A/N - Please forgive my grammar. This is the unedited version that I just finished and currently my poor editor is indisposed at the moment. Please remember to read this with an open mind, whether you like Erik, Christine or Raoul or not. I appreciate any feedback. Thank you
And for those of you waiting for MI or PM, I'll try to get them updated ASAP. Much love to you guys and hope you enjoy!
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"I gave you my mind blindly." I murmured brokenly, my breath hitching on the last word, my heart firmly lodged in my throat. Numbness settled into my mind as the reality of the situation dawned upon me; my angel had deceived me. I had trusted this...this dark man with my most sacred of gifts, my unfaltering admiration, my constant devotion, my untouched talent and my sheer trust, and he had single-handedly shattered the illusion of my angel of music.
My heart broke from the sense of betrayal I felt rise within me from this act of desperation my angel had attempted. What misery had he suffered at my own hands that would have driven him to such means as murder and kidnapping?
What cruel, ironic sense of fate has befallen us, Angel? What anger has forced these rash actions to come into play? What madness consumes and drives you to this ruin? Oh, why, my sweet angel, why are you doing this to me?
Now free from the porcelain constraints of his mask, my disfigured angel stood up to his waist within the murky water of the lair, his face twisted and contorted in his self-righteous rage, making him appear far more gruesome and terrifying with the unspeakable mangled skin that covered the right side of his face. One end of his punjab lasso was wrapped tightly around his wrist and forearms while the other end strained against the throat of my fiancee Raoul. I watched helplessly as Raoul struggled against his rope restraints that held him captive against the watergate, gasping as Erik tugged roughly at the lasso around his throat.
"You try my patience; make your choice." Erik's rough baritone echoed sinisterly within the stone walls of the underground labyrinth as he growled his reply to my pitiful cry.
I stole a glance at Raoul, even as Erik kept his trained eyes on my trembling form. Raoul looked at me with all the sad despair of a terrified child that would lose his most precious gift that he held dear; yet in the far off distance of my mind as if in a foggy dream, my conscious screamed at me that somehow I was the cause of this.
What could have made my angel change into this malicious man who stood before me? This man who had noticed me when I was a nameless face among a series of ballet dancers; a man who took me under his wing and gave me his music. A man who had brought me to my full potential as a singer and a woman, a man who had awakened a passion inside of me that had laid dormant until now.
My eyes skimmed over my fiancee and Erik in thought until they made contact with the turbulent, refulgent amber eyes of my Angel. So much pain was hidden behind those eyes, even as their honey depths shone with fury and impatience. They had once looked at me in such adoration and awe as I had let my voice rise to heaven in a crescendo of the ardor that had awakened in the presence of this man. However, they had also once been afire with madness and treachery as I had curiously, thoughtlessly removed my Angel's half mask to leave his most kept and hated secret vulnerable to my innocent eyes.
My mind knew what horrors this man was capable of wrecking; my eyes had watched helplessly as he committed acts of murder with no hint of remorse. Still, my heart rapidly beat with an unusually strong sense of faith. Somehow, my heavy heart, the very depths of my yearning soul, thrived on this foreign, instinctive notion that this man...my fallen Angel was not to be feared or hated. He only wished to be loved in a world that denied him the chance of experiencing the joys and beauty of such a basic, human emotion. The same world that had found him repulsive and despicable; the same world that claimed he was not fit to be granted the rights to be treated as a human.
Unbidden tears welled up in my eyes as the poignant words of Erik's Opera repeated itself inside of my confused, cloudy mind.
We had past the point of no return.
He risked everything he had ever known for me; he had generously, selflessly given me more luxuries than any girl could have dreamed, granted me the unmeasurable gift of his time, his music, his dedication, wisdom and lessons to be learned. All with hopes that I could move past the fear that his face provoked in me and find it in myself to love him as he so unconditionally loved me. Yet, I denied him as the rest of the world.
His voice still rang strong and clear in my soul as I slowly, shakily moved forward.
Lead me, save me from my solitude.
More than anything, I wanted to prove my love and devotion for him, wanted to show him he wasn't alone in this world; my Angel needed me right now more than anything. If I did nothing else for him, I would free him from this burden that had weighed heavily upon his shoulders and risk all for him as he had done for me.
It was of little consequence in my mind that the Opera, the place that I had once called home, above us was burning to the ground as my mind stood on the precipice of reason, motionless; I no longer cared of what crimes Erik had committed in the past. The accusation burning in Erik's eyes made me forget that he was forcing me to choose between my freedom and my fiance's life, that I had been dragged here against my will.
If the water was bitter cold, I didn't notice; I walked confidently down the incline of the stone to the lake below and approached my angel with determination and a single-minded purpose, fully dressed in the beautiful, simple wedding attire Erik demanded I wear. He wanted to be loved and accepted despite his horrible disfigurement; I was going to show him that he was loved and accepted just the way he was.
I sung lyrics to a song that stirred from deep within my soul as I neared him; a sad melody that my heart knew all too well, a song that called out to my Erik.
"Pitiful creature of darkness,
what kind of life have you known?
God gave me courage to show you,
you are not alone..."
I found myself standing directly in front of my beloved Angel, our bodies so close that I could feel his heated ragged breaths stirring the stray tendrils of my curls. Of their own accord, my hands reached up to his chest and rested there to feel his heart beating furiously, like the wild struggle of a caged bird, against my palm. I gazed compassionately, adoringly into his sorrowful amber eyes, a willful challenge and a secret confession, my gaze never faltering as I discreetly slipped on the engagement ring he had given back to me on my wedding finger.
My hand snaked its way up to Erik's broad shoulder, lightly gripping his tense muscles to steady myself against the wave of emotions that threatened to consume my very being.
My eyes were drawn down to his lips that were still slightly parted and heaving those deep breaths and in one smooth motion, I lifted myself up and tilted my head upwards, capturing those lips with my own in the most devastating of kisses.
It was meant to be a kiss of reassurance, coaxing and sweet in the manner it was given to put to rest the doubts and betrayal that my Angel feared so much; and because I gave it of my free will, hopefully give him that acceptance he so longed for. He seemed mournful, disassociated and placid all at once as he sobbed quietly into my mouth, his lips quivering; I could taste the salt of his tears mingle with our kiss as I attempted to deepen the kiss to swallow his insecurities and pain. And perhaps for just one moment, I could let him wallow in this sweet surrender and forget about his past and the present of this world, to only feel the current pleasure pulsing through our lips and the strong connection and emotions we both shared and felt; be it love, obsession or infatuation.
I released the kiss to step back and look at him, only to be greeted by those hauntingly beautiful, tearful, amber eyes that glowed dimly like the last embers of a long forgotten fire. My last strand of restraint broke as I felt tears of my own well up and fall silently down my flushed cheeks and again, I didn't think twice about sealing my aching lips to his own. My small hands then reached out to tenderly touch and stroke both sides of my Angel's face, both the ruggedly handsome and disfigured side, as my ears picked up the small sound of a repressed groan; whether it came from Erik, Raoul or me, I could not tell.
Unknowingly to Erik or myself, my own will would betray me and grant my Angel not only the kiss but a part of my heart and soul that would stay with him for all time. While the first kiss had been shy, virginal and plaintive, the second kiss quickly turned urgent and severe in need as he stepped closer to mold our bodies against one another and passionately pressed his lips firmly to mine, tilting his head to get better access of my mouth.
I felt his ridged body slowly lax underneath my delicate hands; his previous anger and woe all but melted as I felt him cling to me desperately, as if he were trying to prove to himself that I was real and not some taunting image of his disillusioned mind that would vanish into a dream.
Gasping and drained of energy, I broke our kiss but never once tore my praying eyes from those alight, panther-like eyes of Erik's that stared back at me dumbfounded that swirled with a curious emotion that was not characteristic of my Angel, one I could not place.
Though just as swiftly, that strange, alien emotion was replaced with the pain of the situation at hand; the pain that had been there before was more visible, more heart wrenching. A pain so bone deep and overwhelming that I could never forget how helpless I felt in that moment. The very depths of my soul ached to take away the misery my angel had suffered for so long yet my heart told me that I was simply one girl, I could only do so much for one misunderstood man.
My ears perked up at the echoing voices of the approaching mob as they grew louder and louder, chanting menacingly,
"Track down this murderer, he must be found!"
My blood ran cold as the possibility of my Angel being captured and subjected to death or worse became a very real option in my thoughts. I silently begged him with my reverent eyes never looking elsewhere but his face, for both our sakes and futures, to let this go, to let me go and end this once and for all as a slight sad smile graced my lips.
Erik wept openly and audibly as I kept lightly touching his face unashamed and unfrightened of the grotesque disfigurement, taking care in gently wiping away his stray tears with my fingers. I watched him defenselessly fall apart in my arms as he reached a breaking point.
"Take her; forget me. Forget all of this." He drew away from me, almost as if he was afraid to touch me, be near me, and waded out of the water as quickly as his feet would allow him, retreating up the stone steps as he shakily commanded both Raoul and me.
"Leave me alone, forget all you've seen. Go now, don't let them find you." Erik shouted more firmly though he hunched over awkwardly like a badly wounded animal that was protecting his injury and what was left of his pride as he stumbled back up to the beautiful, velvet and silk sanctuary that had served as my room. My feet slipped and skittered as I walked through the lake to where Raoul was still roped tightly to the gate with the punjab around his neck.
"Take the boat swear to me never to tell." My hands worked swiftly and unconsciously as I released my fiancee from the thick binds that had rendered him weak and vulnerable. I bit back the urge to tug roughly in frustration on the knots that wouldn't cooperate; in order not to delay the inevitable any longer than necessary. A neglected part of my heart churned violently and knew that this was the last time I would ever see Erik. Feelings both mutual and one-sided that needed to be discussed and confessed and if not said now, the chance would never come again...and still my conscious craved closure and my heart bleed to have this guilt and pain resolved.
My mind believed whole heartedly my Angel and I were both in like state of minds knowing that this ache and misery would never be lifted; forever to haunt us like an unseen ghost of the past and silently dwell in our souls for the rest of our days...or until it drove us mad.
"The secrets you know of the Angel in Hell."
At that moment, the biting cry struck a chord and I realized the words for what they really were. Erik was granting me my freedom and a chance to love and live my life fully, even if that meant it would not be with him. He loved me enough to understand that he can't keep me here in the cold, damp darkness forever, against my will. So he wished for me to forget him...forget all of it like the lingering of a distant dream.
...even if the deepest recess of my misguided heart loved him more than just a teacher, confidant and angel and had fallen for the man beneath the mask.
Raoul removed the last lash of rope and we embraced feverishly in an exhilarating sense of comfort and relief to be reunited and free of Erik's devious plans. Still even with the security of knowing that freedom lie just beyond the gate, so close and tangible that I could taste it, the seductive music, the sweet lull of his voice, the truth of his words burned me from the very depths of my forlorn heart to the tips of my numb fingers.
I gently grasped Raoul's warm hands and smiled serenely up at him, my eyes then trailing up to the section of the cavern where Erik had retreated. My fiancee, good natured with a loyalty that most men lacked, squeezed my hand with silent understanding. I padded my way through the lake back up the cold stone floor while he watched me ascend into the crimson colored room, a sense of longing stirring within him once more.
I never knew that he doubted I would ever return from that room.
As I approached the silk and velvet sanctuary that had served as my room, the melodic chiming of the Persian monkey's music and gentle banging of its symbols mesmerized me. My soul seemed to take over my body as I drew closer to the hypnotizing sound and the captivating, tortured soul of the man whom sang quietly along with it.
"Masquerade. Paper faces on parade...Masquerade. Hide your face so the world will never find you."
I emerged silently from the doorway and further into the candlelight as Erik turned his head and looked at me with a heartbreaking tenderness that stung me far deeper than I could have ever imagined. "Christine, I love you." The silence was binding, the air thick with tension and electricity combined with undertones of danger.
Perhaps this was love? The words from his mouth were filled with meaning, promises and devotion that would have had many women melt and envious of such blatant talk of love. I exhaled heavily as I walked further towards my angel...
He gave a small, half crooked smile, his eyes filling with the remains of hope...and my heart broke while my bravado faltered. This feeling of unrequited redemption gnawed at me from the inside out and rendered the part of my heart that had been desolate before. Seeing him look at me like that, hearing the sincerity in his angelic voice, watching him smile was almost my undoing.
I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't lead him to believe in an illusion of love, an infatuation, a cherished emotion of unspeakable pleasure and pain, that he believed could be the foundation of something lasting. It just didn't work like that.
Every logic in the world told me that it couldn't work like that. Nothing but sadness, hate and emptiness could come from fear and force.
Not that Erik really forced me to do anything, mind you but I would be forcing myself. I would be burdened to live a lie and sink deep into Erik's world consisting of gadgets, death traps and darkness. Could I really live in such a place and be happy? I loved him, I did. I loved him with all my heart. But could love really conquer the physical and mental obstacles of a man that had been hidden away all his life, knowing nothing but the confines of solitude and his arts?
No, it couldn't be anything more than a dream of two lost souls merely wishing that they could be the others hope of salvation. We had assumed upon the ideal of each others intentions and character when in reality, we were as guilty as sin for pressing each other too far.
And this is what we had to show for it...a fantasy shattered, a test of faith that failed, trust in one another broken and a quick, unfitting goodbye in the most desolate of places.
Oh sweet angel, where do I begin and where do you stop?
I knew precious time was slipping through my fingers and neither I or Erik could afford to tarry any longer. I swiftly, deftly walked forward and watched as his eyes brightened with yearning, anticipation and optimism he held inside, uncaring that his vulnerabilities and fears lie clearly in front of me. I clutched my hand with the engagement ring to my stomach terrified and dispirited at what I was about to do.
I had the power to make his heart soar or break his spirit. We both knew it and excepted it as part of the advantage and consequence of our binding relationship.
And I must confess, I did consider the outlandish proposal of running away with him at one time. Never in my wildest, would I admit such a thing to either him or Raoul. After all, I was still just a child by the laws of society and should have no such thoughts but I'd toyed with the idea.
I took a shaky breath as I came in arm's reach of him and my facial expression simultaneously reflected both my fondness of him and dismay. Whether the dismay occurred from the circumstances or my decision, I wasn't quite sure.
His half-smile and hope fell as I slowly took off my engagement ring and grabbed his hand silently. My hands smoothed over his palm so they turned face up and I gently laid the mass of sparkling jewels in the center of his pale palm, helping him close his fingers over the ring with my own. He contemplated his hand as if dumbfounded but I knew he was considering the meaning of the gift as I squeezed his hand with the ring lightly.
I'm still not sure if he ever understood the significance of the me giving the ring to him; I meant it as to say that a part of me would stay with him forever as part of him would always stay with me. I watched disheartened as I backed away to the door; Erik still staring intently at his hand that held the ring. Then he looked up at me with fresh tears in his eyes and the most torn expression one single person could ever possess.
I nearly stumbled backwards from the massive, overwhelming guilt that ate at my conscious. I turned away and made my way to the doorway. As I touched the side of the velvet curtain draped across the opening that served as the doorway, something stopped me dead in my tracks. I prayed to myself under my breath , "God, give me strength. Else, I know my heart won't survive."
I chanced a glance over my shoulder to my Angel as he sat there on the edge of my swan shaped bed, his eyes firmly boring into my own, wanting me to come with him so badly, so incredibly badly, but knowing I couldn't; knowing the dream was over. The air in the room suddenly shifted to that of reluctant acceptance drowned in heartbreak and despair. This was how it was going to end...
I tore my eyes from his mangled face and from those steadfast eyes that could see straight into my soul. My lungs froze and I forced myself to take a shuddering breath before I left the lair forever. My feet cooperated with me for once and actually walked past the doorway, down the stairs and to Raoul who had been patiently waiting with the small, gondolier shaped boat.
Raoul lifted a hand to help me into the boat safely; as soon as I was in the boat, he made sure to cast the boat off the shore and to our freedom. His eyes never strayed past the pathway of water and his stoic demeanor unnerved me to no ends. Finally, his thoughtful voice cut through the emotional reverie,
"Did you love him, Christine?" I had only a split second to answer cause if I hesitated, Raoul would know the answer to that question. Either way I choose to answer, somebody would be hurt. The truth would devastate poor Raoul and I feared he'd always carry the knowledge that I loved another man with him all of his days. Lying would only wound my heart...and Erik.If he found out, which I had no doubts he would, I couldn't fathom doing any more damage than I'd already done.
I answered the only truthful way I know how, by singing. "Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime."
"Say the word and I will follow you." Raoul sang to me sweetly, much like he did the night we were on roof of the Opera Populaire together, with a small, childish smile playing on his lips.
"Share each day with me, each night..." One last time, my heart needed to know if my Angel would hear me, needing closure of some sort. After all, he was also in my heart when I sang the words.
"...each morning..." My hands were around Raoul to keep me steady but my eyes looked back to the place where I had left part of my heart and soul behind, to my Angel who stood on the stone steps with tears in his eyes.
And my ears and heart heard his angelic, soulful voice calling, even from afar. "You alone can make my song take flight. It's over now the music of the night!"
My heart bleed, my soul cried...and I wept endless tears for a love that was cursed from the beginning and could never be.
The End