Title: The Captain's Center
Author: imaginary_witness
Pairings: Murasakibara X Akashi
Ratings: T
Warnings: None.
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friendship, High School, Romance.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story: living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
Author's Notes: Originally written: October 12/2013 *Edited: July 2017*
The day was grey, cloudy and overcast. It was not yet November, but the cold was indeed settling in. Leaves fell from their homes on the branches above and danced and tumbled down to the ground below. A small boy with short, spiky bright red hair stood in the doorway of a high school gymnasium watching the scene before him. His asymmetric eyes reflected the natural world around him with a glow of admiration. He stood there a moment, allowing his light blue shorts and white t-shirt to be gently blown by the gentle wind, before turning and disappearing back inside.
It was the start of his first year at high school. His first year away from what he had grown to call 'home'. Akashi Seijuro turned his attention from the world outside and forced himself to focus on the small confines of the gym of Rakuzan High. He had indeed come a long way in his life, he became well-respected for his abilities in basketball, becoming the youngest Captains Rakuzan had in a long time. He excelled in all his classes, both in school and the ones he took in his spare time online. And he had become undefeated in any sort of strategy game or mind-bender alike. Even his occasional movie, typically thriller or mysteries, became unsatisfying and boring.
Akashi sighed. While the world outside his borders captured his interests, he had to remain inside. He began to feel restless, longing for a chance to explore. The thoughts in his mind made him think of his old teammate, Aomine Daiki, who had also grown restless of the lack of challenges he found in life. He began to understand what Aomine had meant when he had told him the reason for skipping practice as "what is the point in playing when no one wants to play against you?'
Akashi looked down. Deep inside he felt emotions he never had before: pain, grief, loss. He realized a month ago that he only had three years of public schooling left, a fact that had taken him by mild surprise. Though he was amused that time had gone by so quickly, he felt robbed of his memories; feeling little emotions in them. He didn't want to practice today, his heart simply wasn't into it. He looked around at his new teammates; Reo, Kotaro, Eikichi, and Chinhiro, but saw little motivation from them. Without a word, he simply hung his head and made his way to the locker room unnoticed.
The shower did nothing to lift the depression. Akashi felt himself going numb. He often went numb these days. He knew what it was about but he never wanted to consciously address it. He wouldn't make a weakness for himself. He hit the bottom on his fist against the tiles, making a small impact that stung up his arm. Pressing his lips together he simply stood under the faucet and let the water rush over him. He felt suspended in time. Without any decision he snapped the water off and walked out, tying a towel about his waist as he went.
Sighing heavily he unknotted the scarf from around his neck and threw it on the chair in the kitchen. He was home - his new home - a small apartment in Kyoto. He felt sick. In an impractical decision, Akashi stripped down to his boxers in the kitchen, tossing all his clothing on the kitchen table. He pulled out a chair, sat down despite the cold, and held his head in his hands. He felt like crying, screaming, clawing at himself. He felt downright empty. He reached out, hands finding a coffee cup from earlier in the morning and threw it across the room; not really caring where it shattered.
He felt cold. He was cold. His face was wet. He touched his cheek to discover that traitor tears had indeed sprung lose. There was no denying it any longer: he had a weakness.
He warmed himself a bowl of miso soup, throwing in several carrots, celery and - his favorite - tofu. He carried the bowl back to the bedroom with him, a place he never ate unless he was sick. He pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants, another nostalgia of being sick, and an old, large, faded white t-shirt with the washed-out logo of a band on the front called 'Tonic Water'. He never wore the shirt when he could help it, but today he simply felt like giving up. It wasn't like his typical behavior, even when he was sick he wouldn't quit. But today, he was just going to accept his defeat against himself. He had a weakness and there was nothing he could do about it.
He brought the collar of the shirt up and over his nose, sniffing the pleasant odor. It was a combination of spice and sweat, hard work and deodorant, with the sweet aroma of caramel and candy, all mixed together. Akashi sighed. It had been a very long time since he had inhaled that scent. He had thought that since he hadn't felt depressed in the slightly during the summer that he wouldn't feel bad in the fall. He was excited even, packing up his belongings and moving down to the small apartment. Excited to go to a new school, to meet new people, to live away from his father. He was simply excited. He hadn't even noticed the season pass without any word from those he called his friends. He figured that they must've been excited going to their new schools as well and that they hadn't meant to forget him - just as he hadn't meant to forget them.
But then school started, and there was still no words. No emails, no calls, nothing. He thought at first that they were just as busy as he was, with their new teams and classes, but then a week passed, and another. A month came and went and he began to feel lonely, forgotten. Classes held no interest and soon even his team had begun to seem like a bore. There was little laughter in his life and he missed the stupidity of his old friends. It occurred to him that he had taken their stupid questions for granted; their laughter, their warmth. He wondered vaguely why he hadn't bother to be the first to start something, some form of communication, but that would show his weakness, currently residing in Akita, and he couldn't afford to do that.
'To hell with it', he thought, booting up his laptop. 'It can't be help.'
There isn't any fun in being in love with your best friend.
"Atsushi."
A tall boy with vivid violet, shoulder-length hair turned and looked around before checking the around his waist where a short, red-haired boy stood.
"Oh, hey Captain!" The purple-haired boy chuckled happily.
"Atsushi, put on your jacket. You're going to catch a cold."
Atsushi reached out and accepted the long material from the younger boy, finding humour in the boy's size still.
"Aka-chin, it's only a short walk to my place. I think you're over-reacting."
Akashi blushed, shaking his head slightly to for his heavy bangs to cover his cheeks. "Don't be silly. I'm your Captain, it's my task to look out for you."
Without a parting word, the younger boy turned and began to walk away. His face was scarlet and his eyes were brimmed with tears. It was the second time he had walked out of the gym with Atsushi and they barely spoke after practice. Though the purple giant checked on him from time to time in the games and ruffled his hair, he obviously didn't see the effect he caused in Seijuro's heart. Akashi felt like crying. He was weak. He would tell him tomorrow. He would find his strength, tomorrow.
But the day after, and the day after, and the day after that, all met the same outcome. Akashi found himself offering something - a drink, a question, a sweet - before turning and walking away. He felt cheated at the end of the day, becoming more and more isolated at home. He admitted it to himself, in the safety of the cover of darkness at night, that he was only cheating himself. One day, he knew, Atsushi and him would have to part ways and if he didn't make his intentions known now, he would just have to hold his peace.
He ate lunch every day in silence with his team. They would talk and laugh, occasionally throw each other juice boxes, apples, and treats. He regretted not taking part in their conversations, though he vaguely remembered them. He found himself focused on Atsushi; the way he chewed, the way he sat, the way his hair blew in the wind. He met his eyes that day, violet amethysts meeting blood-red rubies. He felt chilled, meeting those eyes, as if they could read into the very core of his being. Akashi looked away first, dropping his eyes to the ground.
He thought submission went unnoticed, crying himself to a sound sleep that night. But the next day at lunch, Atsushi had come to sit beside him, casually throwing an arm around the Captain's shoulders. No one noticed and Akashi had found he had lost his voice, panic-stricken in the moment of comfort. It continued for days, days into weeks. Akashi had found comfort in the taller man's embrace, often cuddling up beside him when he was cold. It had been months now, and Akashi still hadn't found the courage to tell him. They continued with their routine, spending lunch and then walking out of the gym together each day. Akashi found himself looking forward to those times the most. He hadn't needed to say anything anymore when Atsushi would turn around look at him before he himself would turn and walk away.
The last day of school came, the day they would leave the gym a final time and never return for the next season. Akashi felt sick. Three years had come and gone, three blissful years he wasn't even sure he deserved. Though the days grew longer and the darkness shorter, Akashi felt his heart panicking. He felt surrounded in darkness at odd moments of the days, but the excitement of Rakuzan accepting him had begun to shimmer, the possibilities of living alone endless. On the last day, Akashi walked out of the gym with Murasakibara Atsushi, their bodies taller but their differences in size unchanged as the first day they had entered.
Murasakibara had bent down, pressing his hands to his knees, and stared into Akashi's now miss-matched eyes. He paused to touch a strand of his hair behind his ear, before standing back up.
"Good bye Aka-chin." he whispered. "Perhaps I will see you again someday?"
Something in Akashi changed, his chest felt heavy, sore and contracted. The wind blew out of him. He looked up from his sudden panic attack to see Atsushi, now several steps ahead of him, walking away.
"A-Atsushi?" He had choked out, unable to hold it in anymore.
The purple figure turned around, smiled. "Aka-chin?" he called back.
Akashi felt his throat go dry. He couldn't speak. He looked down then back up, only to discover the sun low enough in the sky to illuminate the strands of lavender in best friend's hair. His eyes sparkled light pink in the sunlight.
"I-I-" Akashi stammered. "I will miss you!" he called, blushing a soft pink.
Murasakibara smiled. "Me too." he called back.
Akashi had remained standing there, watching Atsushi walk away. He wasn't sure if the boy, now man, was aware of him staring after him. He wasn't aware of the tears until he had reached home. His father had asked him why he was crying. "Teiko's over." he whispered, his eyes on the floor. "Teiko's gone."
"But it is not lost." his father had comforted him.
It really sucked to be in love with your best friend.
He had to wait forty-five minutes before the green icon beside his screen-name lit up. Akashi had to force himself to count to three hundred before clicking on the name and typing a greeting:
Seijuro_A04: Hello. ( Sent 7:48pm)
A moment's pause. (Message seen: 7:49pm)
Akashi held his breath, what was Atsushi thinking as he read the name? The message? What would his first words back be?
xsweetsarejusticex: Aka-chin? How are you? (Sent 7:52pm)
Akashi felt as if his chest would explode. He replied! He considered his words, typing and retyping them before hitting send again.
Seijuro_A04: I have been busy. Alright, but busy. (Sent 7:54pm)
As an afterthought he threw in,
Seijuro_A04: How about you? (Sent 7:54pm)
The reply was instant.
xsweetsarejusticex: Same. Busy w/ new school & team. Just got home from practice. (Sent 7:55pm)
Akashi found himself hugging himself. He wanted to inquire about his new school, his new team, his new friends. But he knew it would be too soon. Instead he asked,
Seijuro_A04: You still playing Center? (Sent 7:56pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: Yepp. (Sent 7:56pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: You still Cptn? (Sent 7:56pm)
Seijuro_A04: Yes, I am. (Sent 7:57pm)
(Message seen: 7:57pm)
xsweetsarejusticex...is now writing.
(Message seen: 7:57pm)
Nothing. Atsushi paused, thinking. Akashi felt like he had hit a block in the conversation. He wondered what Atsushi had been writing before erasing it all.
xsweetsarejusticex...is now writing.
Akashi's heart raced.
xsweetsarejusticex: You live in Kyoto now, right? (Sent: 8:04pm)
Seijuro_A04: Yes. (Sent 8:04pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: Long train ride, huh? (Sent: 8:09pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: To Akita I mean. (Sent: 8:09pm)
Seijuro_A04: I suppose. I never made the trip. (Sent: 8:10pm)
xsweetsarejusticex...is now writing.
(Message seen: 8:10pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: I g2g now. (Sent: 8:12pm)
Akashi panicked. He didn't want to say goodbye just yet!
Seijuro_A04: Wait! (Sent: 8:12pm)
Seijuro_A04: I want to make the trip! (Sent 8:12pm)
Seijuro_A04: Would you like to hang out...later? This weekend maybe? (Sent: 8:13pm)
xsweetsarejusticex...is now writing.
(Message seen: 8:13pm)
Akashi sighed. If he wasn't seen as weak before, he definitely was now.
xsweetsarejusticex: I would like that. It's been too long, Aka-chin. (Sent: 8:15pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: Would you like to stay the night? (Sent: 8:15pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: Or I could come over, tomorrow night? (Sent: 8:15pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: If that's alright with you...that is. (Sent: 8:15pm)
Akashi smiled. He didn't want to prove demanding, but it would mean more time with Atsushi if he could come over tomorrow, rather than having to make the trip himself on Saturday morning.
Seijuro_A04: Could you make it tomorrow night?! (Sent: 8:16pm)
For the sake of light humour, Akashi added in a smiley face icon that blushed and faded over and over again.
xsweetsarejusticex: Give me a minute, K? I just got to go eat dinner. BRB Aka-chin. Don't move. (Sent: 8:17pm)
Akashi sat patiently, crossing and uncrossing his legs underneath him. He turned up the volume on his laptop and began to clean his room. He wondered vaguely where Atsushi would sleep, he didn't have a couch big enough. Looking around his small room he shrugged his shoulders. He hoped Atsushi wouldn't mind sharing his bed. He certainly wouldn't.
He dug out his headset and microphone out from a shoebox under his bed. He hadn't unpacked it yet because he hadn't had the need for it, he didn't talk to anyone recently anyways. He left it beside his laptop, heading to the kitchen to clean up there. He was half-way done the dishes when he heard the familiar noise of his chat-box receive a message. He ran down the hall to his computer before reading,
xsweetsarejusticex: BACK AKA-CHIN! (Sent: 8:42pm)
xsweetsarejusticex: Can I see you? (Sent: 8:42pm)
[xsweetsarejusticex] is requesting to video-call with you. Accept? Decline? Help?
Akashi hooked up his headset and clicked 'Accept'. It took a moment for the light of his webcam to light up and a small box to appear on his screen, blank and black at first, before becoming the familiar face of his purple-haired crush.
Atsushi hadn't changed much. His hair was slightly longer, his eyes tired. He was toned, a bit more muscular than when Akashi had last seen him, and his face clean-shaven and relaxed. He was wearing a light pink t-shirt and burst into laughter at the sight of Akashi, his first in half a year. His voice had deepened, matured.
Akashi looked down at himself before realizing he was still wearing Atsushi's old 'Tonic Water' shirt. He blushed.
"Miss me, Aka-chin?" Atsushi chuckled.
Akashi simply blushed further.
"You're different. You cut your hair." He noted.
"You grew yours."
"Yepp. But it's bothering me again."
"I'll trim it for you if you want."
Atsushi held the end of his hair in his fingertips, staring at the tips. "Alright." he smiled.
"So, how have you been?"
"I told you, busy." Atsushi pushed his hair back with his hands. They continued talking into the earliest hours of the morning. Small noises such as a car passing by were the only disturbances. Akashi yawned and Atsushi smiled.
"You should go to bed." He turned to check the time on the clock behind him, picking the small digital clock up in his large hand to read it.
"Your room is so messy!" Akashi teased.
"Yeah, shuddup. I should let you go. I'll see you tomorrow. Well, later today is more exact."
"Do you even know where to come to?"
"Kyoto."
Akashi giggled. "Kyoto - where?"
"Uh...oh." Atsushi blinked and smiled, looking more like a God than a taller than average teenage male to Akashi. "Good question. What's your address?" Atsushi reached over and fished around in his bag for a piece of paper and a pen.
Akashi gave his address, as well as the nearest train station he could meet Atsushi at. "I get off at 3:30 but I'm supposed to have practice afterwards. I can meet you at 3:45"
"Captain Aka-chin skipping practice?" Atsushi's mouth fell open.
"It's important."
"Is it?" Atsushi brushed his hair back behind his ear.
"Yes. I want to see you."
"That bad?"
"Well, yeah." Akashi blushed.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Good night Aka-chin."
"Night,...Mukkun."
Atsushi froze for a second, startled by the nickname but quickly recovered. He smiled, amused by the name, and wiggled his fingers in the camera before shutting it off. Akashi was just about to sign out when the message appeared:
xsweetsarejusticex: Good night, Sweet dreams Aka-chin. Can't w8 4 tmmr. (Sent: 12:49am)
Without thinking, Akashi shot back:
Seijuro_A04: 3 (Sent: 12:49am)
The next morning, Akashi woke with a start. For the first time in a long time his alarm clock had woken him. The wailing guitar solo always got him out of bed on time but he let it play this morning as he wandered to the bathroom to brush his teeth and shower. Atsushi had set the song, telling Akashi that it would get him to where he needed to go better than the annoying beeping Akashi had used previously. It worked. Akashi hadn't changed it since.
But this morning, the alarm had a special meaning. It reminded Akashi of Atsushi as he made his way from the bathroom to the kitchen. He had gotten up ten minutes later but was ready earlier. His apartment was clean and he left five minutes earlier than usual for school. To make up for his timely arrival, Akashi dropped by the Coach's Office. The coach wasn't in yet, so Akashi slipped a note under the door, explaining that he couldn't be in for practice that afternoon.
He was in high spirits for the first time since the first week of school. Though he was still uninterested in his classes, he found himself doodling candies and sweets across most of his papers and highlighting his notes in a light lilac colour. Sighing, he checked his watch for what seemed the millionth time that day. His wrist felt heavy. Perhaps time would go faster if he stopped checking.
Finally the last bell rang. Akashi scooped up his things and was out the door first. His teacher noticed a spring in his step and smiled. "Seijuro." he called.
Akashi turned, impatient in his departure.
"Have a good weekend. It's nice to see you smile again."
Akashi smiled and nodded, thankful to be let go so fast. "Thank you, you too Sir!" he called, not wanting to be rude but not wanting to wait either.
He changed into his workout clothes and runners, deciding to run home and then meet Atsushi at the station. He made it home and dropped his things off before checking his cell, Atsushi's train would be in soon. He was no more than a block away when his cell vibrated. He flipped it open and hit answer.
"Aka-chin? Where are you?"
"Right. Around. The corner." he replied, timing his speech to his pace.
"Are you running?"
"I'm. Missing. Practice. Aren't I?"
Atsushi chuckled and hung up, Akashi's vivid hair had come into his sight.
Akashi saw his purple hair, tall figure. He didn't stop running, afraid it was a dream. He'd run right into him if he had to. Atsushi took three strides forwards, setting down his bags and dropping to his knees with his arms open. Akashi was glad he didn't bring his school bag. He fit right into Murasakibara's arms and wrapped his own around his neck, squeezing.
Atsushi stood up and picked Akashi right off the ground. Akashi squealed in delight, kicking his feet lightly. He nestled his face in Atsushi's neck.
"I missed you. I missed you, Atsushi!" he panted, his breath warm against Atsushi's neck.
Atsushi's laughter seemed heavier with his ear against his neck. Akashi could feel the humour vibrate throughout the larger man. "It's good to see you too, Aka-chin! You haven't grown an inch!"
Akashi snuggled himself deeper into the older boy, burying his face in the violet hair and inhaling his sweet and spicy scent.
"Come on, Aka-chin." Atsushi simply flipped him onto his back. "Let's go home."
Akashi felt his heart explode with happiness, life flow through him. The heavy waves of depression were finally vanquished. He smiled, giggling, and pointed out the way for Atsushi to take them home.
"Nice place." Atsushi muttered when they walked in. He dropped his bags by the door and kicked off his shoes, simply pulling Akashi's off before placing him down.
Akashi felt daring, Atsushi's laughter all the way home empowered him. He was the Emperor. He missed his friend, his crush. And he wasn't going to spend a weekend doing the same mistake he had made all throughout middle school. He turned around and threw his arms around Atsushi's neck while he was still bent down. Throwing caution to the wind, Akashi raised himself on his tiptoes and pressed his lips against Murasakibara's, sliding his tongue gently inside the taller man's mouth as he gasped in mild shock.
Atsushi didn't push him away and his hands didn't drop from his waist. He simply held him, lips moving slowly with Akashi's, sharing in Akashi's first kiss.
It was a moment before Akashi pulled away, still tasting the lemon candy Atsushi had in his mouth at the time. Atsushi raised three fingers to his lips and brushed them with the tips.
"Aka-chin?" he simply muttered.
"Mmh?" Akashi blushed, looking his friend up and down.
"What was that for?"
Akashi thought for a moment, tilting his head to the side for a second. He frowned and then looked up innocently, smiling. "For all the times I should have done that at Teiko."
Atsushi stood up and thought for a minute and smiled, gazing out the windows at the back of Akashi's apartment. "You shouldn't have done that." he whispered.
He eyed Akashi out of the corners of his eyes, not moving his face from staring out the window. Akashi's breath held in his throat for a moment, fearful of rejection. All at once, Atsushi pulled Akashi up into his arms, crushing him against his chest. Akashi heard the front door close, a second's thought registering that Atsushi had kicked it, before he found himself being carried to the bedroom.
"I'm not being crazy, I just figured your bed is the biggest, comfiest place here."
Akashi laughed as Atsushi dropped him rather gently onto the soft mattress. "Come here." He whispered, his arms outstretched. Atsushi obliged.
They cuddled each other for the first time since their last lunch together, feeling how the other had matured into more of an athlete, more of a man. Hands exploring muscle outlined in cloth, tongues exploring mouths, the pair gasped on the bed for a moment, arms entangling the other. They giggled, a deep voice colliding with a soft, merriment surrounding them.
Atsushi's eyes were soft velvet as he stared into Akashi's eyes. "Why didn't you kiss me sooner?"
Akashi blushed. "I didn't have the courage." he confessed.
"What made you have the courage now?"
"The thought of losing you if I never did."
Atsushi thought about what he said for a moment. "What if I tell you that you already did?" he questioned.
"Oh." was all Akashi could reply. He felt his throat tighten once more and pulled himself slightly further from Atsushi. "Well, then, uh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."
Atsushi chuckled. "Come back here, where are you going? I'm not, I'm not."
Atsushi reached out and pulled Akashi into his lap. He held the smaller boy, placing his chin on the top of his head as he gently rocked him back and forth.
"No one can take me away from my Aka-chin."
Akashi heard Atsushi's last words murmured against the top of his head. He turned, his short red hair tickling Atsushi's face. "Yours?"
Atsushi nodded, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Akashi's head. "Mine." he confirmed.
Akashi turned to snuggle himself closer to Atsushi. He felt at peace, like something long missing had been returned to him. Atsushi held him closer.
"This is your place, Akashi. No other belongs here."
Akashi sighed. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Murasakibara blushed, a soft pink behind his violet hair. "I can't date the Captain." he murmured.
Akashi laughed. "I'm not your Captain anymore though."
"You will always be Captain to me, Aka-chin."
The two nuzzled in silence, enjoying the other's presence. Akashi sighed, content to be in Atsushi's arms once more. Atsushi's phone vibrating against Akashi's thigh broke the quiet.
"Hmm?"
Atsushi pulled the phone out of his pocket and smirked, reading the little screen on the top before flipping it open and reading. He chuckled in the back of his throat, a low husky noise. He punched back a reply with his thumb, still cradling Akashi with his other arm.
"Who is it?" Akashi tentatively asked.
"Shintarou Midorima."
"What did he say?"
"He's just asking if I got to Kyoto alright."
"You told him?"
"I declined his video-call last night because I was talking to you. He asked why so I told him."
"Oh." Akashi wasn't sure if he was alright with his former team knowing about his sudden relationship with Murasakibara. "Tell him I say hi."
"I told him I got here fine and I'm cuddling you so he should leave us alone for a bit."
Akashi turned pink again. "He knows about us now?"
"He should."
"Oh." Akashi tried to figure out if he was embarrassed about it or not. Would his middle school team think he was weak if they knew?
A sudden vibration made him look up to Murasakibara, who was reading his screen again. He smirked and flipped the phone closed, pausing to turn up the ringer before setting it on the nightstand.
"He says it's about time you held him again, he probably would be missing your cuddles."
Akashi turned bright red. "He what?"
"Oh, he thought we were already dating so he figured I was coming to see you again because-"
"He thought we were already dating?"
"A lot of people did."
Akashi thought for a moment, silently splurging in his love's arms.
"Don't think about it, Aka-chin." Murasakibara chuckled. "The only thing that matters is you are in my arms again."
Akashi turned and pressed his lips to Atsushi's, tasting the sweetest flavor in the world. "You're right." he whispered, nuzzling closer into his Center's arms.
"The only thing that matters is I found my Center."