Shouting is Fun

or

In Which Vincent Learns a New Word

by JestaAriadne
jesta_ariadne@mail.com OR smileys_etc@hotmail.com :)

A/N: Whoo, my first finished FFVII story and it's a silly one! Anyway, it's... sort of... Yuffie/Vincent, and they shout at each other a lot. Enjoy!

Yuffie had started tapping her foot impatiently in spite of everything.

That was one worthwhile thing about these dumb shoes. They were very good for impatient, and most importantly loud foot-tapping, purposely very out of time with the music playing. The irritating noise almost made up for the fact that as far as speaking was concerned, she'd been unnaturally tongue-tied for the whole evening. Suddenly, her hyper, sarcastic comments didn't seem to fit here.

Man... She let her eyes wander past Cloud and Tifa dancing in front of her to gaze around the whole beautiful, ornate, stupid ballroom. I don't fit here. Dumb shoes, even jewelry, for pete's sake. No weapon of any description and a ridiculous dress she could hardly move in. She wanted to scream.

The music slowed and stopped as another dance ended. "Tifa!!" Yuffie hissed, tugging a strand of her hair.

Tifa turned and rolled her eyes at the younger girl. "Yuffie... You don't have to stand here the whole time, you know." She smiled. "Go get a dance or something. Find someone else to bug!"

Which was not exactly fair coming from her, Yuffie thought as her shoes clacked across the floor towards the drinks table. Tifa had been the one who had forced her to come to this thing anyway.

.... "We're getting invited to things now!" she'd exclaimed, shuffling through the pile of cards and letters. "Yuff, look at this one! The Grand Opening of..." ugh, no... But - hey, a ball! Hey, Cloud! You wanna come to this ball? Yuffie, you've got to come too.... Oh come on, it'll be fun!"

Yeah right. Tifa and Cloud were obviously having fun, but not Yuffie. She wondered yet again just how she'd gotten talked into this, and thought gloomily that she wouldn't be able to get home until Cloud and Tifa were done, which - judging by the way they now seemed to be surgically joined together in every single dance - could be a very, very long time.

By this time, she had reached the drinks table and was ready to drown her sorrows in red wine.

"Excuse me, Miss," asked the man behind the table as she reached for a glass, "are you quite old enough for that?"

Geez! Yuffie fumed inwardly. What's your problem, mister? What kind of party is this anyway?

Ordinarily, she would spoken, out loud and loudly, exactly what was on her mind. Right now, she settled for a simple "Yes."

She picked up the nearly-overflowing glass and took it over to a corner near the door where she could watch and glare at everyone else.

Lovely.

She lifted the glass and took a small swallow.

Ugh.

She only drunk wine couple of times back in Wutai and had forgotten how much she'd hated it. Why'd anyone want to drink something made of rotten grapes anyway?? she thought, annoyed, as she took another sip of the foul liquid... It really does taste as -

AAAAH!! Noooooo!!! Damnitdamnitdamnitdamnit!!!!!!

Yuffie turned very quickly to face the wall and started panicking.

Then she realized that at least part of her yelling must actually have been out loud.

"Are you quite alright, Miss?" It was the man from the drinks table, speaking in a patronizingly well-bred manner. Yuffie would have punched him in the face -

- except that would have meant turning round...

... and exposing the front of her dress...

....which was now covered in red wine.

HELP!

Yuffie spent the next three minutes mostly staring at a bit of wall after despairing with trying to blow the stain out of her dress. When she got bored with that, she moved onto another piece of wall.

When that dance finished, Tifa came over to her.

"Hey, Yuffie, are you OK?" she asked.

"Fine!," said Yuffie, not turning away from the wall.

"Only... you look kind of... weird."

"Weird? No, I'm perfectly perfect."

"Er, Yuffie? Look, if you want -"

"No no no no no no! I'm fine! Now go away!!"

Tifa did so, a little bewildered.

Great time she chooses to detach herself from Cloud and pay me some attention! thought Yuffie irritably.

Having completely exhausted the visual possibilities of the whole section of wall, she turned her head very slightly so she could observe the door.

Then she saw someone coming through it. Someone she recognized.

"Vinnie!!!!" she whisper-screamed.

The man stopped in the doorway and looked around - everywhere, it seemed, except right next to him - trying to place the sound of her voice.

"Over here!!" She waved a silver-gloved arm wildly, trying not to expose her front.

Vincent finally located her and walked the few steps between them.

"Vinnie! Omigosh, Vinnie," she gushed, grabbing his arm, "I'm so glad you're here, now you've gotta dance with me cos -"

"Wait, please slow down, and - Oh my goodness, why are you covered in blood?"

"Oh my goodness'???" repeated Yuffie incredulously, "I could be half dying here and that's all you can say??? Anyway, it's not blood it's red wine, you moron and -"

"Yuffie, how did you get red wine-"

Yuffie refused to be interrupted for a second longer, "YOU'VE GOTTA DANCE WITH ME to hide this cos I feel like a right idiot standing here -"

"I dare say you do," Vincent put in, dryly.

"SHUT UP, just come on and dance!!"

Vincent Valentine found himself being dragged forcefully by both arms to the dancefloor. Yuffie was making sure to keep his body very close to hers and he objected because his suit had cost quite a lot and he didn't want red wine stains on it too.

It was a gentle waltz and many of the other couples were getting closer and closer and murmuring platitudes into each other's hair.

Yuffie and Vincents' conversation was rather less romantic.

"Ouch, Yuffie, that hurt! What have you got on your feet anyway? Spears?"

"Stilettos, stupid. And I wouldn't stand on your feet if you would get them out of the way."

"What are you suggesting?"

Never one for indirect answers, Yuffie said: "You're such a lousy dancer, Vinnie!"

"And you're dancing perfectly?"

"Man, how am I supposed to know these dumb steps?? I've never even worn high heels before!" She sighed. "I so don't belong here!"

Vincent looked from their feet to her face, struck by something. Where did THAT moderately insightful comment come from? he wondered. "I don't think any of us do," he said. "Cloud and Tifa are alright because of each other, but I don't really think any of us are used to this sort of place."

"But especially me."

"I don't know..."

"But it is especially me!" She seemed rather proud of the fact.

"Well, I wouldn't say that..."

"I would," she asserted petulantly.

Vincent sighed heavily, getting annoyed. "Well yes, you would. Everything has to be about you."

"Hey!!!" Yuffie exclaimed. Vincent had obviously struck a nerve. "Are you saying I'm self-centred, bratty and arrogant??"

"........." said Vincent, completely lost for words.

Yuffie was glaring at him with comical intensity, "And of course you never try to get attention, Mr-I'm-Vincent.-I'm-all-dark-and-mysterious-ooh-look-I-can-fly-with-my-swirly-cloak.-Muahahahaha.'"

"I never say Muahahahaha, Yuffie," stated Vincent seriously.

"Oh, whatever. You know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"Well, don't call me a brat then."

"I never did."

"Oh shut up."

"You shut up," said Vincent calmly.

Yuffie was so stunned at him saying that that she responded in the simplest way she knew how: "No you shut up."

"No YOU shut up!" he replied.

Hey, he's not bad at this, she thought, but not as good as me. Bet he'll back out first. "No YOU shut up!"

"NO YOU SHUT UP!"

"NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!"

"Yuffie, this is getting ridiculous." (Ha ha! thought Yuffie.) "Anyway," he continued, "what happened to Vinnie, I'm so glad you're here'?"

"Yeah well, if I'd realized you were going to be so annoying I'd've -"

"Stood in the corner for the rest of the evening?"

"Well..."

He waited.

"I guess."

He smiled.

"SO?"

"So... so, aren't you glad I did turn up?"

"No."

He waited. Yuffie was finding it annoying, but still.

"OK, kinda."

Pause.

"Well?" asked Yuffie. "Aren't you gonna say something now?"

Vincent considered. "Alright... You are a better dancer than me."

"Wha-?" Yuffie was silenced, stunned. "Well," she said at last, "That was - interesting. Not quite what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting then?"

"Oh I don't know..." She pretended to think very hard. "Maybe something like Yeah, well I'm glad you're here too-'"

"-to get red wine all over my new suit."

Yuffie looked at Vincent's chest. Oops, she thought, a little guiltily. She shrugged and stuck her tongue out. "You should be honoured," she said.

"Oh, shut up."

Yuffie replied slowly, "No... you shut up."

Vincent glared. "No, you shut up."

"No, YOU shut up."

"No, YOU shut up!"

"NO YOU SHUT UP!"

"NO YOU SHUT UP!!"

"NO YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!"

Vincent stopped as he received a polite tap on the shoulder from the drinks-table-man.

Yuffie looked up and around the room, slowly. Nearly everyone was staring at them, although Cloud and Tifa were either making a very concerted effort to the effect of "I've met these people in my life" or had actually not noticed. Obviously, this time their argument had gone rather beyond a whisper-shout.

Yuffie felt her face go as red as the front of her dress probably was. She waved at her public and smiled like an idiot. "Er... sorry..." she said.

Vincent glanced serenely from face to face. "So sorry about that," he said, "Lovers' quarrel, you know."

There was a ripple of laughter and the dancing resumed.

"VINNIE!!!!!!!!! OH MY - HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT???" Yuffie hissed, although she was finding it almost impossible to keep her voice below a volume and pitch that would shatter the windows.

"The look on your face. It was funny," said Vincent Valentine, his own face a mask. They took each others' hands again automatically and continued in the awkward steps.

"Oh, what, so you have a sense of humour now? Hello?! Is the world going crazy here or is it just me?"

"It's probably just you."

"Oh shut u-"

Very quickly, Vincent put a finger on her lips. "Don't," he said sternly. "Besides, you don't mean it, do you?"

"What?"

"You don't really want me to shut up and go away?"

He held up his hand and Yuffie did a rather off-balance twirl beneath it.

"Well, not really," she said.

She spun sideways into his arms. Her head didn't even reach his shoulder. "Damnit, Vinnie, why'd you have to be so tall??"

He raised an eyebrow. "That was... relevant," he observed.

"It was," she pouted, "I'm trying to glare at you here and it makes it very difficult if you're way up there and I'm way down here and I -"

"Excuse me, but shouldn't you be over there now?" He pointed to opposite him.

"Oh yeah. Soz." Nearly, tripping over her crazy heels, she stepped back again.

"What kind of a word is Soz' anyway?"

Yuffie had relaxed her glowering momentarily but now it was back full force. "Oh, I'm so sorry your highness," she said sarcastically. "I mean of course please accept my humble apologies.' Satisfied??"

"No, sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Just trying to make polite conversation..."

Yuffie studied his face with narrowed eyes.

"Honestly!" he said.

Yuffie relented. "Oh, OK. Soz."

"Sfine," he said, nodding.

"Cool."

"Right. Well."

"Yeah."

They kept dancing.

Finally Yuffie burst out with: "You're also a pretty lousy conversationalist."

"Really?" said Vincent, unmoved.

"Yeah."

Pause.

"And-" Yuffie continued frantically, "and you really, really can't dance and you're too tall and your hair is stupid and you smell and you've got red wine all over your shirt!"

"Oh, yes, and whose fault is that?"

"Yours!"

"Yuffie," Vincent began desperately, understandably a little confused and dizzy, "why do you love shouting at me so much??"

"Why do you stay and put up with it???" she countered.

Vincent blinked.

Yuffie blinked.

"Um," said Vincent.

"Um," said Yuffie.

They were interrupted by Cloud. "How's your little lovers' quarrel going?"

"Shut up, barnett boy." Yuffie jabbed his foot with her super spiky shoes.

"Come on, Yuffie, you gotta admit that was funny of Vince," said Tifa, trying (stupidly) to calm Yuffie slightly.

"Bye, Tifa," said Yuffie pointedly. "Bye, Cloud."

"What?" asked Cloud, "You going? I thought you wouldn't go alone like ever no way with dumb dress on'.... or something?"

"I'm not," she said shortly. "Vincent's walking me back."

"He is?" asked Cloud.

"You are?" asked Tifa.

"I am?" asked Vincent. "Oh, right. Yes, I am."

"So, see ya." Yuffie waved cheekily at the bewildered Cloud and Tifa and skipped off loudly, grabbing Vincent's hands and dragging him off again.

"So what was that all about?" Vincent asked when they were outside.

"Geez... that place was so getting on my nerves!" He was not sure if she was answering the question or not.

"Well, yes... I gathered that, but... Never mind."

"Yeah, and out here we can shout at each other without disturbing anyone else. Here, hold these."

Vincent staggered back for a second as Yuffie shoved her sparkly shoes into his hands with more than minimum force. He looked doubtfully around the darkened street, lined as it was with sleeping houses on either side.

"Er..." he started, "I wouldn't say without disturbing anyone..."

"Whatever."

There was another silence.

"I already told you you're a lousy conversationalist didn't I?" asked Yuffie.

"Yes."

"I'm gonna say it again. You're a lousy conversationalist, Vincent Valentine."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

Pause. Pause. Lots of pause.

"Really!" said Yuffie.

"Alright."

"Really, really, REALLY! REALLY lousy!"

Vincent sighed. "Yuffie, what do you want me to say?"

Yuffie's mouth opened. Yuffie's mouth shut. No sound happened in the interim. Finally she said: "Oh, I dunno, something. Usually people'll say shut up, Yuffie' or something."

"That sounds like tremendous fun," said Vincent, deadpan.

"Man, you're even doing sarcasm now. Must've caught it off me. Anyway, it's fun doing the shut up, no you shut up, no you shut up' thing with you."

"Ah."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not sure I entirely get this... You like being around me to try to annoy be because everyone else is gets irritated much quicker?"

"Uh huh! OK, your turn. Why d'you hang around and let me annoy you."

"You don't annoy me."

"Yeah right."

"Alright... you do sometimes. Actually, quite often. But I don't mind that much. I have no idea why, but it is not too objectionable being with even when you're at your most annoying."

Yuffie shrugged, ready to accept that for the moment. Two sort-of compliments in one night was really quite a record out of Vincent. They walked on in quiet and she didn't mention his lack of conversational skills.

"Alright, we're nearly back at the hotel." Vincent bowed very formally. "It had been my pleasure, madam, to walk you home."

Yuffie giggled. "Thank you, kind sir."

Then she suddenly remembered something.

"Nonono, I mean: shut up!"

Vincent blinked. "What...?"

"Pleeeeeeeease?"

"Oh, right, OK..."

"OK. Shut up!" repeated Yuffie.

"You shut up," responded Vincent, trying to hide his smile.

"YOU SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT UP!!!!"

"YOU-"

A window above them opened noisily and Barret stuck his head out. "Y'ALL CAN BOTH SHUT UP AND LET US GET SOME @£$!ING SLEEP!!!!!"

"Oops," said Yuffie. "Soz."

"Yeah. Soz, Barret," said Vincent.

They laughed and pushed open the hotel doors.

Soz?? Barret frowned, blinked, banged his on the window, swore, shook his head, and went back to bed.

THE END.