The waters crashed upon you, deafening and cold like a stormy rainfall. Hot tears burned like mild acid against your cheek as you relinquished a choked out sob.
It hurts. Your teeth clenched as your hands landed upon your slowly crumbling heart.
The memories came, swift and forceful. The intensity struck you, finding yourself trapped within the maze of residual sensations.
His kisses.
They trailed down you, each one, binding you with its addicting heat while you moaned and writhed beneath him.
Stop, no more! You curled into a ball, mindless of the growing coldness of the white tiles. You wanted to drown in this shower. You wanted the water to freeze you and wash it all away.
Why won't it go away? You cried in silent anguish.
You're desperate.
Everything began to blur and only one image began to clear.
Saga-sempai…
Raven locks and dark honey pools.
He has branded you, mind and soul.
They won't stop.
Why won't they fucking stop?
You let out a growl as you smashed a fist against solid concrete.
A strike of pain and a wince.
Anger and frustration, they mixed within like a deadly concoction for self-destruction.
You never cry.
Why in the world would you cry?
You asked yourself as you try to delve within and salvage any remaining pieces of apathy and indifference.
You tried to piece back the mask, your armor. The pieces fall and refuse to hold, while your heart – scarred and broken – was bared for the entire world to see.
It was useless, the pain won't stop.
The tears continued to fall from your dark eyes.
"Ritsu," his name slipped from your lips.
A flash of recent memories came in crashing – green eyes alight with bright fire and a smile that could rival the warmest of summers.
He's gone. So why the hell are you hoping he's gonna come back.
The days passed.
Your heart was still breaking.
Still refusing to mend and move on, your mind was clouded by his memory.
His touches.
Tiny jolts of electricity moved through you as his rough hands roamed and claimed.
His kisses.
Addicting, your heart raced as you beg and desire for more.
His heat.
You want him, you want nothing but to be caged within the fire of his embrace.
His heartbeat.
The moment you laid your head upon his chest, you found peace.
Everything...
Just about everything reminds me of him.
Empty and cold.
You no longer dare to venture within those of halls of musty books and tables. Your once haven and refuge became a temple of broken memories.
It's too much.
Too sweet.
Too painful.
You shall never forget the dark raven that had broken you.
You're going insane.
Why won't he go away? The thought aggravated you, you have long accepted he'll never return, so what in bloody hell is he doing there haunting your dreams.
The main reason why you decided to get drunk was to forget him.
Forget his smile.
"S-Sempai!"
Forget the way those emerald eyes light up at the sight of you.
"Saga-sempai!"
Forget those adorable blushes and feathery gasps.
"Ma-Masamune…"
Forget!
Forget everything!
"Dammit!"
The pain is tearing you apart, like Atlas forced to bear the burden of the world, you are forced to bear the burden of a broken heart.
You compelled yourself to ignore his memory.
Take in the embrace of another.
Drown and numb the pain with alcohol's cold burn.
You want him out of your head.
Out of your dreams.
Out of your heart.
You want to wake up from this nightmare.
Yet how ironic is that, a part of you still refuses to leave.
A long breath escapes you.
Heavy and full of longing.
You can't deny it anymore.
Your heart clenches and you struggle to keep your breathing even.
You still miss him.
You surveyed the foreign land, new people and new places.
Far away from Japan.
Far away from him.
Yet, your heart is still yearned for him.
Like an addict searching for that forbidden temptation.
For his presence.
For his love.
No, stop it. There is no such thing as love. The words have become your mantra as of late, they don't bring much comfort, but they do a good job of hardening and jading you heart.
One day, I will forget you.
The words lack conviction, your heart squeezes painful in response as if telling you the truth you have forced yourself to abandon.
You can't. You still love him.
The days pass strangely quicker now.
Once gruelingly slow, they turned into fast forwarding scenes, blurry and easy to forget.
Good.
The dreams are getting easier to handle, nowadays.
But somehow, you just can't seem to escape him.
You still see him.
You hate books now, they have turned into bitter reminders of a love that never came to be.
You don't go the library, the place bears too much memories.
Your heart clenches at the mere thought of it.
You don't even go out that much anymore unless it involves boozes and one night stands.
A drunken haze and a quick trip to pretentions.
The perfect combination.
You moan out his name as you clutched at him, pulling him closer.
Tight and desperate.
You don't want this to end.
"Ritsu," he whispered against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.
More.
I want more.
"S-Sempai," the word came breathy and broken as you pant and lose yourself within the haze of lust and pleasure.
Your eyes met his, once again you are lost within those dark warm honey depths.
I love you. You wanted to say but you have long lost your ability to produce anything close to coherent as you near your climax.
But most of all, you want to hear it from him.
And your wish was granted.
"I love you," no sooner the words left his lips, silent tears fell from your green eyes.
You never felt happier.
The dream broke, and so did your composure.
The once numbed pain came upon you in full force, chocking you with tears as you struggle to breathe.
Breathe, Ritsu. You command yourself as you tried to quell your rising heart rate and wipe away the blurring tears.
I hate these dreams. You concluded as you began taking deep calming breaths in a desperate attempt to heal and recover.
You fail.
The tears fall and your vision blurs once more.
"I hate you, I hate you so much," he whispered out against the tears.
The words continued to spill from your lips pain-filled and broken, your heart continues to refute it with every beat.
Lie.
Lie.
Lie.
A brief memory disengaged you, pulling you away from the monotony of reality and once more entrapping you within the world of memories.
A sigh escaped you, no longer putting up a fight as you allow the waves of memories to overcome you.
"Call out my name," you whisper against him, breathing in his heated scent.
"Y-Your name?" he was panting, lost within the realms of passion and pleasure.
"Yes, my name," you affirmed as you began to nibble upon that delicious patch of unmarked skin just below his collarbone.
A moan and hiss.
You stop and wait for him.
"S-Sempai?" the tone was akin to whimper, you couldn't help but allow a smirk to curl your lips.
"My name, Ritsu," you breathed as you unwillingly rose to gaze upon the emerald eyes beauty below you.
"Ma-Masamune…"the moment those words left his swollen panting lips, something in you broke.
Possessive and animalistic.
You crushed your lips against his while your hands ventured to his nipple and cock.
Mine.
He moaned at your ministrations, the vibrations made your blood boil and pool below.
Mine.
You released him as both of you gasp for air, you playfully swiped a finger over his leaking member, only to be rewarded by him moaning out your name once more.
"I love you," the words left you, quick and light, you wondered if you had truly spoken them.
But no matter, you knew it was true.
"I love you, Ritsu," he whispered out once more, finally breaking away from his memories, finally accepting your fate of love unrequited.
-END-
A/N: It's been awhile since I managed to publish a fic so forgive the OCness and mistake… this story was inspired by the song: Gisingin ang Puso by Liezel Garcia… to those interested for a translation of the song, just PM and I'll gladly send it as soon as I could…hopefully, you guys would like it. Thank you for reading and please leave a reviews. ^_^
P.S. I don't own the song nor do I own Nakamura-sensei's wonderful work.