All right! My debut story! I have to give much thanks to my buddy Zack, who helped me come up with this story during lunch one day, pushed me to actually write it, and helped me edit as to bring the maximum amount of funny. As for the rest of you out there in Internet-land, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!

Oh. Final note: I usually don't see the point of disclaimers, but I guess in this case it's in order: The various Abridged characters' various mental disorders belong to their creators: LittleKuriboh, Lanipator, Vegeta3986, etc.

Two female figures stepped into the chambers of the Prince of Spirit World.

"You wanted to see us, Koenma sir?" the first, a blue-haired lass in a pink kimono asked of the tyrannical tyke.

"Yeah, dude. I can't get to sleep. I totally need a bedtime story..." Koenma responded.

The other girl, an energetic young miko with wild red hair, bounced up and down. "Ooooh! I know the perfect story to tell Koenmanamana!"

"This had like, better not involve any squirrels, dude..." Koenma muttered impatiently.

"Oh, don't worry!" the redhead smiled energetically. She turned to her more straight-laced coworker. "Botan, are monkeys squirrels?"

Botan sighed in exasperation. "No, Hinageshi, monkeys aren't squirrels..."

"What about parrots?" Hinageshi asked.

Koenma forcefully reentered the conversation. "Wouldja just tell the story? I'm about to get reeeeeally cranky, man. And you won't like me when I'm cranky."

"I don't think Lord Enma should've taken him to see the Incredible Hulk," Botan whispered to Hinageshi. The latter nodded, though it was clear from the vapid expression on her face, she didn't know what she was nodding about. Botan's oar materialized out of thin air, and she climbed aboard, falling into her usual comfortable position. "Now, once upon a time..."

"Arabian Niiiiiiiiights!" Hinageshi sang rather loudly.

"Just get on with the story, dude!!" Koenma shouted.

"Okay," Hinageshi began. "So once, there was like, this guy, and he was like, evil and stuff, and he was all, 'Grrr, I wanna get this lamp!' And..."

Botan intervened. "Here, Hinageshi." She waved her hands about, trying to create the mood for Koenma. "Our story begins on a dark night. Where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose."

-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-

A dour-looking Namekian sat on his horse, glancing at his wrist before he remembered that watches hadn't been invented yet. On one of his massive shoulder pads, a human skull wearing a jester's cap was perched.

A sad piano tune played as a chubby, mustachioed man clad in pink walked slowly to them.

"Chin Po, you're late," the Namekian grunted.

"A thousand pardons, sir," Chin Po said, dipping into a bow.

"You'd better have it, or I'm gonna be really pissed," Piccolo said. "And I'm pissed enough as it is. I mean, look at me. I'm green!"

"Of couse." Chin Po pulled out a small gold trinket from his coat sleeve. "I had to wander around a bit, but I eventually found it."

The green man extended his hand. "Well? Give it to me."

Chin Po held it just out of his reach. "Not just yet, Piccolo."

"What?!" Piccolo cried.

"You promised me treasure," Chin Po told him.

Piccolo glanced at the skull. "Douchebag?"

The skull levitated off of his shoulder and screeched out "DOUUUUUUUUUCHE!"

"Ouch!" Chin-Po cried as Douchebag grabbed the trinket out of his hand, scraping them with its teeth.

Piccolo smirked as Douchebag returned the golden half-treasure to his hand. "Don't worry, my pudgy friend. You'll get what's coming to you."

"What's coming to you," Douchebag repeated. "Douche!"

Piccolo pulled another, identical gold piece from his cloak, and slowly placed the two together to form a scarab beetle. The beetle immediately sprang to life, and flew off into the night.

"Hya!" Piccolo cried, kicking his horse in the sides. It galloped on as fast as it could go, but still barely was able to keep up with the fleeing treasure.

The scarab stopped near a seemingly random sand dune, splitting back into two and falling into the sand, still glowing, giving the dune the appearance of having eyes. Slowly, a giant tiger's head rose from the dune, with the two scarab pieces serving as its "eyes."

"At last! After a filler arc of searching! The Cave of Wonders!"

"By Lanipator!" Chin Po gasped.

Piccolo jumped and glanced toward the tubby mustachioed man. "How did you..." He glanced from Chin Po, to behind him, back to Chin Po. "Ah, screw it. Go."

Douchebag turned to Piccolo as Chin Po approached the tiger head. "Where did you find this douchebag?"

The tiger opened its mouth, and out came a voice that sounded distinctly similar to Barney's, and Chin Po's. "Who has disturbed my slumber?"

"Ah, hello! I am Chin-Po, a humble wanderer!" Chin Po greeted with a bow. "You have a very pleasant voice, Mr. Cave of Wonders."

"Why thank you!" the Cave of Wonders responded. "You have a wonderful voice as well. Now I must warn you: if you touch any of the treasure, you shall be destroyed because my voice gives me super lava powers."

"Well okay..." Chin Po stepped into the cave, and walked into it. His footsteps suddenly stopped. "Oops. Dropped my contect lens. Now where did it go...? Oh, here it is! Whoops!"

"I warned you!" the cave said. "Now, Super Lava Powers!"

"Ow, my flesh!" Chin Po cried before the cave closed and sank back into the ground. The melancholy piano music struck up again.

-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-

"Whoa!" Koenma said, interrupting the story. "Hold on, man! I've seen some pretty trippy stuff before, but talking caves with lava powers? Dude!"

Hinageshi was still humming the Wanderer's theme.

Botan hit her over the head. "Quiet, Hinageshi!"

"Awww!" Hinageshi frowned. "He wasn't done wandering yet!"

Botan ignored her. "Now, there was only one person who could truly enter the Cave of Wonders. A diamond in the rough."

-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-

Yusuke Urameshi was very concerned by his wardrobe, specifically the fact that he was only wearing an open vest and a pair of pants.

"Dammit, Botan, not another one of your sick fantasies!" he shouted.

Botan's voice came from the sky in response, "Shut up, Yusuke, it's part of your character."

Ahem...Will Piccolo find the Diamond in the Rough? Will Yusuke be given a less-revealing outfit? Will Koenma ever get to sleep? Find out in the next installment of Aladdin Abridged, same geek time, same geek channel!

One last note to minimize confusion: The part of Iago will be played by Umlaut from the arcade FPS CarnEvil, who has evidently been possessed by Douchebag from Garlic Jr. Abridged.