Author's Note: I wrote this story six years ago, and I have not edited it since.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight!

Ever since I first lowered my shield for Edward he had turned it into a tradition for us. Every night, after Renesmee was asleep, Edward would decide on one of my memories that he wanted to "see". I would then begin to relive the memory, only this time Edward would live it with me.

After the first several times of my shield jumping back into place when Edward would distract me, Edward decided that what he wanted most was for him to be able to be in my head for an entire night of making love.

So every night, not only would I share a memory with Edward, but I would also practice keeping my shield lowered while I was distracted. If my shield went back up, Edward would try to take the distractions down a little. Sometimes he couldn't make himself; other times, I wouldn't let him.

As much as I enjoyed our little tradition, I couldn't bring myself to be excited about it until Edward told me what memory he wanted me to share. The reason for this was that I knew, eventually, he would ask for memories I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to show him. The memory of him leaving and the memory of my transformation were two such memories.

So, when I came into the bedroom and saw Edward sitting on the bed with a look that could only be described as a mixture of nervous and anxious, I was immediately on guard.

I went and sat next to him. "Edward?"

"Bella," Edward hesitated, "please, show me your transformation."

Now, I had to make a decision. Do I show Edward my transformation and make him feel worse about it because I was in pain or do I not show him causing him to assume the worst?

"Edward, I really don't think I should."

"It's bad, really bad isn't it?"

"Oh, fine. Edward, I'll show you, okay? You have to promise not to beat yourself up over this, though."

"I promise."

"I don't believe you."

"Bella…"

"Edward, why do you want to know?"

"Because, Bella, I need to know what it felt like. I've seen the transformation of every other person in this family. The only one I care about knowing is yours. Please."

How did I ever think I would be able to refuse you if you asked me this? I lowered my shield so Edward could hear this comment.

He smiled, "I don't know."

So, I relived my transformation, letting Edward relive it with me. I stressed the fact that knowing Edward was with me kept me going, kept me sane.

When I was finished, Edward looked like he would be crying if he could. I let my shield slip back into place as Edward placed his head on my shoulder. He started to dry sob uncontrollably.

"Shhh, Edward. Shhh. It's alright."

"You were in so much pain."

"It was worth it, Edward. I've never regretted it. I've never blamed you."

"The morphine didn't help; it made it worse."

"Yes, it did make it worse. But Edward that's not your fault. You couldn't know how the morphine would affect the transformation."

He started to calm down a little. "You kept quiet for me." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, I did."

"I don't deserve you."

At that, I lifted his head so I could look in his eyes. "Yes, you do."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Bella, I'm sorry—"

I silenced his apology with a kiss. When I broke away, Edward raised an eyebrow at me. "We can't break tradition now can we?"

He smiled, "No, of course not."