Author's Note: This is totally just a silly little crack!fic. A friend asked me whether I could write a three-way with Ten, Tentoo, and Rose, and I laughed and proposed this crack!fic instead because, really, with two gobs of that caliber in one bed, how would anything get done? So, without further ado, HpGwperfect, this is for you.
Beta: The super awesome scullywolf who totally found the title :)
Rose crossed her arms and stared at the two pinstriped Doctors in front of her, one in blue and one in brown.
"Alright," she said firmly. "If we're gonna do this, one of you needs to dress a bit different, yeah? I can't keep mixing you up if I'm supposed to treat you like the same person and a different person at the same time."
The Doctor in blue looked down at himself.
"I thought you rather fancied this look," he said, rocking back on his heels. "Certainly didn't mind it before we got separated."
The Doctor in brown smirked.
"Liked us better out of it, though," he said with a wink at his counterpart.
"Right," said Rose, "but I'm never gonna get either of you out of your clothes again if I can't tell you apart better. S'not the sort of surprise I like, not knowing which bloke I'm taking to bed." She nodded her head in the direction of the wardrobe room. "Go figure somethin' out, and then meet me in the bedroom, yeah?" she said, walking between them and towards their room, brushing a hand over each Doctor's shoulder as she did so.
"Blimey," said the Doctor in brown, rubbing his neck as they both turned and watched Rose walk away. "Has she always had us wrapped around her finger like that?"
"Yup," replied the other Doctor, "and we love it."
O~O~O~O~O~O
Several minutes later, Rose was waiting in their large bed, dressed in pink, silky lingerie and fidgeting, studying her nails as she waited for the Doctors to arrive.
Finally, the door opened as Rose was stifling a yawn, and her Doctor in brown was the first through. Behind him, her part-human Doctor entered wearing jeans, jumper, and leather coat. Rose's jaw dropped, and she looked him up and down appreciatively.
"That's more like it," she said, licking her lips as she watched the Doctors move to stand on either side of the bed.
"Mmm," said the pinstriped Doctor, "I do look rather attractive. Of course, why wouldn't I?" He adjusted his tie and sniffed.
"We are rather handsome," added the now-leather-clad Doctor, running his hands along his jacket.
"Although, really, I suppose it does depend on what definition of 'attractive' we use," said the pinstriped Doctor as he eyed the man he looked identical to. "According to the standards on Raflipicon Nine, anything short of a tailored suit is just vulgar."
On the bed, Rose rolled her eyes and maneuvered herself into a more comfortable, reclined position.
"Oi," responded the new-new-new Doctor, "what about Caprillion Six? A suit that fitted would would get you incarcerated before you could say 'Raxacoricofallapatorius.'"
"Why would I want to say that on Caprillion Six?" came the reply. "That could get me arrested no matter what I was wearing."
"Admittedly, that wouldn't be the first thing I'd recommend saying," he answered, running a hand along the leather rim of his jacket, "but what about on Blaxus? As a result of the angle at which the sun strikes the occupied portions of the planet, covering so much skin would get either of us locked up or tossed in a mental institution."
"True," replied the fully Time Lord Doctor with a thoughtful look. "Of course, the societal standards for Jraxim require so much clothing that either of us would be violating their decency laws. Do you remember when we got arrested there back in our fourth generation?"
The Doctor in leather hummed in agreement.
"Even the scarf wasn't enough for Jraxim, was it?" he asked, pulling on his ear lobe.
"Earth is pretty brilliant, I suppose," said the pinstriped Doctor. "Such a diverse mix of cultures and dress codes." He paused and squinted a bit at the man who stood on the other side of the bed. "Why are we talking about dress codes, again?" he asked.
"We are talking about how attractive we are, of course," came the answer.
"Oh, yes!" the brown-suited Doctor replied. "So, what do you think, Rose?" he asked, sizing up his body in leather again. "Am I sexy?"
"What do you think, Rose?" added the newer Doctor. "Rose?" he said again after a moment had passed without a response.
Both Doctors turned to look at Rose where she was waiting in bed, and, as if on cue, Rose snored softly, fast asleep.