Chapter One
Dear Song Book,
My name is Ally Dawson and I'm sixteen and I refuse to go to counseling. I cannot look into a stranger's eyes and tell them all my problems, doubts, fears, and the truth.
Every week I put on a bigger smile and told her everything she wanted to hear and she believed it. Until the day I broke down screaming and crying.
After that I didn't go and I was stubborn enough to convince my dad. He agreed and the therapist had no other chose but to listen to him. She ended up giving me this brown leather journal with a letter A on it.
She said she understood how talking to a stranger may be uncomfortable for some people but I needed to get my thoughts out fully without lies in a healthy way.
I want to start off with talking about my mother. She's my rock, uh, was my rock. Every morning she'd wake me up and tell me to think of the perks in every situation and I did.
She encouraged me everyday to pursue my dreams. I'm a singer/song writer but even then I had stage fright. The difference is now I can't play in front of anyone, including my father which I know hurts him but he understands.
I have many regrets but I'm sure most normal people do too. My biggest regret is not going to my mother's funeral even though I believe I didn't deserve it. I still don't.
Right now I'm in the backseat of my father's car. He's driving us to our new house in Miami and we're almost half way there. Its three hours away from our last house.
He already has me registered at Marino High School despite me telling him continuing home schooling was best. He kept pointing out that I haven't talked to anyone or kept in touch with my friends after the incident with my mother.
And honestly I'm terrified. I haven't been to a regular school and sat in a regular classroom since the eight grade. I'll be entering my junior year but most importantly, entering my first day of high school ever.
I'm trying to figure out how it's possible I'm both happy and sad. I really want to be able to breathe again and feel free.
When people say there are butterflies in their stomach, they usually do whatever it is that scares them. Being on a first date, being nervous about a first kiss, or even something simple like a rollercoaster are all times butterflies start to flutter in people's stomachs.
That's where I differ from normal people. I let that butterfly stop me because I tend to overanalyze and that butterfly turns into butterflies and then anxiety in a matter of a few seconds. I want to be normal.
And so I am. I stopped begging to be homeschooled and agreed to start at the high school, I have to anyways because my dad is just as stubborn as me but at least this way it's something we both want.
There's just one problem with everything. I'm motivated but the encouragement from just my dad isn't enough to help me participate in life. And that's when I'm sad again.
My father keeps sneaking glances at me through the mirror and I know he's thinking of pressuring me to sitting in the passenger side but I can't. I'm not ready and I wish he knew that. It took me a while to even get back in a car but I'm glad he's not saying anything.
This will also be my song journal whenever lyrics or a melody pops into my head so sometimes it won't be so nice and organized, just scribbled somewhere random.
"Sha la la la la
Sha la la la la
You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me"
That's all I have so far. Lately I haven't written one song because I'd get these short lyrics and no inspiration to finish them.
My father interrupted me by telling me we're here and I see the house for the very first time. It's beautiful even though it's not fixed up like the other houses on the street, but nevertheless I still like it.
I'm in my room now and it's a fairly descent size. It's a two story house even though there are only two people now living here. My room has a balcony and the view is beautiful. I can see through the couple of blocks and the beach shore.
I should get some sleep, tomorrow is my first day and I'd like to make a difference. I hope I don't have any trouble sleeping tonight.
Thinking of the perks, it's a fresh start so no one will know my story when I walk pass them. No judgmental stares. I have a feeling this move will be good for me.
Ally
Thoughts? Should I continue? The more reviews the faster I update! Sorry if there are mistakes, I usually write really late in the night and I'm tired so I don't catch every mistake but the night is when my creativity comes so shush q: lol