Disclaimer: I don't own PJO. Trust me, you don't want me to.

"Hey Jackson, come over here," Jason beckoned. It was a nice, sunny day at Camp Half-Blood, and Jason was standing outside the Zeus cabin. Percy noticed that there was something weird going on but he went over anyway.

"What's up? Why are you dressed for a war game and why is your spear drawn?" Percy asked.

Jason had a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Well you see Percy, I saw you holding hands with Annabeth yesterday. Don't you remember the pact?"

Instantly a chill crept down Percy's spine. The boys had lost to the girls in a game of Capture the Flag and they had sworn abstinence for a week. It was a very serious oath with death as the penalty for breaking it. Percy had just been helping Annabeth after she had fallen down, but apparently these guys were forming their own theories.

"It wasn't like it seems," Percy muttered. Jason was in full battle armor, but soon more people crept out from all around him. They were all muttering death chants.

"How shall we punish the heretic?" Jason asked. Pretty much every single male demigod in existence had gathered around them. They had all felt the pain of being alone for a week and couldn't stand that Percy had gone and broken a sacred oath. They all started pouring in ideas.

"Death by guillotine."

"Death by spontaneous human combustion."

"Death by bad publicity."

Percy burst into a cold sweat. These guys weren't kidding.

"No, no, no," Jason said. "We can't just do that." Percy breathed out of relief. Surely Jason, who had been in so many life and death situations with him wouldn't be so cruel.

"Percy can't die so easily," Jason said. "Those punishments are far too lenient. We have to give him the worst- death by Apollo's poetry."

"YOU GUYS ARE INHUMAN!" Percy shouted as everyone agreed. He quickly ran away, there was no way that he could take on all of these people at once.

His first reaction was, of course, to go for the lake. Unfortunately though, it seemed that his enemies had anticipated that and had set up a perimeter around the lake.

There wasn't any way through, Percy noticed. He fumed and noticed that it was unusually hot all around him. He couldn't feel the water around him anywhere, and the sun was beating down on him like a hammer.

Clearly they had been forming this whole plan since last night. Percy couldn't risk going to the Poseidon cabin. He had to go to safety.

"Get him!" some people dressed in armor and armed to the teeth shouted behind him. Percy concentrated all he could and sent water hidden deep underground at them. They all screamed and collapsed to the ground.

"That's what you get for envying other people's happiness!" Percy shouted. Though he had tried to sound cool, that trick had really cost him. It was just too hot…

Percy did his best to sneak around the guards placed everywhere and entered the Aphrodite cabin. He figured that nobody would bother to look for him in there, and he was sure that they would have something to beat the heat inside.

As he was applying moisturizer all over himself, someone walked in. It was a pretty cute Aphrodite girl wearing the Camp Half-Blood t-shirt.

"Um, are you Percy Jackson?"

Percy considered things. She didn't look dangerous, but he couldn't have her telling the others that he was here. He still decided to go for it, but he kept his hand on Riptide just in case.

"Yes."

"Oh wow. You see, there's been something that I've always wanted to tell you. You see, I, I, kind of heard all about you and thought that you know, you might want to go out sometime?"

"Um, that's nice, but I'm sort of already into somebody." Percy realized that this girl was probably new to camp.

"Really? Who?" the girl asked.

"Well, the thing is, that person's name is…" Percy began. He still wasn't entirely comfortable spouting his secrets to a complete stranger. He then saw someone outside the window. "JASON!" he shouted. He looked outside and saw that the Praetor was surrounded by guards. Percy wanted to decapitate him, but he couldn't fight all of them at once.

"So, really? That's who you like?"

"Um, yeah," Percy muttered, not even noticing what the girl was asking him. "Listen, I like need to hide from some people for now."

"Okay," the girl said. "You can just sleep beneath one of the bunks. I have to tell everyone about this new development…"

The last sentence sounded pretty ominous, but Percy was too tired to care. After all, he had expanded a lot of energy running away and he had spent all night watching Finding Nemo in 3D instead of doing his Greek homework. The moment he thought about his homework, he drifted off pretty quickly.

Percy's dreams were filled with happy thoughts about stabbing that traitor Jason. He woke up when he noticed that someone was in the Cabin. He assumed it was just another bubble headed Aphrodite kid and not a threat and so he got out and saw that it was Frank.

"PERCY! Die!" Frank shouted. Clearly everyone had thought that Frank was useless and stationed him here, Percy thought. Unfortunately, Frank already had grabbed one of his arrows. Percy wouldn't have enough time to grab Riptide so he grabbed the nearest weapon on the table: a nail clipper.

Great, what am I supposed to do with this? Percy thought. Maybe he should have sought refuge in the Ares cabin instead.

Five minutes later, Percy was running out of the Aphrodite cabin. Frank was on the floor and was sobbing with pain, which Percy found weird since all he had done was clip his nails.

"Kill the heretic!" a shout came from somewhere. Percy ran. It was still hot outside, and he wondered how long these guys were going to keep this up. They were armed with spears and swords and… books filled with Apollo's poetry. Percy ran faster when he saw them.

The lake was still cut off from him, so he thought about the Big House. He could probably execute a jump from there into the lake. He at once headed towards it.

On the way however, he bumped into Jason. Something was weird about him. He wasn't wearing his usual Praetor symbols, and he looked like he was running away from something dangerous.

Not that Percy cared. Percy uncapped Riptide and advanced slowly towards Jason before he noticed that there was a flock of doves running after him.

Jason glared at Percy but ran with a look that clearly said that he didn't have time to deal with him. Percy looked at the things that were following him and saw that Lady Aphrodite seemed to be leading them. She saw Percy.

"Oh, my dear, I support all forms of love. Even those of the kind you've chosen. But unfortunately you've broken my daughter's heart, and for this you must pay," she said. Percy didn't get what she was saying but he did get that he was in trouble and began running after Jason.

"Jason! You moron, you are so going to die!" Percy said. Jason glared at him.

"You're the one who should rot in Tartarus. Do you know the kinds of things they've been saying about me? Did you really go and tell a girl from the Aphrodite cabin that we are-" he was interrupted by Lady Aphrodite's wail.

"Oh, you two are running away together from danger. I hate to be the villain in love, I really do, but I just can't forgive you breaking up with my children like this."

Percy was getting very, very confused but figured that he had to survive the doves first and then he could ask questions later. Aphrodite was flinging some sort of heavy and ugly-looking doves at them that would have made the Ugly Duckling look nice. Percy liked the tale of the Ugly Duckling; it had always been one of his favorites.

But this wasn't a time to think about that.

"Does she have some sort of unlimited ammo cheat?" Percy asked and Aphrodite swung a bird at them which must have been the thousandth one. Just then Percy got an idea.

"Lady Aphrodite! Your makeup is on wrong," Percy said. It was a desperate plea but it worked and Aphrodite stopped sprinting after them and immediately checked herself in the mirror to make sure that she was ab-SO-lutely fabulous.

Percy and Jason hid behind the Demeter Cabin. The coast seemed to be clear for now. The moment he caught his breath Percy tried to punch Jason. Jason dodged and cuffed Percy on the shoulder.

"Idiot! Seaweed brain! Guys, come on! We're behind the Demeter Cabin!" Jason said. Percy glared at him. He was calling for more troops. It was a smart idea, but Jason wasn't the only one with brains.

Percy took something out of his pocket and before Jason knew it he was handcuffed to Percy. Percy had found those handcuffs beneath Pipers' bed in a box that said 'For Emergencies'. They would completely bind two people together, and both would share something kind of like an empathy link. Percy was worried as to why Piper would keep something like that with her, but he had bigger problems.

"What did you just do?"

"If I die, we both die," Percy said calmly. They heard voices from in front of the cabin and both tried to run in opposite directions, but of course the handcuffs didn't break that easily.

"Follow me!" both of them yelled at the same time.

"No, you do what I do!" they screamed simultaneously.

Just then, people filed in from both sides. They were surrounded.

"Kill the heretic," they all chanted.

"Look guys," Jason said, "I'm chained to Percy so if you want to kill him you'll end up killing me too. Let's just wait for a moment."

All of the people around them paused. They then said, "Brother Jason must be sacrificed for the greater good. Kill them both."

Percy and Jason ran as fast as they could, but they were really slowed down due to the handcuffs as they repeatedly ran in opposite directions. They finally managed to make their way to the front of the Athena cabin.

There, Piper and Annabeth were both holding hands and looked like they had been crying. Then they saw Percy and Jason handcuffed together and burst into tears

"So, it's true…" Annabeth sobbed.

"What's true?" Percy asked. Jason glared at him and said,

"Didn't you tell an Aphrodite girl that we are- that we are, a couple?"

Just then everything that Percy had said registered to him and a lead brick slid into his stomach. "GODS NO! Why, Annabeth, really, it's not what you think, we're not, you know, what you're thinking."

Annabeth looked hopeful. "Really Percy, I always believed that you wouldn't betray me like that."

"Me too." Piper chimed in.

"Then why are both holding medieval torture devices in your hands?" Percy asked.

"I thought you said that he would be too stupid to notice," Piper said to Annabeth.

"I thought so," Annabeth said. "So just use your Charmspeak and draw them in so we can teach them a lesson."

Percy and Jason stuffed their fingers into their ears and made a beeline for any sort of exit they could find. Of course, at that time, Aphrodite just had to pop up out of nowhere. She also seemed to be in tears at seeing them handcuffed together, but also murmured that they had to die no matter what the strength of their love.

On a bright note though, one of her doves managed to break the handcuffs so Jason and Percy could finally go their own ways. Percy still couldn't enter the lake because there were guards positioned all over there, so he instead decided to head towards the Big House like he had planned earlier.

Before he could though, someone walked out of the Zeus cabin. What do you know, it was Zeus himself and he did not look happy.

"Perseus Jackson," the god muttered. "I cannot forgive you for what you've done. Having an affair with one of my children? Never!"

"But, Lord Zeus, I haven't done anything to Thalia," Percy pleaded.

"I was talking about Jason," Zeus said.

"NO! YOU'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG, LORD! There's nothing like that!" Percy said. It was clear that Zeus didn't believe him though.

"Truly, Percy. I always disapproved of you but still put up with you for my brother's sake. But you've just gone too far this time. I never thought that you would be… oriented the other way. I can't have something like that ruining my reputation."

Percy snorted. "Pfft. Yeah right, you're the one saying stuff like that is wrong? Hypocrite." This was apparently the wrong thing to say as Zeus raised his Master Bolt.

"Any last wishes, godling?"

"Um, yeah. Can I have a phone call?" Percy asked. Zeus hesitated. He hadn't really considered granting Percy a last request, he just thought that it would have sounded cool, but he guessed it wouldn't hurt to let Percy have a phone call.

"Fine. One phone call." Zeus handed Percy an IPhone 5 that had a lightning bolt streaked behind it. Zeus guessed that Percy was going to call his mother or someone like that, but not even contacting his father was going to help him.

Percy prayed that what he was planning would work. He selected a number from the contacts and then dialed it.

"Um, yes, Lady Hera? I just wanted you to know that I saw Lord Zeus flirting with some college chicks. He's right here, in Camp Half-Blood."

Zeus' arrogant grin faded. "You! Do you have any idea what you've done?! Curses, Jackson, I will get back at you for this one day! I won't repeat the same mistake I did today of granting you a last request."

"Actually, your mistake was keeping your wife's phone number in your cell phone. Seriously, who does that?" Percy said. Zeus exploded into golden sparks and Percy could hear Hera shouting at him from above.

Percy sighed out of relief. He realized just how close he had gotten to being killed. Just then, an arrow struck the wall two inches from his ear. It was from some kids from the Apollo cabin.

Can't they take a holiday? Percy thought as he dodged a few more arrows. They were blocking his path towards the Big House so he was forced to retreat towards the Aphrodite cabin.

He managed to lose them along the way, and he peered inside. Frank was gone and the only one there was that Aphrodite girl he had met earlier. Finally, Percy thought. He had to clear up a few misconceptions.

The girl saw him and her eyes lit up. "Oh, it's good that you've come here."

"Listen, there's some things I have to tell you but I need to survive momentarily for now. I need to get to the Big House without getting spotted."

"Ah yes. There will always be those who oppose love," she said. "Especially your kind."

"No," Percy said. "I, there's nothing going on between me and Jason, alright?"

The girl shook her head. "No need to be modest or shy. Though the world may be cruel, but your love must live on."

Percy realized that there was going to be no convincing this girl. He also found it odd that she wasn't repulsed by the stuff she was talking about, and seemed to like it. What is wrong with the world? Percy thought.

"I'll help you get out though," she said. She pulled out a maid outfit from her closet. "Just wear this and a hat, and no one will recognize you as long as they don't look closely. Then you can get to the Big House just fine."

Percy considered just stabbing himself with Riptide. It might have been less painful then doing what he was about to do.

Percy stepped outside awkwardly. He was sure that someone was going to notice him immediately, but strangely enough he managed to make it to the inside of the Big House without raising any alarm.

Inside, his heart froze. Jason was right there in front of him. Percy wondered if he still had Riptide on him or if it was back in his old pants.

Jason looked at him and then said, "Excuse me miss, but is there a problem? I could help you out you know."

Percy was faced with several conflicting emotions. For one, apparently Jason thought that he was attractive. This made him want to puke. Secondly, he was actually cheating on Piper right now, and that was a sure signal that he deserved to have his heart ripped out and fed to the wolves.

"Why don't you stop that hat from cover your face- BY THE GODS IT'S YOU PERCY!" Jason seemed very shocked to see Percy. "Why are you wearing that?"

Percy reached for Riptide and Jason tried to grab his hand to make him fumble. At that time, Annabeth and Piper also walked in and saw a very disturbing scene.

"Jason is- Jason is, he's trying to caress Percy underneath his dress." Annabeth sobbed.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO!" Jason shouted. Percy and Jason both started running up the stairs.

"Wait, come back!" Piper shouted.

"Throw away those machetes and then we'll talk," Jason said, unfazed by Piper's Charmspeak.

"Stop Percy. You should be a normal boy and like girls and not dress up like that," Annabeth said.

"DO YOU THINK I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE I WANT TO?" Percy shouted back.

"By the way, why are you running towards the roof?" Jason asked. "I was going to fly away, but that clearly can't be your plan."

"I want to go to the lake," Percy said.

They both kept climbing upwards while trying to shove each other. However, they found their way blocked by a lot of wooden boards.

"I put these up," Jason said. "They were supposed to block you off." Jason then looked at a nearby window and jumped off, floating in the air.

"What about me?" Percy asked.

"You can rot in Hades for all I care," Jason said and flew away. Percy uncapped Riptide, which luckily he still had and broke through the barricade.

He stepped onto the roof to find Apollo glaring at him.

"Sorry kid, but Zeus told me you had to go," Apollo said and pulled out a bow. A single arrow, as hot as the sun itself was strung to it and Apollo took aim.

Percy realized that he was going to be dead and just stared at the god, paralyzed.

But Apollo didn't shoot for some reason. He put his bow down instead. "I-I-I just can't do this. Zeus had forbidden these kinds of relationships among the gods, said marriage is always between a man and a woman, but I can't let that happen to you. Go Percy, and live life like you want to, don't care about what the world thinks. I don't care how I'm punished, but I cannot allow something like this to end."

When Percy realized what Apollo was saying he snapped. "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!"

Percy jumped off the roof and somehow managed to land in water. He thought he was safe until he noticed the naiads around him. They were holding phones and taking pictures… of him.

"Lord Poseidon will love this," one of them said.

"I know! Lord Percy looks so cute in that maid outfit," another one added.

Percy screamed again. "I CAN'T SHOW MY FACE IN PUBLIC ANYMORE!" If it was possible to die of bad publicity, Percy would have already crossed the River Styx.

Percy jumped out of the water and started running like crazy while the naiads behind him kept asking him to stop and pose for more photographs.

Lord Dionysus walked into camp. He saw Percy in a maid outfit (what was that about?) being chased by naiads and a whole lot of other armed campers as well as Aphrodite and the whole Athena cabin. Jason also seemed to be running away from the same crowd, and above, Zeus and Hera were arguing about something, and it seemed that Hera was winning. Apollo was spouting some nonsense poetry about love and how it wasn't limited by gender (seriously, what was THAT about?) from the top of the Big House while Frank was sobbing nearby about his nails.

The God of Wine took a sip of Diet Coke. "What a bunch of idiots," he said.

A/N And so the first chapter ends. I probably won't be continuing this unless I see some requests and demand for another one.

So anyway, I'd like to know your favorite part, if any, and how much you would donate to my fund to get me a good therapist.