I looked out of the fogged over window, seeing the figure of a man surrounded by a green glow. A new true love?
"You can let go of all of the anger that weighs you down…go get him." Tinkerbell said encouragingly.
"Ok, okay I can do this, I can be happy." I replied back, not exactly sure if I was telling my new friend or trying to convince myself.
"I know you can, go." She said with a smile, looking me right in the eyes, I could almost feel her belief in me. She turned and left, I had heard that fairies were very particular, very strict. She had already risked a lot by getting me the fairy dust, it wouldn't help things if she was late as well.
I turned back around and faced the door; I stood back and took a deep breath. I could see him still, just the green glow of him. I can be happy I thought to myself again before I reached out and pushed open the door. The place smelled strongly of a mix of strong alcohol, cooked meat, hay, and a little bit of sick. It was so unlike my home, the palace, with its cold sterile walls made of stone. It was meant to be a palace but instead it was my prison, with an unloving husband and brat of a step daughter. And this was so much different, it was normal, like a place Daniel used to speak of, where he would go and hear the news of the day and swap stories. He would always share the most interesting and exciting ones with me. Daniel, I still felt a whole in my soul. I loved him and I lost him and when that happened I was broken, I was weak.
Love is weakness. My mother's word's echoed in my mind. Happiness, I tried to tell myself with a new love I could find happiness. But my mother's words still echoed in my mind. Love is weakness. Love was weakness; I was weak when I lost Daniel. And what if it happened again, could I survive another heartbreak? If I was to love and then lose the man with the lion tattoo. I stood frozen just inside the doorway, with so many thoughts I don't think my feet were able to move.
But happiness this was that this was supposed to bring, to allow me to rid myself of my anger. Anger, my one companion since Daniel's death; anger towards Snow the girl who had robbed me of my previous happiness and future with my fiancé. Anger, that had started to fill the whole that Daniel had left, fueled by my grief of him; if I was rid of my anger, if I had a new love, then what of Daniel?
The darkness had tasted me? Isn't that what Rumplestiltskin said. The darkness was my anger and it was me. I am a Queen, not a woman who parades into a pub and goes up to a man with a green glow because magic said he was my true love, and what would I even say to him. I had had a soul mate, and now he is gone. Could I even feel happiness anymore, was it worth it, would I still be me.
My breath caught in my throat, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I backed up and stepped out the door. I could think clearer now, the concept of happiness just a little farther away. I stepped back again, I could breathe easier now. Yes this is who I am, I am anger. I can't be happy.