The fanfiction with the unnecessarily long name
Warnings: Swearing, sex references, my odd sense of humour
Disclaimer: If I owned KH, Luxord would be voiced by NTom64 (points if you know who that is) and the final boss would be my younger brother.
xxx
"Hey, Roxie, what're you up to?"
"Nothing," Roxas said, far too quickly, snapping his laptop shut and going a flattering shade of pink.
Axel grinned almost maliciously, sitting down next to his boyfriend on the bed. "Aw, is lickle Roxie watching porn?"
"No," he replied hotly. "Could you leave? I'm really busy."
"Let's have a look, Rox." The blonde shook his head hard, and Axel laughed. "Come on, it can't be worse than what I watch."
"I-I don't watch porn, Axel!"
"Nor do I, but I do watch horrific documentaries about small children being killed." Roxas blinked at this completely uncalled for announcement. "Look, I promise I won't make fun of you. Just let me look."
Roxas sighed and thrust his laptop into Axel's hands. "You're gonna laugh."
"Fanfiction? You were reading fanfiction?" Axel was clearly making a valiant effort not to start chuckling, sniggering or thoroughly taking the piss. "Fucking hell, Roxas, why would you do that to yourself? Is it some new, trendy form of self-harm? Do you need to go to Zexion's group therapy sessions?"
"Shut up, or I will, and I'll meet a cute guy there like Zexion claims he did, and –" Axel silenced him with a clumsy kiss; an utterly cliché way of shutting someone up, true, but very effective.
The redhead scrolled down Roxas's favourites. (He tried to fake surprise at the discovery that Roxas had a fanfiction account of his own, but really, it wasn't a shock.) "Hey, you actually read AkuRoku stuff? Like, us stuff?"
"Shut up!" Roxas repeated, his face still burning red.
"Oh, look at this one, "My sister talks to fire and my brother is gay". What kind of stupid name is that? It's so fucking long. And the author is called Unicorn of death. I bet she's single." After a lot of clicking and scrolling, clicking and scrolling, Axel made a noise of surprise. "She has a girlfriend! That's kinda cute. But then, why is she writing guy on guy stuff if she's not even interested in guys?"
Roxas scowled. "She's bi, and she happens to be one of my favourite authors. Now, if you don't mind –"
"Ah, Roxas, check this out! Someone did a fic with you in a maid outfit! Ah, we have to try this. Aw, but I don't like peanut butter. Fuck. We could use strawberry jam or something instead?"
Roxas was almost purple. "Axel..."
"Come on, we're going shopping." Axel closed Roxas's laptop. "Unless you'd rather stay home and I'll make fun of... what was her name again? Unicorn of death?"
Axel had to admit that he was already pretty turned on from all the smutty oneshots he'd skimmed through, and Roxas's scowl was just making him worse. "Shut up. She presented you pretty accurately in A million munny. You're a stalker in that one, and you nearly kill Hayner like three times."
A frown darkened Axel's face. "Fucking Hayner and his fucking drunken groping of my fucking boyfriend," he muttered. "Anyway. Shopping. Now."
As Roxas trailed obediently behind the unfortunate love of his life, he could still hear Axel muttering things like "Honestly, Unicorn of death," and "Since when did Demyx have a cheesecake fetish?"
At least he didn't have to clear his browsing history any more. Except, you know, when he watched porn.
xxx
So... yeah. That thing I just wrote... it's weird. I just felt like making fun of myself, and what better way to do it than in fanfiction form? It was actually pretty fun to write, in a two-in-the-morning, Sonic-06-Let's-Play-in-the-background, what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-with-my-life kind of way. I hope y'all liked it, or hated it, or some other such emotion that will inspire you to review. Loves to you all, and good morning/afternoon/evening/night :3