Author's Note: I originally started writing this soon after the season 4 finale. It was very cathartic to write. Each chapter will be a different character/friend visiting Kenzi's grave and their reaction to her death. The title comes from the words written on Kenzi's headstone. I've only completed this first chapter, so I will update sporadically. I thought it was fitting to post this since the series just recently ended in Canada. I haven't finished the series yet due to my health issues and such, which irks me since this is the first time I've ever been behind in the series and of course it was the last season. So please don't write any spoilers in your reviews. I'm trying my hardest to stay spoiler free, although I've accidentally seen a few things I wish I could unsee. Anyways, I hope you guys like this story. Chapter 1 is Lauren visiting Kenzi's grave, which I rather enjoyed writing. Please review! Thank you for reading!
Chapter 1
Lauren treaded carefully through the grass, making sure to watch where she stepped. The bodies of those who have passed on rested below her feet. The doctor's pace slowed as the now familiar black memorial came into view. She took a deep breath in an attempt to steady her tumultuous emotions. The breeze blew stray blonde locks over her shoulder, the ends tickling her skin. She kneeled in front of the headstone baring the name of her deceased friend. Her fingers played with the petals of the lone sunflower she carried. "Hi Kenzi," she smiled sadly. She held up the sunflower as an offering, "this is for you." She carefully laid it down on top of the smooth rock. "Bo told me sunflowers were your favourite." She idly traced the engraved image of a sunflower, "I guess that's just one more thing I never knew about you." She sighed, withdrawing her hand. "I'm not sure whether I'm glad to still be learning new things about you, or sad that I am only now just learning them after you're gone." She shook her head, rolling her eyes. "God Kenzi, we wasted so much time bickering over petty things and holding grudges against each other. We only just started to become friends and now I'll never get that chance, I'll never get to know the real you like Bo did, I'll never get that time back." She bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes becoming glossy. "You were an amazing person, and I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. You used your attitude and energetic personality to mask your insecurities; I admit you even had me fooled for a while. I know it was hard for you to let people in, and I'm glad you eventually allowed me to be one of them. You're caring, generous, brave, loving, and loyal to a fault," she scoffed at herself, "literally for that last part."
She looked heavenward for a moment, recomposing herself. Fluffy white clouds slowly progressed across the sky, contrasting heavily with the sadness she felt. "You sacrificed yourself for us," she choked. "Bo is such a mess right now," she confessed softly. "She may not have known you long, but you made such an impact on her life that now she doesn't know how to live without you. She's lost again, and I hate seeing her like this, I hate that there is nothing I can do to ease her suffering. I miss you, and my heart aches over your death, but it's nothing compared to what Bo is going through. You may have thought that her world revolved around her love life, but now I can see that it really revolved around you." She swallowed the thick lump in throat. "I know the last week you were hurting, you felt alone, abandoned and betrayed by Bo, wondering if she still loved you. I wish I could tell you in person Kenzi, she never once stopped loving you. She may have had her priorities screwed up for a while, I will be the first one to call her out on that, but she never stopped caring about you. She was worried sick about you after Hale's death. She confided to me that she was afraid of losing you, and sadly her fears became reality. I don't think you ever fully realized just how much you mean to her, how your presence in her life gave her strength, kept her grounded, gave her a purpose, something to fight for." She frustratedly wiped away her silent tears, "I told myself I wasn't going to do this, get all emotional. You seem to have a way of worming your way into people's hearts, whether they like it or not." She chuckled humorlessly, "only you could make a lost succubus, a human-hating fae king, a lone wolf, a hardened Valkyrie, a siren of noble blood, and a guarded human slave doctor fall in love with you." She smiled, "you're definitely something special Kenzi."
Lauren pursed her lips, "I understand what you did, and why you did it, I really do, I just wish there was another way; I wish you had told us what you were planning so we could have found another way to close the portal." She drew in a shuddering breath. "You were so young," she whispered. Kenzi was the youngest in their group. Compared to the fae around her, she was just a baby. Even in human years, the Russian was barely considered an adult. "You were like the little sister we were all supposed to watch out for, but in the end we failed. We failed you, and I cannot apologize enough for that. You just started living your life only to have it ripped away from you. At least I got to have a childhood, go to college, experience things. You went from a dysfunctional home, to living on the streets, to living with the fae. You were always in danger. You never got to just enjoy life like you should have been able to. And then with Hale…God, I don't know how you did it Kenzi. If Bo ever…" another tear cascaded down her pale face. "I don't…I honestly don't even know how I would survive." Would she have been like Kenzi, bitter, angry, and wanting revenge? Or would she have turned to everyone for help in her time of despair? Would she ever move on? Would she even be able to breathe without her? "Life was cruel to you, and I can only hope you're getting the royal treatment you deserve in Valhalla." Her thoughts immediately wandered to the Valkyrie. "I know how close you are with Tamsin, and I feel you have the right to know she's not handling your death well either. Bo is broken, grieving, distant, while Tamsin is angry, hurt, and lashing out. Having to be the one to deliver your soul to Valhalla seems to have snapped something in Tamsin. I can't even imagine how difficult that was for her. I wish I could tell you more, but honestly I don't even see her much anymore. I'm not even sure if she's been by here to visit you or not." Lauren went over to the clubhouse about once a day to check on Bo, taking care of her and bringing her something to eat. It worried her that the succubus didn't even seem concerned over her own health. In all of those times Lauren had been at the crack shack, she had only seen Tamsin twice, and it hadn't been pretty. "I'm trying to take care of your girls Kenzi, I really am, but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm a physical healer, not an emotional one. I'm acting on instinct and just hoping, praying it will be enough. Tamsin won't allow me to help her, and Bo seems to barely register I'm there." Lauren ran a hand through her hair. "I know you must be worried about them, and it must be driving you insane not to be down here with them, with us. We're all mourning your death, but we have each other. You're the one who has been separated from all of us," she realized, a new wave of sadness crashing into her, "you're the one who is alone." Kenzi was in Valhalla by herself, she had no one.
Lauren let the silence hang for a moment. She reached for her bag, not wanting to dwell on the depressing idea any longer. She needed a distraction, a change of subject. "I know you were never much for science, but I made you something." She opened her briefcase, rifling through the contents until she came across the desired item. She emptied a small pouch into her hand. A black crystal lay in her palm, the sun's light dancing across its edges, causing a deep blood red to reflect back. "I grew this for you in my lab." She turned the crystal over between her fingers. "It took me a little while to figure out how to get the red mixed in there but I was determined, per usual. See? Not everything in my field is boring," she smiled, knowing Kenzi would have loved her gift. "I'll make you another one when you come home," she added. It sounded weird to be talking about someone who died being able to come home, like it was easy. "The one thing that is keeping Bo going is her determination to get you back. While I'm not sure how we'll pull it off, I'm confident that we will. You know Bo, she will stop at nothing when it comes to you." She laid the crystal down next to the sunflower. "So when we do succeed, I'll grow a new crystal for you, complete with a chain so you can wear it as a necklace. Maybe a matching set of earrings too." The idea gave Lauren something to look forward to. She could already imagine Kenzi's ecstatic face at the sight of her new one-of-a-kind jewelry, made specifically for her. If there were two things Kenzi loved, they were fashion and food. On that note, "and I'll bake you some muffins. So there, I'm bribing you to come home with jewelry and freshly baked goods," she chuckled to herself. The notion seemed absurd, to bribe a spirit to come back to the world of the living. "Every scientific piece of knowledge, every rational and logical bone in my body is telling me that it's impossible for you to hear me, whether I'm at home or at the cemetery. Yet here I am, unable to resist talking to you, and indulging in the small chance, the hope, that you can hear me."
She reached out, gripping the gravestone firmly in a friendly gesture. "Team Human is kind of lonely by myself, but I'm holding down the fort until you get back." She stood up, brushing the specks of dirt off of her black slacks. She slung her briefcase over her shoulder. "I hope you're happy up there. Stay safe. Wait for us, we'll be coming to get you shortly." She could feel the tears welling again, threatening to spill over. "I'm not sure if you ever knew it or not, but you do have a place in my heart too. I love you," she smiled through her grief. "I know this isn't goodbye, so I'll just say I'll see you soon." She took a few steps backwards. With a heavy heart, she turned, walking away from Kenzi's gravestone, but never walking away from Kenzi herself.