"Edward!" I shouted as loud as hard as my crushing ribs would allow me. The sound echoed through the woods and bounced off the trees and faded into the distance. No. No no no. He cannot leave me. He doesn't want you anymore! You're not good enough for him Bella. My subconscious rang out. I internally growled at her, I don't care. I don't care that I'm so plain and he's wonderful. I don't care that he deserves much better than me, I don't even care that he doesn't love me anymore. I just need to see him, just one last time. I felt rain drops on my head and knew it was raining hard for it to be able to come through the heavy canopy above my head. The logical thing to do was go back home before I got lost and get eaten by a bear but nothing was logical when it came to Edward, nothing. It wasn't logical for me to love him and it surely wasn't logical for him to love me, for his family to accept me, to have a some-what normal relationship with him. The only logical thing possible is him leaving me, but I didn't care. I wanted to chase after him, make him come back to me; beg him.

Beneath me my legs picked up speed, I started running in some direction, the direction I thought he vanished in his elegant vampire speed. I fell so many times, my hands and knees were bleeding and I could smell the sickly smell; like pennies and salt, it made me dizzy but it didn't matter to me. Not this time, this time only one thing mattered to me, and it was him and it was finding him. I am not going to let him leave me, the pain of even thinking that was too soul crushing for me. Running was the only thing I could keep doing so I kept running and falling, soon I noticed blood on everything I touched. I should have stopped, maybe what followed wouldn't have happened if I did. But there was no choice, there was no logic behind my impulse to keep running, further and further in the forest. Maybe he'll smell the blood and wonder if I'm hurt. Will he care? Would he turn around to save me again?

Something flashed in front of my eyes and I stopped dead in my tracks as the hairs on the back of my neck rise and I get goosebumps. Another flash, a blur with the same reaction. Was it Edward? Was it his family? Alice even? My stomach clenches and flips and I think I'm going to be sick. Sweat starts beating on my forehead and I wipe it away with a bloody hand, my body feels like it's on fire. I don't understand why my body is feeling like this and I try to think clear, to start moving again but I cannot. I'm pinned in the place I am, sweating, bleeding, breathing heavy. The connection between my brain and body is lost, fear has taken over. But fear for what?

"Edward!" I cried out, exerting the last bit of energy I had. My voice was no more than a whisper, barley audible to my own ears. I hope he'd hear it nonetheless and come back, I was in danger but I don't know from who or what, I just knew it. It was the same feeling when I met James' coven and he was after me, truthfully I have never felt safe since. I seen the blur again, only it was a red blur and it was closer to me, it sounded like almost a hissing noise. I kept calling out to Edward, Emmett, anyone but there was nothing. Nobody was here, nobody could protect me. He wasn't there and he wasn't coming. Nobody was; I'm all alone. It hit me like a ton of bricks, Edward isn't coming back. I almost fell with the realization but something catches my fall, come cold and rock hard at the base of my throat, cutting off my breathing. Instinctively my hand flies to my throat, grabbing it and I notice it's a hand, much like Edwards hand. I can see the blood from my hand on it and I take a deep breath and look up. It was her, it was Victoria.

"Victoria." I said flatly, lifelessly. I don't care that she's here to kill me, or worse. For God sake, kill me. Without him I'm better off dead anyway. What's the point to live without the only one worth living for? I no longer felt scared, I almost felt joy. That the pain I just realized within me will be over with. I remember Charlie's face. He'd be better without me, he's done it this far and I'm sure he can continue. There's nothing special about me, and that's what Edward finally realized. Just a stupid human who fell in love with a vampire. I should have seen it coming a mile away, I was never anything to him, just a distraction, something new. A new toy that a child gets tired of after playing with it for too long. This spikes anger in me and a new confidence, it makes me brace. She is staring at me, eyes blazing with hate, mine ablaze with courage, not a hint of fear. Her point is clear without even saying anything, she's here to kill Edward's "mate" because Edward killed her mate, James. What a surprise it'll be when she realizes that I'm no longer with Edward. What will she do then? Go after Edward? Kill me anyway? I could care less.

"Isabella..." Her voice is like a snake, a demon with her lips curling around my name. You could almost taste the venom coming off her lips. She takes a step towards me, her head tilting to one side. "Isabella, Edward isn't here." A smile was playing on her lips. She just thinks I came out here by chance. She probably thinks Edward doesn't know because he wouldn't have left me come out here, unprotected. And she smiles, she obviously don't know that he doesn't care if I'm dead or alive anymore nor does his family. I look at her right in the eyes and smile, a wicked smile, something I have never felt before. I felt almost giddy, nothing she can do will impact me OR Edward. She loses either way, whether she kills me or kills him. Edward already told me that it would be as if he never existed, so if he didn't actually exist...

"I don't care what you do to me Victoria. Neither does Edward and his family. He just left me, I was out here searching for him. There is nothing you could do to me that would hurt him. I'm nothing to him." I actually giggle at this. "Kill me. Go ahead, Edward would never find out and if he did, it's nothing to him. I'm not his mate and I never was. I was just a toy that he got bored of and left me, probably hoping that you were here and that you'd kill me, lifts a burden off him."

She recoiled as if I had splashed acid on her and I was momentarily stunned too. This is not what she expected, obviously. She wanted Edward to suffer and be hurt the same way she was when he took James away from her. Now she knows he won't care and I smile even bigger. I hope she continues, to kill me anyway. I just don't care anymore, maybe it's just a part of grief that I'm going through, but I'm okay with that. Because it feels better than how I felt a few minutes ago.

"There is one thing he doesn't want, Isabella. Whether you are his or not." She started coming closer to me now, a smile playing on her lips. I was confused, why would he care if anything happened to me? No, she was wrong. "There is one thing, that will burn him and never leave his mind. One thing that he couldn't live with, no." And she stops, inches from my face. Her eyes are glowing red matching her wild hair, her teeth are exposed and she's slightly drooling. "He doesn't want you to become a vampire, Bella."

I inhale sharply; I understand. It would be the ultimate punishment, I would have to live through eternity not with Edward. However, it's only punishment for me. He would never know if I was changed or not. He would assume I would live a normal human life, marry some normal man, have children, grow old and die together. Something he could never give me. I want to tell her that, but I cannot make myself move. Though it is true, and he stated that many of times. He was completely against me coming a vampire, I can't imagine how that opinion would change even if he left me.

I want to closed my eyes but I can't. She's coming closer and closer, inch by inch, her head is leaning towards my neck and I know it'll soon happen. There's no saving me now. Finally, after what seems like forever she lunges at me her teeth go through my flesh as if it was butter. I squeal out in pain. My voice ringing through the woods sounded foreign to me. She doesn't just bite my neck, she bites the other side. She takes both my wrists and clamps her teeth down, my veins flowing with venom and I can feel it, soaring through my veins where she bites. She bites my arms, my legs right through my jeans.

I fall to the muddy ground as I scream, screech and blare. She looks at me one last time, my blood on the corner of her mouth; she looks at me one last time and then is gone like the blur she came in in, gone forever I hope. Just like Edward. I can barely think of him now as I succumb to the pain. After what seems like three lifetimes, I hear beyond my screams a loud huffing noise, like some animal breathing. A bear perhaps? I hope so, I hope it kills me and takes me out of my misery. I'm writhing on the ground, not even able to open my eyes, the pain is too intense. How could I care what it was? I continue my thrashing in the wild pain and I barely notice that I'm being lifted off the ground and carried away, nothing can save me now. Kill me! Kill me! I wanted to shout, but nothing would come out. I have to live forever, forever without him being changed into the same thing he was and I completely resent it and him now. I don't want to become a vampire, I don't want to be anything but left alone. And yet the strange beast is still carrying me, hopefully going to dump me off a cliff.

The thing carrying me feels like it turns into something else, but it has to be me hallucinating. My skin starts to burn, as if it's being lit on fire but in a different way than my blood feels burning inside of me. My skin felt comfortable and somewhere deep inside me started to feel calm, relaxed through the intense pain. Maybe it's God, maybe God has taken pity of me and is trying to ease the pain. Maybe he does exist, maybe he does care for the broken and the hurt and the damned. Maybe I'm dead, maybe she didn't change me, maybe this is just God's version of a joke, to play on me before I'm worthy of going to Heaven. The pain is slowly, very slowly, subsiding and I choose to open my eyes. I can see the world, sort of. It's very blurry, as if the blood vessels have popped in my eyes from the pain, which I wouldn't doubt. I realize that I am being carried, the heat is someone's body heat. And finally, I look up. I look up to see Jacob Black carrying me, looking dead ahead, tears streaming down his face and calling out to a boy name Sam, and I succumb to the pain, the darkness has won and I let go.

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Much love always,

Emily :)