A/N: I am back in this fandom, peoplez! *throws confetti around* Whoot! XD
I'm taking a little break from my other fic, Fall Leaves and Shopping Sprees. By the way, it's already halfway done. Uhm, the second chapter, I mean. I just need to find some way to put the idea in my head into words. ^_^"
All right, now a little info on this fic. It's another one-shot (what else?), and this time, I got the idea for this after seeing this.. thing of a classmate of mine. XD
I'm not going to disclose so much info, 'cause I might give the twist away. And I wouldn't want to do that, oh no. That would be horrible! *gasps real dramatically* XD
Also, to all who have read my other humor fics and put them in their Favorite Stories lists, I really appreciate it. But can I ask that you drop a review as well? Don't get me wrong; I'm flattered by the whole my-story's-one-of-your-favorites, but I really want to know what your thoughts on my work are. That way, I'd know which part was particularly effective, what I have to improve on, and what I should do to write better fics. Well, that aside, I thank you for your support. :D
I hope that my newest addition won't disappoint you. :)
Disclaimer: I disclaim.
Do You Want Some?
by: CompactedLetters
Naruto Uzumaki stood like a statue at one of the clinic's corners, uncharacteristically quiet. He had been like that for fifteen minutes now, and Kami knows how very, very unusual that was. (This was Naruto we're talking about, after all.) He hadn't moved an inch at all the whole time, and aside from the occasional prompt he directs at Sakura, he didn't open his mouth much, either.
The whole ordeal was just so absurd that Sakura was seriously starting to believe that the real Naruto had been kidnapped, and the person she was stuck with in the room was some evil imposter with ulterior motives. That possibility cleared up a lot of things, after all.
Clearing away the surgical equipment on one of the hospital's stainless steel trays, the pink-haired medic nin glanced skeptically at her team mate. The almost eerie silence of the room was getting on her nerves. "Naruto?"
The Kyuubi met her gaze with curiosity. "Yeah, Sakura?"
"Why are you so quiet today? It's creeping me out," the rosette called over her shoulder, her hands still busy with one of the scalpels. "You're usually blabbing your head off by this time around."
"Hey! I don't talk that much!" Naruto said, puffing out his cheeks at the hurtful comment. "... Do I?" he added quietly after a while.
"Oh yes. You do." Sakura chuckled. "And answer me: What's with the unusual behavior? I mean, I appreciate that you actually aren't causing trouble for a change, but it's kinda strange, you know? This just isn't you. Usually you'd be bouncing around, touching stuff and breaking just about anything breakable."
"Oh. Ah," the blond said, rubbing his neck and giving her one of his lopsided grins. Apparently he didn't notice her insults. "Well, you see, Sakura.. I have this, uh, bad experience with pharmacies."
Sakura raised a brow in amusement. "This is a hospital, Naruto, not a pharmacy."
"Oh, you know what I mean!" He threw up his arms, unnerved by her correction. "This place still sells those medicines and other stuff, like a regular pharmacy does."
"A regular pharmacy doesn't provide medical treatment," she pointed out, thoroughly enjoying seeing the blond so flustered. "And neither does it take in patients."
"Well, whatever!"
Sakura grinned. Hell yeah, see how he likes being the receiving end of annoyance."So what's this 'bad experience?'"
Naruto turned tomato red. "Nothing."
The rosette put away the last piece of equipment triumphantly. Then she returned her attention to the blond to continue her interrogation. "You do know that your answer just makes it all the more suspicious-sounding, right?"
"Uh. No?" He started towards the door. "Hey, you're done with your shift, right? Can we leave now?"
Sakura put her hands on her hips and gave him her you-can't-escape-me-this-easily look. "Not unless you tell me your 'bad experience.'"
Naruto made a face. "That's blackmail!"
"Nope. It's fair. And I'm offering you a deal." She smiled, feigning innocence. "Now spill."
Naruto sighed and ran a hand through his messy blond spikes. "Fine, fine. So it happened like this, okay? There was this one time when Ero-Sennin told me to give this letter he had to Granny Tsunade, otherwise he wouldn't train me. So I had no choice but to come all the way here from our training spot. Tsunade was at one of her hospital shifts. She was having this patient with his life on the line or something, and one of the members of the hospital staff told me that it would take her hours to complete the whole operation.
"They didn't let me in the room. And since I couldn't just leave the envelope anywhere because Jiraiya would kill me, I had to wait. I got so bored after just five minutes and I started looking around. There's this little pharmacy here, right? Well, I went there to kill time. I was looking at the stuff they had for sale, and I saw this small, black box with the words 'Sweet Release' on it-" he paused and blushed as he reminisced. "I- I thought it was new kind of candy or something. I mean, it had this picture of this girl licking her fingers." He blushed a deeper shade of red when he realized just how suggestive the picture actually was. "Er, anyway! I, uh, brought it to the counter to pay for it, and just as I was about to hand it over to the lady, I saw at the bottom side of the box, written in tiny letters-"
"C-condom!" Sakura burst out laughing, leaving Naruto feeling more embarrassed than he liked. "You t-thought a box c-condoms was candy?" She clutched her stomach, looking like she was going to double over in laughter. Her face was almost as red as Naruto's, albeit for a very different reason.
"It wasn't funny!" Naruto sulked, not liking where this had led to. Knowing Sakura, she'd most probably use this newly-acquired information against him when he least expects it. "I really didn't know! It wasn't my fault."
The rosette wiped a tear from her eye, trying to regain her cool. Even though the laughing was over, she still had that annoying grin on her face (which was most probably there to do nothing but poke fun at Naruto's misery). "Oh, don't worry, Naruto. I won't tell anyone." Yet.
Naruto pointed at the door half-heartedly, feeling gloomier than the darkest storm cloud. His secret was definitely not safe. This was Sakura, after all. That girl had this way of treating him. "Can we leave now? Please?" he begged, hoping he didn't sound like he was whimpering.
"Fine," Sakura said, unable to keep herself from cracking a smile at Naruto's sad situation. "You've kept your end of the deal, so I'll keep mine. Let's go."
Following that, the two Konoha shinobi left the hospital after Sakura informed the front desk. They walked down the rocky path that led to one of the main roads in the village. Lesser people were roaming the streets, and that meant there were lesser people blocking their way. They arrived in the training grounds, Team Seven's usual meeting spot, three minutes earlier than the estimated time.
Someone was already at the grounds when they got there. And definitely he wasn't a certain silver-haired, mask-wearing Jounin.
Naruto and Sakura approached the dark-haired man leaning coolly against one of the tall, vertical logs. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and head was tilting obliquely downwards, making his bangs cover the majority of his features. He gave them the impression that he was being oblivious to them, but when they reached him, he glanced up and acknowledged them with a quirk of his brow.
"Hey, Sasuke!" Naruto greeted with a wave.
"Yeah, hi." Sakura said, giving the grassy field a cursory glance. "Let me guess, Kakashi's going to be late again, won't he?"
Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly. "He wouldn't be Kakashi if he wasn't."
"Point," the rosette concurred. She stretched her arms a bit and yawned.
Naruto walked over to the log to Sasuke's left and adopted a pose similar to the Uchiha's. "So, what's up?"
"Nothing. Found a new way to torture you, that's all." He managed to give Naruto a light smirk.
The blond rolled his eyes. "Oh, sure. I'm scared all right."
Sasuke's right hand dipped in his shorts pocket. "Yeah. Anyway, Kakashi probably wouldn't be here until another hour or so, and I don't like wasting time." He met Naruto's gaze as he brought something out from his pocket. He held it out so the blond could see. "Do you want some?"
Naruto stared at the small black box in the Uchiha's palm in a mixture of revulsion and shock. His eyes were the size of bowling balls. He raised a finger shakily. "I-is that?" He blanched, suddenly at a loss of words. He'd already gotten a good view of that little box before, and he certainly didn't need to see it again.
Sakura's expression mirrored Naruto's as she asked Sasuke, "Are you.. offering that to him?"
Sasuke still had his arm outstretched toward the blond. ".. That's what it looks like, doesn't it?" he answered curtly, making the two other ninjas even more horrified. He shot Naruto a somewhat impatient look. "So do you want some, or not?"
A few tense, awkward heartbeats later..
"ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE ME?" Naruto screamed-blurted out, unable to hold it in anymore.
"W-what?" Sasuke sputtered, looking absolutely appalled. "What the heck are you talking about?"
"You're giving me that.. That box!" Naruto exclaimed, his cheeks heating up. "YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME!"
"NO, I FREAKING DON'T!" Sasuke yelled back, also turning a little red. To be honest, he never thought he'd see the day where he'd be having this conversation with Naruto. "YOU'RE CRAZY!"
"OH MY GOD, SASUKE'S GAY! HE REALLY IS GAY!" Naruto screamed, ignoring the Uchiha's previous statement. Without waiting for Sasuke to react, he turned and fled, dragging Sakura with him. The rosette was still frozen in shock and couldn't move.
"What the fuck." Sasuke glared daggers at Naruto's fading, flailing figure. "That stupid idiot. If he's going to go around screaming those lies about me, I'm going to murder him," he muttered under his breath, his cheeks still covered with the unmistakable pink tint.
"That's why I don't bother being friendly. See where it gets me?" He grumbled. Running his free hand through his silky black locks, he let out an irritated sigh. "Still, I can't say I expected him to react so.. strongly to it."
He gazed at the little box which was still in his hand. He was still skeptical that something this tiny could cause so much trouble. Flipping the box's elegant ebony cover open, he took out from it a thin strip covered in foil. He unwrapped the strip and popped it in his mouth, chewing slowly and making a silent vow to himself.
He will never, ever try to offer chewing gum to Naruto anymore.
A/N: A'right. This is story number four on my list. And it has more than a thousand words! Lol. I'm feeling mighty productive. XD
Oh, and by the way, I have a number of friends who also have experienced what Naruto experienced. Except that they didn't actually go up to the cashier to pay for it. Lol.
Anyway. Was there any misunderstanding or something? I have this hunch that the story's plot thing isn't so clear. XD
Clarifications or any of the like, PM me.
Now review, please, and make this review-loving girl happy. :D