Another fic request done for Tumblr (jegus I do a lot of these). Prompt was "Dave/John with jealous Karkat on the side. I mean really jealous; like karkat can't even hear their names without getting a sick feeling inside and needing to be alone. Make it sad." I'd been wanting to write this setup for a while but I finally pulled through for this. The title is from a Chameleon Circuit song I thought was appropriate for the theme (listening is not necessary but feel free).
"Fuck everything!" Karkat screeched, pounding his fists into the ventilation pipes again and sinking down to the floor. This was the worst, the absolute fucking worst. This was supposed to have been a good idea, Aradia said so! It would keep everyone safe, they'd all be okay and away from Jack Noir.
Together. Everyone was together now.
Aradia had said it would be a good idea, and it would be possible with a little timeline warping and space shifting. Kanaya, Jade and Dave where in on it, too. Messing with time and space so they could all be together, it would be great! Kanaya was particularly excited, but Karkat didn't give two shits about that or want to know why. At least she'd stopped bothering him about romance advice, even if she turned up missing a lot—especially when that Lalonde girl was no where to be found.
No, the only thing Karkat was vaguely looking forward to in this shithole other than finally getting the fuck out of here was that Egbert human. He'd been doing everything he could—pestering Aradia, making sure everyone was doing what they were supposed to be doing in varying volumes of loud. Only to make sure of the mission being pulled off correctly, of course; can't trust any of these grubs to do anything without him as leader.
But when the scratch had finally happened, the Heroes of Time had spun their music boxes and turntables, and the Heroes of Space had shifted accordingly, there was nothing.
The four kids showed up in the lab, sure. Intact in all their pink fleshy hornless glory. Some greeted them with smiles, others with awkward avoidance, and still others with glowering hate. Kanaya had simply taken one look at Rose and they had disappeared for Karkat didn't have a fucking clue how long, time was so screwed up here. But when John had materialized into the lab, standing there dressed all in blue with that ridiculous hood covering his enormously floofy head of black hair, Karkat hadn't done a single thing. He'd just stood there, just fucking stood there as he wandered around in awe, staring at everything with googly eyes like a grub on 12th Perigees Eve. Even Vriska went up to him and gave him a big, disgustingly pale red hug.
This should've bothered Karkat. But no, the sight of the resident psychopathic bitch hanging off John hadn't hit him that hard. Not nearly as hard as that fucking bulgelicking douchebag with the shades had when he'd snuck up behind John and hugged him. Double barrel shot when John had snuggled back into him like the worst fucking romantic comedy movie Karkat had ever seen—and that took a lot, that genre was teeming with quality for the most part.
Karkat punched the vent pipe again, the echoes reverberating through the dimly lit room. This was supposed to be some kind of storage area, but whatever it was it was far away from the lab and that was enough for Karkat. "Fuck…," he muttered again into the floor.
Shuffling. The sound of footsteps pattering down the hallway outside. Karkat turned his head to look out the open doorway just as who should run past but Dave, tugging John along behind him. John was grinning ear to ear, and the cheeriness of it just smacked Karkat over the head again like a fucking zillyhoo. But he still dragged himself back onto his feet and crept up to the doorway to peek around the corner.
Karkat turned his head into the hallway just as the two stupid as fuck humans sank to the floor, Dave kissing—kissing—John's cheek. It just went downhill from there, to lips, to neck. Karkat's gut twisted and he gritted his teeth and ducked back into the storage room. Blood dripped from his lips where his fangs cut, and more wounds opened up in his palms from gripping his fists together too tightly. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
He wanted to scream and run out into the hall to shout horrible profanities at them, beat that insufferable prick to a pulp and drag him back to the lab to string up like a fucking prize for everyone to see what happened when you fucked with Karkat Vantas's quadrants. But he could not move a muscle. Just sat there, cuts stinging in pain and stained with his revoltingly bright red blood, the sounds of the two humans macking just through the wall. He curled up and covered his ears, blood smearing on his nubby horns and dark hair.
This wasn't how it was supposed to fucking go. He was supposed to transport John here, John was supposed to notice him. He was supposed to be the one on the other side of this shitty wall. Not Dave. Not Dave-fuckass-Strider.
John's laughter seeped through the wall and between Karkat's fingers despite how much he tried to keep it out. Who was Dave to make him laugh like that, fuck him, fuck him. He bit his lip again, tasting the iron of new blood from his fangs' cuts.
Finally, the infernal sounds died down, and the shuffling of them getting up—and readjusting clothes oh god please don't let it be putting their shitty stupid clothes back on—and walking back down the hall. Karkat pushed himself up against the wall, sliding up to standing. He took a deep breath, jumped out of the doorway and landed a clean punch to that stupid pokerface, scratching his coolkid shades across his face and knocking them to the floor.
"Karkat—!" John shouted, jumping between the two of them in horror. Karkat couldn't look him in the eye; he just wanted to get his hands on Strider. John wouldn't move, though. He just stood there, arms spread out like some stupid comic book hero and buckteeth biting his lip in determination.
But Dave just stood there a moment, crouched down to pick up his shades and put them back on. He grinned over John's shoulder and said, "It's cool, John, I got this."
"But we can't be fighting! The whole group of us, we've gotta all stick together and—"
"Dude, it's chill," Dave calmly interrupted him, placing a hand on his shoulder and guiding him down the hall, "Go see if you can check up on Jade, she didn't look too happy to be left alone in the lab with Feferi."
John looked back uneasily at Dave, then Karkat. "You sure?" he said.
"Yeah, Vantas and I just want a little heart-to-heart," Dave said, "Confess all kinds of feelings to each other and shit, real personal stuff it'll just melt your brain to witness it'll be even sappier than any of your movies."
John laughed nervously but said, "…okay, if you're sure, Dave. Don't do anything dumb, either of you!" He turned and ran down the hallway, blue hood streaming behind him.
Dave pushed his glasses up and turned to Karkat. "Now. You want to play twenty questions or have a fistfight, Vantas," he said.
"You fucking think I'll even humor you with questions about your vile relationship with that worthless human?" Karkat shouted, "You think I even want to hear any more horrible stories about your pathetic matespritship with your moronic human hurricane after being trapped and forced to be subjected to such fucking obscene and primitive displays of worthless human affection?"
"John's a damn good kisser if that's what you're wondering," Dave said, leaning up against the wall and crossing his arms, "It's not even a question, I mean it's so damn obvious you want all the dirty details it's sick. Come on, spying on us? What are we, six?"
"I am six, do not fucking insult the troll race's maturity!"
"No, just yours."
Karkat lunged at Dave and grabbed him by his shirt. "You wouldn't last one fucking day on Alternia, Strider. You'd be wiped out before you could spin a single one of your abominable human rhymes, crushed between the hungry jaws of troll society as you fight and fail to survive in its glorious and brutal ways."
"I'll pass," Dave said, "Jesus, you're bitter. And John's not even a troll, you're so out of your league I don't think anyone has ever been this far off the mark before in the history of either of our races. Get a life, man."
Karkat glowered and shook him. He grabbed those infernal shades right off Dave's face and threw them back on the floor, stomping on them until they were only bent wire and broken plexiglass. Dave did not move.
"You ever wonder why John never even noticed you, Vantas?" he said, sounding so bored Karkat had to work impossibly hard to not gouge out those condescending red eyes, "What do you even have that everyone else has more of? Or can do better?"
Karkat froze. His eyes darted down to his shoes, taking in his entire pathetic being: short, stocky, nubby horns, voice incapable of sounding anything but irate. He was one big ball of bullshittery and low blood. And jealousy—fuck no, not jealousy. He didn't want a single fucking thing Dave Strider had. He punched the lanky human in the gut to punctuate this. "Fuck off!" he yelled as Dave hunched over and held his stomach.
Dave looked up at him and gave another half-hearted laugh. "Terezi's pretty cute, too, y'know," he said, "Wonder why she's been giving you the cold shoulder, she's been pretty chill with me…"
"I said fuck off!" Karkat screeched again, kicking Dave and sending him stumbling to the floor. Karkat jumped at him and hit him again and again, screaming obscenities with every blow.
Suddenly, Dave sprang up and grabbed Karkat's shirt, slamming him up against the wall and leaning in close until his face was only inches from Karkat's. He was bleeding from a long cut in his cheek from Karkat's nail, but all intensity was lost in his eerily emotionless red eyes. "I'm not the one to ask for psychoanalysis," he said evenly, "That's Rose. But strictly speaking from my own know-how of this kinda stuff, you're a sociopath, Vantas. You're so goddamned jealous, you're crazy. And the ironic thing is, even if you're jealous it'll help just about as much as a fire truck hose connected up to a gas tank. Because I've got this down to an art, and you're still scratching on cave walls."
Karkat sneered at him and clawed at his arms, opening up even more wounds as he grumbled out, "What bullshit are you spouting now, Strider, trolls have no need for fucking useless emotions like jealousy."
"And you know what the best part is?" Dave continued, flinching at the sting of the new cuts, "I'll just keep popping up. Like, you'll think I'm gone but, poof, I'm back. Again and again, I'm just gonna keep showing up and having the best time with John and you can just pull up a chair and watch. Hell, the only reason John and I and the girls are here is because Jade and I helped out on our end, you stood by and chucked insults at everyone to make yourself useful. Hate all you want but I'll just keep on coming back." He tossed Karkat onto the floor and picked up his wrecked glasses frames, slipping them into his pocket as he strolled away back down the hall to rejoin everyone in the lab.
Karkat just lay there, feeling the sting of his injuries and Dave's accusations. No one had to know how true they were. And no one had to know how black his heart had just gone for Dave Strider.
I don't usually characterize Dave like this, but I guess it's because it's from a POV I don't usually write: Karkat's. I do like writing from his perspective, though, it's a little refreshing in a twisted, depressing way. I do hope you all liked this!