother
Bell Bev Devoe: she yells at him and tells him everyone he knows would be happier if he was dead and he should just end it all
Eddie Kraspbrak: I think I'm going to be sick
Stan: he jumped off the cliff at the Barrons tonight.
Stan: only into the water where we've all jumped before, and he said that he's thought about but never jumped from the other cliffs.
Bell Bev Devoe: I never knew that he did that, only suspected.
Stan: my mom contacted authorities and is going to have a restraining order placed on his mom
Stan: for now we've blocked her number
Eddie Kraspbrak: good.
Stan: try to get some sleep. We'll all see each other at school tomorrow
Haystack: aokay, goodnight
Bell Bev Devoe: goodnight Benny bear! I love you 3
Haystack: goodnight Bev, love you
Mike Hanlon: goodnight everyone
Mommy Dearest: goodnight
Thursday 6:25 a.m.
Derry Gays
Resident Nerd: so I guess you all know now huh?
Stan: I panicked.
Resident Nerd: no it's okay
Not Eds: no it's not okay!
Not Eds: I know my mom isn't the best, but deep down I know she loves me. You're mom is so so wrong to say those things about you. You're one of the most compassionate people I've ever met.
Resident Nerd: that's not true
Queen B: uhm yes
Queen B: taking a day out of your life to go on a three hour drive to find me a pregnancy test far enough away
Stan: and that time you snuck out of your house and stayed up all night with me reviewing for my first AP test.
Mom FriendTM: or the time I was sick and couldn't take Georgie to his friend's birthday dinner thing and you brought him and then sat with all the parents for the whole time
Big Ben: or the time that you spent the whole day with me in the library when I got fired
Home Boy: or the day that my girlfriend broke up with me and everyone else was really busy so we spent the whole day at the quarry together and spent the whole day fooling around forgetting all our mistakes
Not Eds: not to mention you always carry around a spare inhaler in case I ever have a panic attack and might need it
Not Eds: and you always give me the courage to stand up to my mother
Resident Nerd: wow how did I get such great friends
Queen B: the real question is how WE got such a great friend
Home Boy: the real truth
Not Eds: anyways Richie
Not Eds: I know we talked it over at length but I love you
Not Eds: you are incredibly valuable to me
Not Eds: and despite the both of us my favorite person in the universe
Queen B: I'm not crying you are :'(
Resident Nerd: wow I love you Eddie
Stan: he's actually like on the ground making happy little noises
Mom FriendTM: get to school children
Home Boy: oh please none of you are going to school
Mom FriendTM: I was planning on going
Stan: I wasn't
Mom FriendTM: I meant I wasn't planning on going
Mom FriendTM: anyone who says otherwise is completely incorrect
Big Ben: the power Stan holds…
*Two Weeks Later*
Thursday 6:29 p.m.
Derry Gays
Stan: Oh My God.
Stan: I thought Bev was kidding when she said that Richie only listens to My My My! By Troye Sivan.
Stan: She wasn't.
Stan: this is the fifth time he's played it in a row today
Stan: and he listens to it everyday when he brushes his teeth
Stan: and when he wakes up
Home Boy: wow he's so annoyed he's using bad grammar
Not Eds: haha
Not Eds: he does listen to it a lot
Queen B: I think you mean he does listen to it obsessively
Queen B: even more so now
Not Eds: I know.
Not Eds: he was trying to get me to agree to it being "our song" and when I said no he said it still was going to be
Queen B: I know.
Queen B: the idiot.
Resident Nerd: oh my god you guys
Queen B: oh no
Stan: bwahahaha
Mom FriendTM: oh my god Richie broke Stan
Stan: he was dancing around the living room and my mom came home from the store, shook her head and then turned to me and asked me if he'd finally asked Eddie out.
Stan: and then Richie just stops in utter shock and goes "you know?"
Stan: and she says, "sweetheart, if that was a secret you needed to be a lot less obvious."
Resident Nerd: and Stan the traitor starts laughing hysterically
Stan: and I happily inform her they've been dating for over three weeks and she says, "finally".
Queen B: that's golden
Resident Nerd: oh haha
Resident Nerd: very funny
Resident Nerd: you should come out to your mom Stan
Stan: nope.
Queen B: why not?
Big Ben: yeah, it seems that she was totally fine with Richie
Stan: that's because, no offense Richie, she thinks Richie is messed up because of how he was raised.
Resident Nerd: she's not wrong.
Resident Nerd: but either way
Resident Nerd: it's up to you
Stan: not right now
Mom FriendTM: okay.
Mom FriendTM: I haven't told my parents yet either
Not Eds: well my mom is about to find out so wish me luck
Resident Nerd: what.
Not Eds: she's coming home from work soon and there's a voicemail from the school about my recent flouting of rules
Not Eds: apparently if you get detention three times in three weeks and ditch school once they call home
Queen B: I forgot about that
Resident Nerd: lol it's becaude u amd I hacevsoenb so Kevin in detinon
Queen b: ?
Stan: he just ran out to his car
Queen B: ah
Not Eds: I stg Richie you better not text and drive
Resident Nerd: wouldn't dream of it
Home Boy: as he's texting and driving
Mom FriendTM: what else did we expect
Big Ben: I had no expectations
Home Boy: good
Not Eds: he's probably running all the red lights too
Mom FriendTM: for you?
Mom FriendTM: 100%
Queen B: Richie is in #eddiemode ™
Big Ben: haha
Eds - Trashmouth
Eds: you didn't have to come you know
Trashmouth: I wanted to
Eds: ok but hurry because she'll be home soon
Trashmouth: I'm going to park a block away
Eds: okay
Eds: why
Trashmouth: So shw doeamy keno I'm there
Eds: okay
Thursday 8:58 p.m.
Derry Gays
Not Eds: I know you'll all be interested so Richie and I will give you the run down before bed
Queen B: OMG finally
Resident Nerd: I knew you'd be on your phone all night waiting
Queen B: we aren't best friends for nothing
Big Ben: I've been with Bev all night waiting
Queen B: my aunt's not home
Resident Nerd: make sure to use protection children
Queen B: if you keep stalling on the telling of this story there won't be time protection or otherwise
Resident Nerd: TMI
Stan: I agree with Richie.
Not Eds: ANYWAYS
Not Eds: Richie got here just before my mother did and hid in the bathroom
Resident Nerd: which was a great idea if I do say so myself
Not Eds: he's an idiot
Not Eds: so my mother comes home and I tell her there is a message from the school
Not Eds: so she listens to it
Not Eds: and turns to me all angry and asks why I've been getting detention for PDA and asks me if I'm sure I know how many germs hugging transmits
Not Eds: and then I calmly inform her that I didn't get detention for hugging
Not Eds: and she's clearly relieved, thinking it's a mistake
Not Eds: so I matter of fairly inform her that I got detention for making out
Not Eds: and she about has a heart attack
Not Eds: and yells at me asking me what girl I've been letting kiss me and telling me I have a death wish, and demands to know her name, clearly thinking it was Bev
Queen B: what can I say? I get around
Not Eds: and Richie promptly steps out and says "that'd be me." And gives a little wave hello and smiles.
Queen B: you didn't
Resident Nerd: I very much did
Not Eds: unbeknownst to me, while Richie was in the bathroom he had put on black eyeshadow and black lipstick
Mom FriendTM: I bet your mother loved that
Not Eds: not exactly
Resident Nerd: go big or go home
Mom FriendTM: please tell me you didmt get sent home
Resident Nerd: as if
Resident Nerd: Ms K could hardly keep it in her pants
Not Eds: I hate him
Resident Nerd: then why are you sitting on my lap hmm
Not Eds: I hate you
Resident Nerd: love you too Eds
Not Eds: I will murder you
Queen B: a healthy relationship
Stan: please continue with the story
Not Eds: and my mom is just standing there in shock
Resident Nerd: so I give her a kiss on the cheek and then put my arms around Eddie
Not Eds: and then I tell my mom he'll be staying the night.
Resident Nerd: and he grabs my arm and drags me upstairs, leaving both the lovely Ms K and I speechless
Not Eds: and now we will be going to bed
Not Eds: goodnight losers
Home Boy: is literally everyone but me with a significant other?
Queen B: mike, the seventh wheel
Home Boy: honestly I'm so happy. It was so painful watching all of you dance around each other for YEARS
Home Boy: tbh I feel like a secondhand new couple giddiness
Queen B: a mood
Big Ben: ^
Mom FriendTM: okay everyone go to bed now
Mom FriendTM: we will all see each other tomorrow
Queen B: g night loserz
Big Ben: goodnight everyone! Sweet dreams!
Stan: don't let the depression bite
Queen B: Okay wow
Home Boy: goodnight.
A/N: So this took me a year of inconsistent writing to finish, and I know the end was abrupt, and even though I had more ideas, I had to end it because otherwise I was never going to actually get around to publishing it. This was originally meant to be like 7 individual chapters, and not just a large chunk for you to try and get through, but again, I just wanted to get it up. Please leave a comment!