Fair warning: character death
Maura's arms were full of Jane.
If it were up to her, she would wake up this way every morning for the rest of her life; her face pressed against Jane's neck as the two of them held each other. She smiled, and felt Jane's arms tighten around her as the taller woman woke up. She groaned.
"Mrraa… time z'it?"
"Almost six thirty," Maura answered. "And we have to start getting ready."
Jane groaned into Maura's hair.
"You have to let me up, sweet thing. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."
"Can't we just have the wedding here?" Jane whined, nevertheless loosening her hold on Maura.
"No," Maura said flatly, squirming all the way out of Jane's embrace. "I will be in the master bath getting ready, and I will see you at the ceremony."
"I'll be the one in white," Jane joked.
"Your sense of humor, while regrettable, doesn't make me love you any less. I love you," Maura said, kissing her soon-to-be wife for the last time before they were to be married.
"I love you more," Jane whispered, leaning in to press her forehead against Maura's. She closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. "Can't we just have a few more minutes?"
Maura smiled, "I don't see the harm in that."
Mamma Rizzoli's entrance was announced by the lights snapping on and the door slamming open. Maura's soon-to-be mother-in-law was as subtle as ever. "Okay, lovebirds, they're'll be plenty of time for that on the honeymoon!"
"Ma! Really?" Jane demanded, pulling her forehead away from her fiancée's.
"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, today of all days do not give me a hard time. You two need to get up."
"Ma!" Jane protested.
"Fine! Be late to your own wedding! See if I care!"
"We really should get up, Jane. I don't want to wait any longer than absolutely necessary to get married to you. In fact," she leaned in to Jane's ear, "non vedo l'ora."
Jane shivered. She and Maura spoke Italian in their most private of moments.
"You're absolutely right, Maura."
Maura.
Maura.
Maura.
Suddenly, Maura became aware of someone leaning over her, shaking her shoulder. Trying to hold onto the dream for as long as possible, Maura groaned and rolled away from the force.
But Angela Rizzoli was nothing if not persistent, "Maura, you have to wake up, sweetie. You need to get Jane up and the both of you need to start getting ready."
Maura groaned again, but sat up. She mumbled something that Angela understood-from years of waking up a cranky Jane-to mean that she was going to the restroom to freshen up before she woke up Jane.
The responsibility of waking the bear had fallen to Maura because scissors beat paper, and Maura was about to embark on a task only slightly less dangerous than poking a sleeping dragon in the eye; waking up Jane Rizzoli at six in the morning.
In the bathroom, Maura closed her eyes and tried to relive her dream as best as possible. She wasn't the maid of honor; she was one of the brides to be, and the luckiest woman on the planet. When she left the bathroom, Jane would sneak into her closet where she was getting ready to give her a kiss and tell her she loved her one last time before the ceremony.
Maura sighed, putting down her toothbrush. She was pathetic. Today was her best friend's wedding day, and she could only think about herself.
"I will be the best maid of honor ever. I will not ruin this for Jane. Today will be the best day of Jane's life, and I'm going to do everything in my power to make it that way," she vowed to her reflection.
Before stepping out of the bathroom, Maura made sure that a look of false excitement was plastered onto her face. There was no way in hell Maura would ruin this for Jane; she simply loved her too much. If Jane was happy, then she was.
"Okay, sweetheart, be strong," Angela said bracingly as the two stood outside the door.
Maura took a steadying breath, placing a hand over the stabbing pain in her abdomen, "Angela, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that."
"I know it can be… difficult to wake up Janie, but just remember; if all else fails…" Angela had totally misinterpreted the meaning, but that was for the best. It was all for the best.
" 'Rip off the covers, turn on the lights, and run like hell,' " Maura quoted from her lesson yesterday.
"Good girl, now go!" Angela said, pushing Maura through the door.
Maura stumbled, and cautiously approached Jane's bedside. When she went to gently shake her friend's shoulder, however, she found that Jane's eyes were already wide open.
Without any preamble or looking away from the ceiling, Jane said in a deadpan voice, "I'm getting married today."
Not trusting her own voice, Maura simply nodded.
Jane looked over at Maura, "I'm getting married today." It was a sentiment worth repeating.
"You have to start getting ready," Maura knew better than to ask Jane whether or not she was excited. Jane would show her emotions if she felt comfortable or knew how to display them. Oftentimes, she didn't know how.
Jane's eyes shifted back to the ceiling and she showed no indication of moving.
"Alzati," Maura commanded, which immediately got Jane's attention.
She sat up quickly, "Really, Maura? You scared the crap out of me. I thought you were my nonna, and she's been dead for fifteen years!"
"If I'd known it was that easy, you wouldn't have been late to work once in the past six years."
Jane groaned, "Alright, I'm up."
It took less time than expected to get ready. The only issue was that Angela kept fussing over the headpiece in Jane's hair, which had been the aforementioned nonna's, and Jane kept insisting that it was fine.
"Honestly," Angela huffed as Jane went on a search through her closet to find her shoes, "You'd think she wasn't even excited."
Don't you dare think about it, Maura said, slamming a brick wall up to prevent the thoughts from coming in. Nonetheless, her abdomen felt more swollen as she placed a hand on the stabbing pain. She felt nauseous.
"Just wait for the coffee to kick in, Angela," Maura reassured her. "Jane isn't 100% Jane until she's indulged her startling caffeine addiction."
Still, no matter how hard she tried to keep the thoughts at bay, she couldn't. Even as she watched Jane grow happier and happier during the day; after the coffee kicked in, when the ceremony started, and when she was officially married, she couldn't shake the thought that her version of reality was better.
During the reception, when Angela was dancing with her church friends and was therefore unable to butt in, Jane finally cornered Maura talking to Frost.
After informing Frost that she and Maura needed to talk about "lady things," Frost scampered away with the same expression on his face as when he sees dead bodies.
"What gives?" Jane demanded.
"What do you mean?" Maura asked, genuinely perplexed. She thought she'd done a great job hiding how she felt.
"You smile whenever you think someone's looking, but then when they look away, you stop. What's going on? Aren't you happy to be at my wedding?"
"Of course I am, Jane," Maura said, genuinely wounded. No hives erupted on her neck, and she didn't pass out; it was true. As long as Jane was happy, Maura was. Or so she kept telling herself.
"Then what's up, Maur? This isn't like you."
"I haven't been feeling well," Maura said. It certainly wasn't a lie; anxiety could absolutely manifest itself with physical symptoms.
"Oh, shit, Maur, I'm so sorry! I'm such a bad friend. I can't believe I didn't-"
"Don't be ridiculous. It's your wedding day! It's understandable to be a little preoccupied, Jane. You are a wonderful friend."
"What's wrong exactly?" Jane asked, the anger completely evaporated, and replaced by a concerned expression that made Maura's heart pound in her chest.
"I'm not sure yet; I'm experiencing nausea, occasional vomiting, and sharp pain in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen. I had Susie draw some blood in the bathroom; she's running some simple tests in there now."
"You… in the bathroom? Maura, that's not sanitary! Especially if you have some sort of virus; your immune system is weaker!"
"It probably isn't a virus, Jane; if I'm right, my blood will show heightened levels of white blood cells. It's probably appendicitis."
"Appendicitis?" Jane hissed. "Really? Maura, you need to be in a hospital!"
"Well, not necessarily. I could be wrong; it's a tough call to make. Even most of the surgeons I've spoken to have had difficulty-"
"Really, Maura? You still shouldn't be here! Maura, how…? No. I don't even want to know. Come on. You need to go to the hospital," Jane said, grabbing Maura's arm.
"No," Maura said. "Don't be ridiculous. It's your wedding day. I don't want to ruin it."
"Really? You're the one being ridiculous. You need a doctor. Or a surgeon. Or both. I'll talk to Casey, he'll lose his mind if he thinks you've been suffering just for our sake."
Our sake. The words hit Maura like a ton of bricks. She pulled her arm back.
"I'll be fine, Jane. I'll find you when Susie's done running the tests; it shouldn't be much longer. I think I'll go check on her in the ladies' room, and if my white blood cell count is elevated, I will call an ambulance to pick me up and you will go on with your wedding."
"I don't want to go on with my wedding without you."
Maura closed her eyes. The words hurt too much. "You may not even have to. I'm going to look for Susie. It could just be nothing, Jane."
"Have you seen Maura?" Jane asked her mother nearly half an hour after her conversation with Maura.
"No, why? Do you need her for maid of honor stuff?"
"No, Ma. Ceremony's over. If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her."
Jane whirled away from her mother, only to come face-to-face with Susie after taking three more steps into the crowd. Jane grabbed Susie by the arms.
"Where's Maura?" She shouted over the music.
"Great question. I've been looking for her for half an hour. Her test results are in; her white blood cell count is through the roof."
"What the hell does that mean, Susie?" Jane growled, shaking the lab tech just a little bit.
Susie looked scared, her designer glasses slightly askew on her face. "It means her appendix is about to burst, if it hasn't already. She's a time bomb, Detective Rizzoli."
Jane didn't have time to remind her that it was Rizzoli-Jones now; she was far too preoccupied. She went to disentangle herself from the crowd, and heard a piercing scream.
Jane wasn't entirely sure how she managed it, but she made her way almost impossibly quickly through the crowd with her heels on, shouting "Boston Police, out of the way!" to anyone foolish enough to be in her path.
Though she couldn't hear it because she was too preoccupied, Frankie, Frost, and Korsak were shouting the same thing. Casey made his way around the edge of the room, believing he could carve a quicker path to whoever was in trouble by not shoving through the crowd.
He was quick, but Jane was quicker. When she heard the second scream, she slammed open the door of the women's restroom only to see the shell-shocked daughter of one of her mother's friends standing in horror over-
No. It couldn't be. It wasn't possible. That wasn't Maura lying on the floor, motionless, with a trickle of blood oozing from her temple, and a matching smear on the counter.
"Oh, my God, Maura! Maura!" Jane shouted, kneeling down next to her friend. She slapped her lightly across the face, she shook her shoulder, but she couldn't evoke a response. Jane all of a sudden regretted that she had no medical training. She didn't know how to check for a pulse or for breathing, and even if she did; she wouldn't know what to do.
Time had sped up; it was only a millisecond since she found Maura that someone was dragging her away from her friend's lifeless form. It was a full second later when a paramedic was asking her all sorts of questions she couldn't answer.
Blood type? Allergies? How was she supposed to know? That was Maura's job. But Maura was lying lifeless on the stretcher and being wheeled away by another EMT and a paramedic. When Jane tried to explain that Maura would know; that she was the one that always knew these things, the EMT rushed away to escort Maura to the hospital.
The doctor was saying something, but Jane couldn't hear her. Something about a perforation, infectious materials, and the peritoneum. Jane wasn't physically capable of comprehending the words she was saying, because on the bed a few feet away was Maura, with a tube in her throat. Her eyes were closed, and she was only breathing because of a raspy sounding machine that clicked to pump O2 into Maura's lungs.
"What can you do?" Jane asked, cutting off whatever the doctor was saying. Whatever she had to say wasn't important, unless she could bring her back.
"We're being very aggressive with the antibiotics," the doctor said. Jane Rizzoli had been on the force for too long, and she knew when someone was dodging a question.
"So then she'll wake up? You can make her wake up?" Jane asked without taking her eyes off Maura.
"Appendicitis is caused by an inflammation of the appendix organ," the doctor kindly explained again, knowing Jane hadn't been listening the first time. "When this inflammation goes on without removal of the organ, the appendix can perforate, or burst, and leak highly toxic fluids into the abdominal cavity. When that happens, the only thing left to do is try to treat the peritoneum, or abdominal cavity, with antibiotics. Unfortunately, Ms. Isles seems to have suffered a head trauma-probably from when she fell-that, in her weakened state, has caused her to slip into a coma."
"It's doctor," Jane said, trying to hold back the tears making her throat thick and her eyes blurry.
"I'm sorry?" The doctor asked, confused.
"Doctor Maura Dorthea Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts."
"I'm so sorry, Detective."
"Have you ever lost anyone, Doctor Stevens?"
The doctor hesitated for a second before answering, "My fiancé. He had a stroke."
"Then you know how ridiculous it sounds to say 'I'm sorry.' As if words could ever fix anything this horrible."
"You're right, Detective. 'I'm sorry' doesn't fix anything, but I'm still sorry. It's terrible that you lost your best friend, and it makes me feel terrible, too. That's sort of my thing, I guess you could say. I get too involved with patients. I fall in love with them, get engaged, and then they have a stroke and I go crazy and am not allowed in the operating room anymore." Dr. Stevens took a deep, shaky breath, "Go ahead. Try it. You'll feel much better."
Jane seemed to consider to a moment, before gathering her thoughts enough to begin,"You know what, Dr. Stevens? I'm sorry your fiancé died. You seem like a nice person, and you don't deserve that. I'm sorry you aren't allowed in the operating room anymore. I'm sorry you can't stay detached from your patients, and I'm sorry that I'm not making it any easier.
"I'm sorry I'm never going to see Maura again, I'm sorry we're never going to have another movie night, or sleep over, and I'm sorry that I kept calling her stupid tortoise a dumb pet because it can't interact like a dog or a cat. I'm sorry she's never going to drag me to another fancy restaurant that I secretly like but always feel guilty when she foots the bill; I'm sorry I was mean to her when she told me to stop drinking, because she was only ever concerned for my health. I'm sorry I didn't notice she was sick. I'm sorry I didn't get there in time. I'm sorry I never appreciated her and all the things she did for me, and I'm sorry that I'm so fucking selfish that I'm thinking of myself.
"I'm sorry that she'll never smile again. I'm sorry that her laugh is completely gone, her beautiful mind wiped off the face of the earth. I'm sorry that a ton of bad guys are going to walk because the force is never going to be the same without her; nobody was ever as good, and nobody ever could be. I'm sorry that she'll never get to buy another one of those insanely expensive pairs of shoes that cost more than my whole apartment. I'm sorry that she'll never go off on informational tangents.
"But mostly I'm sorry because the world is a much worse place without her in it."
After her speech, Jane broke down. It was all so sudden. She didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
The air outside was fresh, with a gentle breeze flowing across the rippling grass that was just enough to rustle the low-hanging branches of the willow trees. Their branches dipped into the river a stone's throw beyond the altar. Angela had wanted the wedding to be in a church, but Jane put her foot down. So, Maura walked up a flower-strewn isle, her arm around Frost's. She stood under an arch of flowers, and the sight of Jane, accompanied up the isle by Frankie, took her breath away. Her soon-to-be-wife was stunningly beautiful.
The whole ceremony was a blur. She spent it beaming at Jane, totally unaware of everything else. She thought she vaguely heard Mamma Rizzoli crying when she and Jane read their vows, but it wasn't important. They were tears of happiness, she knew. They were all going to be so happy.
"You may kiss the bride," the justice of the peace informed them.
Jane took Maura's face in her hands, and whispered, "I love you, Maura Dorthea Isles-Rizzoli."
"Not nearly as much as I love you, Jane Clementine Rizzoli-Isles."
Jane wrinkled her nose and the use of her middle name, and Maura smiled. She wrapped her arms around Jane's neck, and kissed her wife.
Every day, from that moment forward, was going to be the best day of her life, because she married the woman she loved. She, Jane, and their whole family were going to have the best lives ever. Even though she knew that wasn't actually quantifiable, she also knew with all of her heart that it was true. She and Jane would be together forever, and they would go to family dinner every Sunday, and bring the kids along with them someday. When she kissed Jane, she saw all of these things, and she knew them in her heart to be true.
The air was stagnant and smelled strongly of antiseptic that couldn't quite mask the stench of disease, death, and fear. Jane sat on the plastic chair, as cold and hard as her heart felt and as uncomfortable as the decision Constance Isles was currently debating.
She sat down next to Jane.
"I've made my decision." Jane looked up. Though Constance's voice never shook, and her posture was as proper as ever, Jane could see her wringing her hands and the tears that had left her eyes red. "She was an organ donor, Jane, and we both know she wouldn't have wanted us holding her back on our account. Not when there was good to be done."
Jane ran her hand through her hair, having long ago taken out the stupid headpiece and deposited it in her mother's purse. "You're right. She wouldn't." Unlike Constance, Jane was hunched over, and she could hardly make herself understood because of all the crying she had done and was still doing."
"There is a sixteen-year-old girl in multi-system organ failure in this hospital right now. Maura's heart and her lungs may still be viable if she's brought to surgery soon and I both know what Maura would have done."
"You're right. Why do you keep torturing me with this?"
"Because this is just as much your decision as it is mine, even if I do legally have power of attorney, and I want to make sure we're on the same page before I talk to the doctor."
"Okay. We're on the same page. Can you just give me a minute? I want to say goodbye."
Jane still hadn't let go of Maura's hand. Constance nodded, and quietly left the room, tactfully ignoring the tears Jane could no longer keep silent. She would say her goodbyes after Jane was done. They were both entitled to their privacy.
"Maura, I am so sorry. I know this is what you would've wanted, so I'm doing it for you. I hope that you were wrong, just this once, though. I hope there really is a heaven, and I hope that when you get there, you have the best section of it, with all those medical journals that you like to read, and a chair or two that's really uncomfortable, even if you won't admit it, but also some really good comfy furniture, because you should be comfortable now and forever. Maura, as cowardly as it is, I hoped I would've died before you so I wouldn't have to be the one to say goodbye. Goodbye, Maura, and I hope to see you in heaven someday."
Jane would stay with Maura until the doctor came in. She kissed her forehead, and rubbed circles on the back of her hand with her thumb.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are gray
You'll never know, dear,
How much I loved you
Please don't take my sunshine away